How to make my ex want me back in 3 powerful steps

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How to make my ex want me back

You truly want to get back with your ex? You want to know how to make the person you love miss you and want to be with you? From my experience, it is possible to seduce your ex and make him or her regret the fact that you are no longer together. In order to achieve this goal and to once again be reunited with the man or woman you love, you will need to have a roadmap or game plan and put serious thought into your approach.

This is where I come in to provide you with my expertise in order to help you get back together. As a relationship expert and love coach I speak with people just like you, who are going through a similar situation every single day.

I often get asked how to make my ex want me back, especially when he or she is the one that broke up? In this article I will share 3 powerful steps that will shift the balance of power in your favor and make your ex want to be with you again!

How to make your ex want you back: why is this important?

First of all, it’s important to note that looking to make your ex want you doesn’t necessarily equate to trying to get back together…At least not at first!

You could very well just want to get back in touch without wanting to be in a relationship again. Many men and women don’t even try to reestablish contact with an ex because they feel like it would look desperate and like they’re forcing the issue to make their ex come back. It’s true that when you’re trying to move on you can severe all contact with your ex; but there are different ways to go about moving on.

You can in fact reestablish communication without having any ulterior motives, if you approach it the right way!

I do realize that most of you, those that come on our site on a regular basis, and those that have just recently discovered it are here in hopes of learning how to get back together with an ex that you still love.

Sparking their interest is going to be an essential step. After a breakup, anger and bitterness remain between the two people. Worse still, it can sometimes be so bad that your ex will no longer speak to you and they become a total stranger.

When you’re attempting to get back together, there are multiple important steps. It’s not possible to start your attempt before having accepted the breakup, before rebuilding your self-confidence and before understanding the root causes of the separation.

This is the best way to pinpoint what actions need to consequently take place so that you can get back together with the one you love.

There’s an important element that shouldn’t be overlooked: Communication! This is even more important if there’s already a distance between you.

How to make my ex want me back? Check out these 2 amazing ways!

Radio Silence is a good way to make an ex miss you and want to be with you

Following a separation, you are often put in a compromising or vulnerable situation; especially if the decision to end the relationship was taken out of your hands. You may be surprised, angry, or hurt and you react accordingly telling your ex things that won’t make him or her want to take you back.

So the first step that you should take is to surprise your ex; instead of pleading and begging to get another chance, take some distance and do a radio silence. A no contact period of at least a couple of weeks following a breakup can prevent you from making huge mistakes, and also force your ex to face the separation and the consequences of their choice.

If you are constantly reaching out to them or calling every other day they won’t feel as if you are out of their lives. He or she will have the comfort of knowing that a change of heart is always possible and that you will be there waiting. In order for your ex to want to get back together it is necessary for him or her to understand what life without you would be like!

That’s how you can be able to make your ex miss you and genuinely want to hear from you. Just make sure that you stay positive if he or she reaches out to you and that you show them that you are staying active and busy and not letting the breakup hold you back. You will need to show an evolution and an eagerness to engage in projects or endeavors of your choosing; that is a good way to start to inspire your ex to want to be with you again.

I once coached a young man called Dylan who lived in the New York area. He was absolutely crushed following his breakup and reached out to me out of desperation…I was his last resort! Unfortunately, Dylan had been driven by his emotions, and he made quite a few mistakes after the break up.

So naturally when I asked him to do a radio silence (also known as no contact rule) he was scared that she would forget about him and move on for good. What if she meets someone else? What if she forgets about me he asked…and I’m sure that you are probably wondering the same thing!

The truth is that it takes more than a few weeks to move on from a breakup…especially if you’re coming out of a long term relationship or marriage. More so, you have more chances of inspiring your ex by pulling away rather than by trying to talk your way back into a relationship!

Also your ex could meet someone else and have a fling, but as I always say, it’s tremendously difficult to jump from one moving train to the next, from one relationship into another, without serious risk of injury! In most cases, that would be called a rebound relationship and you would still have a good chance of winning them back.

Plus truth is, even if you called your ex multiple times per day, you wouldn’t prevent them from dating someone else…actually quite the contrary!

How to get an ex to want you back: Did you try the letter?!

After a radio silence, or once you’ve truly identified what went wrong and why and developed a communication strategy; you will need to showcase your change or evolution and find the right approach to ensure that your ex is receptive to your message.

I have found over the years that very often the best way to communicate with an ex after a no contact period is through a handwritten letter. Words on paper can be very powerful because they provide the reader with the ability to understand each and every single one; to be fully engaged and not worry about their own thoughts or comeback.

Furthermore, you will surprise your ex! When is the last time that you wrote a letter to him or her? This alternative way of communication will further enhance your change or the new you and increase your chances of getting back together!

You will need to make sure that your letter is written the right way, that it’s not too long and that its centered around specific targeted key messages. You will need to stay positive in your letter and not convey any criticism or negativity to your ex.

You will want to use certain key words that will further prove your change and that will make your ex want to give it another try; you will need to pass along your deep desire to make him or her happy in the long run and once again become that person that he or she always dreamed of being with at the beginning of your relationship.

Each letter will need to be tailored around your specific love story and include examples that will speak to your ex and make him or her want to be with you again.

For further support, don’t hesitate to reach out to me or to book a one on one coaching session in order for us to work on writing the perfect letter together. It would be my pleasure to help you meet your goal of getting back with your ex.

What will make my ex want me back if I’ve made mistakes?

It’s absolutely crucial for you to understand the reasons that led to the breakup if you want to have any shot at making it work with an ex. That’s why the second step that you will need to take is to reflect on your relationship and ask yourself where things went wrong and why?

By finding the root causes of the issues, the real issues that may have been hidden below the surface, you will be able to change your behavior and thus prove to your ex that you can make them happy in the long run.

It is essential for you to acknowledge some of your shortcomings or the mistakes that you may have made. So when people that I coach ask me “how to make my ex want me back?” I often reply that “you need to acknowledge your mistakes and truly have a deep desire to want to change…for yourself”.

Your ex will always be more receptive if you show an ability to be self-critical and acknowledge some of the issues that he or she may have brought up countless times while you were together!

You must really take a step back in order to truly understand some of your ex’s frustrations; you will need to understand the fundamental issues that you experienced as a couple in order to surprise your ex with your ability to analyze your past relationship in an un biased way.

More than simple talking points, you will be able to start thinking about potential solutions that you can start to implement right away in your daily life. It will prove to your ex that you are serious about changing and make him or her feel better about being in a new and improved relationship with you!

The second chance in love: how to make an ex want you for good!

I know that after a breakup it often feels like all hope is lost, and that your significant other will never look at you the same…or give you that tenderness that you once felt. I also know that it’s also difficult to trust a coach that you found online and that you’ve never met…even if you’ve watched a bunch of my YouTube Videos!

But I assure you that it truly is possible to turn it all around, to find your inner peace and to inspire this person you love dearly to want to be with you.

Every week we help people from all over the country, and all over the world reshape their emotional destiny…
If you are willing to do the work, if you are patient and prepared to approach this process in the right way, I have absolutely no doubt that you too can be a success story.

I’ve come to understand that all relationships can be very complicated and difficulties arise pretty often for most couples!
In fact every couple is faced with issues at some point or another, as a result of many factors that would be too long for me to explain here. You can learn more about them in our eBook.

Misunderstandings, lack of communication, or even a single mistake can lead to breakups. That said a separation doesn’t automatically mean that feelings for one another disappear overnight. In fact, they sometimes become even stronger after a breakup and it’s in those post breakup moments that many people come to realize that your partner is your soul mate.

We are human beings and we make mistakes. It’s OK. You’re allowed to commit errors, to make wrong decisions, even if sometimes these actions can break a relationship, especially in this day and age.

I’ve realized that men and women are quick to end a great relationship without having made much effort to work on it. Nevertheless, don’t wave your white flag and think that your relationship can’t evolve following a breakup. You have to believe in second chances in love because I know that you, just like everyone, deserves it!

I’m speaking from personal experience here! My wife who later became the mother of my child is someone that I once broke up with…only to realize months later that I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life.

That’s right, many healthy long term relationships have occurred after a breakup; a reconciliation in love can take place and lead to another relationship which flourishes. The separation creates an electroshock and you realize how important your partner really is for your happiness in love and wellbeing, and the joy you feel on a daily basis.

Sometimes you have to go through a difficult patch and experience some really heavy emotions in order for love to make an even stronger comeback…and it can happen to you too!

Nonetheless you’ll have to work at it, and this doesn’t mean that your relationship should constantly be threatened with separation for it to improve, because this could have some negative long term effects as well.

Remember that it’s never a good idea to throw an ultimatum at the person you love because this is certainly not a miracle solution.
Keep fighting the good fight!

From your friend and the coach to call when wondering how to make my ex want me back!


Coach Adrian

Life Coach, Motivational Speaker & Relationship Expert

54 Responses

  1. I don’t know what to do to gain my ex back. He broke up with me almost 5 months ago (he said we needed a rest and he was right: I have became clingy and negative). After a difficult time and my decision to go NC, things were getting better. He said that he was in another page but wanted to remain friends. He started to text first again (before NC he almost ignored me), once a week, just funny memes and things like that, short conversations sometimes. But now he is getting cold again. For certain things that happened before NC, long to explain, and this step back now, when he was feeling more confortable with me, I have reasons to believe that he is pushing himself back when he starts to be closer to me again. He even left my texts unread (never had done that, even when he was ignoring me before NC, he read), just like he didn’t want to fall in the “temptation”. We were in a distance relationship and I know that I was an exception because he had a bad experience with that; he told me that, since then, whenever he felt like falling for a person from another city, he convinced himself that it mustn’t be. I am afraid that he is doing this with me now. He wants to remain friends but when he feels closer to me, he gets distant again. As a matter of fact, in the first weeks after the breakup, we were being better, talking about going step by step and see what happened, until he saw me in a group video-call with our common friends. After that he started to be cold to me and avoided all the video-calls which we had in the group since then (like ten or twelve). He never texted first like he used to do and if I did, he barely answer, a few words without any nterest. So I decided to go NC. After those weeks and having talked about our new phase he started to text first and sending me things because they reminded him to me and now he seems to be scared again, not reading my last text (he left unread one last week but a few days after he sent me something because he thought about me when he read it and was friendly and kind like this last times after NC).
    I am very sad and nervous and if he really feels something and is only convincing himself that he shouldn’t (like he did before with another girls, but without having a relationship like we had)… I would need to know how to break his barriers because I don’t want to be without him knowing that we could work. I’ve made my mistakes and we really needed that break but I think that we could restart again. But he seems to be holding himself back, I know him and he is stubborn and he may be trying to be consistent with his decision. If he really felt he is done, he would ignore me always (and not texting first) or, more likely to him, treat me like another person, not doing this. One day he brings up a memory, we talk a little just as friends and then he gets “scared” and stops reading me… And same with my social newworks: he started to watch my stories again after NC and these days don’t, like he was avoiding to see me.

    I feel something is wrong… I would really like to know how to make him feel comfortable for good and willing to give us a try one more time. (I would ask him directly for another chance but it wouldn’t work, it must be his idea). I miss him, I think that time isn’t my best allied (on the contrary), I am afraid that he could met someone else, that he have forgotten me… Anything I can do?

    1. Hi Jane,
      Thank you for your share. Without knowing specifics, I’ll have a really challenging time trying to help you. I really invite you to book a session with me – we can delve into why this treatment is happening and how to correct it as quickly as possible.
      Wishing you the best and looking forward to connecting,
      Coach N.

  2. Hi, about two months ago, my boyfriend broke up with me (we had some issues, he lost his father and the night it happened we had a fight…). At the beginning I thought it would be the best thing for us because, despite the love we had for each other, we would argue about things that were having a bad impact on our relationship. We saw each other a few times (three times after the breakup). I tried to start a “no contact” period but after a week I would send him a message or calling him because I needed something. And he would always return my calls and answer my messages. And he would send me “extra” messages while he was not forced to do so. After the break up, I started working on the things that went wrong and started to improve myself; by going to gym, finding an inner peace and do new things like meeting new people, etc… Two weeks ago, I called him to see if he would answer and he did, he seemed very nice and happy to hear from me. He also asked me about this guy he saw me with (in the city he’s living in). It was a friend. That day, when he saw me, he texted me few minutes after to know if it was really me. I didn’t answer right away because I was really surprised (he said we would’nt go back together). During that phone call, he asked me twice this question. And I didn’t answer because I didn’t want to. He said me something like “it’s crazy how you’ve changed, you seem more peaceful, what happened to you?”. Then the day after I asked him if he still had feelings for me and he said “no, what about you?”. I said that when we were together I was in love, but that I was also scared to be alone, that’s why I was so stressed when we were together, but that now I was not scared anymore, so I was fine. The day after I proposed him to have a date just like that. He said no, I don’t want to see you anymore etc. He was really angry (I sent too much messages). So I said ” Let’s let things the way they are and where they are. I don’t want any drama and I wish you all the best”. His last text was “Are you kidding me? You’re sending me all these texts and you say that now? I don’t want to hear from you anymore, go to hell”. I didn’t answer. And two days after he sent me this message, it was his birthday, I didn’t send him any message. It’s been a week now without no contact. So my question is : is it the time to move on, on is there still something to do? Thank you so much, and btw, my name is Malak and I’m from France.

  3. Hey, so me and my gf broke up 3 1/2 months ago after being together for 6 months. Everything seemed great for 5 months and then we went on christmas break because we go to university together. At the end of the month apart after texting almost all the time she went cold. I could tell the breakup was coming and 2 days back to school she broke it off. At first she said it was a split and that she still liked me but, “needed to work on herself right now.” So i continued texting her for two weeks back and forth until finally she said she needed space and that we should just be friends. So i gave her space for two weeks and than asked what the deal was. She said a month into our breakup that she just doesn’t like me anymore and thinks we should move on. So i then tried implementing no contact for a month. At the end of the second month i contacted her asking for homework and asked if she still felt the same way (big mistake). She said yes and that we really shouldn’t talk. A week later I was at a party with her (we have the same friend group) and she started kissing a guy 5 feet from me. I acted like it didn’t bother me but it truly did very bad. 6 days later I returned her presents because it was hurting me to just look at them and she got really angry. One day later i was at a party with her again but this time i kissed a girl 5 feet from her, honestly to get back at her. She seemed to be very irritated by this but went up to my roommate and said, “I’m really happy for Nick and glad he’s moving on.” This was after I left. We went silent for a month after this. A week ago i texted her saying that I was hanging out with friends at the county fair and thought of the time we spent halloween together on the hayride. She didn’t respond. I believe that some point in the month of silence I was blocked on everything. I did post during that month a picture on Instagram with a caption that could have annoyed her but it wasn’t meant for her at all, I can see why she would be annoyed though. We had two classes together this semester so we saw each other everyday. I was decently needy towards the end of the relationship but honestly I was just excited to see my gf for the first time in a month. As we are coming to summer break should I give her space for the whole summer and then try to contact her? Should i apologize for things i said and did as well as the fighting during the first couple months of the breakup? Or should i just move on? It seems as if she hates me and has told mutual friends that she just doesn’t want to talk to me. Any help would be appreciated because i am very lost but know that i do love and care about her because of the level of jealousy i felt when she kissed the other dude.

    1. Hi Nick,
      Thank you for your share. I feel that if you’re guaranteed to see each other next semester, then you shouldn’t be too afraid of waiting until later to reach out. It seems right now she is wanting a disconnect, and she won’t realize that may be a bad idea until she gets what it means to really be without you.
      I hope this helps!
      Coach N.

  4. Hi, so I broke up with my girlfriend about 4 months ago. I broke up with her partly because it was long distance but also I had some negative thoughts put into my head from family, because she is transgender and it really didn’t bother me. We sort of agreed to stay friends, I have not spoken to her since because I’m a little ashamed to. I just miss her so much and don’t know where to start.

    1. Hi Thomas,
      Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I know how painful this can be. I feel that if it didn’t bother you, and you’d like to reach out to her, you should. Remember, your intimate life is for you and not for others.
      I hope this helps!
      Coach N.

  5. Hey, I’m 18 and me and my ex started dating when we were 12 n we broke acouple time during those 6 years we were on and off… N now she broke up with me 2 months ago saying she needs time to focus on her self and well I tried begging her then I stopped talking to her for about a couple weeks n well she’s talking to someone else right now we’ve been actually talking some what and hanging out but she says she doesn’t see me in that way anymore but she still loves me n cares for me that she will only be there for me as a friend only… And I don’t want to lose her forever I love this girl so damn much you have to understand that she’s the one for me and I want a happy future together… I accepted her friendship but sometimes I just want to burst 🙁 can you please help me … I’m really counting on this.. I was going to buy the book stuff or the things you guys were doing but right now I don’t have money but can you please help:(

    1. Hi Jose,
      Thank you for your share and I”m sorry to hear about your current situation. I feel, however, that giving her space may actually be good for you. Let her miss you a bit. Remember, you dated for 6 years! That’s a LONG TIME! A few months won’t get her to forget that.
      Coach N.

  6. Hi Jose,
    I invite you to book a session with me. I can help you set a strategy to turn this around. I’m confident you can.
    All the best!
    Coach N.

  7. Hi,I am 19 years old and I broke up with my boyfriend for 4 days ago.That was my fault actually.I was childish to him and always found problems cause I was afraid that he didn’t care for me like before.That was just my thoughts.He loved me so much and care for me so much .Of course he couldn’t call me and meet me when he has his family problems.I didn’t understand him and I just mad for not calling me.Our break up is because of my use of words and I never think before I speak when I am mad and angry.After the last fight,he got cold for me and he said he was tired of me and he can’t stand me anymore becouse of my childish habits.He might be so stressed because of me.I feel very regret now.I am so sad and I love him so much.I am trying to change my thoughts and habits not to let him feel pain and stressed and to be a healthy relationship again.Do u think I still have a chance of his coming back??I wanna rebulid my relationship with him and I am trying not to be like the past that I dealed with him.I am afraid that he gonna leave me for good.I want him back and start again as before we met each other.

    1. Hi Pin,
      Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I sounds to me, though, like both of you need to adjust the ways in which you two speak to each other if you want to make this work. I do believe you have a strong chance of turning this around -but doing so in a way that’ll save your relationship long term will be important. I invite you to book a session with me. I am confident I can help you.
      Coach N

  8. Hey, me and my ex dated for about 3 months. She was wearing a ring which she said was nothing. She never added me on any social media site except snapchat. One day i ran across her fb account and there were 2-3 pics of her with another guy with status “throw back to our first year, soon to make 2❤️❤️.” I wanted to ask her about this but didn’t knew how. After 3-4 days she was showing me her friend’s fb from my phone, so i pretending that i searched her account and brought it up. I said that i’m adding you, she said NO! Its awkward to have someone on fb who i’m dating. The same day she broke up saying she doesn’t feel the same anymore. One day i was trying to make her up when her friend came and took her. Her friend came again and said to stop bothering her she already has a boyfriend and is committed or engaged to.
    I really really love her. I have completed my no contact period and want to re establish contact. But i don’t know should i go for it or not. I can’t afford one-on-one coaching session, i hope you can advice me here.

    1. Hi Saad,
      I’m sorry to hear about your current situation – due to the complexity of your relationship, I would like to hear more about her relationship and your interactions before providing feedback. I invite you to book a session with me. I am confident I can help.
      Wishing you the best always,
      Coach N

  9. We communicated for nearly 2 years off and on, finally met and it was immediate, something clicked effortlessly we fell in love. Dated for a month and made it official soon after. We. Other have been single for some time, being in a relationship again was a big deal because we were selective and we shared the same views on love and partnership. We were ready. At least, I thought he was … After only 2 months of LDR he said he couldn’t do it anymore, that it won’t work, when he thought he could. After I asked for us to talk because I didn’t believe him and wanted him to tell me face to face, He left me with a short lyric from a song perhaps to explain where he was coming from – deep thoughts questioning who he was sort of speak, asking who he was. He would always share songs with me, his first love has always been music. I took away a sense of understanding that he needs space to reassess and self evaluate. I believe he loves me and being apart from me was too difficult, but it hurts that he’s given up so easily and couldn’t face me to tell me. I was the girl of his dreams, we connected in a way we haven’t before, but he’s never been in an LDR. He told me with conviction that this wasn’t hard if it meant being with me, the one he loves. I read back at our messages reiterating our commitment and devotion to us regardless of what anyone says.we’ve never fought, we’d always joke that our first fight would be who lived the other the most. We made plans for us to meet eachother’s families and friends. We talked to our closest loved ones about us and we’re excited about their support. We had great chemistry sexually and mindfully. We always had a great time together. He never hesitated to drive to me as soon as a weekend opened up, since I’m off on weekends. But I didn’t mind driving to him either. We love 4hrs away. He never always has weekends off and this past month he had his work schedule full. The next time we’d see eachother would be our trip in early Next month to meet my family. But I verified via his reservation he sent me a copy of – he’s canceled his flight. He has friends who told him LDR never works but he defended us. I wonder if those friends got to his head again these past few weeks in addition to the stress he’s had with juggling work and such? I can only make assumptions of the why’s and I’ve tried to be understanding that I wasn’t the problem. The one time I asked for a phone date and sincerely told him I miss him so much not hearing from him that I tear up. He said not to please cry cause it kills him. He couldn’t sort out his life to include us as much as he wanted to, so it seemed impossible? I’ve been nothing but mindful and calm and supportive. I’ve been trying to reach out and he’s been unresponsive. This month he was the most aloof, granted with back to back shifts, getting sick and juggling other responsibilities or rather taking care of everyone else’s needs first. He always have and I know how that’s like. I was that way a few years ago and as a result put my personal life on hold. I feel he’s in the same boat. I wish he had come to me before he made his decision. That’s the part that hurts. He’s unfriended me on social media and blocked me, we used to share a calendar and he’s removed me from it. It hurts that I’ve asked to talk before I can accept his decision and move on amicably but he hasn’t responded and don’t think he will. I want to write a letter of Closure, a positive one to highlight and thank him for our time together and that i care about him enough to let him go if I am in the way, or he can fill his heart with someone else. Ultimately I want him to tell me in person so I can truly let go…even if I don’t want to. I love him that much but need to understand why before I say goodbye and move forward. What I really want to say is that I want him back, I want him to miss me, and realize who he’s losing. That I believe in us and if letting him go do what he needs for now means a chance of reconciliation then I love him enough to be patient. I imagine it has to be hard for him so his way of dealing with this is to just walk away. He always said it kills him to hear that I cry missing him. I told him that once a couple weeks ago when he was busy with work and hardly had contact- after that he gradually became aloof. Did that cause him to withdraw? That I hurt when he can’t call me as often as he wants to? Did that stress him out? I want so bad to talk to him and see him even if it means to say goodbye. I told him I believe in us even if he may think otherwise. It’s not fair for him to make that decision without me or the courtesy to speak openly about what he’s felt. We promised eachother that no matter what we would be. But he hasn’t responded. I sent him an email the day after he said that he was sorry he can’t do this anymore…a letter of understanding and encouragement professing my love and belief in fighting for us to be together, that I was not giving up, and asking for time face to face before he decides to walk away. But he did. I believe we belong together and keep hoping he will eventually come back to me. I can’t stop missing him. I can’t put away our pictures. I want to write him a letter so bad to tell him all
    Of this. This seems so unlike the guy ainknew even as friends. It hurts to think he may be out of my life forever.

    1. It’s been 3 weeks so I’m still struggling through this. But still believe strongly in us and a reconciliation. Thoughts, coach Natalie?

      1. Hi Fawn,

        I invite you to book a coaching session with me (1h00 hour would be the most ideal). After that it will be easier for me to continue to provide you with advice via email, but for now you’ll understand that it’s a bit difficult for me to advise you appropriately without knowing every relevant detail of your story.

        Here is the link to book a coaching session:

        I promise to speak to you as soon as possible after you complete your booking. The goal of this session will be for us to asses where you truly stand and to provide you with a clear road map to get back together…


        Coach N

  10. My ex boyfriend left me in March when he found out im pregnant. I am now 5 months pregnant. He has not call, text or reply to any of my messages. He has not ask me once about the baby his first baby ever and he is 40. I told him I was having a baby girl but no reply from him. He blocked me on social media and phone. He told me he is not inlove with me and me and him will never get back together. He told me to leave him alone. He hasaid been gone 3 months from from life with NC. Did he ever loved me? What’s going on here I’m so lost? We dated for 1 year but he would always verbally abused me and call me names. He told me to wait 2 years for him workout moving on with my life to date anyone if I truly loved/ love him. What’s he thinking? I’m so stress out he abandoned me and his first child. He made so much excuses like it’s not his baby when him out of all the people in the world should know I’m not that kind of woman
    I need help I can’t afford 2 on 1 session atm.

  11. As of today I am on my 3rd week of the “no contact rule” with my ex. I am a female who was dating a male, in which we were together for nearly 9 months, This was also my first relationship. Not only were we boyfriend and girlfriend but we were best friends. We had a pretty good relationship, always having fun together. We both wanted to build a great future with one another. We both did make mistakes during our time of being together, a few of his involving flirting with other girls, quite a few of lies about whom he was speaking to even after it’s been asked of him to not speak to them where he still did, lying about it on multiple occasions along with other lies, as well as lack of communication in which he did try to improve but It would go downhill at times. My mistakes being talking to someone of which he asked of me not to speak with. He put in many efforts towards me, walking two hours to and from my house just to spend the day with me nearly each time we spent time together. As of one day, sometime after becoming homeless in his 18th birthday due to being kicked out of his mothers house. My mother allowed him to stay in our garage, sometimes letting him sleep inside the house with us when one day a argument between my mother and I occurred leaving him not allowed to live with me anymore where he went to a friends house in who I despised of greatly from the disrespect I have received from this friend of his. This friend is the person I was speaking of earlier in who my ex lied about talking to. For a month since then things spiraled down hill resulting in many arguments, pinning stuff on the other and butting heads. In a period of 3 days he began ignoring me talking to me once throughout those days until I figured out from a friend of his that my ex was trying to get me to break up with him. Later that day getting to talk to my boyfriend at the time he told me we needed to split apart for sometime in order for us both to focus on ourselves the breakup happening April 26th. The breakup is now very understandable due to how he got unemployed, became homeless, along with becoming extremely depressed. At the time I wasn’t thinking of this but not long after the break up I realized that it was understandable. He also wanted the separation because he was focused a lot on me in which he knew would hold him back with getting himself together. After the breakup He revealed he held back many problems in which would occurred during our relationship in fear of what happened to him in his past abusive relationships with others thinking that due to the defensiveness I’d give the same thing would happen with me that occurred in the past with other people. I was histarical after the breakup constantly crying, begging him to talk to me, calling him, texting him. All the worst after a break that could happen, happened. At times we’d talk with him being distant and me still in the same state as after the break up. At times when I’d cry while being on the phone with him he’d comfort me often telling me he loved me. On May 2nd we met up. He brought me flowers, kissed me, and held me tight. That day he reassured me “true love doesn’t die” along with telling me that once everything’s worked out he’d love to be with me again. Right after that day he became distant again. On may 13th I told him I didn’t want to do anymore chasing telling him I’m done contacting him first in which he didn’t respond. He took up the no contact rule since then realizing the mistakes I’ve made along with becoming happier but still missing him at times due to how close we were. After the month mark of the “no contact rule” is up I’d love to talk to him but don’t want to contact him first appearing desperate along with breaking what I said in my last msg to him. Im worried to if i do go about contacting him I’ll get ignored. I was planning on waiting at least a week or two after to see if he’d make an attempt to contact me. Since I stopped contacting/completely cutting him off I’ve been wondering if he missed me, if he thought about me, if he found someone new (thinking that because he did begin talking to a ex again after the breakup) along with wondering if I have a chance of being with him again, etc… I figured out what I have to do for myself to not only make him fall for me all over again if we begin talking but to make myself happy. I was wondering if by all of what I told there could be a sound of potentiol of another go with each other happening. This man is dearly a great person who I wanted to grow strong and build with♥️

    1. Hi Candyce,
      Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how painful this can be. I really think you’d benefit from some more time apart. It’s important for you two to restore the element of respect in the relationship. And this can’t be done easily, even after some no contact. If you want specific tips, I’d love to help you. I invite you to book a session with me.
      Coach N

  12. Hi,
    Like so many women reaching out through this site. I’m in a conflict. As backgrounder, my ex of a bit more than 1 year broke up with me last month because he said the relationship has become stale. That I was too much, or that it’s all too good to be true, because we almost never fight. But a week after, I found out that he likes someone else now. And he admitted that he liked her even before our break up but insisted that she’s not the reason why he broke up with me.

    Anyway, fast forward, we started communicating again after no contact. He initiated it. Saying that he misses me. And that he’s been checking on my facebook profile everyday and glad that I seem like I’m having fun. He also said he’s jealous of other people he knows who are interested in me (I’m not gonna deny that I’m a bit popular).

    He asked if we can be friends. And I agreed. We started texting/chatting on facebook again and had a date just yesterday. It was fun. We had a lot of laughs and shared stories. Generally, it was a great date. However, I realized I still have immense feelings for him. I still love him. And instead of coming home from that date feeling great or happy, I felt heart broken because I feel like there’s a wall between us that I just want to break down. He knows I still have feelings for him (because I told him before he asked me out. Ah, silly me.). And I can’t help but wonder if he still has feelings for me too.

    Although he initiates the conversation and sends a lot of messages if I don’t reply, he takes a step back when things start to become good or when we start talking about plans. I also can’t get it out of my head that there’s a possibility that he’s also texting/chatting the other girl while he’s texting/chatting with me. He still likes her. What should I do? 🙁

    1. Hi Allaine,
      There are no guarantees here, as your situation is a complex one…but I do believe that I can help you maximize your chances of making it work – and I do think that it is possible to turn everything around.
      I would recommend that you book a one hour private coaching session in order for me to respond to all of your questions, provide you with insights and a clear way forward.
      Coach N

  13. Hi Charlotte,
    Thank you for reaching out! I do think you’re on the right path, but can use some tips to help reel her in faster. I don’t want her to get comfortable in this “no mans land” you’re currently in. If you want help strategizing, I invite you to book a session with Coach Adrian – who’s also fluent in French, and so you will be able to communicate clearly.
    Wishing you the best,
    Coach N

  14. My bf and I of 1.5 years
    (some of which we lived together and went on exotic vacations and just marveled at how lucky we were) “officially” broke up yesterday following a 2 month period of him pulling away and me chasing him. He’s 43 and I’m 32. He said he was finding himself attracted to other women that he’s not attracted like that to me anymore for some reason and I even caught him drunk texting his ex last week – which spurred the fight to the ultimate breakup. He still said that his relationship with me has been the most unique he’s ever had and I’m such a “great woman” and he still wants me in his life but that he needs to be alone to focus on all the changes in his and feel better about himself. I’m absolutely devastated and felt this was my soul one. I have not texted him since the breakup as I know radio silence is the best thing (yet so hard!!) after being so needy last few months. I’m considering reaching out to you for help with the process of getting myself together and to possibly see if we can ever reconnect again, but I’ve never had a man distance himself so quickly yet constantly refuse to want to break up fully until I forced the issue. He has yet to get his stuff from my place saying he “doesn’t need it for a while”. I’m just not sure what it all means.

  15. Hello, I desperately need help and I can’t afford a coahing session, if you reply to this it would be a great help and I would be so appreciative. My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because she lost feelings for me. I realize we had some problems like me being too clingy and we fought alot for the months prior to our breakup, I am also going to college next year so i believe this was a factor in her decision. She also said she is tired of me and when we did 2 days of no contact she told me she didnt miss texting me at all. We work together every day at a pool as coaches and lifeguards, and I desperately want her back. What should I do?

  16. I used to work at Lowe’s with my ex., The ex and I have not dated for a while. I would like to try again, but I have a new job now at the home depot. And she will not reply to my text so I stopped. I don’t know how to get to talk to me to see if even possible to fix some things and a first date with the ex.

    1. Hi Isaac,
      Thank you for reaching out – I’d love to help. I invite you to book a session with me so we can set up a game plan for you to get your ex back 🙂
      Coach N.

  17. I need help my fiance after almost 3 years left after an argument. He said he’d be back. He came back 6 days later and was really angry. He packed his stuff. He said he wanted nothing to do with me, to just leave him alone eventhough he will always love me. So now I start no contact? Hes the kind to work all the time to not think about me. I asked him while packing if we could go to counciling. He said too little too late. I’m seriously devastated and blame myself. Nothing has happened that can’t be fixed. I asked him for a second chance later on. He went between no and telling me I don’t know what the future holds. I tried to stay calm as he waved goodbye to me as he drove off. What do I do? I have to move now too.

    1. Hi JessR,
      Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how painful this can be. I think space could be great for you two right now, and I invite you to take some. When it comes to rekindling, though, I can help, but need to know certain things in order to. If you’d like to create a game plan, I’m here to help :
      Wishing you the very best today and always,
      Coach N

  18. Hi coach Natalie. Ive watched some of your videos and read a lot on your website and hoping there’s some help for me here. But before I book a session I just want to know that there is definitely hope. I was with my ex for 17 years and many of them were rocky years as we met when we were very young and had to grow up together. There were many loving great times too though. We’ve broken up and gotten back together several times the longest time being a year-and-a-half when he thought I moved on he came running back. We have a child together and he asked me to marry him last Christmas (that was the 3rd proposal) long story. Now just two weeks ago he left me for someone else and he seems to be happy and letting go and wanting to move on with his life. He seems certain that he does not want a relationship or commitment with me anymore. I was very weak in the relationship the last few years always being insecure and asking needy questions because he left me so many times. When he broke up with me he said it was because I was too much for him with all the questioning and insecurities but it turns out he was seeing someone behind my back and that was driving my insecurities because I knew something was wrong and he was being distant. He still blames me for the relationship failure and thinks I’m the only one that needs to change and says we’ll never get back together. Even if he is happy with this new person and says he no longer wants me is there still hope or a way to turn things around? He keeps mentioning his age and how he can’t live this way so I’m wondering if it could be a midlife crisis? He is 37. Despite the hurt that he has caused and the damage I would like to be forgiving and get to an amazing place together again. He said that he still loves me and I’m the most beautiful woman that ever walked the Earth and that no one can compare yet he doesn’t want to be together. I don’t know if that’s true or just to make me feel better. I feel like he’s changed and turned into a completely different person and I’m just wondering if there’s hope to get back the person I love and have him respect and cherish me once and for all even if he is really falling for this new person. I know what a great man he can be to me even though hes made mistakes. Since the breakup hes either mean, manipulative or nice when he has things his way. Really hope this is a mid life he’ll snap out of and appreciate me again. Please help! I really want to save our family.

  19. My ex has been gone 3 weeks, we were together for 4 months, he was the most amazing man I had been with in years and I fell head over heals with him but at the same time I reserved myself for fear of getting hurt and things moving to quick as he was talking about adding on to my home, starting a new business here and being exclusive, ummm, he made me nervous moving so quick in a short period, then all of a sudden after 3 1/2 months he decides he is moving out and we are just seeing each other as friends, after much thought and him wanting to reconcile the relationship and start seeing each other again I decided I wanted the upper hand back and told him I wanted to just be friends, since then he has been pretty cold to me. Not sure what to do at this point so right now I am in no contact for 7 days now, on social media he is playing the victim that he is hurt and wonders if he will ever find love again, wth? It was his idea in the 1st place when he moved out to be just friends? Can you help me out here? I love this man, have known him a long time before we dated, I don’t understand what he is doing and I miss him terrible!! Helpless in Ohio, please help!!

    1. Hi Maryann!

      Thank you for reaching out and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I’m not like most coaches, and don’t want to offer advice when I don’t know the complete story. I know from experience that you need a tailored approach. I can help you develop one. To this end, I invite you to schedule a coaching session with Adrian or myself – we’re here to help.

      Please visit this link:

      I’m looking forward to connecting,

      Coach N

  20. Hello,
    I’m sure you have heard this a million times, “My situation is unique”. I do believe that mine is. I am so broken hearted at the moment, it hurts so much to love someone this way and not be with them. I am separated from my husband. I was not looking for anyone but I met someone. I took my daughter to her friends house and I met her dad. From the moment we met there was a connection, a spark, we talked for 2 hours that day. He is separated from his wife, so we are in the same situation. She cheated on him for over a year then moved out to be with her boyfriend. I cheated on my husband. We hung out a few times with the kids and finally he admitted to me that he was interested. Mind you, he is 19 years older than me so I was a little reluctant but I was interested as well. He is certainly not a man I would normally go for but he captured my heart. He’s kind, respectful, loving, loyal and just an overall good guy. Shortly after this he took a beach vacay and we stayed in constant contact. Things progressed from there and we couldn’t wait to see each other when he got back. We ended up sleeping together. He was so into me, telling me about our future, that he loved me, he said I turned him on all the time even when we would text each other! He introduced me to his closest friends and he made me feel so loved, wanted and special. Then his wife started to manipulate him and cause problems. She went back to him begging him to take her back, crying, causing trouble. He felt obligated to give her a chance! I told him he owed her nothing, that she was the one who cheated on him and I never did anything to hurt him. He told me I was right and said he was an a@@hole for doing this to me. We kept seeing each other for a bit, still having sex. Then he told me he wasn’t going to give her another chance but that he just wanted to be alone for awhile. He wasn’t going to be with me either. We talked on another day and I told him I would give him the time he wanted and we would get together on a specific date to talk again. I got impatient and screwed it up. I messaged him a few times being all desperate like an idiot. I then left him alone for a few weeks, no communication. I texted him today and said, that I respected his decision, hope that his time alone helps him, that he was a remarkable man, I respected and admired his unique qualities, that I was glad I met him, life was good with a few exciting changes that I perhaps I would tell him about sometime and I told him to take care. Five minutes later he responded, thanking me and yes we would talk sometime, he wanted to hear about the changes in my life. NOW WHAT? What do I do next? I don’t want to screw it up again. I love this man and want to be with him for the rest of our lives, however long that is. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP!!!!

  21. my ex and i had a beautiful relationship..awesome romantic and sexual moments that i can’t forget ..
    we broke up once and got back and then this is the second time..she claims that she lost all her feelings but i’m sure she didn’t because she told me i love you and i heard her heart beats screaming but she still deny that she do ..she told me that it was a favor cz i told her to say it..anw we broke up 2 weeks ago and i messaged her once or twice and playing the non contact rule..what can i do now ..she is always out with her friends..she post pictures with guys..she always show me that she’s busy and that she got no time to talk..and i’m trying to do the same last message to her was 2 days ago

    1. Hi Anthony,
      Thanks for reaching out and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I feel like no contact is still a good idea for you. Please stick to it. To determine when to end it and what to do next, I invite you to book a session with me so I can learn more about advice. If you want to do this, please visit this link :
      Wishing you the best today and always!
      Coach N

  22. Hi, I need some help, my ex broke up with me almost a week ago and the first 3 days I was always texting him with no reply until he told me he needed some space so I’m deciding to do the no contact rule in hopes that he’ll miss me! Also we are neighbors so whenever I’m outside and he is too, it hurts me that I can’t go talk to him but I try to act happy so that he doesn’t think I’m a desaster without him. I’ve been hanging out with my friends a lot and working a lot so it helps me but I see him everywhere and I’m not exactly sure how I can get him back. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and really thought he was and he’s pretty sure he’s going to regret leaving me and that I’m a great girl and all that but for the moment he’s not ready, which I completely understand. He said he wanted to stay friends but he can’t even talk to me and he’s ignoring me but if I’m outside he always looks at me. I don’t know what to do after the no contact rule and how I could get him back because our relationship only lasted 3 weeks but we got along so well that I don’t want to lose him for good.

  23. Hello,
    I’m sure you have heard this a million times, “My situation is unique.” I do believe that mine is. I am so broken hearted now, it hurts so much to love someone this way and not be with them. I am separated from my husband. I was not looking for anyone, but I met someone. I took my daughter to her friend’s house, and I met her dad. From the moment, we met there was a connection, a spark, we talked for 2 hours that day. He is separated from his wife, so we are in the same situation. She cheated on him for over a year then moved out to be with her boyfriend. I cheated on my husband. We hung out a few times with the kids, and finally, he admitted to me that he was interested. Mind you, he is 19 years older than me so I was a little reluctant but I was interested as well. He is certainly not a man I would normally go for, but he captured my heart. He’s kind, respectful, loving, loyal and just an overall good guy. Shortly after this, he took a beach vacay, and we stayed in constant contact. Things progressed from there, and we couldn’t wait to see each other when he got back. We ended up sleeping together. He was so into me, telling me about our future, that he loved me, he said I turned him on all the time even when we would text each other! He introduced me to his closest friends, and he made me feel so loved, wanted and special. Then his wife started to manipulate him and cause problems. She went back to him begging him to take her back, crying, causing trouble. He felt obligated to give her a chance! I told him he owed her nothing, that she was the one who cheated on him and I never did anything to hurt him. He told me I was right and said he was an a@@hole for doing this to me. We kept seeing each other for a bit, still having sex. Then he told me he wasn’t going to give her another chance but that he just wanted to be alone for a while. He wasn’t going to be with me either. We talked on another day, and I told him I would give him the time he wanted, and we would get together on a specific date to talk again. I got impatient and screwed it up. I messaged him a few times being all desperate like an idiot. I then left him alone for weeks, no communication. I then texted him and said, that I respected his decision, hope that his time alone helps him, that he was a remarkable man, I respected and admired his unique qualities, that I was glad I met him, life was good with a few exciting changes that I perhaps I would tell him about some time and I told him to take care. Five minutes later he responded, thanking me and yes, we would talk sometime, he wanted to hear about the changes in my life. More time went by, and I wrote him a letter telling him how I felt about him, telling him all the good qualities he had, good things about him, etc. NOW, WHAT? What do I do next? I don’t want to screw it up again. I love this man and want to be with him for the rest of our lives, however long that is. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP!!!!

    1. Hi Melitza,
      Thank you for reaching out and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. You are right in that your situation is unique and rather complex. This being the case, the traditional “one size fits all” coaching approach that a lot expect or turn to will not apply to you. I invite you to schedule a 1 hour coaching session with Coach Adrian or myself, so we can help you develop a tailored gameplan that works for you.
      If you would like to connect, please visit this link :
      I’d love to help.
      Coach N

  24. Hello,

    My ex girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We ve been togther for 8 months and we had a special chemstry. We had some problems ( trust issues ) she didnt trust me anymore and she so jealous.
    Next to that she started to blame me for everything that happend to her and problems. She didn’t want to take time for her self and she started to get her self bizarre crazy busy in her daily life. Because of this she asked me to stay couple of days at my place and i told her to take some rest first and to come over. after this she burst and started to scream and say i didn’t want to take care of her etc etc etc so after that she broke up with me and said she wanted to stay friends. First i was oke with it but after i started to distance myself but she started to call me daily sometimes 3 times a day and send me pictures about her self and ask for advice. I started to focus on the times she calls and its mostly late in the night and the afternoon.
    What i also started to see is her change of behavior one day she is happy and the one next day she is so misaberal. headaches and pain everywhere. I don’t call her or text her. like i said she calls me.

    So plz, explain to me what she wants and how i can get her back because she gives me mixed signals.

    1. Hi Mikhail,
      Thank you for reaching out! I’m sorry to hear about your current situation, I know how painful this can be! I invite you to schedule a coaching session with me, so we can discuss next steps! Please visit this link if you’d like to connect :
      I’m available tomorrow and can speak with you close to immediately.
      Coach N

  25. My ex bf & I were together for 7 years & we were engaged. I cheated on him we broke up last June 2016 but we never really stopped talking or seeing each other from then till now. He dated other girls I only went out with 2 guys. June of this year we got back together & we were seeing each other everyday & I was staying at his place some. Thurs August the 24 we got into an argument that morning because he said he didn’t want me there at his house all the time. I got upset & said I won’t be at your house again to pack my stuff & bring it to me. He said he didn’t want that he wanted us together & he wanted to spend that weekend with me. I wouldn’t give in & just telling him to get my stuff to my house. He said he loved me didn’t want it so I insisted. Well he actually did it. He got my stuff & brought to my house. Then that Saturday he went out with a new girl & spent all Sunday with her as well. This whole we were talking to each other. Then this past Tuesday he shows up at my house to see me & we have sex then he leaves. Wednesday was good conversation to but then that night he tells me he asked that girl to go away for the weekend with him but she can’t go he says. Then I get upset at him & tell him he can have her & spend whatever weekends he wants with her cause I was done. That night he text & called me all night till about 1 AM. I never responded. Then Thursday he showed up at my house & he said let’s talk & I said what do we have to talk about with attitude & he gets upset & leaves. He sends me a long text stating he’s given me chance after I cheated he’s tried to fix us & he can’t be around as long as I have attitude. He also goes. On to say he’s never loved any body like he’s loved me, he loves me & always will but he’s not gonna bother me anyone more he’s gonna walk away & start a new life. I don’t respond till this morning. I text he text back he came over we talked he looked me dead in the eye said he loves me he wants back together he wants to give me my ring back he wants us to get married etc etc. I’m over joyed happy & smiling. Then he says he has to go he has somethings to do. Then a lil later he text me & said that the girl got whatever worked out so she could go with him this weekend & he was going out of town with her. He just left my house. I responded with ok & everything u just told me was a lie to have fun that I will go out with someone to. He replies with I’m being honest you ignored me those 2 days & I had made these plans. Then I did the ultimate mistake. I begged. Begged not to do it that I would let this weekend go if he would give us another chance that I loved him I was just hurt & i knew how he felt when I cheated on him. & I didn’t want him doing this. Then he replies with I’m driving it’s raining. So he’s with her now. I’m lost. What do ido? Where do I start to fix this?

  26. Hello Kyonna,
    I invite you to really take a step back and ask yourself who has control of this relationship? It seems as though you may need to gain some control back. Just becuase you have kids together does not mean that you have to sacrific less. You deserve someone to be by your side. I encourage you to do no contact and only speak to him about the kids.
    WMEA Team

  27. This is good. Just remember space is always good to show your partner independence and to take things seriously. Just don’t rush into things and stay strong to your values for you and your family. Best of luck!
    – WMEA Team

  28. Hello Aditi,
    Reflecting on this relationship and asking yourself if this is a good guy for you is where I would start. You should never be with anyone who abuses you as this is something that needs to be dealt with internally. There is something emotionally that is causing you to be dependent on him. My advice and I really hope you take this, is to focus on you only and not have him in your life right now until you become happy with yourself. We are here if you need anything. Best of luck!
    WMEA Team

    1. i did focused on self love nd on 23rd jan he contacted me we had nrml talkings we were laughing …nd thn on 31st we had a talk on our past relationship nd he was like look i dnt want to lose my bestfrnd bt i dnt want this relationship you have lost me as a some point i have also missed my bestfrnd bt i really want this relationship nd he did said sorry for all the abusive word he said out of anger ….is there any possibilty that we can have our relationship back? coz he only want friendship nothing more than that …should i just move on assuming he has gone nd he will never come back …or should i keep hoping ?

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