Getting back with a first love is possible if you have a plan!

Getting back with a first loveGoing through a breakup is always difficult, but going through a separation with your first true love can often times become one of the most challenging moment of someone’s life.

As a relationship expert specialized in helping people get back with their ex, I know what it’s like because I have made it my life and passion to figure out the best possible ways to bring people back together.

My experience as lead me to understand how rewarding getting back with a first love can be.

A conversation that I had recently with a young lady called Lisa inspired me to write this article in order to provide you with a framework to get back with the man or woman that you feel so passionate about.

I must warn you that getting back with someone you love dearly can be challenging; and I am not in the business of providing quick fixes.

This article is addressed to those that are willing to put in the work, to learn from their mistakes, and to evolve into a person that they can be proud of; and into the man or woman that your ex always wanted to be with!

So if you are ready to do everything possible to win back your ex after a breakup, read on…

Where did things go wrong with the love of your life and why?

The issue that most people face right after a breakup is that they try to immediately convince their ex to get back together. You too may have apologized, begged, pleaded or even worse…the moment that the breakup was announced or in the days that followed.

Forget your pain for one second and look at the breakup from your ex’s point of view.

If things got to this point, it means that the one you love reached a tipping point. In other words, they were convinced that you no longer have what it takes to make them happy, or that your relationship was not worth fighting for anymore.

It may have taken weeks, or even months for your ex to come to that conclusion…so is it realistic for you to hope that you can convince them a few minutes after the breakup?

Ans that’s not even considering the fact that you are probably still in a state of shock and overwhelmed by your emotions.
Do you really think that you are credible in their eyes? Do you think that they will trust your ability to change it all around so quickly?

Don’t make that mistake! If you already have, don’t make things worse. Getting back with a first love is possible if you have a clear plan.

The best way to get it done is to take a step back in order to (1) fully grasp where things went wrong; (2) avoid making more mistakes or pushing your ex even further away; (3) and to develop the right strategy to maximize your chances of winning back the heart of the one you love!

So first things first, where did things go wrong and why?

In an ideal world, you would schedule a one on one coaching session with me either via phone or email so that I could all of your mistakes and to tell you how to solve the deep rooted issues faced.

But what I can already tell you is that your relationship probably broke down for one of two reasons: Either you were too needy and pushed your partner away or you were too detached and failed to provide them with the love and attention that they craved.

Before even thinking about pleading your case and trying to convince your ex to get back together, you absolutely will need to take a step back, be honest with yourself, and figure out which of those two best applies to your behavior and actions prior to the breakup!

That will be essential in determining how to balance things out moving forward, in order to prove to your first love that you are indeed the one that can make them happy.

Overcome emotional dependence to get back with a first love

When you commit to taking a step back and not reach out to your first love after a breakup, you will most likely be fighting depression because you will feel like part of your identity is gone.

This deep sense of sadness is what I refer to as emotional dependence; the belief that your happiness is tied to an individual that you yearn to share everything with, and that may or may not want to be with you.

In order to get back with the one you love, you will need to overcome this mental state because no one wants to be with someone who feels sorry for themselves, who lacks drive and self-confidence.

You will not convince your first love to take you back by showing them or telling them how destroyed you are! Trust me. All you will do is boost their ego and reinforce the notion that they will be happier without you in their life.

On the contrary, you have to force yourself to be active, to have projects and to quickly bounce back in order to inspire them to see you in a different way. Your ex needs to be inspired by who you are and what you are doing.

Being happy, fulfilled, social, or having purpose is the best way to prove to the love of your life that they made a big mistake in breaking up with you…to make them doubt, and deeply regret their decision!

That’s right; the key to getting back with the one you love is to be strong enough and to have enough belief in yourself to make THEM chase you, and not the other way around!

And the best way to do that is to challenge yourself consistently and on a daily basis.

Forget him or her for once second and think about who YOU are, what YOU love and who YOU want to be!

If you can strive to be this person, and find yourself again you will be well on your way to overcoming emotional dependence and inspiring the one you love to give it another shot!

Getting back with a first love is more than possible if you are patient

When I interact with the many people who seek my guidance and services every day, I am often asked about the possibility of an ex moving on for good, forgetting about you or even meeting someone else.

This fear of loss is one of the biggest mental blocks for the many people around the world who aspire to do a radio silence, go through a process of personal development, or even fully commit to doing what it takes to win back an ex .

This fear of loss is in reality just a simple illusion; sorry to be blunt but you have ALREADY lost the one you love since your ex has broken up with you… what more do you really have to lose?Getting back with a first love after a breakup

Furthermore, constantly reaching out to an ex and desperately trying to stay in touch will actually make them more likely to settle for someone else in order to move on as quickly as possible!

If your ex is indeed your first love, and you have felt a deep love and connection, you need to realize that it won’t be as easy as you may think for them to move on and to jump into another viable relationship.

Plus you’ll need a little bit more self-belief than that, and value what you bring to the table.

Do you really feel like your ex could replace you that easily?

Which leads me to my next point; most people have a tendency to put their ex on a pedestal after a breakup because they are still in a state of emotional dependence.

Even if that is the love of your life, don’t make that mistake. Value yourself, focus on what you need to do to become a better you and the rest will follow in time!

Getting back with a first love and staying together requires you to take a long term approach; it is not a sprint, it’s a marathon…

Again if a breakup occurred it’s because something was wrong in the relationship, and the only way to make things work is for you both to take the time to resolve your individual issues first and the collective ones afterwards.

So please, please, please be patient!

If this is the man or the woman of your dreams then don’t rush things.

In the introduction of this article, I spoke about a woman named Lisa that I have been coaching over the phone. When she first came to me she was devastated by the fact that her then fiancé and first love at told her that he wanted to breakup.

She was at the bottom of the barrel and like most people made quite a few mistakes hoping to win him back sooner rather than later. But Lisa inspired me because or her resiliency; she is a proud lady who knows what she wants, and one that won’t take no for an answer.

So what did she do?

Well, she followed my advice and committed to the process of giving her ex fiancé space and going back to what truly makes her happy! Her hobbies and her dedication to achieving her own personal goals inspired her ex.

Simply put he could not stand seeing her happy and not partaking in her growth. Being away from Lisa highlighted that she was not the issue, and that he had issues of his own that he had pinned on the relationship.

She didn’t have to win him back, he came back on his own!

And that is why I felt inspired to share Lisa’s story (with her permission) in order to inspire others to take control of their destiny and love life as well.

You can do it too, you can get back with your first love if you are patient and resilient, just like Lisa was!

I hope that her story will inspire you to do what it takes to win back the heart of the one you love.

If you feel alone, or helpless…know that you are not!

You can find a bunch of free resources on my blog, you can purchase my eBook, the most comprehensive tool on how to get back with an ex; or you can even reach out to me!

Don’t hesitate to leave your questions in the comments section of this article; I make it a point to answer each and every one I receive.

So like I said, you are not alone…I am here to help!

I wish you all the very best in your quest to be with your first love.

From my heart to yours,

Relationship Expert from WithMyExAgain.Com

  • Vivian Michelle Cassel

    Hello! After begging and pleading between September to April, my husband has started an affair, sued for a divorce, and is now selling our house. We were very inlove, but the stress of two teenage daughters, Ami g other things, caused stress, leading to my neefiness, and his decisions. My husband claims to want to remain in contact and to mainythe friendship we once had, but claims that he cannot do it now, because the more contact we have with one another, the more he hates me. If I am very patient and start a plan now, is there hope?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Vivian,
      I remember you and your story!
      Please book a coaching session with me in order for me to finally help you get going in the right direction. It’s never too late to try to make things right and to attempt to turn it all around. I sincerely believe that I could help you maximize your chances to make it work.
      Hope to hear from you soon, and to have the chance to speak together during a coaching session.

      • Vivian Michelle Cassel

        I have booked a session. My husband and I jave spent so much money since the break up that I had to get the cheapest session. I hope it helps.

        • CoachAdrian

          Thank you Vivian, I have reached out to you via email to book a time convenient for you. Looking forward to help you meet your goals!

  • May

    My ex and me dated for 1 year we have been separated for year and 8 months in the year and 8 months we were still very active in each others lives he said he needs space and it’s not me its him we are currently in no contact ?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey May, I’m not sure I understand the dynamic of your relationship…could you please provide me with a bit more insights and clarify how long you were together and when the breakup actually happened?
      Thank you!

  • Hunter Roberts

    I left my girlfriend to have new life experiences in a new city because I felt the world was going to go by unnoticed if I didn’t get out and see it while I am young. I just graduated college and she still had 3 more years so I felt pressure to go right then and now I’m realizing that it was a very selfish and immature move to make. After 2 months I visited and hastily tried to get her back and she said she couldn’t trust me and didn’t want a relationship anymore. Our relationship was very healthy and there were no downsides besides my choice to adventure which I now realize could’ve been done with her if I waited. It has been 4 months and I’m returning to my hometown due to many reasons and partly due to my affinity for her, but she is leaving for 4 months as well to study abroad at the beginning of september. I am going to let her know how much I love her and how I have learned that the way I handled our relationship was very inappropriate, but not try to impose anything about us getting together due to the timing. I have been giving her space with limited contact (around 1 time a month with very friendly conversations) and she said she wants to be my friend, but I am very hopeful that we can be lovers again with the right approach and understanding of her side of the relationship. It has been a very educational experience as it is my first real love and serious heartbreak, and I feel that with enough time and focus on bettering myself as an individual I can hopefully regain her trust and make a stronger relationship. I know that there is a chance that this all happened for a reason and we aren’t meant to be together but I truly love this girl and want to give it one more shot. Any words of advice?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Hunter,
      Love your approach! Don’t be afraid to play the friend-zone to stay in touch and to gradually regain her trust. I would advise you to write a handwritten letter to convey what you’ve learned and to highlight critical points. There is something magical about putting thoughts on paper! It can be a way to touch her heart and for her to see how sincere you are. Make sure that you don’t push too hard or don’t get too emotional otherwise you risk pushing her away.
      It’s her time to explore the world, and you’ll have to be patient!
      I would love to help you write the perfect letter, so don’t hesitate to reach out and to book a private coaching session if you feel like you need more support.
      From my heart to yours,

    • SJ Nanneti

      Recently my boyfriend broke up with me 4 days for the same reason. We had a great relationship, there were little fights or disagreements but eventually he started taking me for granted. Even as he was breaking up with me, he said that I would be the best girlfriend he ever had and he’s probably making a huge mistake. We were both each other’s first substantial relationship and first love; of course there were doubts and insecurities because who knows if we were meant for each other? However, I believe this fear got the best of him and he wanted to see what else is out there. He still considers me his best friend and wants to stay in touch as we are going to the same college and the same major. I know he made a mistake by breaking up with me because as I gave him everything and he really didn’t realize what he had as I’m not completely out of his life. Being his friend is rather difficult as neither of us have fully gotten over each other and I feel like once I’m gone, he’s going to regret it. Part of me wants to get back with him because of the connection we had, but there were times when he didn’t prioritize me or treat me the way I deserve. I’m just very confused with all this and I really need some direction.

      • CoachAdrian

        Book a phone coaching session in order for us to work together, I would really love to provide you with some answers.

  • Sike Bobs

    My ex and I broke up because I got pregnant and he freaked out, I lost the pregnancy eventually and since he wasn’t showing any sign of seriousness, I moved on. That was 5 years ago, he has tried to keep in touch with me since then but since he never had anything sensible to say, I always shun him. We have long moved to different cities, about 2 years ago he managed to find my bbm pin some where and added me on his blackberry, I tried to have friendly chats with him but he most of the times wants to turn it to sexual and I always snap at him because of that. He once invited me to come over to see him, I refused, another time he came over to my city for business and asked if I would like to see him but I was too busy, this happened like twice. A few weeks ago I chatted him up, he announced to me that he will be leaving the country to do his PHD, I wished him well. Last week he informed he was in my city to finalise his arrangements. This time I decided to meet him, it was great! He looked more handsome than before, we laughed at how we both added weight and have changed. We talked about the past, he admitted he never wanted to break up but was spooked about the situation, I told him how I felt and why I had to leave him. We later went for dinner talked about doing business together. I dropped him off and gave him a good night led to sex. It was the best we ever had. I left immediately because I had to get home that night. He called me later if I had gotten home safely. I texted him the next day to find out if he returned to his city safely. He replied and reminded me of the businesse discussion and that I should get back to him. I can’t say that I am having feelings for him, I have been single for 11 months and want to settle down, he fits into the man I want for a husband. I have no contacted him neither has he contacted me since 3 days after we last chatted. Please how do I get him to commit?

  • CoachAdrian

    Hey thanks for sharing your story! I can help you to get him to commit and the plan will be centered on leaving him wanting more and not revealing your hand.
    Please book a phone or skype coaching session in order for me to help you make this happen!
    I hope to hear from you soon.

  • James coltan cave

    Alright so I am 21 and my ex is 18. We have been dating off and on for 4 years and have been close friends for 6. Ever since she has been young she has always wanted to go to college in salt lake city, Utah because she’s very outdoorsy and since I have my fathers Hazelwood act I have to stay in Texas for college.
    Throught our relationahip we would talk about living with each other and even the idea of her maybe staying in texas.(yes we were very young) “When I graduated from high school I decided to stay in town and attend a communtiy college so I could be with her.” We had our ups and downs the next three years but There was a time way down the road that I broke up with her for a long while because I wanted to go out and find out what I was capable of in the world. I went out and dated and had a lot of fun. As months flew by I started to realise that I made a huge mistake because what I was capable of was someone like her. I got her to meet me and after hours of talking we agreed to get back together. There was a catch though. She had decided on going to Utah for college instead of staying like she thought she might for our relationship. “I told her that I didnt care because I want to spend every last second I can with her.”

    The following 9 months were fantastic and full of joy! We did so much together, never leaving each others side. We traveled and spent long periods of time with each other. When the 9 months came to an end we were very very depressed but also excited to go out and experience the world.
    “I believe its important to note that the entire time we were together I never fought for her to stay or even asked the question even though I hoped more than anything she would.”

    Its been 4 months since she left and I feel like I have made a huge mistake. I have called her twice and sent a handful of texts since but never pleading for her to come back but obviously very sad about the whole situation. Over the phone she talked about how she was kind of serious about us possibly getting back together in the future but under natural cicumstances. She also told me that she knows that she loved me more than she could describe, yet she’s not entirely worried about us not getting to pick up where we left off because “that’s how life works sometimes.” I even found out that I could go up there because my parents saved up for a college fund. When I told her this she said that we are still very innocent when it comes to relationships and this is our time to discover what is out there and also she is scared to end up like here grandparents who were together for a long time and stole some of the best years of their lives. This was all discussed over the first phone call and it was that same phone call that we fell asleep on the phone together.

    All in all she has found alot of great friends up there and is having a very good time and I am extremely proud of her because I know we were each others best friends but I feel like the odds are against us. I sacrificed a lot just so I could be with her but I could never verbally ask her to do the same for me… And she didn’t. She wants to be friends and meet every time she comes down but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel. I have been throgh immesne sorrow and depression and have lost a lot of weight due to it. All I know is that I miss her and that these last four years may never be reciprocated. I have unfollowed her on social media even though she follows me and I have told her how hard it has been for me and that we should not communicate for a long while. I think we do need to experience the world but I also want the chance to pick up where we left off.

    I hope this does not seem jumbled and that you can read it clearly.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey James,
      Thanks for sharing, if you are serious about doing everything possible please book a coaching session in order for us to work together.

  • John

    So I was with my ex for 4 and a half years. We were each other’s first everything begging at 17. She always felt she needed to explore, we went on a break basically cuz of another guy and she left me for the guy. Moved fast ans tried to erase me. Texted me 4 months after break up while dating guy and I kindly rejected.

    2 and a half years later texts me and says forwardly she wants me back and I was her best friend/love of her life. I kindly started I’m in a relationship now and refused to get into emotions with her.

    Twist is I’m probably breaking up with my current girlfriend and don’t know how I feel about my first love. Any advice on this?

    • Coach natalie

      Thank you for sharing your story. Questioning whether to get back with a first love, especially since you both have had relationships since then, must be very challenging for you. I think that the “how” element of reaching out will be critical in this situation and help set the platform to decide how you feel about your first love. If you’d like to determine how best to go about this, please let me know or, take a look at our free “Crash Course”.

  • Mario Baires

    My ex and I have been with each other since she was 16 and I was 17 now we have gone through everything together even being homeless. we both are now 21 and we got married last year even though I didn’t wanted to get married because I knew I wasn’t ready. The last few months have been really difficult for me because I’ve been really stressed out with school, work, and I really didn’t have anybody to speak to because of job ( I worked graveyard for a year). Sadly enough I was releasing all my frustrations on her, I really never meant to do that. Throughout our relationship she has battled depression and was even hospitalized for having suicidal tendencies. I was there for her eventhough I didn’t understand what was going on. I was there for her when no one else was not even her family. Now this year I had major depression not because of her but because of everything happening around me money issues, not having anybody to speak to, school, work. She left me because she couldn’t do it anymore even when she said she would be there for me. She left me broken into pieces but I know she still loves me. Everything was stressing her out my actions, my suicidal thoughts, my dependency of her. I just want to change for myself but I want to gain regain my best friend back because we both know it wasn’t meant to end like this. I’m scared I will never be able to be with my best friend again, I’m scared she will be with someone else. I blame myself for everything because I was not men enough for her. I tried to contact her but she has blocked me from everything. We had our beautiful moment together. I just hope she will cherish those moments I just can’t wrap my head around her being with another guy.

  • Sabina Ruzmetov

    We were each others first love and everything was going great until things started to go for the worst. Around the beginning of the relationship, he told me he didnt love me and it was a huge misunderstanding, but subconsciously I felt very unlovable so I changed for the worst. I treated him terribly for 3 months straight and he couldnt take it anymore and left. I realized what happened after he broke up with me and explained everything and apologized but he was too just worn out to care and didnt want anything to do with me saying he’s happier without me in his life at all. He has now blocked me on everything and refuses to even speak to me, he is also being very hasty and just saying mean things and spreading things around our mutual friends. Basically, he hates me because he has realized that I “wasted 3 months of his life on being horrible” it got to a bad point so I made a video bashing myself and saying how I hate myself and deserve the worst and sent it to him through a mutual friend. The video made him calm down and say that no I dont deserve anything bad and I should be strong etc… My friend assumed that everything had calmed down with him and decided to talk to him but he proceeded to say “I’m happier without her and dont contact me unless it has to do with her death”. He is happier without me because everything he’s doing and the way he’s living he thinks I wouldnt let him live like that, cause I used to be very possessive and controlling, I dont think he realizes that I would never let myself change for the worst like that or act like that ever again, but he just won’t listen to anyone that tells him that. I dont know what to do or how to go about it. He has this bad image of me and hates me and is just living happier, so there’s no way he would return if he still has that horrible image in his head, right?

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Sabrina,
      Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. In my professional opinion, you’re much better off without a man who even makes half the statements he’s making toward or about you. I think you should use this time to focus on yourself and your personal development. If you see your true value, you will be better equipped to find a man who can appreciate all you have to offer. If you need any help, I encourage you to book a session with me or Coach Adrian. We can help you develop a game plan.
      I hope this helps.
      Coach N.

  • Marco Gino

    When I was 14 I had my first love with my best girlfriend, but we were too young to have a serious relationship so we broke up after a week. We remained in contact as “common friends” but I’ve been always thinking about her as the love of my life. Some years passed and we had our respective relations with other people but she was always jealous of my girlfriends without an apparent reason so we have quarrelled and stopped talking each other for about 3 years.
    This year, in April we met each other again, she had a boyfriend but she immediately said me that she never ceased to think about me and that she did regret about our break up. After that meeting we’ve continued to talk every single day, and organized clandestine meeting to not be discovered by his boyfriend, but we were yet only friends. In November she confessed me that she loves me and that she wants to stay with me, she wants to begin a new relation with me even if it may takes some time to break to his actual boyfriend.
    I was completely shocked by her statements, I’ve been waiting for that moment for 8 years, I was very afraid that history repeats itself, I asked her a lot of questions to make sure she wasn’t joking, that she was taking the situation seriously. She convinced me, and we had a “night of passion” (betraying is boyfriend) and after that she was absolutely amazed by me and my attitude/behaviour towards her, she wanted us to see every day, she started to chat me all day every day, planning our future together, sending me love messages and congratulating me for that night. Everything was fine, I was living a dream that I’ve always wanted to live, until one day she sent me a message saying that she is in a period of confusion, and that it’s better to be alone instead of beginning a new relation with someone, that she doesn’t repent what we have done and what she said.
    I can’t understand her behaviour, she created this situation herself, she betraied her boyfriend to stay with me, said that she loves me, sent me love messages, planned our future and everything. What can I do?
    Sorry for my poor english