You have just been dumped? Would you be willing to beg to make your ex reconsider their decision? Would you be prepared to swim across the Atlantic Ocean to get them back? Following a breakup thousands of people like you, feel the same way and would be willing to do just about anything to get a second chance. Unfortunately, not only is this the wrong attitude to have, but you will also often times further alienate your ex and decrease your chances of being given another crack at it by putting them on a pedestal.
In this article we will provide you with the tools as well as a roadmap to follow in order not to be a loser following a break up. Furthermore, we will also put you in a position to choose, in the future and on your own terms, whether you want to give your past relationship another chance!
What is constitutes a loser following a breakup?
You’re probably wondering “What’s a loser” and how you can avoid being one after a breakup… It’s quite simple, what is commonly referred to as a “loser,” even if I don’t really like this term, is someone that just gives up on their own life, begs and pleads for their ex to take them back, and just lets everything go, thinking that their life has become worthless.
What’s worse is that this kind of behavior makes you even less attractive to your ex and if you want them back, it makes your job a lot harder.
If you want to bounce back and eventually get back together with the person you love, you’ll have to make sure that you do the exact opposite of what I’ve just described. If you’re wallowing in self pity all the time, why would your ex want to be with you again? Wouldn’t a person be more attracted to someone who takes life by the horns and lives it to the fullest? Wouldn’t you want to be with someone who is confident and happy, and fulfilled? Think about the type of person you want to be and begin working towards that goal today!
In order to help you reach your goal, there are a couple tools that you can use. Keep in mind however, that if you got broken up with, if you broke up with someone, or even if you’re wondering how to break up with someone, you’ll need to exercise self control, patience, and motivation to make sure you don’t fall into depression or any type of behavior that resembles that of a loser.
Use the No contact!
After almost every separation, the person that is broken up with is put in a position of weakness as the decision to end the relationship is taken without their consent. The balance of power is therefore heavily in their disfavor and many people don’t know how to cope, as emotions take over and hopelessness unravels. They can find themselves looking in the mirror thinking, “You’re a loser...”
All of these factors lead people that have been broken up with to ask their ex for an explanation over and over again, or even worse to beg for forgiveness. This attitude is extremely counterproductive to being given another chance and often times leads to frustration for both parties. Furthermore, being too available to your ex and simply waiting for them to change their minds is also armful behavior on your part, which will only give your ex more power over you.
Therefore the best and most productive approach following a breakup is most often times the “radio silence” technique, also known as no contact period. This should be the first and most crucial step taken to not lose face with your ex, and to begin to shift the balance of power between the two of you.
As no two breakups are ever alike because every relationship is unique, there are different approaches to the “radio silence” technique depending on specific situations. Length of time and level of total “blackout” will vary for example if you and your ex: work together, if you have kids in common or if you share tons of mutual friends.
However in all cases it is necessary to take a step back, regain confidence in yourself and to be in somewhat of a happy place before re-establishing communication with the person who has decided to end a relationship with you.
Build yourself back up or Reinvent yourself
The radio silence technique will in reality serve a dual purpose. On one hand it will serve as a self-defense and damage control mechanism to prevent you from making the situation worse and to protect you from additional unnecessary emotional trauma.
At the same time it will provide you with the opportunity to re-build yourself and in some cases even to reinvent yourself and to avoid any “loser signs.” It is of the utmost importance for you to regain your self-esteem in order to be confident moving forward, but also to put yourself in a position to once again seduce your ex or any other person of your choosing in the future!
There are different techniques that one can do to slowly rebuild themselves: one option is to quickly go “back on the market”.
Most people who are broken up with will not want to be with or even date someone else which is perfectly understandable. The idea here is not to meet someone but simply to put yourself out there in order to receive a little attention. One of the best ways to make this happen is to join an online dating site with an open mind and in turn to go on dates and meet other singles in your area.
Another alternative is to focus on your strengths, on what you do well, and to actively engage in activities that remind you of how special, unique and talented you really are. If you know how to play an instrument, just play. You could even join a band to practice on a regular basis or even play live at a small bar in your area. Again the idea here is to put yourself out there and to feel good about who you are. Not to think of yourself as a loser guy or to convince yourself that your ex girlfriend is thinking, “My ex boyfriend is a loser.” If you are a good singer but happen to be too shy, well then simply start by singing on your own in the shower for example. It should make you feel good.
Everyone has a talent, some people just happen to not have found it yet; if you are one of them then start searching and dig deeper, ask your friends and family members this simple question: what do you think that I am good at or what do you think that I do well?
Remember that moments of crisis are merely opportunities for growth or unique moments to make positive changes in our lives!
Follow your dreams
Actively seeking your hidden talents is merely a path to enable you to follow your dreams. Everyone has a little kid inside of them who one day dreamt of being an astronaut, a basketball player or someone unique and special. You need to do everything in your power to rediscover that little child inside of you.
If you follow this guide after a break up, by putting in place the “radio silence” technique for as long as it may take given your specific circumstances, as well as take the time to build yourself up and to focus on the positive in your life, chances are that you will be well on your way towards following your dreams.
Be free to dream big and to focus on your passions. The person that decided to one day break up with you will come crawling back asking for another chance. This will happen for three reasons;
1 – You will have given both parties enough space and time to create a new relationship, different from the one that had previously failed;
2 – You will have regained confidence along the way and once again be in a position to seduce your ex. In that sense, you will even have a leg up on any other men or women as you will know your ex’s wants and needs inside out;
3 – You will be extremely attractive to him or her as well as to many others for the simple reason that you will have found your element, as you will be following your dreams.
At that point, the only question left that you will have to answer is whether you want to give them another chance!
A call to action: don’t be a loser following a break up
You have been broken up with and you feel down and hopeless. You now know what you have to do: Distance yourself from your ex and do not seek to immediately win them back. Put yourself out there, stay active and busy, and dig deep into what you may be good at, follow your passions. Avoid negative thoughts and wearing yourself down with things like “You are a loser.”
Slowly but surely you will become more and more positive about what life has to offer and before you know it, a world of opportunity will open up to you!
Your coach here to guide you on how to not be a loser following a breakup,