How can you reestablish good communication when you still live together but you’re going to get divorced soon? What are good tips for getting your husband or your wife back after they tell you that they want a divorce? What’s the best way to balance your attempt at getting back together with your divorce?
I wanted to thank Frank for giving me the idea for the important subject of this article. I know that a lot of people have been wondering how to get your ex back when you’re getting divorced or simply don’t know how to handle their partner’s decision to separate for good when they were already trying to rekindle the flame.
The behavior that you have to adopt in this type of situation is essential because you don’t want to seem too closed to discussion and at the same time you don’t want to look “weak.” Properly handling your divorce, especially if you want your ex back, will require controlling your emotions and using techniques that we explain in our downloadable eBook “70 Pro Tips To Get Back with your Ex,” and in this article.
How do I act around my ex that wants a divorce?
The first fact I often see is that you can’t really fight against this decision to separate for good, so you have to handle your divorce in the best way possible. This starts by choosing a good lawyer, communication about your shared assets, discussing custody…etc. In order to avoid your ex becoming a stone wall, you shouldn’t cut contact at this point, even if it’s painful (especially if you don’t agree with their decision.) But for now, it’s best to keep a low profile.
It’s a very complex endeavor but if your partner has made this choice and wants to get divorced, it won’t be easy to talk sense into them by confronting them. I mean that you have to make sure that things remain calm so that you can steer clear of fights and begin recreating a peaceful atmosphere.
I know you’re panicking right now because you really don’t want to get divorced, but I have a little question for you: Don’t you think you’re ‘coming to’ a little late?
I’m not criticizing you; It’s just an observation. When your ex brings up divorce, there’s no point in fighting against it but rather focusing on the personal aspects of the situation that you have the power to change. This is where my habitual guidelines on how to get back together with your ex come into play.
This is the very best way to plant a seed of doubt into your ex-partner’s mind in regards to their decision to leave you, and to show them that their choice was brash. To reach this goal, you’ll have to set into motion some very well thought out actions…
How to get your ex back when you’re getting divorced: Follow Goal #1!
Let’s take the bull by the horns right off the bat. I know that you’re very motivated by the idea of stopping the divorce and that you’ll be able to move in the right direction. So, you’re going to have to follow 2 principal rules of getting back together:
Rule #1: Never ever speak about your relationship, your past or your feelings.
Rule #2: No more reproaches, no more criticisms, and no more conflict with your partner.
Our work starts with modifying your current habits, easing tensions, putting some necessary space between you (so that your partner can have a chance to calm down,) and focusing on your personal reconstruction.
If you want to get your ex-spouse’s attention without upsetting them, it’s crucial that you don’t unveil your intentions. Make sure you don’t talk about saving your relationship or stopping the divorce because all you’ll do is become faced with anger and rejection.
So the best way to surprise them is to focus on your daily activities, take a step back and avoid suffocating them. You can flash a genuine smile whenever you two are together, but at the same time work on filling your planner and your schedule with personal development related activities: going out for a walk, yoga, meditation, going out with friends, and ESPECIALLY becoming the best mom or dad in the world!
Nothing will be more impactful than your personal changes and the changes in the lives of your children. Take the time to plan new activities (try your best to come up with something original!) improve the way you communicate and don’t neglect physical contact. Plan trips, vacations, and weekends that they’d enjoy.
The more you focus on the relatively near future, the more you’re going to grab your ex’s attention. This is the first step to properly handling your divorce.
So now is the time to modify your habits, to start reading books instead of watching TV, to wake up 15 minutes early to prepare a nice little breakfast, to pay more attention to what you eat throughout the day, and to take care of yourself.
If you are serious about figuring out how to get your ex back when you’re getting divorced you have to hold yourself to a higher standard!
How will my spouse react?
In my experience in the “field,” (because I accompany the people I coach via the phone, email, and even text message to help them navigate each exchange with their partner,) I have seen how important it is to NEVER go against your partner’s will, and to take the time to show them your new outlook on life!
I know I’m repeating myself but this outlook has to stem from YOU and not from your ex. If you want to get through to them and to prove to them that you’ve changed, it’s imperative that you have thick skin and that you aren’t susceptible to the negative things they may say to you.
Your spouse won’t leave any hope for getting back together so you will have to stand tall despite any phrases like, “I don’t love you anymore,” or “We will never be in a relationship again.”
This attitude will be confirmed in front of your friends and family, because your ex isn’t going to beat around the bush regarding your inability to make them happy.
So you have to learn how to desensitize yourself by no longer focusing on your ex’s behavior. You’ll have to focus on the most important part of your new outlook on life: Becoming a better person day after day.
It’s enough to do your best and to avoid challenging your ex during this delicate period.
How do I handle the divorce when I can’t bear thinking about it?
Despite all your efforts, you’re still going to have to prepare yourself for your ex wanting to go through with the divorce. It’s the ”I’ve suffered too much” factor. Your ex will continue to focus on one thing: the past. So if you decide to play that game, the outcome will be negative.
They’ll tell you that they’ve been suffering for x amount of years and just because you’ve changed now doesn’t mean that they’re going to change their mind. If you’re at this point the truth is that it’s a good sign!
Do you know why?
Because your ex has noticed that you’ve changed!
So of course I haven’t found the miracle solution to stop a divorce in its tracks, but the important thing is that you have to continue doing what you’ve been doing. This is the exact thing that has helped people I accompany like Patrick or Stephanie avoid separating. They, like you, have controlled their emotions and things are improving.
Whatever happens, it’s important that you allow your ex to act however they want, and to not stand in the way of what they want or else you’ll accelerate the process of the divorce. I suggest that you protect yourself by consulting a lawyer about protect your assets and bank accounts, and especially about who gets custody of your children.
These are very important things that shouldn’t be left for the last moment in front of the judge. I know it makes you feel awful to think about these things but they are very, very important. I’ve already seen people lose everything after a divorce, and I don’t want that to happen to you.
I don’t want to get your hopes too high but you should know that your ex partner will have a harder time going through with the divorce if they realize that you’ve been making considerable improvements, and if they see your impressive ability to control your emotions and your ability to meet their expectations.
I am counting on you to give it your all, to forget about the negative and to focus mainly on your new outlook on like, because these are the things that can stop the divorce.
If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to leave a comment below and I would be more than happy to respond to you. Don’t forget that if you want to take it a step further and get even more ex helpful advice, you can download my eBook 70 Pro Tips To Get Back With Your Ex.
I wish you all the best during this difficult time.
Your coach for balancing your divorce and attempt at getting back together at the same time.