The 6 rules to How to Get Back with your Ex after a Divorce

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How to Get Back with your Ex after a DivorceDo you want to know how to get back with your ex after a divorce ? Separation can be a different experience for many people depending on how things end for them and their outlook. Those seeking a divorce may see it as a turning point and gain a sense of freedom. On the other hand if you are divorcing against your will and still in love with your ex-wife or husband, it can be hard to bare.

It can be as if you were losing part of your identity and the task of starting over alone can seem daunting! But you don’t necessarily have to start again alone, and it is possible to get back with your significant other even if divorce papers have been signed! It will take a lot of effort and you will need to correct some of your past wrongdoings.

But if you are still deeply in love with your ex husband or wife and remain committed to becoming that person that they always dreamed of being with you can have the chance to turn it all around. In this article we will give you a road map and tips to follow in order for you to maximize your chances of getting back with your ex even after a divorce, and don’t forget to take advantage of our eBooks and audio guides!

Regain your identity and rebuild your self-confidence

You must start by rebuilding your self-confidence and your identity. Those two crucial traits are interlinked and that is why we chose to address them together. This is the first step in the process of ultimately getting back with your significant other. In order to one day prove to your ex that they have made a major mistake and that you can both make each other happy you must start by feeling that way about yourself first!

How can you convince or inspire someone else to want to be with you if you are not convinced about your own self-worth. You will need to slowly rebuild your confidence over time by setting short, medium and long term goals that you will follow through on and achieve!

You will also need to find a new identity as an individual in order not to live through your past failed marriage. You will need to have projects and dreams that you will pursue on your own, without the validation of your ex-husband or wife. This first step is geared towards being able to slowly get out of the state of depression that you may be experiencing following a divorce; to eventually inspire both you and your significant other to embark on a new journey together.

Understand what went wrong

The second step in the process of overcoming a divorce and getting back together is learning from the past. You will need to really reflect on your failed marriage and have an unbiased bird’s eye view of when and how things fell apart. You need to be self-critical in order to truly reflect on the disputes that consumed your relationship and find the root causes of the issues as well as the role that you may have played in creating them.

In order to recreate a new, improved and healthy relationship you will need to be able to avoid those same mistakes that plagued your relationship. That is why this step in the process is so critical and often times one of the most challenging.

Stay in touch and on good terms

In order to get back with your ex you will need to maintain a communication platform with them. It is quite simply impossible to get back with an ex if you have lost touch all together and have no means to communicate with them. More than simply keeping in touch you will need to turn the negative energy coming out of a divorce into a positive dialogue.

In order to do so you will need to showcase compassion, humility and forgiveness. You will no longer engage in confrontation or arguments of any kind. Try to diffuse any potential tensions by looking to compromise or simply by not responding to provocation. If you are able to stay in such a dynamic for a long period of time you will be able to completely shift the relationship with your former husband or wife; anger and resentment will turn into mutual respect and healthy regular conversations.

Take a super market approach to your past relationship and recreate a bond

You will eventually be in a position where you can re-create a bond between you and your former husband or wife. In order to do so, we highly recommend that you take a super market approach towards the past relationship; take away only what you want from it and leaving the rest behind.

Only communicate around the things that brought you closer together; it could be your kids, pets, dancing, any particular activity that you shared, enjoyed or that enabled you to live in the present moment and to be happy. It may sound trivial or impossible now but after time has passed and you have changed your outlook, approach and ways of communicating it will become a lot easier to re-kindle and ultimately organically come back to one another.

Prove your change over time

In the long run what will make or break your goal of getting back with your ex following a divorce is your capacity to prove your change over time. A divorce symbolizes a breaking point and a need for change after a significant period of emotional trauma. Being able to create a new dynamic will thus take time and tremendous effort to prove that you are really a different person who has evolved since the divorce.

If you are positive, confident and dynamic because you have a reason to wake up every morning in order to pursue your short term and long term goals, you will be in the best possible circumstances to prove your change over time. It will then be up to you to validate the notion that you can both be happy together.

Seal the deal

Finally once all of these actions have been put in place you will need to seal the deal and reclaim your lost love. You know your ex-wife or husband more than anyone else. If you are able to follow this plan of action you should have the confidence and inspiration to find the means to cap off your resurrection by finding the right way to conclude your transformative journey. We believe that everyone has the potential to turn everything around and prove to their ex that they can be happy even following a divorce. You will simply need to be resilient and convinced that your efforts will be worth it in the end.

If you are currently going through a divorce and remain convinced that your ex-wife or husband is still the one for you, share your experience with us in the comments section below. Our team of coaches will respond to you to ensure that you get started in the right way to meet your goals!

Your coach here to help you get back with your ex after a divorce,


38 Responses

  1. My husband and I have not lived together since april , in court for a divorce I don’t want. He has started dating someone new since July. We have 2 kids together, I am so heartbroken over all this and don’t understand why this is happening. I love my husband very much, he was my best friend. Yes I am hurt but apparently not hurt bad enough to still want to be with him. I don’t know what to do, the divorce is not final yet. Can I save this marriage before its finally over?

  2. My ex and I have been divorced for 3 months. I really still love him. But I am afraid if I tell him that he will become very arrogant and reject me. How do I get him back in a subtle way?

    1. Hi Doris,
      Thank you for your share. This is a great question. Relationships are a balance of power, and it will be important to reach out in a way that allows for the shift in balance to work in your favor. Getting back with your ex after a divorce can be tricky, but it’s very possible. If you need help in how to approach this situation, I invite you to book a session.
      I wish you the very best either way!

  3. Ok.. So some humility and some core changes.. Im in i love my now ex wife still. And being the mother to my daughter i would love nothing more than to see us turn this around and build it back together!

  4. Hi Docken,
    Thank you for reaching out. If you’re looking for ways to get back with your ex and a divorce, I encourage you to consider reading out E-Book:
    It outlines the measures you’ll need to take in order to prove to your ex wife that you’re still and can continue to be the person for her. If you’d like a more tailored approach, please feel free to book a session and we can work on a thorough action plan to make your chances of rekindling the highest.
    Either way, I wish you the very best. Hang in there.
    I hope this helps.
    Coach Natalie

  5. I suffered trauma and have ptsd. I’m having treatment, but the way I was with him caused him to leave me. We are talking and I feel no anger because he left. But he said he didn’t feel I loved him and he felt neglected. I’m doing well, socialising and feel at peace. But I truly love him and want us to try again.

    1. Hi Chloe,
      I’m glad to hear you’re in treatment. Sometimes, our relationships with ourselves can really influence our relationships with the people around us. If you want to give it a shot, I encourage you to book a session with me, so we can really break down what went wrong.
      Coach N.

  6. how long should one wait before moving back in with an ex? We have been “dating” for about 3 months and have a first counseling appt next week.

  7. Hi we were married for 23 years and I found him was having an a affair this was 2 time I forgive him 14 years ago but told him if that will be next time he has to forget about us..well He didnit again I had to hire a detective because I had so many red flags and asked him but he lied to me and of course they had sex and after I knew I confronted him and He was more upset to get cougth that didn’t realize the big damage any way I filed for divorce and it was too quick 2 months and He call me to say sorry the day I signed 30 minutes before it was final, He had signed a waiver so He didn’t has to be there any way It was late and I ask him if he had Brooke with her He say no So I went to the final step He comes aparently repented but still with the other person long distance since He doesn’t have the money to move there or bring her with him for now..He has come we had long passionate kisses he says he love me but can’t make any decision kids are divided the olds is 21 and don’t want to se him back with me the other teenager has a hope we get back been so bad 3 months of anxiety should I star to contemplate the posibilyt of get back since He doesn’t leave her does He love her mo e than me if so why is he coming but not staying not leaving
    Thanks I wish this was nightmare did I did everything quick? Everything was in about 6 months period

    1. Hi Gaby, I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I really feel like, with the complexity of your relationship, a simple analysis won’t be sufficient without more information. I encourage you to book a session with Adrian or I, so we can talk this out thoroughly.
      Thank you and sincerely,
      Coach N.

  8. Hi there,
    I divorced May 2016 after a 33-year marriage. I asked for the divorce simply out of self preservation. When I say “self preservation”, I was extremely lonely and felt that life was too short at 50+ years old to live in a depressive relationship. I felt I was the one always taking care of everything; the kids, the animals, the house, the bills, the yard, and of course- my spouse. I finally decided that I might as well be alone or meet someone new who could be there for me- be a real PARTNER. When I sat down with my now- ex husband and said, I think it’s time for you to move out- he moved out willingly. He began dating an old friend who had recently become widowed and he moved in with her just 2 mos after we seperated. He is still with her, but our adult children do not believe he is all that happy. They also believe that he misses me very much. In the meantime, my ex and I have remained very amicable. He invites me to his place of employment to collect my alimony, which some times feels lIke he is looking for an opportunity to see me. He tells me he is looking to take another job that would earn him a substantial amount of money and would be generous to share more with me than I know he has been able to do over the past year. He also has been much more even-tempered and not depressed. Don’t get me wrong, he was never physically abusive, but he had very little patience for anything that might cause him distress. He has become more of the man I fell in love with, and I have been missing him. I miss sharing our children and grandchildren with him. I have had a year and a half to grow myself. I am getting ready to buy my own little place, but I miss his involvement in this process as we owned five homes over the years together. I also think about not being the one to care for him as he gets older and possibly sick. He is ten years older than I and has some health problems. It pains me to think that a girlfriend of one year (at this point) could end up taking care of him and not me after 35 years. I really have no interest in finding anyone new. I find it very difficult at 55 to find someone who can share their life with someone new. It just seems that it is a natural fit to share family and life to the end with someone you’ve been with your whole adult life. What I’m thinking is that because my ex has a girlfriend, it will be more difficult to rekindle our relationship. Even if he has similar feelings, he is one to first- be faithful to the one he is with. He also would have a difficult time finding the courage to leave her suddenly. So, I am very discouraged right now that this could even happen for us. What can you suggest? I did just write to him, and he responded very cordially by telling me that I need to remember how unhappy I was. Honestly, I don’t really know how to take his reply. It wasn’t good or bad. Should I keep communicating more regularly? Should I do little things to show I still care deeply for him? Should I fight for him? Thank you!

  9. i just got divorced in jan and my exwife just got remarried last week i still really love her is there any chance to get back with her now?

  10. I separated with my wife about 6 months ago. We have been married for a little over 2 years and I have tried everything to work it out. I have made every mistake in the book during this process. I was recently served with divorce papers and while I don’t want to sign them, I want her to be happy. We have 1 child together and I still feel that she is the one for me and love her. I was told that I was controlling and suffocating and she felt chained down. I have been working on making changes on myself so that she will never feel this way again. She has told me that she can’t envision us ever getting back together or working our marriage out. Not even for our daughter. We recently started talking again and are trying to be friendly for our daughter. I have tried to move on, but every time I see my wife all the feelings come rushing back to me. Is there any chance of saving my marriage or ever getting back together if we divorce?

  11. Hi Dimah,
    Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know that this can be rough! I want to help, but need to know more.
    I would recommend that you book a one hour private coaching session in order for me to respond to all of your questions, provide you with insights and a clear way forward.
    I sincerely hope to hear from you soon.
    Coach N.

  12. Hi Adrian, I’ve been separated going into 2 years, October 2015, I’m in the process of finalizing the divorce. My ex-wife and I have a mutual communication, we have kids. She started talking to someone november of 2016 and got serious in March 2017. I’ve tried the silent radio for about a month and I’ve also tried to keep everything peaceful. Just recently I invited her to go out and we were having a good time laughing remembering old times and I also started doing different things for myself, trying to better myself. As we were out we talked about even intimate conversation. It felt like there was some physical chemistry. Once I dropped her off home, the. She kind of got cold. I’m so confused. I have also complimented her and she says I shouldn’t be talking to her that way, or she says stop. Please advise.

  13. My has filed for divorce just recently. I was neglectful and never really listened to how she felt about it. Doesn’t help I also cheated 3 years ago. There’s no good reason I cheated, but I felt hurt from an incident where she left me to go on a date with a guy she met the night before. We got back together after she found her best friend slept with him, this turning her off to the idea. We’ve been together 10 years, married for 5 years. She says we have nothing in common, but we still loved to be around each other. She was willing to move past my infidelity, says it still hurts and she untrusting. She seems more hurt that along with infidelity I was inconsiderate of her and invalidated the way she felt when I did it. This is her text. I hope it went through

    1. Hi Tim,
      Spend time assessing the things that eroded the relationship – it’s in what went wrong that you can make things right.
      Coach N.

  14. Hello, Adrian. I really liked your posting. I’m going through divorce and it’s been really hard. I feel it’s just a matter of days. We’ve been married 12 years and 2 months and she completely changed to be a different woman, and now she found a new man. She already drawn a divorce paper, but at the same she’s giving me a month before she decides what she wants. She is currently in the mode of “the grass is definitely greener on the other side.”

    We have a child together, so it’s not like I can dissapear from her life. I don’t know how am I going to take it if she really is going to be with this new guy.

    Your article is different than what I found on internet. Some say to try to spark romance, and the rest says to move on. My question is, how long do I need to wait after our divorce to ask my ex wife for a date? 6 months? a year? two years?

    1. Hi Charlie,
      Thanks for reaching out – in reality, the length of no contact and rekindling is relative to the uniqueness of your relationship. It’s in the details. I invite you to consider scheduling a session with Adrian, so he can provide a thorough answer.
      I hope this helps,
      Coach Natalie

  15. Hi I have been divorced for three years now…In the beginning things were not civil…But over the past 2-1/2 years we have built a friendship that can not be broken…He is my best friend…I have never stopped loving or caring for him…We have gotten back together and its been about 5 months…We have really good days and really bad days…I feel like I want this to work more than he does, and i get very confused…I feel like I am trying to hard for this to work at times…I just dont want to lose him again, I cant be without him… I want to continue the fight for our happiness but at times it seems impossible…Please give me some advice

    1. Hi Randee,
      Thanks for reaching out. I’m glad you want to fight for your relationship. I invite you to always implement fun activities, where you two can spend time and remember that despite the bad days, you’re really compatible and right for one another. This is a healthy habit to implement.
      I hope this helps!
      Coach Natalie

    1. I was also wondering if any of you could post a video about how midlife crisis results in divorce, the signs of mild life crisis in women, how long is mid life crisis typically last, the sign of the end of midlife crisis, when is the best time to win an ex spouse that has a rebound, does rebound from midlife crisis last or not and how long.

  16. Hi my name is Michelle. I been with my husband for 19 years and 12 years married. We are going Thur a divorce right now. I’m deeply in love with my husband and want him back. I miss him every day he won’t speak or respond too me. How can I get him back. I am so depressed I cry every day and night. My heart is tearing apart. I think bout us and what we been Thur and all
    Good times we had together and how deeply in love he was with me. Please if you can help please help me. Thank you

    1. Hi Michelle,
      I’m so sorry to hear about your current situation – I know how painful this is. Spend time really determining how the relationship got to where it is. It’s in answering this and finding preventatives that you’ll be in the best position to generate the result that you want .

  17. Hello James,
    I know this is not easy. 1. If you haven’t moved out of the other women’s house I would encourage you to do so. Also, she needs to see change through actions which requires a tailored action plan. I invite you to contact us to try and salvage your marriage as this I know is very important to you.
    WMEA Team

  18. Hello Justin,
    It’s important you grant her wishes and you take this time to focus on yourself as well. Being apart may be what the relationship needs in order to move forward together. Focus and be strong and this will motivate her to do the same thing.
    WMEA Team

  19. Hello Aman,
    We really appreciate the feedback on our content. Thank you for taking the time to tell us what you think about what we wrote and sharing the gratitude over to us.
    WMEA Team

  20. Hi, I am married since September 2017. Now myself and my husband are not in contact with each other for the last 1 and half months. We had a talk on his cousin who is having more influence on my husband than me. Now my husband is not even attending my phone calls . What can I do to know his decision?

  21. Hi my name is gabe, my wife of 7 years said she wants to divorce, we have a kid together, and i am still in love w her and never have lost the feelings. She has said shes done and wants space but it is so hard for me to stop loving her. I know where i went wrong and im trying to right my wrongs.

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