Running into an ex can really throw a person off, especially when they are actively working on getting this person back. Perhaps this happened to you and now you’re wondering what you need to do next. I wanted to write this article for you today because one of my clients, who has been using the no contact rule, came to me and said, “I ran into my ex today and I totally panicked… What do I do now?!”
This is happens fairly often, so I’m writing this piece to help you navigate through this situation. If you’ve already run into him, it’s not the end of the world. Perhaps you didn’t handle it as well as you would have liked, or maybe you’re wondering what you need to do now.
Either way, you’ll have a better idea of how to proceed and how to be better prepared for the next time you see him or her!
I ran into my ex but I’m not done with NC!
If you’re familiar with my philosophy then you know that the most widely used technique for getting an ex back is the no contact rule.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with this tool, it basically consists of cutting contact with your ex for a period of three weeks to three months. The goal is to give this person the opportunity to miss you while you work on becoming the absolute best version of yourself.
Sometimes you get thrown a curveball and you run into an ex before you’ve ended this period. This is extra awkward if he or she has been trying to contact you and you haven’t been responding!
The best way to handle the situation is to simply say hello, be cordial, and ease out of the conversation. You’ve been very busy, you hope they’re well, but you’ve got to run. Keep it short and sweet. If you aren’t done with your no contact period yet, you don’t want to get into lengthy conversations because it can undo all the efforts you’ve made.
It’s normal that you miss your ex and you probably want to jump at the opportunity to talk to him or her, but you have to fight the temptation. Bumping into your ex can really catch you off guard. For this reason, you’ve got to be mentally prepared.
Imagining various scenarios and coming up with how you’re going to handle the situation can be very helpful. I know you’re thinking, “Yeah but I already ran into my ex!” Use this as practice. Look at how you handled the situation, what you did well, and what you would need to do differently next time you run into him or her.
If you don’t have a plan, panic might seize hold of you and make you act in ways that don’t benefit you. For example, you might say aggressive things that you don’t mean, or you might get clingy. You want to be calm and collected when you see your ex, and it’s very important to keep things civil.
So, if you run into your ex while you are still in your no contact period, all you need to do is cordially exit the conversation. Don’t tell him or her that you’ve been using this technique – just say that you’ve been super busy with all kinds of things going on. Leave them wanting to know more.
What not to do when running into an ex who dumped you
I wanted to take a moment to go over the no-no’s that you need to keep in mind. There are certain behaviors that could really damage your attempt at getting an ex back so you want to make sure you can steer clear of them.
As tempting as it might be, now is NOT the time to tell your ex that you miss him or her. You don’t want to dump all of your emotions on him or her.
It is also not the moment to launch into anything accusatory or aggressive. Remember, you want to keep this conversation short and sweet.
When you find yourself running into an ex you still love, you want to be in control of the conversation. Think about how you want to carry the conversation and don’t hesitate to be the one asking questions.
I also realize that you might get scared when you see your ex and feel unprepared, but don’t run away and hide. This puts you in a position of weaker power. Your ex is going to be much more inclined to want you back if you come across as calm and collected.
Don’t show your ex that they have any type of power over you. Instead, show him or her that you’re doing well and that life is good. You’ve been improving things in your life and you’re feeling good about it.
You’ve got to be carful with letting the situation make you freak out. You don’t want to get so overwhelmed that you just end up downing a bunch of shots and marching over to your ex to give them an earful. You’ve got to remain in control of the situation!
When you see your ex, think about how it made you feel
Running into an ex can conjure up all kinds of feelings – even if you weren’t planning on trying to get him or her back. In fact, it might actually make you realize that you do want this person back and that you deeply miss him or her.
Perhaps you had decided that you don’t want to get back together, but seeing your ex threw all of that into question.
If meeting your ex for the first time after a breakup conjures up intense emotions, it’s going to be important for you to sit down and reflect on what you’re feeling.
Do you truly want to get back together with your ex or is it just the shock of being reminded of this person? I bring this up because many people struggle with emotional dependency. Seeing your ex can conjure it all back up and make you question living your life without them by your side.
If you aren’t sure what you feel, I suggest taking some time to write it all out on paper.
Writing out your emotions right now can help you determine what exactly you’re feeling, and then when a few days pass you can reread these emotions and see if they still feel accurate or not.
Our emotions can surge up and feel very intense when we’re caught off guard and faced with an ex out of the blue. The shock off it can make us feel all kinds of things that sometimes dissipate when a little time passes.
Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. Suppressing these emotions isn’t going to help you very much and could just make you end up feeling more confused later on down the line.
Sometimes talking to a third party is the most helpful because it can help to put things into perspective. Don’t hesitate to reach out to us or leave your question in the comments section below. We would be more than happy to help you figure out the next step you need to take.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach on what to do when you see your ex