One of the most common questions that people have for us is, “How long is it going to take me to get over my ex boyfriend or girlfriend?” Very often, people reach out to us when they’ve been suffering from the break up for a very time. In some cases, more than a year has passed… so it’s perfectly natural that you might be asking yourself how long it’s going to take before you can starting feeling better.
In today’s article, I want to answer your question about how long it takes to get over someone, and I am also going to provide you with some tools and techniques to speed up the process. Our goal is to help people bounce back from break up and feel better than ever before, so if you are ready to starting better, you are in the right place!
Is it normal to still love my ex after all this time?
A couple days ago I was talking with Marie, who had reached out to me for help with getting over her ex. About 14 months had passed since their break up, and she was still crying over her ex. She felt frustrated and exhausted by the entire situation, and didn’t know what to do to get out from under the weight of all the pain she was in.
We were talking about why it feels like this and why getting over someone is so difficult. The simple truth is that you are mourning the loss of something very precious to you. A break up is the death of your hopes and dreams for a future with this person, and it is unrealistic to think that you can just get over it at the drop of a hat.
Because real love takes time to develop, time is also required to let it go. When I am working with people who ask me, “Is it normal to still love my ex” after a significant amount of time has passed, there is often a pattern. In many cases, when a person is still crying on a regular basis over an ex a very long time after the break has taken place, there is an element of emotional dependency in play.
This is very common when a person loses themselves in a relationship, and loses track of who they are, their personal life, their friends, family, passions, hobbies, and professional goals…
If the relationship replaces all of these things and becomes the center of this person’s universe, it is very easy to feel lost, heartbroken and nostalgic for a very long time after the break up.
Fortunately, if you’re feeling like you’re having trouble figuring out how to get over someone and that this might be you, there are so many tools available to you…
How long does it take to get over someone after you break up?
When you’re wondering, “how long does it take to get over a break up,” the answer is going to be annoyingly simple, but it also puts all the power into your hands.
The amount of time it takes to get over someone and recover from the break up is entirely up to you. The thing is, you are in control of much more than you might realize. If you allow yourself to hide away and wallow in self-pity, ruminating in your thoughts about your ex and your relationship, you’re going to prolong the grieving process.
Now, it should be noted that it is important to allow yourself to grieve the relationship and digest your emotions, but it is up to you to make sure that you are not extending or drawing out this period. One of the things that I noticed often is that people hold on to the pain of the break up because they feel like that is all they have left of the relationship.
The problem is that if you make the choice to do this, then this process is going to be much harder than it needs to be. If you really you want to stop suffering because of the breakup, then it is time to stop suffering because of the breakup! You might be sitting there thinking, “Ok well, that’s easier said than done…” But it is actually so much easier than you think. It all starts with getting up, getting out, moving around and taking control of your life.
I can’t get over my ex: Time to get busy
One of the most natural responses in the world to a breakup is to feel drained, defeated, and hurt. That said, one of the easiest remedies to these feelings is actually adrenaline. If you can get yourself moving, get your heart rate up and make your blood start pumping, you are going to be able to create a huge shift in the way that you have been feeling.
One of the tools we sometimes give our clients who are struggling with getting over someone is the “timer technique.” So, if you have found yourself crying and upset all alone in your room, then give yourself 50 minutes and set a timer.
You have got 50 minutes to cry and wallow all you want, but when the timer goes off you need to get up and go do something else. It is important to train your mind to snap out of it, or else your thoughts will always control you. You can train your mind just like you can train a muscle, so don’t let your negative memories and heartache control your life!
Why can’t I get over my ex: You are bigger than your mind
So often my clients come to me with the notion that their thoughts are more powerful than they are. They feel like they can’t get in control of their thoughts and feelings, but the truth is that you can train yourself to clear your head and ward off negative thoughts and emotions. It takes time and it’s not easy to figure out how to get over someone fast,” but it is not impossible.
Maybe you can’t sleep because all of these thoughts are keeping you up at night, maybe you can’t eat after a break up, maybe you are experiencing crippling anxiety… but you can overcome this. One of the easiest ways to help yourself move forward and get over your ex is to start getting really busy.
Find new ways to challenge and surprise yourself. Think about how you can get more physically active (how about rock climbing, yoga or even salsa dancing?), what kind of new activities you might like to try, what new places you could check out with your friends… now is the time to really fill up your schedule with things that bring you joy and excite you.
Go to a concert, try out a ceramics class, go have a picnic on the beach with your friends, try out a new restaurant with your cousins. The goal right now is to get so busy in your days with things things that are fun that by the time you get to bed at night, you realize that you didn’t think about your ex that much at all, and you’ll get a good nights sleep because you’ve tired yourself out.
Make this into a habit and create new patterns in your life that bring you more joy. Again, you are in control of the entire situation so don’t let this break up break you.
How long does it take for you to heal: Speeding up the process with some help
If you are struggling with moving on from an ex, keep in mind that we are here to help you every step of the way. If you would like one-on-one coaching with me or a member of my team, all you have to do is click here.
Otherwise you can browse to this website that is full of articles on how to bounce back from a relationship and how to get back together with your ex if that is what do you want to do. You can check out our YouTube channel that is specially formulated to help you coach yourself, and you can leave any questions you might have in the comment section below.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your a coach when you want to know how long it takes to get over someone
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Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!