Did you recently find out that your husband was having an affair? Was it devastating for you to find that your man was seeing another woman? Is your relationship now on the ropes? If you are having trouble moving on or simply don’t know how, you have come to the right place!
When you are done reading this article our goal is for you to think “Getting past my husband’s affair is possible and well within my reach! You cannot simply lament or feel sorry for yourself because you got cheated on. It is of the utmost importance that you ask yourself the right questions and look deeper into his action in order to identify or even understand what may have triggered such behavior.
You cannot feel as if you are a victim or become a passive actor in your own life. We will help you realize that you are in fact in control and that you can find the means to decide the outcome of your relationship and your emotional destiny moving forward.
Does he have remorse or is he looking to leave you?
In order to gauge if it will be possible for you to move passed this affair and how to go about this process, you must first be lucid about the reality of your current situation and try to be objective in regards to the circumstances that you are facing. You must have an answer to the following questions in order to define a plan of action: Did he admit his mistake or did you catch him cheating or lying? Was he remorseful and apologetic or did he seem unfazed and tried to pass blame unto you? Finally is he looking to make amends to salvage the relationship or is he in the mindset of seeking a separation or to end things altogether?
As you will understand all affairs are not created equal and your approach moving forward will depend on how you answer these questions and the current dynamic that you are facing. If he admitted having an affair and was apologetic it is a positive sign. This means that he values your relationship and is looking to make things work. His guilt also highlights the fact that he is far less likely to hurt you again in the future as he will have also suffered greatly or be scared by the fact that he broke your trust. On the other hand if you caught him in the act or found evidence of his wrongdoings and you had to confront him about it in order for him to admit the truth it will be more difficult for you both to let things go. This attitude reveals that his intentions may not be good and you have no guarantees that he will stop seeing that other woman or not hurt you again in the future. Actions speak louder than words, and you should really make him earn your trust if he claims that he still wants to stay together.
It is always best for your man to be remorseful and apologetic; that means that he values you and your relationship despite the fact that he cheated. There is still a foundation for you to build upon. On the contrary if he tries to pass the blame unto you or if seems unfazed by your anger and outburst; that is a big red flag. We recommend that you don’t engage in confrontation or try to get even or under his skin. The best possible approach for you in this case would be to take some distance or even do a radio silence for a period of at least 3 weeks. The same can be said if he seeks a separation in the aftermath of your discovery. The worst reaction that you could have would be to beg or plea to get him back. You would simply be giving him too much power by accepting the fact that he cheated and going against your own set of values. The best possible move for you would than be to let him go, and to rebuild yourself or regain some self confidence in order to make him regret his choice and actions and eventually seduce him again down the road.
Getting past my husband’s affair if it’s not the first time
If your husband, fiancé or boyfriend has cheated on you before and it happens again you must take a stand. Don’t let your emotions, insecurity or fear of being alone get the best of you. If you let things slide or if you don’t force him to be accountable to his actions you will lose credibility and your relationship will spiral out of control. It is highly recommended that you walk away and put your relationship on hold for a certain period of time. Your values and self-respect should be worth more than a man who isn’t capable of staying faithful. You need to be strong and take control in order to force him to face the consequences of his actions and decisions. If he feels or knows that you are incapable of walking away he will have absolute control over you and you will continuously be unhappy in your relationship. Even if you are madly in love with him, you really need to be strong and not cave in.
I was recently talking to Mary during a one on one coaching session and her first question to me was “if it’s not the first time that he cheats is getting past my husband’s affair even truly possible because I really do love him but I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust him again”. If you are asking yourself the same questions my answer to you is unequivocal; yes it will be possible for you to forgive your man and be happy once again in the future, even if it’s not the first time that he cheats on you.
It will take considerable efforts on both your part and his but an infidelity can be overcome in time. You must both really take the time to figure out if you are willing to put in the work in order to salvage what you have. But when there is a will, there is a way; again trust can be rebuild with time and effort. In the end your actions and mindset moving forward will determine the outcome of your relationship. You both need to understand what pushed him to cheat: Is he in love with another woman? Are you not giving him the attention that he is seeking or are you both neglecting your relationship? Does he have trouble containing his sexual urges despite the fact that he truly loves you?
The bottom line is that you need to figure out the real reason that has led you to this point. They defer based on the dynamics of every relationship! You must be open and honest with one another and tackle these issues head on and together. If you are able to put your ego aside and make him earn your trust and respect once again, it is in fact possible for a couple to be really happy and to move past an infidelity.
If you recently found out that your man was cheating on you and are looking for more support in order to move on or to save your marriage or relationship reach out to us! We are a professional team of love coaches and relationship experts who have made it our life and passion to help people like you to once again find happiness in love.
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