When you’re going through the period following a breakup, you may not feel much like yourself. The separation has shaken you up and it has overwhelmed your mind. Don’t panic, this is normal.
One doesn’t get back together with an ex as easily as you might think and it’s very common for people to make mistakes they normally wouldn’t make under more “normal circumstances.”
The real trick here is knowing the things to avoid doing and, of course, to design an efficient and tailored game plan geared toward turning your situation around.
Many of my one-on-one coaching sessions start with my client mentioning how they harassed their ex’s with “I love you”s and “I need you backs” and “I can change” and how their endless attempts were unsuccessful. This is why I decided to write this article. In the next few pages, I’ll highlight a few of the things to never say to an ex when trying to get back together and also a couple of tips on how to avoid the potential of embarrassing yourself all together.
An analysis reinforced by experience
Let’s start with the basics : When you’re trying to get back together with an ex, the intensity of your feelings can sometimes lead to making mistakes. You have good intentions; you want to put the pieces back together, you want to once again have the one you love by your side, and you want to be happy together once again.
In this situation, the love that you’re feeling is pushing you to force things and to try to accelerate the process of getting your ex back. Unfortunately, even if your heart is in the right place, it doesn’t guarantee the success of your endeavor. If it was guaranteed, you wouldn’t be needing my help and analyses. One simple text message would be enough to get back together with your ex…But sadly for the quarrels of love, things just aren’t that simple.
By trying to rush things or by verbalizing things to never say to an ex, you risk damaging the situation! These mistakes can put you at a disadvantage and postpone getting back together. It’s imperative that you stay on track in order to avoid another disappointment. In order to do this you have to be aware of what not to say, and that’s exactly what you’ll find in this article!
Every man and woman that we’ve been able to coach since 2007 had a story that was unique, and their reasons for wanting to get back together with their ex were unique as well. Despite their differences, however, many of the clients committed the same actions initially and during the period following the breakup. Therefore, the data that I’ve gathered leading me to consider certain things as “avoidable” when trying to get back with your ex comes from a wide range of situations. If you’re looking for tips on what to do (rather than this article, which focuses on what to avoid), you can find plenty on our website : www.withmyexagain.com.
For me, as a relationship expert specialized in helping people get back together with their ex isn’t just about saying, “Yes, I know everything and seen it all” but more about continuing to carry out fresh analysis in all of the situations that I come across. I am always looking to identify the best actions to set into motion and to identify what drives us to make the mistakes we often make when trying to get back with an ex.
The goal is to provide you with the best solutions that are both properly adapted to your situation and personally designed, so that you can have all the odds in your favor as you try to start up a new relationship with your ex. In order to do this I regularly analyze your gestures and your actions in order to better understand what could throw a wrench in your plan to get back together, and what details could give you the upper hand. I consequently see similarities between some of you and I see the things to never say to an ex including some that are less obvious but just as destructive.
A few things to never say to an ex when trying to get back together
After a precise analysis of different types of behaviors I see when people want their ex back, I was able to note the most common but also some new things to avoid doing when you are trying to get your ex back.
First of all, I noticed that a great number of us have the tendency to let our ex-significant others take control of the situations at hand. By this I mean we settle for listening and reacting. Being passive is never the solution, especially if you want to get your ex boyfriend or get your ex girlfriend back. Being in love with them doesn’t mean that you have to be submissive and let them make all the decisions. You have to be active if you want to make a good impression on your ex. Therefore, tip number one to avoid when trying to get back with an ex is to be overly passive and hand your ex complete control over the situation.
The reason this tends to happen because we do not value or respects ourselves or our opinions. Because our ex’s are the ones who likely pulled the trigger on the breakup, we now feel like we aren’t worthy to make decisions and implement appropriate action. Therefore, the faster way to kick this tip into gear is by valuing and respecting yourself. If you need tips on how to achieve this, we can help! In our one-on-one coaching sessions, we will create action items for you to focus on geared toward getting your self esteem back in a healthy and stable range. This works wonders, believe me!
One of the things you should never do when you’re trying to get back together that probably struck me the most is when people allow themselves to revel in their sadness. This notion might sound a little confusing so allow me to explain; giving yourself the right to suffer means that you’re doing things that are holding you back from becoming happy again. For example, constantly thinking about your ex and revisiting every single memory, or taking the time to look at their Facebook, Snapchat or Instagram profile (you may even be Googling their name!), crying over songs that you both liked, are all actions that will hold you back from rebuilding yourself. You have the power to put an end to these actions!
How can you let a situation like this continue without doing something to get back on top? My role as a relationship expert is to provide you with solutions through my coaching sessions.
After each case study, there has been another thing that spearheads the things that you should never do when trying to get back together with your ex.
The main thing to never do when trying to get back together: Being needy
Being needy when you’re trying to get back together with your ex is one of the things you should never do when you’re trying to get back together. It could actually be the biggest one because we’ve seen this one the most in the thousands of people we’ve coached in the last 7 years.
In other words, being needy is demanding to get back together; asking, or even begging your ex girlfriend to come back without actually having changed or improved anything. When you act like this, you want to play with your ex’s emotions instead of working on a real action plan with efficient techniques and real, long-term improvements. Being needy for a few weeks isn’t going to help anything because you didn’t make the necessary changes.
Why should you get on your knees and hope that your ex will take you back? If they do come back it won’t be because of love; it’ll be to clear their conscience and I can promise you that sooner or later they’ll leave again when they realize that they’re still not satisfied. So this is something to steer clear of!
You have to prepare your future with your ex and in order to do this it’s imperative to start with a solid and sincere foundation that will hold up against future disagreements or fights. You shouldn’t demand their return; you should make it happen naturally. You can convince them to come back to you thanks to the actions you’ll use and tangible improvements in your attitude.
How to avoid doing something stupid regarding your ex!
From here on out, you’re looking for a method to avoid doing something stupid regarding your ex. The technique to use is called Radio Silence.
Radio Silence is great for a variety of reasons. Not only will you steer clear of saying something hurtful to your ex, by cutting ties you’ll be able to make them miss you. You’ll also avoid making mistakes in the way you communicate with the one you love.
It’s always imperative to respect Radio Silence if you want it to be effective. Many people make the mistake of not taking advantage of their time during RS to work on themselves, and they simply wait for something to happen. You have to use this time to rebuild yourself, by traveling, getting exercise, revamping your professional life, and by designing a plan of action to reach your goal. Your game plan is the key to reconstruction and the rebirth of something new.
A problem that I see very often when I am coaching is that people only employ RS halfway. By this I mean that men and women that reach out to me have made the decision to cut ties, which is good, but then they don’t stick to it all the time. This is completely counter-productive. For example, they’ll wait day and night for a message from their ex so that they can immediately respond. Remember, the point is to entirely break contact!
Even if you do little things that don’t totally break RS, for example ‘liking’ a picture on Facebook, sending a little text here and there, it can throw a wrench in your plans.
The reason is very simple, and there’s nothing worse than a half-hearted attempt at Radio Silence. You really do have to go all the way and cut contact completely, and when you do, don’t go back on your word. If your RS isn’t done properly, the first problem is that your ex won’t have the chance to miss you; he or she won’t wonder what you’ve been doing, and will know that you’ll come back sooner or later. The second problem is that you won’t have the opportunity to take time for yourself, to rebuild and to grow, and to plan the best possible plan of action.
Your coach for identifying what things to never say to an ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend,
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Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!