A breakup can be a huge blow to a person’s ego. It can leave a big mark, especially when you had envisioned your future with this person. You can feel hurt, rejected, and pessimistic about what you have to offer. This is when I see a lot of people entering a negative cycle, and I don’t want that to happen to you. I have so many people that come to me for help in rebuilding their self confidence after they’ve gone through the emotional roller coaster that is a breakup, and I am here to help you, too.
During this period, it is normal that you would feel down in the dumps but it is crucial that you take matters into your own hands now. You are in control of your own happiness, and there are things that you can start doing today in order to start feeling better. The fact that you are reading this article is already a big step in the right direction, because it shows that you’re motivated. You want to see improvements and you’ve already started to make an effort to accomplish that!
So hats off to you for deciding to take care of yourself and allow yourself to be happy! So many people decide to remain in a rut, feeling terrible, when there are so many tools available for helping a person feel better!
Lost confidence: What happens after a breakup
We all know that breakups hurt and losing the person you love is extremely painful. But why do we experience such a blow to the ego? Why do we internalize the breakup and view it as a reflection of ourselves?
So often I hear people saying things like, “No one is ever going to want me,” or “I’m never going to find anyone” after a breakup. They feel that because their relationship ended, they’re not good enough. When you’re in the thick of it, it’s so easy to forget your qualities… It’s so easy to just think that if your ex didn’t want to be with you, then no one will.
However, viewing the breakup as a personal failure is a mistake! Yes, something wasn’t working: the relationship. It’s not just you. There are two people in a relationship, and sometimes there are elements of this relationship that bring about a separation. It is not solely one person’s fault.
The thing I’d like you to keep in mind is that no one is perfect, but also that a breakup can be an incredible opportunity for you to bounce back and redefine who you are. It can be the catalyst for some major improvements in your life that will benefit you for the rest of your life! Regaining lost confidence is the key for becoming happy again, whether you want your ex back or not!
If you do want to get back together with your ex, and you are using a tool like the no contact rule, regaining confidence in yourself will help you to make a strong comeback. This is a pillar of getting an ex back… I’ll let you in on a little secrete: When you begin to love the life that you are living, it becomes exponentially easier to get an ex back!
The breakup should not be seen as a reflection of yourself and what you bring to the table; it should be taken as an opportunity to redefine yourself and start loving your life and who you are! So often we lose ourselves in a relationship.
We have been taught to give and give and give if we want to receive love, but unfortunately this usually ends with you losing track of the other elements of your life that bring you joy, becoming emotionally dependent on your significant other, and then feeling completely destroyed and lost when the relationship ends.
It is up to you to get back in control of your life so you can regain confidence and come out on top. So how can you start working towards this goal starting today?
How to regain confidence when you feel lost after a breakup
I know that it might be hard to see the silver lining right now, but sometimes we need a little shove to make some big changes. Now that you have no distractions, you are free to learn about yourself and do things that are going to make you happy in the long run.
If you’ve been in a relationship with someone, it’s normal that you’ve been entirely focused on them. Now that your ex is no longer a distraction, you can start thinking about the things that you used to do that made you happy when you were still single.
Now is the perfect time to pick old hobbies back up that got put on the back burner while you were with your ex. Think about new ones as well. Discovering new hobbies and passions is a great way to regain self confidence after a breakup, because you’ll be proving to yourself that you are able to make yourself happy. Perhaps there were some new interests that you began cultivating while you were in a relationship, and now you’re free to devote more time to them!
Think about what kind of NEW elements you can incorporate into your life. The key to being happy and confident after a breakup is becoming busy with activities and people that bring you joy. That’s why it’s so important to fight the urge to sulk and isolate yourself.
It is a step by step process, and it will require patience. But use this time to reconnect with people that you might have fallen out of touch with. Think about friends, family members, maybe even your colleagues.
Begin cultivating better relationships with those around you and start devoting more time to sharing new activities with them. For example, organize a little weekend getaway with your two best friends. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy, just start actively planning things that fill up your schedule and bring you joy.
When it comes to how to regain self confidence, one of the absolute best ways to do it is by helping others. After a breakup, we tend to fixate on the pain and on the heartache. An easy way to get out from underneath these negative thoughts it to look around you and see who could benefit from your presence. Think about spending more time with your grandparents or going out of your way to do something sweet for them.
You can also think about incorporating old hobbies and things you loved doing. For example, let’s say you used to love cooking but you haven’t really been doing much of it lately. Why not prepare a surprise dinner for your grandma and bring it over to her house one evening. When you see how happy you can make people and how people enjoy having you in their lives, your feelings will start to change as well.
I have also noticed that the way we treat our partners often reflects the way we treat others. If you feel like you were selfish in the relationship, there is a chance that you have a tendency to act in a similar way towards family, friends, or coworkers. By identifying these problems, you can focus on fixing them all at once. You can rebuild your relationships with everyone around you. By nourishing all of these relationships, you can experiment with your growth.
Incidentally, if you’re hoping to get back together with your ex, when you get back in touch, you’ll be ready. They’ll ask you, “So, how have you been?” And if you’ve been actively working on gaining confidence back, you’ll be able to tell your ex that you’ve been doing all kinds of fantastic things, you’ve been trying new hobbies, you’ve been taking trips, you’ve been meeting new people, you’ve been working out more… You’ll have all kinds of new things to share and it’s going to peak your ex’s curiosity.
People attracted to people that are living their best life!
All the love that you’ve been giving to your ex needs to be given to yourself now. You need to be the center of your focus, so that you can regain your confidence. It’s all about you now! Your ex is no longer a distraction so make it count. You are holding all the cards, and you’re in control of your own happiness.
As always, we are here to help so please don’t hesitate to get in touch!
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach when you want to know how to regain confidence
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!