When you’re in a relationship with someone, you spend so much time investing in it and building something between you. You develop a routine together and this person becomes such an important part of your life. When a breakup occurs, it feels like getting hit by a ton of bricks. The feeling of loneliness after a breakup can become so intense that it can make a person do things that they later end up regretting, whether they want to get back together with an ex or not.
That is why I wanted to write this article for you today. Though your heart is broken and you might be feeling very vulnerable right about now, I want to give you some tools for ensuring that this time is used wisely and that your future becomes better as a result of it. I’m going to go over why a breakup can result in so much physical and emotional pain, and then I will provide you with some tools for bouncing back and reaching your goals.
How to deal with loneliness after a breakup when the pain is so intense
Someone recently asked me if I knew why breakups hurt so much. This person was telling me that this was a kind of pain that he has never felt before and though he always knew breakups hurt, he didn’t expect it to manifest in both emotional and physical pain.
So why is that? Well, the pain of a breakup can be compared to what a person feels when they lose someone they cared deeply about. A breakup is in essence the death of something that was precious to you along with your hopes and dreams for its future. This is why the pain of a breakup is comparable to the feeling of mourning.
Plus, when you’re happy in a relationship, your brain is being fed a constant stream of serotonin and dopamine. When you are suddenly cut off from the person that’s been making you feel these emotions, you can actually experience a form of withdrawal.
How to overcome loneliness after a breakup
When the breakup occurs, the pain you feel turns into feeling a void. It feels like there is something crucial missing from your life. That is what loneliness after a breakup is: The void.
So when it comes to getting over loneliness after a breakup, it’s all about filling the void with different things that start to build happiness back up in your life…
How to get over loneliness after a break up: Avoid THIS at all costs
When your heart is broken and you lost the person you love, the easiest thing is to retreat into yourself and wallow.
Now don’t get me wrong, a little bit of wallowing is alright and totally normal, but it is entirely in your power whether you’re going to let it last or whether you’re going to use it as fuel for self improvement.
That is why I tell my clients to avoid locking themselves up in their room to binge watch shows in an effort to distract themselves, or worse still, twist the knife in the wound by looking through old photographs and text messages. Simply put, the longer you spend wallowing in self pity or revisiting the past, the longer it’s going to take you to bounce back.
Coping with loneliness after a breakup becomes infinitely easier when you take matters into your own hands.
Don’t let this break up break you, and you will start to sense a serious (positive) shift in your life.
How to beat loneliness after a breakup by avoiding self destructive behavior
One issue that arises quite often following breakups is when a person tries to distract themselves from the pain of it by doing things that might feel good in the moment but are actually destructive longterm.
I’m referring to excessive partying or engaging in behaviors that don’t make you feel good deep down. For example, a lot of people turn to one night stands in an effort to take their mind off things, and for some of them it works, but for others it can actually make them feel even lonelier the next day.
It’s important to really listen to what kind of thing would make you feel more empowered and what type of thing would make you feel more unhappy. Each person is different so I really encourage you to think about what will benefit you the most at this stage.
Something that we often tell our clients is that this period should be used for setting short term, medium term, and long term goals (which I will go over in a moment), but just keep in mind that whatever you’re doing right now to cope with loneliness after this breakup should never threaten your goals.
For example, excessive partying might feel good in the moment, but if you’re too hungover to perform well at your job and it’s going to impede your chances of reaching your goal of moving up in the company, the partying becomes destructive instead of productive.
There are so many other solutions for dealing with loneliness after a breakup, so let’s take a look!
How to handle loneliness after a breakup and get back on top
As I started to say, one of the biggest tools for dealing with loneliness after a breakup is actually giving yourself goals. The key here is to get active in your life. You don’t want to let this breakup wash over you and put you out of business, so to speak.
The stages of heartbreak are inevitable, but that doesn’t mean that you should allow yourself to be defeated. If this breakup was because this wasn’t the right person for you, then there is a plethora of ways that you can invite the right person into your life. If this breakup was because the relationship hit a roadblock and you’ve recognized that changes need to be made so that you two can be happy together, there are all kinds of tools and techniques available on this website to help you do just that.
At the end of the day, it’s all about taking action. Sure, it’s easy to wave your white flag and feel sorry for yourself because you’re lonely right now, but do you really want to do that?
Especially when you have all the tools at your disposal for making your life better than ever and being truly happy with the person you want to be with for good?
Beating loneliness and coming out on top
Once the shock of the breakup begins to wear off, you can sit down and start to analyze the situation.
• Why exactly did this breakup take place?
• What could you have done differently?
• What kind of solutions could you implement in the future?
• How can you ensure that these are longterm solutions?
• What elements of your personal life (passions, people, hobbies) were put on the back burner while you were in this relationship?
• How can you begin to reintroduce them?
• What new activities can you introduce into your life?
Think about prioritizing discovering new activities and places in your life so that things begin to feel more fresh. Spend ample time with people that bring you joy and invite them to partake in these new activities with you. Think about checking out new galleries, new bars and restaurants, new venues, going on a weekend trip somewhere… the busier you are with things that bring you joy, the faster you’re going to overcome loneliness.
Then I want you to think about getting over loneliness post breakup by focusing on your goals. Let’s think about professional goals for example.
Write down where you want to be in two years. So then where would you need to be one year from now? And where would you need to be six months from now? So what do you need to start doing this month in order to achieve that goal?
Giving yourself goals gives you a renewed sense of purpose, it gets you busy with things that actually benefit you a great deal, and it boosts your confidence.
As this article comes to an end, I wanted to give you one last tip before I go. In order to beat loneliness, make sure you get plenty of exercise. Not only does this get you up and out of the house, it will boost you self confidence and it will give you a boost of energy. This energy will make you want to try new things and will make you feel happier as a result of the endorphins your body will be releasing.
As always, we are here to help so please don’t hesitate to reach out or leave any questions in the comments section below.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach for overcoming loneliness after a breakup