It is very common for people to breakup but still continue to have sex together. Hooking up on a regular basis despite the fact that your ex has decided to end the relationship can lead to both confusion and frustration.
Many people get stuck in such a situation not knowing how to break the mold one way or the other because of the fear of losing their ex all together; Is it better to make a stand and refuse to continue having sex with them until you get some sort of commitment or should you continue to have intimate moments and hope that your ex change their mind?
In this article we will give you some tips to provide some perspective and clarity; the goal here is to empower you to enable you to come out of a state of fear, to make an educated decision and reclaim your share of the balance of power.
Don’t confuse sex with emotional attachment
It is important for you to understand that maintaining a sexual relationship with an ex does not mean that you are necessarily closer to your goal of ultimately getting back together! It is easy for people to feel as if they are rebuilding a bond with their ex because they are once again sleeping together. Sex simply means that a deep physical attraction still remains between the two of you. This physical attraction can be somewhat independent of the emotional attachment that you are looking to rebuild.
The fact that you still have strong feelings for your ex actually makes the process of sleeping with them quite dangerous. You are more invested than they are and you also have different expectations. You must be really careful and have a game plan to ensure that your actions are thought out. If you are currently going through a similar experience please ensure that you temper your expectations and don’t simply keep going with the flow hoping to see where this experience may lead you.
Try to deeply analyze how these sexual encounters are taking place. Was it a one time incident or are you guys hooking up on a regular basis? Is alcohol playing a part in these encounters or are you sleeping together sober? Taking a step back and figuring out answers to some of these questions can only help you be more aware of the dynamic that you currently engaged in; this will in turn enable you to make the right decisions and put you in the best possible circumstances to get back with your ex.
Use physical intimacy to your advantage
Simply because physical attraction and emotions are not necessarily linked does not mean that you cannot use this intimacy to your advantage in your pursuit to get back with your ex-husband or wife. You must really look to put your best foot forward and make the sexual experiences as pleasurable as possible for both parties.
Try to keep these moments together drama free and positive. Stay away from arguments and breakaway from past conflicts. In essence you should do everything in your power to make every encounter with your ex enjoyable. You will need to display a change in your behavior and overall attitude towards them; if you are able to do so in a positive manner they will slowly start to question whether breaking up was the right move.
Make sure that you stay true to your values
It is of the utmost importance that you do not do things that go against your core beliefs just to please your ex. If you look to change who you are and your essence in the hopes to sway them back, your ex will not only see right through you but will also unconsciously be less attracted to you for not standing up for your beliefs.
Most people are at their finest, and are most attractive when engaged in their passions, hobbies or living in the moment while engaging in something that they are passionate about. You are probably no different. So take our word for it and do what you love to do and take pleasure in doing so. Also do not pretend to be someone you are not just to please your ex.
In some cases you may want to stop and distance yourself
If you no longer represent a challenge for your ex and you are at their mercy or under their thumb we highly recommend that you take some distance and stop sleeping with them all together. You will know that a change is needed if you always say yes when they reach out to you, if you sit by the phone waiting to hear from them or if you are unable to carry out your daily life (work, family or other commitments).
In such cases sleeping together is actually causing you more harm than good and you will have a very difficult time getting your ex to commit to you. Simply put you are offering them the best of what a relationship can bring them without having a voice by letting them set all the ground rules. You are playing a game in which you have no control and you are simply loosing face.
A simple decision like refusing to sleep with them until the relationship is more in tuned with your expectations can alter the dynamic and enable you to regain control. You have to be strong and not let your emotions dictate your actions. In order to get your ex to commit to you, you will have to force them out of their comfort zone; force them to make a choice. Either the rules of the game change or they risk losing you forever. In order for this to work out in your favor you must also not fear losing them and be willing to let go. You will need to have discipline and be extremely patient to give them time to miss you and ultimately want to be with you. This can be the key to getting back with your ex if you are still having sex with them.
Realize that you remain in control of your destiny through your choices and your actions. You can thus dictate or at the very least have a say in how your relationship will ultimately shape out. Do not live in fear and do not be reactive in regards to your ex. Use this physical intimacy to your advantage, understand the intricacies of your present situation and stay true to your core values. Ultimately you may have to distance yourself to engage in a new dynamic in order to change the outcome in your favor and get back with your ex.
If you are still sleeping with your ex and are looking to seal the deal and get back into an exclusive long term relationship with them please share your thoughts or questions in the comments section below. Our team of coaches will answer your comments and guide you in the right direction!
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