My ex is dating someone else, are we officially over?

My ex is dating someone elseAre you wondering if you still have a chance of getting your ex back if he or she is dating someone new? What can you do in order to reignite the flame between you when your ex has a new boyfriend or girlfriend? What’s the best solution for getting him of her back under these circumstances, while staying in control of your emotions?

Before we dive in, I have some good news for you. If you’re wondering what chance you have of getting back together, know that it’s totally possible, even if you say my ex is dating someone else; even if they say they’re happy and in love.

Since 2007, we’ve accompanied over ten thousand men and women, and I’ve come across this situation many times. About one third of the coaching sessions I do are based on this very subject; what I call, “the next.” In this article, I am going to explain what you can do to change the course of action, and how to get back in control of the situation and to have a date with your ex! It’s time to change your approach! Learn to look at things in a different light, and augment your chances of success. Your main problem could be that the way you perceive the situation is incorrect, especially if you’re putting all your focus on the next, and not enough on improving yourself.

When you say, “My ex is dating someone else, so we are officially over,” you’re sending a negative message. Stop these thoughts immediately, and read this article carefully. Of course, don’t ever hesitate to leave me a comment below. Even if you think your case is hopeless, there are always options.

Why does my ex need to show off how happy they are?

This paragraph is extremely important because you’ll learn how to understand your ex’s behavior, and you’ll see that it’s totally possibly to get him or her back, even if there’s someone new. In order to do this, you have to get back in control of the situation and rekindle the flame!

During a breakup, when you made the decision to separate from someone, society expects you to always be fine. You’re not allowed to show your fears, your panic when faced with the future that isn’t what you were expecting, or even that sometimes you think about your ex. This is why your ex HAS TO look like they’re happy.

I’m not saying that your ex is just playing a role, but rather that they have no choice but to look happy. This is why you’re thinking all hope is lost, because you take it as them rubbing it in your face that they’re over you and are moving on.

In my experience, I’ve never heard someone say, “I’m leaving you, but I love you, and I know we’ll be happy together very soon.” I’m betting this NEVER happens. So when you ask, ”My ex has started dating someone else, does this mean that there’s no hope left for us getting back together?”” you have to keep in mind the pressures that society in placing on your ex.

They don’t have the right to show any signs of weakness or to complain, so don’t ever act based on their behavior. Take the time to develop the perfect attitude (which will be determined by your plan of action.) At the same time, don’t expect your ex to feed you hints and clues, as this would be a bit too easy.

It’s in your hands to get back in control to never again be dependent on, or overly compliant to your ex. Don’t ever show that you’re hurting, or make yourself look needy, because this defaces your image. If you want to get back together with an ex that’s already with someone new you’re going to have to find a strong sense of personal worth!

My ex is dating someone else: How do I make them come back?

Now that you know your ex has to play up the situation in order to adhere to what society (and their loved ones) expect of them, you will have to work on making them want to come back, but proving that you are the ideal person for them. How do you show how much you’ve improved?

As a general rule, people have a tendency to beg their ex to stay in contact, or worse still, to make promises of change as you plead with them to take you back.

By acting like this, all you’re doing is decreasing your self-worth, and you’re being dependent. The only thing this will do is making your ex want to get farther and farther away from you. The issue at hand here isn’t sentimental, it’s, ” “How can I prove to my ex that he or she will be happy with me?”

When I’m talking about proof, I’m not asking you to tell me all about how you can adopt the right behavior; I’m asking you to do everything in your power to get on it, and start taking action! Your ex doesn’t need to hear things like, “I love you;” they can get that from their new relationship.

In turn, what you can do is work on establishing a good bond with your ex. Focus on affinity, laughter, exchanges… Everything that will make your ex realize, “Wait a minute, I always have the best time with… (you!)”

So you now have an idea of the best way to make your ex come back, even if they’re already with someone new. Unfortunately each case is different, which means you’ll have to adapt your strategy to your ex in order to slowly but surely get closer to him or her.

My ex is making me suffer, they’re taking it too far…

Oftentimes when I’m in a coaching session, I meet men and women that describe a sticky situation to me: “My ex is dating someone new, and is broadcasting it everywhere. They’re posting pictures all over Facebook, but with me, it wasn’t the case. They’re going out all the time, my ex is showering him or her with love, but with me, it wasn’t ever the case.”

You don’t know this yet, but keep in mind that eight out of ten relationships are nothing but Band-Aid relationships and your ex is desperately trying to move on.

Can you imagine that “80% of relationships after a breakup are Band-Aid relationships?”

In these situations, the person in question will find someone just so that they don’t have to be alone, and so that they can quickly turn the page. What I’m going to say next is very important: Don’t ever focus on your ex’s behavior. You need to focus on the method of getting them back that you will have planned out.

In this delicate situation, you’re scared of losing him/her forever because their happiness is publicized for all to see. And yet, there is an important principal in human relationships to take into consideration: “A human being will never accept losing someone that belongs to them.”

If you’re able to rebuild yourself, to have a genuine smile on your face, you will grab your ex’s attention. For him/her, it’s inconceivable that you would have moved on so seamlessly, so you must prove that you’re on a new path that has nothing to do with your ex.

This is an excellent way to regain control of the situation, little by little, and before you know it, your ex will be the one depending on you.

I come across this situation very often. It is because I hear, “What do I do if my ex has a next” that I make this specific eBook: “70 Pro Tips To Get Back With Your Ex

You’ll learn that radio silence isn’t the best option if contact is already being established. I’ll also deliver to you my coaching secrets on how to get closer to your ex without them picking up on it, and how to plant a seed of doubt in their mind concerning their decision to leave you.

What do you say to turning this situation back around? To reigniting the spark?

I invite you to take action to stop worrying, and to get back in control. Now is the time to show that YOU ARE THE IDEAL PERSON!

I wish you the best.

Kind regards,


  • Ian Lai

    Hi Adrian,

    I am Ian. My ex broke up with me for 4 months and she has been dating with someone for 2 months. I know it is important to be cool with her new relationship. However, I checked her IG yesterday, and then I found she is so happy in her new relationship. Also, she deleted all my contact in social media because I was very needy and desperate after broke up. Also, I was begging to her when I know she is dating someone. I have already done a lot of things that push her away. Now, I am following the “no contact rule” but I think she is moving on and forget me already. I don’t know, maybe her new relationship was a rebound at the beginning and now it becomes a rewarding relationship. Maybe it’s time to give up and move on? Can you give me some advice?

    Best regard,


    • CoachAdrian

      Hello Ian,
      I believe that I can help you win her back but first we will need to lay the foundation through a process of personal development in order for you to once again become the one that she fell for in the first place. We must undo all of the mistakes that you made…
      If you are serious about doing everything possible to win her back, please reach out to me and book a coaching session.
      It’ll be my pleasure to help!

      • Ian Lai

        Thank you, Adrian,
        but how to undo the mistakes i have already done.

        • CoachAdrian

          It is possible through personal growth and by re-engaging with her the right way! Book a session with me and I will tell you all about it

          • Ian Lai

            Hi Adrian,
            I don’t know. I think it’s time to let go and move on. I know your Ebook and coach lesson are so good but I think I shouldn’t have any expectation toword my ex.
            Thank you anyway!



      • Ed

        Hi Adrian…
        My ex broke up with me and i have this feeling she left me for someone else.
        We were together for two years, the relationship started fast between both of us meaning that we clicked right away and she suggested that i move in with her a month into the relationship.
        About 6-8 month into the relationship she was asking me about marriage and a child, to which i said that i wasn’t thinking about marriage at the time.
        See she’s 35 and worried about not being able to get pregnant the longer she waits.
        We ultimately broke up about a year and a half later and i moved out December first.
        She kept reaching out to me the first couple of month and even took me out for my birthday (she still wanted for us to be back together at that point).
        By february she told me that she went on a few dates but nothing interesting until she met a guy that she dated for a month before i came back into the picture telling her that i taught about her request for marriage and was willing to take that leap of faith with her cause i truly do love her.
        She did leave the guy and we got back together March 7.
        She move out from her apartment and came to live with me 2 month after we had gotten back together.
        Everything was going as planned but this time around we couldn’t agree on a timeline for the marriage, we both just started new jobs and i TRY to explain to her that we need to get with the flow of work and getting the new apartment that i just got together, meaning furnishing it.
        With the stress of our conversations about all of this it made me distant from her.
        I wasn’t being affectionate enough or intimate with her as i should have.
        This women was all over me and showed me so much love that i regret the way i acted out.
        Ultimately she unblocked that guy and they went out one night, she lied to me about it at first but then i went through her phone and saw the text messages between them.
        She said she was sorry and cried and said that she was out of character but the next few days she would hid her phone and it was still going on.
        Two weeks later June 20 she moved out while i was at work but insists that she didn’t leave me for him.

        Any thoughts on this matter?

        • CoachAdrian

          Hey Ed,
          I want to help you win her back, reach out to me so that we can work together.

  • Sona garnale

    Hi…i hv been in a long dstnce relationship from past two years… N recently my guy got attracted towards someone else.the grl from his town…and he says that he have no feelings left for me now. At the same time he mentions that i hv been the best girl till the date in his lifr. .but he is helpless to deal vod the emotions he has got for the new girl. And as a result we broke up… I beggd tried evrythng posdible to make him understand but all the efforts were futile… please suggest how to get him back coz i love him so much… N i feel it is just the overlapping of feelings in my absence he developed

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Sona,
      Long distance relationship can be tricky to navigate but the good thing is that you can also make this distance work to your advantage in order to make him miss you and want you back. I would love to help you in this process, and show you how we can leverage social media to make you a challenge again.
      Please book a coaching session in order for us to work together quickly and turn it all around.

  • JM Cruz

    Hi Adrian,

    This happened with me. I had a girlfriend whom I’ve known for 2 years and our relationship was on for 8months. We had a great relationship and alot of people envied us. But then, she broke my heart on my birthday and became closer with this guy who was already taking her out in my relationship with her since they’ve known each other. Most of my friends say it was cheating… I do to.

    I spent the last 3 months trying to get back to her. We also had a lot of arguments and some social media drama….I found out all of her reasons why she broke up with me were lies. Now, she’s with the same guy who destroyed our relationship. I confronted the guy but he just blocked me in facebook.

    My ex and I never had a problems or so it seems. But what really happened was she was talking with this guy regarding our problems instead of me. Each time I ask if there’s a problem, she keeps on saying “No, it’s ok…”

    I was also diagnosed with severe depression… And it’s affecting me so much it transcends physically. I no longer know what to do. I tried building myself up and it worked for a month. Then a friend of mine just made a bad comment about her, I lost control and went back on my state of depression but this time, I can no longer advance. It’s so hard because I wanted to go back to her badly…

    Adrian, I don’t have the funds right now for a session but can you at least give me some pointers on how to do this? Thanks… 🙂

    • CoachAdrian

      Thanks for sharing your story. If you want tailored and relevant feedback it’s always best for us to speak on the phone. There’s so much information that I would want to know about you and your relationship in order to provide you with a sound plan. But based on what you are telling me here, I can already tell you that you need to regain a sense of inner peace. Focus on regaining some self confidence and going through a true process of personal development in order to snap out of your depression. You will need to inspire her to come back, and not come from a place of weakness. It’s still possible to turn this around, I would love to help…you know where to find me if you change your mind about booking a phone coaching session with me!

      • JM Cruz

        Is it still possible when the damage after the break up was too much? Me doing most of it because of my anger and jealousy towards the guy she made as a “back up” and labeled as a “bestfriend”? Or her family hates me because they see it only through her experience and not what I had to go through? I mean I love this girl a lot and I’m in pain not to mention all that I did for her, no one has done… But now she seems happy with the other guy… 🙁

        Anyway,big thanks coach Adrian. 🙂 I’ll try to get funds for a coaching session.

        • CoachAdrian

          Hey JM,
          Truth is that it’s tough for me to say unless I know exactly what went wrong, and what mistakes were made.
          Let’s work together in order for me to assess the damage and provide you with a plan accordingly.

      • exige

        Hey me and my ex broke up for about two weeks now but I’m still here in her house. I’ve been looking for apartments and stuff. She seems to be fine with it and has even suggested apartments for me. For the time that I’m here I’m trying to figure out a way to deal with being in the same house with her I don’t want to smother her she really doesn’t say anything. She had some type of relationship with my brother and didn’t tell me about it when I moved in all 3 of us live together. She spent most of her time with him going places and out to eat and movies and for me it was awkward and she couldn’t respect that so I distance myself she didn’t want to talk about it we never resolved the issue. I’m not totally innocent either. Then a couple days after we broke up she told me about a abortion she had and didn’t tell me and now I’m crushed about it all she could say was sorry. I know I’m a difficult person to talk too. I just don’t know if I should just save up and go or to try and win her back. I’ve had feelings that things wasn’t working out I can admit it. She said the abortion changed her and she just stop trying. In my heart I know it’s over but I still want her am I crazy ?

        • CoachAdrian

          You’re not crazy, and circumstances can change quite quickly. If you evolve and become the person she always wanted to be with, she will obviously regret her decision to breakup and questions everything. I would love to help you, if you are willing to work together.

  • S.A.

    My ex and I had a messy break after 8 years together. We’ve been broke up 10 weeks now. We have a six year old together. Yes the end was rough. I worked a lot the whole relationship and his work ethic sucked to say the least. He got a job about a year and a half ago and was finally making good money. That meant I could work less and spend more time with our child. It didn’t last long because he quit. I was so mad and as time went on I was working 60-80 hrs a week and complained a lot. We fought a lot and he knew I was tired and overworked. I worked on not being so angry after I realized my family was important and I didn’t want to loose it. He also got a new job and was making a little money. So we would go on and off arguing then not for a while. Then one day we got into a fight and he left. A week later he was with another girl. Driving her car around, and spending all his time with her. After all this idk if this is repairable or not, but I want to try. I want my family back. Is there hope? I’m keeping busy and going on, but I’m so mad at him because I’ve always stuck by him through a lot that he’s put me through and he left when I was having a rough time. That being said I’m having a hard time being nice.

  • Cristal

    My ex broke up with me 2 months ago . We were together for 5 years . He already has someone else they’ve been together for a month I believe . He tells me he still loves me and thinks of getting back together . He still thinks of me while he’s with her . They go out together so much and he’s posting pictures of them on social media . Something he never really liked doing while he was with me . His new girl has a lot of things he never liked me doing . How can he move on so quick ? Do I still have a chance with him ? We both still love eachother and have feeling for eachother we still talk everyday .

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Cristal,
      Thank you for reaching out and being willing to share your story. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond; my new site is launching and I’ve been tied up. Just because your ex is dating someone else doesn’t mean they aren’t also feeling a lot of emotional pain and stress. I think you’d benefit from adopting a 360 approach to the breakup, so you can understand what your ex is feeling. The Crash Course on my website will be a great tool for you. If you have any questions, let me know and we can schedule a session.

  • TestingWaters

    Are you still responding to questions? I have situation that is kind of crazy. I would love your opinion because its all very confusing and all my family and friends feel like its just so weird.

    • TestingWaters

      really quick my story in short is i left, she begged for three months and i finally said ok lets work on it. She became guarded and scared and told me i needed to change, see a doctor, therapist all of which i did. She said she thinkgs there is hope but does not know because she cant trust me. Well in the past 3 weeks she has developed a crush on someone else. She says its nothing and not between he and i and between me and can she trust me. we were together 10 years and have a 4 year old. I think he is a crush or rebound and wont last because i dont see how she could want this for three months tell me she still loves me and then just be done like that. I have since just backed off the past two weeks only having contact about our daughter. I feel like focusing on myself and having gotten better is great but while still wanting to save my marriage i feel like she is still not ready or any closer. Do i have a chance of getting her to come back and fight for this with me or is the fact she has a crush so quickly after agreeing to come back to her a bad sign. There is a ton of information if you need more. I just dont see how reconciling is what she wanted the whole time and as soon as i say yes she backs off. I know i begged a lot that first month same as she did and she told me it was overwhelming which is why i stopped but it seem like since i stopped she has stayed distant and i know because she has that butterfly feeling with him it is slowing progress. IS this just a rebound and i will have a chance, is backing off and only communicating about our daughter the best thing to do?

      • Coach natalie

        I’m Coach Natalie and I’m the newest member of the team. I identified with your story, and so wanted to a take a moment to reply. Thank you for sharing and for being willing to be vulnerable; the situation sounds tough. If your ex is dating someone else, what you should do is try to develop a sense of the relationship through her eyes. It is important to recognize that she is likely feeling a lot of hurt, too, and is likely using this new crush as a distraction. Adopting a 360 perspective will help you find the needed solutions to get her back. No matter how much it hurts, don’t let her having a new crush derail your individual progress, as that is the most critical ingredient in being the man you want to be and the one she needs.

  • MB


    My ex and I dated for 4 1/2 years. We met my freshman year of college and hit it off instantly. We began “officially” dating about 2 months after we met and fell head over heels in love with each other. We were the best of friends, we knew all of each other’s deepest secrets, needs, wants and dreams. We had the best time planning for our future together and bought a house together. (We lived together in an apartment for a year and a half before we bought a house) The only issue we had during our relationship was his brother’s girlfriend who tried relentlessly to cause us to break up.. She didn’t succeed, but she did bring stress into our relationship. I would get aggravated at him for not talking to his brother about the issue after I had done everything I could to make peace. From there, (year 4) things went downhill. I loved him with my entire heart and still do, but I became bored and scared of the future with him. I was scared that if he couldn’t take a stand with such a small thing, other obstacles that we may encounter in the future would come unbearable. We began to fight and it broke my heart to fight with him. So one day I decided it would be best if we took some time apart. I told him I loved him with every part of me and that it was killing me to go, but that I felt that it was best at the time because I didn’t want us to hurt each other any more given the fact that we loved each other so much. I wanted to see what fate would do, ultimately, I just wanted to see fate bring us back together stronger than ever because I was so sure that was what would happen. 2 months went by and he started accusing me of cheating on him with a coworker prior to the separation (the co worker was nothing more than a friend who was helping me see through a tough time), but I never cheated on him nor could I even bring myself to imagine doing something like that to him. I still believe this man is the love of my life and it’s been 2 years since we broke up.. So after accusations were made, we ended up trying to work it out, and got back together. He cheated on me with his friend’s wife and they have been “happily” dating since the day I left one year ago.. I am still so in love with him and have forgiven him for I understand my first move away from our relationship may have traumatized him.. I believe true love holds no record of wrongs.. And I promised him I would love him forever. How do I get through to him? she has blocked my number from his phone, and also blocked me from all of his social media accounts. Please help.. I feel like I am going out of my mind trying to figure out what to do about this.

  • fannars golden

    Can i get a private chat with you?

  • Chris

    Hi, my names Chris. In august my gf left me. Personally it had been a really tough few months, I lost my licence, my job, and nearly my home. She stood by me but as time wore on and I struggled to find work, inevitably my confidence suffered, as did our relationship. She finally had enough and left. We didn’t live together, she has two lovely children. I love this girl wholeheartedly and was/still am devestated. I know during this time I wasn’t the best and how hard it was for both of us. When she told me, of course I begged, but actually totally understood. I had no fight or confidence left and begrudgingly let her go. I knew that I wasn’t good for her at that point. We had minimal contact, of course I miss her but knew I had to become better. I suspected she was seeing someone, but respectfully didn’t ask. I wrote her a letter recently, not a begging letter, more an apology really, but a very nice and one!! She replied quickly saying I didn’t have to apologise and she blames herself too. But, she’s seeing someone else, it’s early days. It’s clearly not early days, but I had to tell her I’m happy for her, even though my heart is breaking. Again. I love her so much, I’m doing better in life now, and feel more confident. Any ideas or new insight would be much appreciated. Thanks

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Chris,
      Thank you for your share. When our ex’s begin to date someone else, it can really send our confidence on a downward spiral. I encourage you to remember that this new person, whoever they are, has nothing to do with your relationship. I know it can really hurt, but try not to think about it. Instead, focus your efforts on becoming the man she needs (and you need!) to be. If you can get your finances in line, secure a job that makes you happy, then you’ll in turn be happier and more confident. This will be how you get your ex back. If you need any help, please feel free to reach out to me. I can support.
      Coach N.

  • Henry Muloki

    Hi.,I broke up with my ex last September while gong through a bout of depression. I had never gone through anything of that capacity and I just became numb and felt worthless and pushed her away. I wasn’t able to open up to her like I should have. A month went by in which I was still in limited contact with her andat the same time decided it was time for me to get help. I did and I became better. I realised everything I’d done was wrong. I began trying to get her back crying and begging but she told me she had detached herself from the situation and didn’t want to go back. I have been begging since October and in December she told me she’s talking to someone but him and her are nothing as of yet but she likes him and likes talking to him and would like to see where things go. But I kept begging every so often. Then I gave up and wrote her a long apologetic text. I tried not to contact her for a couple of days but I couldn’t. So I got her to meet me for dinner but she said it has to be 100% as friends nothing more and I agreed. The night was fun we laughed talked and sang a cute song together and she left. I’ve tried to “accidentally” bump into her a couple of times. Yesterday (January 11th 2016) I decided to meet her one last time and I wrote all my thoughts down and everything I’d experienced during that month I let her go. I told her all of my issues and how I was dumb to hVe let her go then I told her that I have seen the things inside me which need changing and I’ve taken action but while I’m stronger now I am still missing something from my life which is her. I had a ring she had given me and I told her I want her to have it back so everytime she looks at it she’ll know what it means our love. How much I love her and wNt to be with her. She cried but didn’t say anything and we went on our ways. Did I fuck up? Please help me. This woman is all I’ve ever wNted. By the way she’s palestinian and I’m of African descent.we dated for 2 years and had a good relationship until a couple months leading up to my unhealthy emotional demise.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Henry,
      Thank you for your share. I’m sorry to hear about your current situation, and I know how hard it can be when our ex is dating someone else, while we’re still here trying to fix the relationship. It seems to me like your plan will require extensive strategy in order to get her back, but I can help. If you’re interested, I invite you to book a session and we can discuss in detail over the phone.
      Coach N.

  • Brandon

    Me an my ex of 4 years broke up about 3 months ago. We have a son together.. I had lost my job an developed a habbit of drinking. Witch disconnected me from the relationship probably way prior to the break up. After she left with my son. I went to treatment, seeing what I had lost an the way my life was going I knew I needed help. After successful completing the program. She started letting me come see my son. I had found a job. And still remain working there I have got a new car. And working on bettering myself even further. I reached back out to her saying these are my plans. I’m sorry for my behavior I hope that you can come to forgive me, because having my family back is really important to me. Having said that I was answered with something I never thought I’d here. She’s moving on. She found someone an she’s really happy with him. I’ve lost all hope and I am completely beside myself. Saying that I will not let it be an excuse to drink. I will continue bettering myself. but it just all seems pointless with out my son and her here with me

  • st.nick

    well me and my girlfriend been dating for a month. we was happy and together every week. i kept assuming she was cheating but she wasn’t the whole time. we text here and there but the conversation is very little and rare. now im finding out she is dating somebody new is kind of hurting me inside. sometimes i think she isn’t coming back but in all i don’t know that but i really need help to what to do.!