My ex doesn’t want to see me and I don’t know why?

My ex does not want to see meFollowing a breakup, a number of scenarios are likely to happen between you and your ex. It’s possible that the two of you will maintain good relations and continue to talk. You may even continue to see each other. On the contrary there may be tense feelings or it may even be full-blown war. In this article we will look into different scenario where things have gotten out of control and your ex refuses to see you all together!

We will focus on trying to explain why your ex has no intention of seeing or spending time with you altogether. We seek to provide you with concrete answers on why they feel the need to totally cut off contact, and why they feel that they have nothing more to say to you.

My ex doesn’t want to see me… What should I do?” I get asked this question almost on a daily basis during my coaching sessions by phone or via email. As I often say, each story is unique and has its own specificities; just like every person is unique and has their own story. It’s always a challenge to give you tailored responses without knowing the heart of your specific sets of problems. It truly takes a thorough analysis. However based on my experience it’s possible to showcase three main reasons that can explain why an ex wouldn’t want to see you.

By the time you are done with this article you will have more insight on what’s stopping your ex from seeing you. In turn this should enable you to start to reflect on how you can change their mind and being the process of getting back together.

My ex does not want to see me: 3 reasons why!

The three explanations as to why an ex may be avoiding you that you find below can seem too simple to readers who don’t see themselves getting back with their ex; but you must realize however that when someone is in the process of looking to get back with their ex, it’s hard to garner the necessary perspective on one’s own. This is one of the main reason why we recommend coaching sessions, in order to get the proper support and advice to meet your objectives.

1. Your ex may have moved on to a new relationship

One of the main reasons that can explain why your ex doesn’t want to see you is that they have found love elsewhere. In fact, when your ex has a new person in their life, it’s understandable that they wouldn’t want to see you. You may have been engaged in an intense or serious relationship, so seeing you could undermine their new interest or create tension. Their feelings could be growing, and consequently, your ex had cut ties with you in order to commit to their new boyfriend or girlfriend and to not be tempted of wanting to be with you again!

It’s common for a lot of men and women to try to get over an ex by finding someone else as quickly as possible. In reality that is not be the healthiest option of finding love; but people often times seek this new relationship not to dwell on or think too much about the breakup; By thinking about someone else, you aren’t thinking about your ex.

Another explanation for this same scenario could be that someone is telling him or her not to talk to you. We all know that it can be very common; Jealousy may very well be a factor if you were in a long-term relationship or if you and your ex had a strong connection. His or her new partner wants to protect their new relationship. You know your ex better than they do and, most likely, you were well past the seduction phase that they are currently in. Therefore, you represent competition to them!

2. Your ex has not forgiven you

Do you know the reason why they broke up with you? What exactly was said?

These are essential questions to ask yourself before thinking about how to win them back. It didn’t happen by chance – after months or even years of being together, this probably wasn’t an impulse or a spur-of-the-moment decision.

There must be valid reasons behind a decision of this magnitude. You may not be responsible for the breakup, but if you are, and your ex isn’t taking to you, it’s probably because they have yet to forgive you. We often ask ourselves why our ex doesn’t want to see us or speak with us.

Betrayal, lies and infidelity can leave enormous psychological scars. In fact, some of the hardest relationships to get over are the ones in which infidelity played a part. Breaking up doesn’t make it any easier for them. Most often, it makes it even harder to recover from the past transgression.

Staying upset at the one who hurt you is totally understandable after being forced to go through something that traumatic. This is surely what your ex feels if you’ve done such an egregious action. He or she will associate you with that pain which can explain their need for space.

3. Your ex does not want to see you because they aren’t ready

Following a break up, there’s a common element which must be respected by both sides: distance. Your ex obviously needs it. They took a strong decision by leaving you and cutting off communication. Attempting to restore the relationship several days later isn’t a good idea and won’t help your chances of getting back with your ex. Worst of all, this can turn what would have been a short respite into a long-term deal breaker – particularly for new couples.

Your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend won’t be the only one who needs space. You can use it to your benefit as well, despite what you may think. In your head, you will go to any length to reconcile with your ex and to ensure that they don’t lose their feelings for you. But you are wrong to think that way. You must act differently not to make any mistakes and take your time in order to put the best plan into place and to execute it at the right time.

You just experienced shock, and consequently, you need to build yourself back up and build your morale back up before trying to win your ex back. I understand why you might be panicking, thinking, “My ex is ignoring me!” but if you don’t take a step back,  it’ll even harder to completely turn over a new leaf in the relationship. Before getting back in touch, your ex needs to feel ready, and it’s for that reason that you shouldn’t try to rush things!

Your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend may not be ready to give you a second chance just yet or even agree to meet up with you. Just realize that it could be a blessing in disguise; in order to succeed in your goal of getting back together you must be in the right frame of mind. A bit of distance can help you regain the strength and momentum you need to start a new and improved relationship with the one you love!

Your coach to help you figure out why your ex does not want to see you,


  • April

    My ex and I broke up about a month ago. He is now graduating from school and I allowed him to borrow things that he needed for his apartment so naturally he is going to return them. It was an awful break-up over text message and it ended horribly. He told me we could work it out then 2 days later said he felt we couldn’t because he needs to mature. He told me he wants me to find happiness even if it isn’t with him. He doesn’t want me waiting around. I was heartbroken. I called and called him and now he doesn’t respond to me. He has cut me off in every way. Next week he is bringing my things but states he doesn’t want to see me and will leave them on the porch. This is heartbreaking for me seeing as I’m still madly in love with him. What do I do?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hello April,

      Apologies for not having been able to respond sooner, I was travelling overseas and attending conferences and one on one coaching sessions with Clients. How has the situation evolved since, and where do you currently stand? It would be my pleasure to provide you with insights and the best course of action based on the most recent events.
      Now what I can already tell you is that you should implement a radio silence, or no contact for at least 3 weeks. Your ex appears to be immature and I can read between the lines that you clearly brought him a lot of happiness and some stability. This time away from him will enable you to put together a clear game plan and also make him start to miss you! I hope to hear from you soon in order to help you meet your goals!

      Best of luck,

  • Jack Reedin

    My ex broke up with me more than a month ago. The break up is awful for me. She claims we disconnected and she needs time for self discovery; I blame myself for our falling out due to my lack of communication. We had no communication for 3 weeks after the break up. The silence was broken at a party we were both invited to. She got too drunk, silly, followed me everywhere and unfortunately, threw up for the rest of the night. I took care of her; held her hair, brought her water, walked her home and tucked her into bed. I don’t want that to be the last time I see her. She is leaving my town in a couple of weeks and I’m trying to make plans with her before she leaves, but it seems she has no intentions to see me. I tried to reach her 2 times in the past two weeks, but she’s busy or she doesn’t bother to answer. I’m not a person from wealth and I know if I don’t see her before she leaves, it would be difficult to afford to see her in her hometown (if she ever agrees to see me). I can accept that she feels nothing for me, I can accept that I gained an ex, but I’d would hate for our friendship to leave in a low note. I feel if I give up on her, she’ll feel abandoned and at the same time, if I persist, I’ll be seen as a pain. What do I do?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Jack,
      Thanks for sharing your story.
      You are being way too nice and your kindness is interpreted as neediness; either way she cannot value losing you if you continue to treat her like a queen despite the fact that you are no longer together.
      Don’t project yourself in the future or worry about what will happen after she leaves, you need to focus on you and how you will regain self confidence and a sense of inner peace.
      She will want to get back with you, once you evolve and don’t look at her the same…trust me!
      It would be my pleasure to work with you and help you get her back, so if you are committed to doing everything possible I invite you to book a coaching session with me.
      Best of luck either way!

  • Lisa

    My ex broke up with me a couple of months ago just before we were going to hit two months into the relationship. If I had told you that I saw it coming, I would be lieing to you. Everything was going really well! We talked about having kids, getting married, moving in together. We have been best friends for a year before we started going out so it just felt right. A week after meeting his family he breaks up with me says that he no longer feels the same for me and that he needs to get his life together before he can start a serious relationship and tht he doesnt want to be with anyone. I was of course so confused, how does one do this out of the blue without any warning signs?! I kept thinking that there had to be something else. Long story short we did not follow the no contact rule. He didnt want to see me but wanted to keep texting as if nothing had happened. I of course was not okay with this, we kept in contact for a month while I kept insisting that we see each other to the point where he got fed up and started to ignore me completely. For months after I kept texting him everyday to apologize but no response. Here and there he tells me to leave him alone but idk like i messed up i shud of just given him space idk what to do anymore because now he wont even talk to me.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Lisa,
      You made huge mistakes and the best thing would be for us to touch base over the phone and to work together to ensure that we turn this thing around ASAP.
      I do think that it could be possible to make it work, and for you to get back together because you had an established relationship prior to going out – but time is of the essence!
      I hope to hear from you soon, so that we can get started ASAP.
      Best of luck,

      • lisa

        How can I do that? Should I keep contacting him?!

        • CoachAdrian

          Hey Lisa,
          You can book a coaching session via the coaching tab here on my website.
          Looking forward to helping you win him back!

  • shawn

    My ex and I were friends for 5 years we hooked up in Nov 2015.Everything was great until I started getting pushy and insecure about the relationship. He keep asking me to stop because thats how him and his ex broke up because she was acting that way.I found out I was pregnant by him and things was still going great untill 2 months ago I stared acting crazy again he began to push away.We have a huge arguement back in April and that’s when he broke up with me.Even after that he was still sending me tex and calling me telling me to calm down so we can move forward, but I wanted more I wanted the relationship back and for us to move in together. Its been 4 days and he is now completely ignoring me.He will not even repond when I telll him to come to Dr . Appointments with me.He has just shut me out.He is a really good man and has been a great boyfriend and I messed it all up.I really miss him.I didn’t call or tex him for 3 days and today I send him a long email saying how sorry I was.He has not responded. I think I lost him for good.Im so sad….The baby is due in September and I feel like Im in this all alone……

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Shawn,
      I can help you turn this around; it all revolves around your ability to control your emotions and your level of self-confidence and inner peace. If you truly pull back, while also doing the right actions on your end, he will actually be the one that will start to chase you.
      I believe that his intentions are good, you simply need guidance to stop getting in your own way in order to build a family.
      I’m here for you if need be, don’t hesitate to book a coaching session and reach out.

  • Lucy

    My ex broke up with me after 4 months together. Everything was great until about the last month of the relationship. I followed the no contact rule for a month and then he reached out seeming sad. I wasn’t ready to follow this up so I continued no contact for two months and now he has started using tinder and talking to one girl in particular (that’s how he met me). I reached out but his responses were polite but cold. I asked to meet up for help with something but he said he was too busy. Have I lost him for good? Should I just wait and see how his new relationship turns out?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Lucy,
      Thanks for reaching out! I would need to know more about your relationship with your ex to tell you how you should go about getting back together.
      You still have many different avenues at your disposal, the key would be for me to understand the dynamic of your relationship better in order to tell you which way to go. Don’t hesitate to reach out to me and to book a coaching session in order for me to guide you in the best possible way.

  • May Ramirez

    My ex broke up with me a month ago. We hangout for 2 months and after that we got into a relationship for 2 months. He suffers of depression and he takes medicine for that. I felt in love with him and I told him that but he wasn’t ready yet. He told me that he cares about me, likes me and adores me but he needed time for that. A few weeks later right after finals he broke up with me because he wasn’t falling for me and didn’t want to take advantage of me that’s what he said. So, I begged, called, texted, looked for him for weeks. I wanted to see him but he didn’t want to. I still text him but he replies sometimes. He told me that he doesn’t want to see me and to stop looking for him. Even though I still text him, he didn’t block me from any social media or cellphone. He doesn’t want me to stop going to places that we used to go together because of him. I really want him back. he is a nice guy, he is just lost. I don’t know what to do.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey May,
      Thanks for reaching out and sharing your story.
      I understand why you may feel sorry for him or feel the need to be compassionate but the bottom line is that you were way too needy and thus pushed him away.
      By expressing your feelings and emotions, you stopped being a challenge and that’s why he walked away from the relationship.
      If you really want to make it work, I strongly suggest that you book a coaching session in order for us to work together.
      I hope to hear from you soon.

  • Greg

    I knew my ex for about 3 years before we started dating. I broke up mutually with her almost 2 years ago after 2 years of dating. We didnt see or talk to each other for the first 6 months until she reached out to me. We would message every now and then but due to living a great distance apart I havent asked to meet up with her except one time when we met for dinner and nothing felt awkward. I have since moved nearer to her and have asked a few times whether she wanted to meet up, initially she would say she was busy but would always offer an alternative time which I could never make. Recently I’ve asked to meet up and she tends to ignore the text. This has happened about 3 times. We both live very busy lives but I don’t feel this would’ve normally stopped her texting back. Truth is, I really value her friendship and losing it would make me feel worse than when we broke up. I don’t know whether to keep trying, or tell her how I feel or just to forget about her entirely.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Greg,
      Are you looking to be friends or to be in a relationship with her again? Also tell me how you’ve been reaching out in your texts…

      • Greg

        Just want to stay friends since I don’t trust many people easily but she was one I could rely on. We were great friends before we dated and it doesn’t seem the same despite the time and distance apart since we were dating. We both knew our relationship couldn’t go any further which is why we agreed to end things. So I probably initiate a text convo 75% of the time which was normally what it was like before we were dating. I’d send them about a month or two apart initially. Just saying whats up, ask how her work is, what she thinks of recent TV episodes we both watch. Good replies but recently (past 2 months) shes taking a few days to reply which isn’t like her, and she sometimes hasn’t replied when I mention meeting up whereas before she was game. Once I asked her about it and she apologised saying she was busy. She would normally always reply. I admit I’ve started texting bit more frequently, maybe once a week or two but don’t think this should come across as needy behaviour. A part of me wants to believe she is just busy because she most likely is, but then she would normally make an effort to reply to me even if she was. Or maybe she’s dating someone new and can’t face to see me again? I just don’t know

        • CoachAdrian

          Hey Greg, it’s extremely difficult to be just friends with someone we’ve been intimate with. I see two potential explanations for her change of behavior, (1) either she met someone else and she thinks that you are still interested or she doesn’t want to jeopardize her new relationship or (2) she was hoping for more than just friendship and got tired or disillusioned by waiting around.
          Either way, I think your best move is to bring her change of behavior to her attention, since you simply want to stay friends it shouldn’t be too difficult.
          I am available for a coaching session if you want to get more tailored advice and guidance!

          • Greg

            Can this not be misinterpreted by her that I am being needy or aggressive for her attention? Would that not push her further away. And if she chooses to ignore the message then am I to assume she wants no contact?

          • CoachAdrian

            If you are truly looking to be friends it won’t be an issue

  • Greg

    I knew my ex for about 3 years before we started dating. I broke up mutually with her almost 2 years ago after 2 years of dating. We didnt see or talk to each other for the first 6 months until she reached out to me. Due to living a great distance apart I havent asked to meet up with her except one time when we met for dinner and nothing felt awkward. I have since moved nearer to her and have asked a few times whether she wanted to meet up, initially she would say she was busy but would always offer an alternative time which I could never make. Recently I’ve asked to meet up and she tends to ignore the text. This has happened about 3 times. We both live very busy lives but I don’t feel this would’ve normally stopped her texting back. Truth is, I really value her friendship and losing it would make me feel worse than when we broke up. I don’t know whether to keep trying, or tell her how I feel or just to forget about her entirely.

  • Lostone

    Wassup coach Adrian.
    Me and my gf of 8 years broke up I was about to pop the question for marriage next month when we go to Hawaii.. she broke up with me and told me she wants to experience life without being in a relationship a stab in the heart it’s been almost two months and we haven’t talked or seen each other what do I do now I want the love of my life back how do I do this without pusher her away

    • CoachAdrian

      Thanks for reaching out. I need to know more about you and the dynamics of your relationship in order to pinpoint what went wrong, to then provide you with the best possible tailored game plan to win back your soulmate. So please elaborate, or even better book a private phone coaching session in order for us to dig deep and to work together to quickly turn this around!
      I would truly love to help.

  • paula

    hey my ex broke up with me 2 month ago. The first week i called him often and reduced the contact to him to call him once a week. We were together for more then 2 years and he ended it because he wanna have his freedom back and he said it is not the right time. On the phone he still tells me how much he loves me and that he misses me, but he just dent wanna meet up with me. He lives far away from me. I live in Europe and he in the US. We were together everyday and travel the world together. Right now he is in Europe and visits Family and i am in Europe too this is the only chance right now to see him and talk to him in person, because i left the US a week before him and he broke up over the phone. He is scarred that he loves me to much that he is coming back together with me when he sees me.

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Paula,
      You indeed have a unique opportunity to rekindle at the moment. In these types of breakups, seeing each other in person is often enough to rekindle. I urge you to book a coaching session in order for me to help you figure out the best way to make this happen.

  • John

    Hi, my ex gf of 5 years broke up with me 7 months ago and in that time I had become needy, disperate, basically making all the mistakes you shouldnt make when getting an ex back. I pushed them to the point they were angry and didnt want to know me. I done 30 days no contact and then reached out to her yesterday just to see how she is and if she fancied a catch up. She replied saying that she doesnt think it a good idea as it only a month ago when I blew her phone up with texts. Is there anyway I can turn this around? I am in a much better place now but I think she stills thinks off me as the ‘crazy ex’

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey John,
      She isn’t ready yet so you shouldn’t force the issue.
      However their are indirect means of communications that we can explore to make her miss you and to showcase your change.
      Reach out to me, book a coaching session in order for us to work together!
      Looking forward to it,

  • Rachael Wales

    My ex broke up with me at the end of July he said he couldn’t do it anymore. We had been having problems on and off for 2 years after the birth of our son, I was diagnosed with postnatal depression, I spent 2 years pretending everything was OK with me, which made me detach from my ex and children (I have been getting help and I’m doing much better now) no matter how many times I’ve tried explaining things to him he doesn’t want to know. I’m sure he’s hurting just as much as me right now. When I’ve asked him if he still feels anything for me he just says those feelings aren’t there and he doesn’t want them with anyone he wants to be on his own to sort his life out. I just want him back I love him so much and I can see what I did wrong and why things needed to change. I really don’t know what to do anymore. He hadn’t seen our children (1 his 2 mine but treats them as his own) in 7 weeks, he came to see them yesterday and I asked him if we could be friends and eventually spend times together (as friends) with our children. And hopefully in time when I can regain his love and trust. He replied by saying he can’t think of that right now as seeing the kids yesterday has hurt him so much. I just want my family back together any help or advice would be apriciated

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Rachael,
      I really feel for you and what you went through…I really want to help you turn things around.
      The only way for me to truly help is for us to work together during a phone coaching session…
      Please book one if you truly want my help and insights.
      All the very best,

  • Hiba

    I have been dating my ex boyfriend for seven months now and we were so happy together we were even intending to get married, till last month his behaviours changed a lot with me he mistreated me a lot during last period in order to make me say break up, but when I didnt say it he eventually told me that he is not comfortable with me anymore and he broke up with me
    I said it is ok then after two days later I went to him and kept crying and begging to make him come back to me then he was like sorry I am already in a new relationship and I cant leave her for you, when she found out that we broke up she confessed her feelings towards me and then I asked her to be my gf and I love her so much and she is my future wife I was like wtf you barely know her and you are saying all this about her!
    (I didnt want to break up with him because I love him so much and another thing is that he has pics of mine naked with my face so clear in them and I am scared he misuses them or his new gf finds them and does something bad with them, but I also have a pic of him all naked and his face is well appeared there)
    I am so shocked because of this he is the first guy I have ever loved and I want him back as soon as possible but this seems impossible because they look so happy together and in deep love with each others!

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Hiba,
      This is Coach Natalie and I’m so sorry to hear about your current situation. It really is so painful to feel like your ex has moved on, especially when your ex does not want to see you. I want to share that he did not leave you for this other woman. Rather, he jumped from one moving train onto another. However, if you want him back, you’ll have to reflect as to what his biggest issues were in the relationship. If you can identify these, you’ll be on the right track toward getting him back. I hope this helps.
      Coach Natalie

  • Seth

    My ex did start contact me after 3 years with no contact at all. I wrote an letter to her for about 6 months ago, and I didn’t hear anything from her, until recently. In the letter I formulated that I wanted to try one last time. When she contacted me, she said she didn’t know why she wrote me, but that she wanted to be friends with me. She also mention that that I can write her at anytime I want to her. Since the weeks have passed I have notice that she never initiate contact with me, but she always replying me. Another thing is that she don’t write so much back, always short answers. She told be that she wasn’t sure what to write me or that she didn’t have so much to tell from her side, and that she is busy.

    I asked also if she wanted to meet sometime, maybe before this year ended, but she told be can’t cause she don’t have the time.
    I didn’t want to push or force her or anything like that. Maybe it was too early to ask her that? Maybe she isn’t ready to meet me, but on the other hand, it has gone 3 years since we meet.

    I am confused what she want, she contacted me for a reason probably, but I am still do not know reason why. That she say we can be “friends”, can mean anything I imagine, but I am not sure. Why would she contact me in the first place if she doesn’t want to write me, or do not want to meet me? Maybe I am too needy and annoying, I don’t want to hurt her or anything, but I do care for her and I do miss her.