When you are in a relationship you may feel as if you know everything about the person that you are with. I often hear people say that they know their significant other better than they know themselves.
After a breakup things can quickly change and it may seem as though your ex has become a different person altogether; or that you simply don’t know as much about them as you initially thought. You are left guessing why they act a certain way; wondering what it all means.
In this article we will try to decode your ex’s behavior to enable you to read between the lines and understand why they may act a certain way towards you.
how to decode your ex’s behavior if they want to stay in touch
When your ex wants to breakup because they no longer have feelings for you it may seem strange if they try to stay in touch or if they keep reaching out to you. You are left asking yourself why they would possibly want to keep talking to you and pretend to be friends when you both know that it is extremely unlikely that two people can stay friends following a breakup.
Even if your ex broke up with you and needed their independence they can still be attached to you. It is common to be best friends with the person that we date; although they no longer want to be with you on an intimate level, they can still be very much attached to the security and affection that you provide to them. When you date someone for months or even years, you share deep secrets and intimate moments with them; it is extremely difficult to severe ties and not look back. It could also simply mean that they are having trouble transitioning into their post relationship reality.
It is also possible that your ex feels a tremendous amount of guilt from the separation; they may be looking to ease their conscious by staying in touch to ensure that you are doing well and able to cope with the breakup to land on your own two feet. Don’t be fooled, they are most likely not trying to be nice or caring but probably looking to feel better about themselves and their decision to leave you. A breakup is a selfish but sometime necessary decision to move on; trying to stay in touch usually only makes the separation process more difficult on the person getting dumped!
Another way to decode your ex’s behavior if they are actively trying to stay in touch is by looking into the possibility that they are not convinced that they made the right decision. They are afraid to lose you all for good and so they want to stay in touch in order to facilitate a change of heart. This is the best of both worlds’ approach where they want to be independent of the relationship but maintain a certain option to get back together down the road.
My ex is jealous
It is quite common for an ex to be jealous in the weeks or even months following a breakup. Although you are no longer together they may still try to control who you are hanging with, what you are doing or not approve of you seeing an ex.
Most often such behaviors are rooted in the fact that your ex is a possessive person. Although they decided to end the relationship, they may still feel that you belong to them in their heart and they cannot stand the idea of you being with another man or woman; especially an ex or someone else that they felt threatened by while you were together.
It’s also possible that they simply still have feelings for you; seeing a person that you loved with someone else can awaken feelings deep down inside and emotions can unravel. Their insecurities or fears of being alone may lead them to showcase jealousy. It is relatively really easy to figure them out.
My ex says they still love me
If your ex is open about telling you that they still love you after they were the ones who decided to breakup, it usually means one of two things; they are probably having second thoughts as they realized that life without you was not as they had imagined!
It’s one thing to want to be single when in a relationship and it’s another to actually deal with all that comes with this renewed freedom on a daily basis. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence! If you find yourself in this position and you still love your ex and want to make things work, it is the perfect situation to let your voice be heard in regards to your relationship and the dynamic that you wish to put in place moving forward.
It is also possible that your ex is simply confused and dealing with internal emotional issues; telling you that they still love you could be their way to externalize their confusion and serve as a cry for help. If you are still on good terms with your ex and you sense a deep confusion or inner struggle, the best thing to do is to actively listen to their concerns and try to be there for them even though you are no longer officially together.
My ex ignores me
If your ex ignores you it is most likely because you were way too needy or in demand as the relationship was falling apart and through the breakup. If your ex decided to breakup, the more you seek their attention and the more you tell them that you need them, the likelier it is that they will ignore you.
A breakup implies a need for space and a need for change. Don’t haggle with your ex and look to change their mind right way; this will only annoy them and destroy your changes of potentially getting back together down the road.
If your ex is ignoring you the best approach is to give them space and not reach out to them for several weeks. They need to regain their independence and you need to find some inner peace and stability in order to communicate with them in a pleasant way. The longer you wait to reach out, the more they will start to miss you and want to hear from you!
My ex still flirts with me
It is very common for an ex to still want to flirt. You are both probably still attracted to one another and you also share a lot of memories together. It is therefore normal for an ex to try to gage your level of interest in order to potentially sleep together again or even get back together. Just because an ex flirts with you does not necessarily mean that they still like you, it only means that they are still attracted to you.
You can use this physical attraction to your advantage in order to recreate a bond and engage in a game of seduction with your ex. Along the way you can try to connect with them on an emotional level as well; just make sure that you decode your ex’s behavior in the right way and not to misinterpret their desires and what they are looking to do.
If you are having issues decoding your ex’s words or behaviors, don’t hesitate to reach out via the comments section below. Our team of coaches will make sure to answer every comment received in order to help you understand your ex’s subliminal messages!
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