How to cope with the fear of becoming just friends with your ex

the fear of becoming just friends with your exDuring our coaching sessions we often hear people talk about their fear of becoming just friends with their ex. The relationship ends and you are still hoping to get back together but your ex claims that they would rather be just friends.

This type of reaction can be very stressful; and the fear of falling into the friend zone or this notion of being just friends with someone that you once were intimate with is real. However like I tell most of the people that I guide along the way to enable them to reach their goals, you should embrace your ex’s desire to stay friends following a breakup!

The reality is that being friends can be a perfect path towards rebuilding a bond and ultimately getting back together.

The myth of the friend zone

Through our articles, audio seminars and eBooks, or even during our coaching sessions you will often hear The Love Coach Team at WithMyExAgain.com speak about the myth of the friend zone. This refers to the fear of becoming just friends with your ex following a breakup. In an ideal world the person who breaks up would want to stay in touch with their former boyfriend or girlfriend and stay on good terms and even eventually remain friends.

The reality is that it is extremely difficult to become friends with someone that you once were intimate with. Just because you have decided to separate does not mean that you won’t have a deep physical attraction to one another. After months or sometimes even years of intimacy, you and your ex have built a sort of invisible energy that attracts you to one another physically. You may feel as if you have built resentment and frustration as the relationship was ending but the truth is that this connection remains. So when trying to become just friends this physical attraction will manifest itself at some point and it will be very difficult not to be tempted to sleep together. Friends typically don’t have sex.

More than a simple physical connection, you most probably also have shared intimacy, inside jokes and a bond that goes beyond friendship. Thinking that you may be able to transition from intimacy to friendship is in reality a lot more challenging than most people realize. Based on our experience the overwhelming majority of couples don’t manage to stay friends following a breakup. The odds are that you will either stop talking to each other all together, become friends with benefits or simply get back together!

The importance of staying in touch when looking to get back with your ex

You may find it extremely difficult to engage in casual conversations with your ex after a breakup, and in some cases even silly. However the truth is that you must maintain somewhat of a communication platform with your ex if you hope to get back together. It is impossible to get back with your ex without being in touch and eventually sealing the deal face to face.

You don’t have to become friends immediately after the breakup. Sometimes it is necessary and healthy to take a bit of distance or even do a radio silence in order to regain your composure and to be able to communicate with them without resentment. Time can provide you with the necessary perspective to overcome the immediate sorrow and the shock of having been broken up with.

However you will need to reestablish contact and a healthy communication platform with your ex to win over their heart. Open dialogue will enable you to showcase changes that you have made in your life and once again seduce your ex. You will need to prove that you have regained some sort of emotional independence and that you are able to once again dream and laugh. So when looking to get back with an ex you must work through this uncomfortable step at some point and conquer your fear of becoming just friends with your ex.

Pretend to be just friends and seduce your ex

Even after all the tips and advice provided some people still have a hard time going through this step of being in touch with their ex and talking to them as if they were just friends. If you can relate to this issue the best advice that I can give you is to just pretend to be friends. Once you have regained some self-confidence and the initial shock is starting to dissipate, you can learn to play along in order to use the ability to communicate with your ex to slowly but surely start to seduce them!

Once their guard is down you can engage with them as if you were flirting together and about to date for the first time; you will have an advantage over others because you will know more about them, their personality and desires. Don’t let the fear of becoming just friends turn you into a jealous and overly possessive person either! These are negative behaviors that will only push your ex further away from you and make it more difficult for you to get back together.

On the contrary it is recommended that you play along and act as if you had completely moved on; put them in a position where you build sexual tension and flirt but at the same time don’t be too needy. Pretend as if you weren’t looking to get back with them. Humans want what they can’t have, and the fact that you seem to have moved on will only make your ex question their decision to end the relationship.

Making the transition from friendship to a renewed relationship

Once you have recreated a bond while still remaining a challenge for your ex, it is highly probable that you will be able to make a seamless transition towards becoming a couple once again. The trick is to always stay positive, to avoid any confrontation and to prove a change in regards to mistakes or wrongdoings made in the past. If you can prove to your ex, that you can make them happy and be that person that they have always dreamed of being with, they will do everything in their power to get back with you!

The mistakes that most people make is that they start to believe that they have achieved their goal of being back together once they start to sleep with their ex on a regular basis. Please do not make this same mistake. Stay focused on your end goal and on proving your changes overtime all the while letting your ex make the first move towards suggesting that you should get back together. If you follow this game plan odds are that your ex will be surprised by your attitude and approach; this positive change and detachment will make them want to commit and you will have succeeded. Not only will you have overcame the fear of becoming just friends, but you will have used this process as a means to ultimately get to your goal of being in a long term committed relationship.

If you wish to talk about your fears of becoming friends with your ex, don’t hesitate to leave your thoughts in the comment sections and one of our coaches will respond to your message!

Your coach to help you overcome your fear of becoming just friends with your ex,

Adrian

  • jane bentley

    hi,
    ive been friends with my ex girlfriend for 3 months and it doesnt seem to be going anywhere. she still uses tinder and everything else above me. all of our mutual friends think im crazy for hanging out with her. im not sure how to continue.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Jane,
      You need to become more of a challenge to her. You also need to be going out on dates, to be social and to prove to her that you don’t need her to be happy.
      Be friendly and positive but don’t chase her.
      I can help you speed up the recovery process and provide you with a more in depth and tailored game plan if you are interested.
      Just book a private coaching session in order for us to work together.
      Sincerely,
      Adrian