Breaking up is a funny thing. We all know breakups hurt, but the intensity of it when it happens to us can be shocking. Breakups hurt even more when someone did something that shattered your heart into a million pieces. There is nothing more natural than to feel pain when someone breaks up with you, but what about when someone does something that broke your trust and made you feel awful? Is it still normal to miss him? The answer is yes and I will explain why throughout this article.
I don’t want you to be thinking, “Why do I miss him” and feel guilty about it. We are all human beings and we all experience the pain of a heartbreak. The reasons behind the breakup don’t always change the fact that it just hurts…
So in addition to explaining why you’re feeling like this, I wanted to dedicate this article to giving you some tools to begin implementing into your daily life starting today that will help you to bounce back from this painful breakup.
Why do I miss him after he made me suffer so much?
You know, we get used to being in a relationship, having a certain routine, and spending lots and lots of time with one specific person. This is true even if the relationship was going downhill. It is not uncommon for people to develop varying degrees of emotional dependency on another person. This simply means that they begin to feel that they cannot be happy without them, regardless of whether or not they are a good match.
I know it can be extra frustrating when you miss him and know that he wasn’t good for you! Don’t be too hard on yourself. We know that the beginnings of relationships are always so beautiful. You want to spend every moment together. You want to learn everything there is to know about your partner, you want to discover new things together, and physically speaking, you can’t get enough of each other! It’s around this time that you begin to develop hopes and dreams for your future together. You see that there is an incredible potential for longterm happiness, and you start to image the life you two can share.
When the breakup occurs, it is the loss of these hopes and dreams for the future that cause the most pain. So even if your ex boyfriend cheated on you, lied, betrayed you, or hurt you in some other way, you’re experiencing the pain of heartbreak because you had such high hopes for this relationship.
I was just speaking with a coachee who came to me saying, “I don’t understand. Why do I miss him so much? I feel like I didn’t matter to him at all and he couldn’t care less about how much he’s hurt me… and I still miss him every second of every day! Is there something wrong with me?”
No, there isn’t anything wrong with her. It’s hard to let something go when you’ve invested so much of your heart, your time, your energy, and your devotion. It’s so hard to just move on when you thought that this person was going to be the father of your children. I mean, how can you just forget about someone when you’ve made so many precious memories together? This is why I don’t want you to beat yourself up over it. Instead, be compassionate with yourself and allow yourself to begin the healing process.
Now is not the time to allow yourself to dwell. I know it’s tempting to browse through old photos of you when you were happy together. I know you want to look at his Instagram page to see what he’s up to, see if he misses you, and maybe… just MAYBE figure out he’s dating someone new… But that is going to do more harm than good, trust me.
Instead, I want you to do one thing…
When you miss him, here’s what you need to do!
When you’re thinking, “I miss him so much even though he hurt me,” I want you to switch your focus. Right now, you’re thinking about the past, your relationship, how you felt, what you thought you would have together… So instead of allowing yourself to dwell in nostalgia and regret, I want you to set your sights on the future. You know he’s hurt you, but you can use that as a tool to help you move forward. Remind yourself that you deserve someone who is going to lift you up – not weigh you down. Accepting the fact that this person didn’t turn out to be what you thought they would be is hard, but it’s liberating.
I encourage you to write down a list of all the things that made you unhappy in this relationship and refer back to it the next time you miss him so much it hurts. Keeping things in perspective is an important tool for keeping him off of any pedestals.
Next, your new goal is to fill up your schedule with NEW activities that bring you joy. Instead of thinking about the past and your current heartbreak, we’re going to give you new things to look forward to. We want you to make new memories so that the most recent things in your head are considerably more positive.
Have you been meaning to try out one of those paint and wine nights? Go do it with two of your best friends. Have you ever gone windsurfing? Try it! How about a weekend getaway road trip with your best friend or your cousins? Have you neglected some of your favorite hobbies while you were in the relationship? Now is the time to bring them back in your life.
Get ahead at work, focus on your personal fitness goals, and come up with ways to become the best version of yourself. It can be as simple as getting some new clothes to update your look. Just think innovation. In with the new, out with the old! You’d be surprised at how much better you’ll begin to feel.
I encourage you to meet new people – and no, not necessarily romantically. Making new friends helps with the change of scenery. I bet everything reminds you of your ex right now, so switch things up! Hang out in bars you haven’t been in before, try out new restaurants, sign up for a night class, get involved in meetups on your city, do some volunteer work… By the way, one of the best ways to change your frame of mind is to help others.
If you feel like you’d like to date new people, more power to you! Just make sure that you aren’t depending on relationships to make you happy. You have to remind and prove to yourself that you are the only person in charge of your happiness.
Similarly, if you’re thinking, “I miss hm and I want him back,” I want you to think about why exactly do you want him back. Do you truly feel that this person is your soulmate and is worth the effort, or is it more because you’re afraid of being alone and don’t want to be without him? Honestly ask yourself if you might think that you prefer to be unhappy in a relationship than unhappy alone? If you’re unsure of the answer, the first thing to do is work on making yourself happy on your own. Only then can you build a solid, healthy relationship with your ex or with someone new!
If you’d like more information on the best way to get back together with your ex boyfriend, I encourage you to click here!
How to stop missing him: The key
As this article comes to a close, I wanted to remind you of the one element that is going to make all of this so much easier to deal with: Confidence.
When you go through a breakup, your self confidence takes a serious hit. This leaves you feeling lost, hurt, confused, worthless, and depressed. It’s hard to know how to get out of this funk when you’re feeling like this!
All of the tools I mentioned above are geared towards restoring your self confidence and if you’re diligent, you’ll see that things are going to start feeling much better much faster than you thought possible. Feeling better about your life, your body, and your potential will not only help you to move past this painful breakup, it’ll help you to get a clearer picture of what you truly want. What’s more, you’ll have the confidence to go after it!
As always, I’d love to hear from you so please don’t hesitate to leave your comment or question below and it would be our pleasure to respond to you!
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach for when you miss your ex