My ex is not talking to me anymore and I don’t get it!

My ex is not talking to me anymoreAfter a breakup or a big fight there is probably a period in which the two partners make some space between them. This isn’t necessarily physical space. If you live together, or if you have children together it’s hard to not speak to one another so the distance made between you can also be emotional.

But in most cases you also feel it physically, there is no contact between you, the text messages you send each other become more and more rare, you stop calling one another, and this situation can become unbearable.

After having gone through a breakup, you have to understand the reasons behind your current situation if you want to improve your relationship. It is by comprehending these reasons that you’ll be able to set up techniques that are properly adapted to your situation, and you’ll finally be able to put an end to this silence that’s becoming more and more oppressing.

After the breakup, you were maybe hoping that the rapport between you and your ex would improve, but it’s not the case. Even if you’re not actually planning on trying to get back together, there still is no contact between you. You just want to be on good terms because after all, you’re not enemies and you want the tension and bitterness to subside.

My ex is not talking to me anymore and I don’t know what to do.” It’s usually because of this feeling that a person ends up making mistakes, but from now on you’re going to know exactly what to do!

My ex is not talking to me anymore and I don’t know why?

On top of the fact that you have no news from the man you were once so close to, you’re also faced with incomprehension and sadness. You can’t bring yourself to understand what could push him to not speak to you anymore or to be so cold in the messages that he does send you.

Because yes, you’re the only person making the effort, you’re making the first step, and you’re trying hard to reestablish communication because you don’t consider your ex as a stranger.

Of course there are many reasons that could explain why he isn’t speaking to you after the breakup. One these reasons is often because of bitterness. I’m not saying that you’re necessarily responsible for what’s happened because you don’t deserve this, but maybe you’ve made some mistakes.

Perhaps you’ve said something that offended him and he doesn’t want to suffer anymore.

If you were unfaithful, this type of reaction isn’t unusual. Oftentimes after having been with another man, the person you love can give you the silent treatment.

Your man is having a hard time forgiving you and sees you as the person that broke their heart and you’re realizing the consequences as you’re looking at your phone thinking, “My ex is not talking to me anymore.”

But these aren’t the only possible reasons behind his behavior! If your ex is distant maybe it’s because he needs time to put things into perspective in terms of your relationship and the breakup.

It’s not easy to fully analyze the situation or their mistakes and to come up with solutions to help them feel better when they talk to the person they spent so much time with every day.

How can you get back in contact with a man that’s avoiding you?

The more the person pulls away the more you want to contact them. It’s just human nature so you should never feel like you’re going crazy or that you’re alone/ If your 10 text messages have yielded no results, it’s likely that the 11th one won’t be any more effective.

If you keep saying, “I just want to hear from you please!” or “Why aren’t you responding?” you’re not going to make any advancements in your attempt at getting back together. If anything your ex is going to feel harassed.

There are mistakes that you must avoid making when you’re explaining to your friends that “my ex is not longer speaking to me.” If you want him to talk to you you’re going to have to change your approach and do the opposite of what you’ve been doing up until now.

The first step is to completely forget harassing him. If he didn’t answer your call, don’t call back 15 minutes later because all it will do is drive him up the wall, and even further away from you.

The second thing is to never forget to remain positive. You should never look desperate, because no one (be it your ex or anyone else) wants to talk to someone who is constantly experiencing heartache. This is one of the many reasons why it’s imperative that you don’t flood his phone with text messages or phone calls.

Is a magic letter the solution for talking to your ex?

You’re wondering how to express yourself without being in touch with your ex-partner if he’s not responding to your phone calls or if when you meet there is no improvement because he won’t speak. There’s nothing worse than an ex that gives no sign of life.

But I have a method that will really help you; a method that I’ve perfected via my experience and it happens to be my specialty. I am of course talking about the handwritten letter geared towards getting back together with your ex. “He’s not replying to any of my messages, he’s not talking to me at all.”

It’s time to stop trying to use these methods of communication and try a more radical solution!

In this letter, if you follow my advice in my audio seminar guide or in the examples of letters in my book “70 Pro Tips To Get Back With Your Ex,” you’ll be able to reestablish real communication with your ex by catching them off guard.

Be careful though, this isn’t supposed to be a love letter or an apology letter in which you go on and on about how amazing you think they are.

The goal is very different; you’re going to talk about the breakup and especially the solutions that you could provide in your relationship in order rebuild it, and the changes that you’ve made in terms of your ex’s expectations!

You shouldn’t panic when you’re thinking that your ex doesn’t want to hear from you anymore. When you’ve spent an ample amount of time with a man and he now ignores you, it means that there are specific reasons behind his actions.

Your job is now to understand what these reasons are and why they could push him to behave this way, and you should not think that your ex despises you.

If he doesn’t want to see you anymore then don’t force him to because it would just make things worse. Give him some time and space and start with a method that is tried and true. It goes by the name of Radio Silence and it will bring you positive results.

There is currently an article as well a free guide on the site to master the technique of Radio Silence from A to Z.

Your coach when your ex doesn’t speak to you anymore.



  • Debbie Cornett

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  • Kelly Taylor

    My x and I were together 6 years and broke up I had a melt down yelled at him and told him to get out I was just upset because I felt he was not getting his life together he kept partying and stayed out a few times I didn’t really think he would move out but he did ! We had already agreed earlier that he was going to stay at his moms in PA for the summer to work and help her and he would get ahead . Also we had plans to go to Hawaii in December he said we’d get engaged … Anyway I discovered that he was staying at this girls house down our street I don’t think any thing was going on just having a party time but he was very mean to me barley talked to me and when he finally left to go he stopped by my house to hug me ? So now it’s been 2 months of us texting and talking here and there I’ve done stupid stuff like cry and beg but stopped I found out through his email cause he left it on our computer that he was coming into town and saw his flight itinerary I did not let him know I knew I wanted to see what he would do. So the day came that he came into town the girl was the one who told me on our street ! He kept texting and calling me and the next day I point blank said oh I heard you were in town is it true and he said yes that he kept it secret because he wanted to surprise me . But he was basically in town to see his son . Mind you he also agreed that I visit him in Pa and I have plane tickets and everything . So the next night he went out with mutual friends if our s and later showed up at my house afterwards very annebriated but very happy to me and we fooled around and the next morning he was so sweet and agreed to me coming to stay at his hotel room that night as my mom was visiting. He had some plans with his son and then with some friends and then would meet me. Once again he came to the hotel and we had a nice time great sex and just couldn’t get enough of each other I happened to get a look at his phone there were texts saying not to tell me he was in town to mutual friends but they all told me anyway some were dear friends of mine he had to have known they would tell Also I found out he was on tinder !! Gross. Also there was a text from a girl in PA and some pictures of her she was not attractive and she said she was surprised to hear from him but it also said they had dinner together He confided in a close friend and said he hadn’t had sex with anyone in a long time He stayed with me every night he didn’t know I saw his phone and I confronted him and said are you saying people cause if you are I will cancel my trip and move on he denied seeing anyone he said he was t and didn’t want to date anyone I also said people have been texting me saying you said to not tell me you were in town when I asked why he said I wanted to surprise you when he left he said thanks for the good sex really?! I told him I was not on board with that and I loved him and wanted to work things out so he went back to PA he’s called me every nite sent pics yesterday is calling me this evening my question is. If he is so done and we are broken up why even bother seeing me why tell people he knew for a fact would alert me to his actions and prescence he could have come into town made a friendly call or not see me at all also why agree to me coming there and he was very excited that I’m coming he is even taking an extra day off from work And he will in no way shape or form admit to seeing any other girl period I really want to get back but I am perplexed as to what to do I’m trying to be as cool as possible in hopes I can seal the deal to work things out when I go there in 3 weeks he was just here last week I even texted some dumb texts last nite after I drank too much like I love you don’t want to lose you .. Ugh. I texted back today and said sorry hope you aren’t mad he texted back not at all with a smiley face said he was going hiking and would call me this evening so here I am

    • CoachAdrian

      Kelly I can help you turn things around quickly! You actually have a lot going for you and I think that we can turn things around if you are prepared to work together. I invite you to book a coaching session with in order for me to provide you with tailored feedback and a game plan.
      Wishing you all the very best either way!

      • Kelly Taylor

        I would be very interested in that I definitely need someone who can help me figure this out 🙂

        • CoachAdrian

          Hey Kelly, you can book a coaching session here:

          • Manuela recella

            Mr.Adrian, hi there. I need help also. I have been in a relationship for over 2 years and in the last year we broke up at least 3 times. He always came back. But we never fix what was not working for my ex is way older then me and also has other problems. This time he said he is done and didn’t see anything can be salvage in out relationship. Plus he dont feel it anymore. He stop talking for about 6 days and then he text me again that he misses me and what a struggle it is. He showed up at my house that day. He also told me that he loves me. But today he is back to being cooler again. I think there is do much damage done already and I have a big problem in trusting him. I do love him very much though. Thank you.

          • CoachAdrian

            Hey Manuela,
            Thanks for reaching out, I have tons of experience dealing with similar situations, so please book a coaching session in order for me to help you turn things around.

      • Ashy

        Hiya about 3 weeks ago my bf broke up with me after hugeee argument my fault I was so drunk can’t remember the argument I left his place text him I’m sorry he told me I’d broken him with the arguing to give him space to cool off and think but I’m a girl I never gave him space we spent every moment together even had such a brilliant closeness with his mam. He said I drove him away by text him constantly he never ended the relationship to my face. Put single on social media I was in complete shock as he done everything for me. Now he just won’t talk to me

        • CoachAdrian

          Hey Ashy,
          Thanks for reaching out, you should be very careful with alcohol consumption, can’t tell you how many breakups i’ve witnessed because of it. Reach out to me and book a coaching session in order for us to work together and win him back.

  • LAC

    I met a men who was my friend and then my boyfriend. The relationship lasted about 4 years. I even thought I would marry this man. We were both very grown (over 40 – neither ever married) when we met.
    Things went from difficult to him never wanting to speak to me again. I treated this man like a king. I was so hurt when he sent me a long critical email and would NEVER speak to me again. I saw him in the street shortly after we split up and he would not even look at me. I could hardly believe it.
    That was about 4 years ago. He does not reply to any messages or anything. This is the only relationship I have ever had when the man refused to speak to me at all. I found it very hurtful and confusing. I feel I deserve better.
    There are some men who will never speak to you again. I hope I never meet another one like him.

  • Lara

    I was with my ex for 2 years. Im in my late 30s , he in his mid 40s. We had a good relationship, we had fun together, always laughing and everything felt great. We also each have 1 child from past relationships and we all meshed really well, especially in recent months.
    2 weeks ago the 4 of us had a great weekend with the kids spending time at haunted houses and carving pumpkins and baking etc . All of us having a wonderful time. On that Sunday, he and i were going to have a date night at a more adult hallowed function. My daughter was goung to stay with a friend and his son was going to his mom’s. But all of a sudden his son’s mom bails on picking him up at the time we would need to go. Shes always mad if we do that to her so naturally i was irritated with this. And yes we ended up missing the function.
    I was mad, plus i had lots of other things on my mind including moving (he and i dont live together)… i mentioned a sore subject and that was saying i wish he was ready to move in together. This sent us into a fight. But we ended up having a good discussion and came to conclusions. I was happy that we could talk. He said he hopes to buy a house in the next yr and that we could revisit the move in topic then. Awesome… we ended up having discussions on future etc. My daughter and i ended up leaving and before I left his place i asked if we were really good, he said couldn’t be better… and he hugged and kissed me saying how much he loved me.
    5 hours later at 11pm, he text me saying we’re over…. i was stunned. I couldn’t believe what i read! And there was no explanation. I dont know what to think. Its been 2 weeks and the only thing he communicated to me was to get my stuff. I asked if we could talk and he said about what? I said the fact you dumped me over text after 2 yrs together. He said, And??
    I got my stuff today he left it on the porch. Im so saddened by this. We had something really great. I wish i knew what happened…. i feel like ill never know and that i was a nobody to him. I cant stop crying, 2 weeks have passed and tears daily. I still very much love him….he says he doesn’t love me anymore. Which i find hard to believe.
    Mutual friends say hes depressed, unkept and angry. But he wonttalk about it. And he hasnt told his son… who asks about why im not there. He told him im working a lot. 🙁
    The friend says our photos are still up in his house too. The whole thing is weird.. goung from love to hate… ugh help?? I want to reconcile at some point but is this worth saving?

  • Coach natalie

    Hi Jenny,
    This is a great observation. I know it’s frustrating when an ex tries to stay in the picture.

  • Lauren

    My ex broke up with me after 9 months. That was 2 months ago. We broke up after an argument and cos I was texting him loads and he said nothing. He hasn’t spoken to me since but he looks at every single snapchat and Instagram story I post? Do you think he’s just bitter and is loving that I’m fretting over him and still want him? Should I do NC?

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Lauren,
      Thank you for your share. You pose some great questions here! To start, I really encourage you to go NC for a little while. This includes social media! Don’t let him always know what you’re doing. Let him be a bit more curious. It can make all the difference!
      If you need a hand in defining these parameters, please feel free to book a session with Adrian or myself.
      Looking forward to speaking again soon,
      Coach N.

  • Sharpie

    My ex broke up with me in Nov. 2016 after our 3 year anniversary. We had a LDR and I was trying to find a place in her state so we could start our lives together. We never really fought. We got along great and communicated regularly. A month before the breakup I traveled to her state in hopes of finding a place to rent. After failing I returned back to my state to try again. We went on break at that point. After a couple weeks, I was no longer a priority. To be fair she goes to college so I understand she’s stressed and busy, but she started losing feeling for me and even talked about having a polyamorous relationship. I know she wanted to be intimate with someone else. I tried harder to find a place, but it took about another month. I found a place and was ready to move when she told me she “couldn’t do this anymore” and broke up with me. I talked to her after and never really gave me a reason. She started giving me mixed signals and false hope, then crushed it in Dec. She hasn’t talked to me since saying that we are not getting back together, but she told me different beforehand. It bothers me cause she was the last person who met my parents before they passed and she even got my dad’s blessing to marry me. That meant the world to me but she acts like she doesn’t care. I’m trying to do NC and am even traveling around and picked up a new hobby, but what she said to me before and no contact now is driving me crazy. What do I do? I can’t stop thinking about her.