Following a breakup it can be difficult to manage your emotions and not let your sadness overwhelm you. Many people have trouble letting go of the past or simply accepting that a chapter of their life has come and gone.
The thought that things will never be the same and the fear of being alone can make it even more difficult to keep it together. Even when you feel like you have made progress things can unravel when you see your ex.
In this article we will try to explain to you how to control your emotions and give you practical tools and tips to change your outlook and have more serenity when facing your ex.
I cry when I see my ex because I am still in love
When I speak to people during one on one coaching sessions I often hear them say “I cry when I see my ex because I am still in love with them”; although this can be true, most of the time it isn’t their primary cause of grief or sorrow.
You are crying because you are emotionally dependent in regards to your ex; you project your happiness through your relationship. In essence you are crying because you have lost the belief in your capacity to be happy on your own or to find ways to be happy in the future.
This identity crisis is dangerous and self-defeating. Although you are attached to your ex you have the power to overcome this emotional dependence, regain self-confidence and even ultimately get back with your ex.
Do a radio Silence
The initial recommendation that I give to people during one on one coaching sessions is to do a radio silence. You need to get away from your ex for a few weeks and severe all contact in order to regain perspective in regard to your current situation. A physical separation can be the catalyst to a mental separation.
Don’t just pretend to have moved on or to not be interested in hearing about them; truly take more interest in your own development and well-being rather than what they may or may not be doing. Force yourself not to spy on your ex on social media or to ask mutual friends about updates. Try to really breakaway from the past relationship and enter into a new dynamic.
Simply ignoring your ex won’t be enough to get you to stop crying the next time you see them; time won’t heal all the wounds! You need to be actively looking to regain a sense of independence and push yourself outside of your comfort zone during this period.
Stay active and busy
Staying active and busy is a sure way to stop overthinking about your current situation and to engage in a new positive dynamic. Staying active and busy will enable you to quickly break away from a state of emotional dependence.
Look to fill your days and your down time as much as possible. Stray away from passive activities such as watching television or going down a rabbit hole on social media platforms.
On the contrary look to increase your levels of physical activity and even take on a new sport; it can be swimming, running in groups or even tennis or any other sport that interests you. Being active will enable you to release your frustration and negative emotions and drastically increase your chances of controlling your feelings the next time that you see your ex.
Have projects and look forward
Another way to ensure that you won’t cry the next time you see your ex and to rebuild your self-esteem is to take a goal minded approach in your everyday life. Set small goals on a daily and weekly basis in order to monitor your progress, to keep yourself accountable and to feel good about reaching a target that you may have set for yourself.
You also need to be able to project yourself into the future and look to have long term goals that you may want to achieve both in your personal and professional lives. The ability to dream big and to chase endeavors that may seem impossible to some will enable you to feel better and to detach yourself emotionally from your ex.
One of the goals or projects that you can have is to try to de-program your mind in relations to your ex and to your previous relationship. To do so, write on a yellow sticky: “I will no longer cry when I see my ex; I am happy and have found inner peace”. Stick this post it on your bathroom mirror for instance or somewhere else where you won’t miss it.
Read it out loud 5 times every morning after you wake up and right before going to bed every day for a period of 21 days. If you are thorough and doing this exercise in conjunction with other changes in your daily life as we suggested, you will be in a position to de-program your mind and not cry the next time you see your ex!
Take control of your emotions
Make the decision to take control of your emotions and to change your life in the process. You do not have to be a victim to your sentimental past; you can even use this experience in order to be stronger and more positive about life in general.
Once you have regained a sense of emotional independence and regained self-confidence, you won’t even have to worry about crying when you are confronted to your ex. You will be more assertive and have a sense of direction and in turn will be in a position to re-seduce your ex.
If you are currently going through a rough post breakup transition or if you are in another set of circumstances where you believe that you will crack and cry the next time that you see your ex, leave us a message in the comments section below. I will be sure to respond to every comment received and provide you with a personalized answer to help you overcome your negative emotions.
Your coach to bounce back from a state of emotional dependence in order to never again say “I cry when I see my ex”,
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Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!