Is your ex giving you the hot and cold treatment? Do you sometimes feel like there’s a chance that you could get back together only to encounter a very different person or reaction a few days later? Is your ex not clear about his or her intentions? Do they keep saying one thing while doing another?
My ex is stringing me along and I don’t know if we will ever get back together! I hear something along those lines at least two to three times per week during the course of my one to one consultations. Here’s the dilemma; you are willing to let certain things slide because you love your ex and you’re still hoping to get back together.
Your ex on the other hand knows that you are still looking to get back with them and so they’re simply trying to keep their options open in case things go wrong; or if they suddenly decide that they want to get back together. That’s what many of you are facing, and I fully understand this dilemma! That’s why I’ve decided to write this article in order to provide you with the perspective and insights you need to shift the balance of power in your favor.
How can you tell if an ex is toying with you?
Adrian how can I know if my ex is stringing me along or if I really have a chance? That’s an amazing question that Amelia asked me during one of my coaching sessions today. I wanted to share it because I know that many of you are asking yourself the same things. What makes answering it complicated is that sometimes your ex doesn’t even know themselves!
Your ex left you but they probably still have strong feelings for you. Some of those feelings may very well be negative because they probably have suffered emotionally one way or the other in your relationship; but they have feelings for you never the less. It is even possible that your ex actually still loves you. The problem is that your ex probably doesn’t think that you can make them happy or that you can help them live the type of life that they want to live. In the end they felt that they couldn’t trust you in the long run and so they decided to leave you.
So how can you tell if your ex is toying with you or not? Well for starters if your ex is with someone else, no matter what they may be telling you don’t be too available or sleep with them whenever they want! That’s a big red flag. If your ex isn’t with someone else, the best way to know if your being manipulated is to be firm, to take a stance and to not give in to every last one of their wants and needs. If they keep coming back after a while it’s probably because they are truly conflicted; if not they will quickly give up and you’ll know that it will be your queue to move on, even though you may not want too!
My ex is stringing me along and I don’t know how to stop him
I would like to go deeper into this concept of taking a stand in order to make your ex stop sending you mixed messages. The premise is actually quite simple; if you make it hard for your ex to reach you or to spend time with you and even harder to sleep together, they will have to be resilient or to really want to make it happen in order to succeed in their approach.
When you don’t really care about someone you don’t go out of your way to try to be with them; it’s that simple. If you want to prevent your ex from stringing you along make them work for your time and attention. Don’t give them that much power and control over you; if they’re able to manipulate you it means that someway somehow you are letting yourself be manipulated or you’re not being strong enough to stay in control of your emotions!
How to shift the balance of power in your favor
I want to make sure that you fully understand what you need to do to regain control of your emotions and to not let your ex have a certain power over you and your well-being. The first thing you need to do is to distance yourself from the one you love. We’ve already touched upon this but it’s so critical for your immediate stability that I wanted to reemphasize this point! I actually suggest that you do a radio silence in order to regain a sense of control and to start to shift the balance of power in your favor!
By doing so you will be able to decide how the relationship will play out over the next few weeks, even if your ex doesn’t reach out to you! During this time, you’ll need to really focus on your own personal growth and find concrete solutions that you can right away in order to be less emotionally dependent and happier on your own. Stay busy, have has little down time as possible and go back to doing things that truly passionate you. As long as your hobbies are constructive and do not hinder on your health or productivity at work I suggest that you engage in them as much as possible to start to feel good again though doing things you love.
Once you’ve decided to reach out to your ex you’ll have changed and you will surprise them! They won’t expect to hear from you and they’ll be intrigued by your sudden resurgence and change. Your ex will want to know what you’ve been up too, and they’’ll be genuinely interested to hear from you after a few weeks of not reaching out. With your newfound growth and perspective you will have a clear head and you’ll be in a much better position to tell whether your ex is trying to manipulate you or if they are being genuine about their interest in potentially getting back together.
The coach to reach out too when you feel that you are being strung along by your ex,
Sincerely,
Adrian
14 Responses
My ex partner and I was together for 2 years and we have a little boy and one day out the blue he broke it off with me and told me he didn’t know why and that he just needed to clear his head me and my son haven’t seen him in over a month I have tried contacting him and at first he was being rather cruel towards me and now we have been talking for the last week and it’s been great he’s told me he still loves me he misses me but he says he doesnt know if we have a chance of getting back together or not or if he wants to date someone else . He has promised that since he have parted he hasn’t slept with no one else or dated anyone else in the time we have been split for what do I do is he stringing me along
Hi Hannah,
Thank you for your share. I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I invite you to spend some time reflecting on what could have pressed him to make this decision. While it felt “out the blue” for you, it may have been thought out for him. If you need help determining what may have went wrong, I can help you analyze this. I have a variety of clients in similar situations to yours.
Wishing you the very best,
Coach N.
Hi Disqus,
Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about the current status of your relationship. I know how tricky this can be! I think it’ll be advantageous for you to give the family some space, while not bringing up giving her things back, yet. Leave that card in your pocket. However, I think space could help. If you want specific tips on what to do, I can help you. Feel free to let me know and we’ll schedule a session.
Best,
Coach N.
Trying to make a long story short. My ex girlfriend broke up with me about 1 month ago after being together for about 7 months, she stayed at my place more or less the whole time. She started seeing here old boyfriend about 1 week after the breakup. She told me she still loves me and wanted us to be friends. After a very short no contact period, about 2 weeks, she started sending mixed signals (a couple of weeks after our breakup she saw a picture of my on a blogg and asked ” Your not going to start dating other girls right away are you? but if you find someone you shouldn’t hold back”, touched me a lot, kissed, sex one time). We have been in contact quite a lot, messages, phone calls, had dinner a couple of times. She haven’t told me much about her current relationship with her old boyfriend. A couple of weeks after the breakup I asked her about him and she just said that they were hanging out. He lives in another country and been told by mutual friends that he is coming back and they are going to live together for about 2 months. Definitely feels like she is playing mind games with me. Want to break out of the friendzone, the mindgames and get her back. What should I do?
Hi Lars,
I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how painful this can be. I feel that if you really want a shot at getting her back, that you need to take some time apart. Let her miss you a bit. I promise that this can really work wonders! During this time apart, however, it’s going to be really important for you to correct the variables in your control that ended the relationship. I can help you here, if you need assistance. I invite you to book a session with me.
Wishing you the very best!
Coach N.
Hi Lars,
I would recommend that you book a one hour private coaching session in order for me to respond to all of your questions, provide you with insights and a clear way forward.
Coach N.
My ex broke up with me because lots of people came between us, they said i was leading other guys on etc. He then started seeing another girl straight after we broke up he got into drugs and started drinking heap. He then reached out to me about 3 weeks ago and said he didnt know what to do because he couldnt move on. we began talking again and he all of a sudden stopped talking to me. 1 week passed and he started talking to me again, told he that he freaked out abit. I have now started talking to him again, he said he wants to take things really slow, but hes being really really distant with me, i feel as though hes just stringing me along. I love him so much and i really dont want to loose him. He told me he is stopping talking to the girl he started talking to but i dont think he has… what do i do? i love him and want to be with him so bad but i just feel like he is being really distant with me
Hi Charlie! Thank you for reaching out – the bright side here is that he’s still very invested in you, even though he may not know how to show it. I can help you turn this around, and I invite you to schedule a session with me so we can get started (time is important in your situation). Please visit this link if you’d like to connect 🙂 = http://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching
Best,
Coach N
After 5 years of my lady and I being together we move to a city where we knew no one although she had family in the new city. We broke up after a month of being here she had a new bf 2-3 months later although I feel this had been going on before the move, she stands firm behind they met here. Now that they have broken up I’m being loved one week the next she’s telling me I need to get out my feelings the next saying she miss me. She’s my weakness so I always go back. We still aren’t together but the false hope she gives is there. Furthermore we work together, at work things are fine and we are a hr apart of shifts. Now that her shift is changing I won’t see her practically at all. She waited all day to tell me she changed her shift I became irate. By shutting down. Only because I feel this is the only time I spend the most time with her. What do I do to attempt to move on? I’ve tried talking to other ppl but I find myself not being myself so I just drop it..
Hi Dallas,
Thanks for reaching out and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I feel like the best thing to do is to implement radio silence, you can learn more about it by visiting this link : https://www.withmyexagain.com/product/radio-silence-to-get-back-with-an-ex/
I believe in your story, but you will need to reset boundaries first.
Best,
Coach N
My ex boyfriend broke up with me a month ago and is already having long phone conversations with another girl. He won’t tell me to get out of his life or that he wants me to leave him alone. He also won’t be honest about talking to this person even though I know for a fact and there’s proof. He says he doesn’t know what he wants but that he needs to work on himself. I’ve begged and pleaded for a month already. Today is day 1 of no contact and I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to lose him but i also do not deserve to be strung along like that. Help please?
Hi Arr,
I know how tough and painful this is. Start by distancing yourself from this situation. Regain your strength before re-approaching him.
My ex bf strung me long for eleven years he never contacted me after he moved away either so for a very long time I waited for a text; email a phone call from him but everywhere I checked no messages then after eleven years when I started to move on a forget about him out the blue he texted me; he said that he always thought about when he moved away but he dated/slept with another girl for 5 years and well he wanted to contact me but he never did I was shocked by hearing this I didn’t know what to think I was angry and hurt when he told me what he did so I told him off I told him I wasted serval years waiting for him and that he was being selfish so I told him goodbye but thing is he still wanted to see me and I don’t know why even thought I moved on from him I have no feelings for him anymore it’s very confusing sometimes.
Dovetail, it sounds like you’ve been through a deeply emotional and confusing journey. It’s commendable that you’ve moved forward after such a prolonged period of uncertainty. Your ex’s return and his revelations after such a long absence can understandably bring up mixed feelings. It’s important to remember that your feelings and wellbeing are paramount. If you’ve moved on and no longer harbor feelings for him, it’s okay to maintain that boundary. It’s not uncommon for past partners to reappear, especially when they sense we’ve moved on, but remember, you’re in control of your life and choices. If you’re finding it difficult to navigate these sudden changes or need to explore your feelings further, I’m here for a more in-depth one-on-one coaching session.