After having dated someone for a while you usually introduce them to your friends and they introduce you to theirs. If you have been dating long enough or even married, friends actually become mutual and one can forget who they were friends with first.
After a breakup mutual friends are often times put in a very difficult situation as they are left to pick sides. If the breakup is ugly that situation can become even more stressful. However things can get even worse if you or your ex starts to flirt with one of those mutual friends.
If your ex is flirting with one of your friends and you suspect that they may even have feelings for one another the situation can become unbearable. In this article we will tell you how to best approach such a situation and what you can do to quickly move on, even if your ex is flirting with your friend.
Acknowledge that you are no longer together
You must first accept the fact that you are no longer together. Since your ex is single and you no longer are accountable to one another, you must quickly come to terms with the fact that they will start to have interest in other people.
You can find comfort in realizing that you are also back on the market and that a world of opportunity awaits; stay focused on you and in your potential love life instead of focusing on your ex and what they may or may not do. In time you will be able to find someone that is a better match for you, since a breakup usually means that a relationship had serious flaws.
If your ex is flirting with someone that you consider yourself close with, things can get uncomfortable for you since it isn’t just some random person. You will need to be very strong and also realize that you cannot control their actions but only yours. That said there are numerous avenues that you can experience with in order to protect yourself and not be exposed to what they may or may not be doing.
Talk to your friend
The first action that we recommend that you undertake is to talk to your friend. Friendships should transcend flings and if this person is really your friend you should be able to talk to them about your worries. We recognize that this isn’t an easy conversation to have with a friend but it is a necessary one to have in order to prevent further damage in your friendship.
Talk to them openly about your fear of them flirting together and warn them about the implications that it could have on your friendship. If your friend denies any wrongdoings or any attraction whatsoever don’t force the issue as it could backfire. At least you will both be on the same page, and your friend will know where you stand on this issue.
No matter the outcome of such talks, it is better to speak out and let your feelings be known rather than be shy and hold a grudge. Furthermore your friend deserves to be warned about the implications that their actions could have on your friendship in order to give them a chance to react accordingly.
We highly recommend not talking to your ex instead of your friend because your ex now really has nothing to lose. Even if you maintain a good relationship with your ex, the fact is that you are now broken up and they don’t owe you anything. They also have no allegiance to you in the way that a friend would.
If the flirting does not stop after you have made your thoughts clear, the best way forward is to distance yourself from both your friend and your ex in order for you to quickly move on.
Don’t go to events where your ex will be
Try your best to avoid events or social gatherings where your ex and your friend will be together. If the breakup happened not too long ago and you suspect that something is going on between them, simply seeing them interact may trigger an emotional reaction on your part.
You may also be tempted to interpret every little look or gesture in a negative way because you will come into this social gathering with set beliefs and expecting the worse. Don’t let your fears ruin your social life because you will need to go out and mingle in order to quickly move on.
In the beginning try to organize more one on one meet ups with some of your other friends in order not to run into your ex and the friend that he may be flirting with. Also look to widen your circle of friends and to meet new people; creating new relationships and reinventing yourself far from your old group of friends can only help you to quickly be indifferent about your ex and his or her love life.
Get off social networks
Social media may also bring you more doubt than positivity in the days or weeks following a breakup. This can take on an added dimension if your friend and your ex leave each other messages on social platforms or even worse if they openly flirt with one another.
When you are in a period of self-doubt social media platforms can lead you to compare your insecurities with other people highlight reels. Don’t believe that everyone is always as happy or beautiful as they seem to be in their profile pictures.
Instead of engaging in self-torture and constantly spying on their every move, take a few weeks away from all social media activities. During this period try to take a carpe diem approach to life; live in the present moment and find happiness in little things that you may otherwise take for granted.
Take the high road
We highly suggest that you do not try to talk to other friends and involve them in the drama that may be unfolding. If some of your friends try to stir you up or talk to you about some improper actions that they may have witnessed, tell them that you are looking to move on from your past relationship and that you would rather not talk about it.
You must try to surround yourself with positive people who will help you to put things in perspective and not let this situation get the best of you. The less you speak about it, the less importance you give it and the quicker you will be able to move on.
If you follow this plan and really focus on you, on living in the present moment and surrounding yourself with positive people and optimism, you will be able to cope with whatever situation may arise. Even if your ex ends up dating one of your friends, you will have enough serenity and peace of mind to let go of your fears and anger in order to focus solely on what is truly important and your own inner peace.
If you the reader have experience in dealing with such situations, please share your thoughts in the comments section below in order to help others to quickly overcome their fears and this difficult situation.
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