Is your ex giving you the hot and cold treatment? Do you sometimes feel like there’s a chance that you could get back together only to encounter a very different person or reaction a few days later? Is your ex not clear about his or her intentions? Do they keep saying one thing while doing another?
My ex is stringing me along and I don’t know if we will ever get back together! I hear something along those lines at least two to three times per week during the course of my one to one consultations. Here’s the dilemma; you are willing to let certain things slide because you love your ex and you’re still hoping to get back together.
Your ex on the other hand knows that you are still looking to get back with them and so they’re simply trying to keep their options open in case things go wrong; or if they suddenly decide that they want to get back together. That’s what many of you are facing, and I fully understand this dilemma! That’s why I’ve decided to write this article in order to provide you with the perspective and insights you need to shift the balance of power in your favor.
How can you tell if an ex is toying with you?
Adrian how can I know if my ex is stringing me along or if I really have a chance? That’s an amazing question that Amelia asked me during one of my coaching sessions today. I wanted to share it because I know that many of you are asking yourself the same things. What makes answering it complicated is that sometimes your ex doesn’t even know themselves!
Your ex left you but they probably still have strong feelings for you. Some of those feelings may very well be negative because they probably have suffered emotionally one way or the other in your relationship; but they have feelings for you never the less. It is even possible that your ex actually still loves you. The problem is that your ex probably doesn’t think that you can make them happy or that you can help them live the type of life that they want to live. In the end they felt that they couldn’t trust you in the long run and so they decided to leave you.
So how can you tell if your ex is toying with you or not? Well for starters if your ex is with someone else, no matter what they may be telling you don’t be too available or sleep with them whenever they want! That’s a big red flag. If your ex isn’t with someone else, the best way to know if your being manipulated is to be firm, to take a stance and to not give in to every last one of their wants and needs. If they keep coming back after a while it’s probably because they are truly conflicted; if not they will quickly give up and you’ll know that it will be your queue to move on, even though you may not want too!
My ex is stringing me along and I don’t know how to stop him
I would like to go deeper into this concept of taking a stand in order to make your ex stop sending you mixed messages. The premise is actually quite simple; if you make it hard for your ex to reach you or to spend time with you and even harder to sleep together, they will have to be resilient or to really want to make it happen in order to succeed in their approach.
When you don’t really care about someone you don’t go out of your way to try to be with them; it’s that simple. If you want to prevent your ex from stringing you along make them work for your time and attention. Don’t give them that much power and control over you; if they’re able to manipulate you it means that someway somehow you are letting yourself be manipulated or you’re not being strong enough to stay in control of your emotions!
How to shift the balance of power in your favor
I want to make sure that you fully understand what you need to do to regain control of your emotions and to not let your ex have a certain power over you and your well-being. The first thing you need to do is to distance yourself from the one you love. We’ve already touched upon this but it’s so critical for your immediate stability that I wanted to reemphasize this point! I actually suggest that you do a radio silence in order to regain a sense of control and to start to shift the balance of power in your favor!
By doing so you will be able to decide how the relationship will play out over the next few weeks, even if your ex doesn’t reach out to you! During this time, you’ll need to really focus on your own personal growth and find concrete solutions that you can right away in order to be less emotionally dependent and happier on your own. Stay busy, have has little down time as possible and go back to doing things that truly passionate you. As long as your hobbies are constructive and do not hinder on your health or productivity at work I suggest that you engage in them as much as possible to start to feel good again though doing things you love.
Once you’ve decided to reach out to your ex you’ll have changed and you will surprise them! They won’t expect to hear from you and they’ll be intrigued by your sudden resurgence and change. Your ex will want to know what you’ve been up too, and they’’ll be genuinely interested to hear from you after a few weeks of not reaching out. With your newfound growth and perspective you will have a clear head and you’ll be in a much better position to tell whether your ex is trying to manipulate you or if they are being genuine about their interest in potentially getting back together.
The coach to reach out too when you feel that you are being strung along by your ex,