One of the main challenges after a breakup is being dependent on the actions of your ex. You wait for them to make a decision before you make your own. You give them space, write quotes and you show that you’re patient and understanding, in order to avoid pressuring or pushing them. Nevertheless, it’s been weeks, maybe even months, and things aren’t moving forward. Every time you pose a question, the only answer you get is, “I don’t know” or “I need time.”
Generally there are two types of behavior that we see in this situation. You can be dependent, giving your ex all the time they need, without saying a word, while simply waiting for the decision to be made. Or you can do too much of the opposite and end up badgering them. Of course, as a relationship expert, I can’t let you choose between these two methods because they are dead ends, and will result in mistakes. In truth, you need a strong technique in order to move forward. You must take action and have the conviction to conquer your ex’s doubts.
Though you may not realize it yet, you may also be in need of time and space after a breakup as well. So don’t just sit there and only try to find a solution to the words “my ex needs time”; make sure that you also use this time wisely! How much time should you give your ex? How can you convince them to come back? What should you do during this period? I will provide answers to all of these questions in this article!
Should I comply if my ex needs time
This is the question you are all asking yourselves while reading this article and the answer is simple: YES! If your ex is asking you for time you should not refuse. Of course you may not understand why, but it’s simply because it’s important to not create additional conflicts and to avoid pushing them to sever contact all together. Even if this decision is hard, you can’t be brash or respond negatively to their need for space.
In most cases a person wants to keep their ex close for the wrong reasons. Common motivators in these situations are the fear of being single, or a dependence on love. You aren’t searching for a way to fix the problem; you simply try to pretend that it’s not significant or that it does not exist all together.
Contrary to what you might think you can benefit from taking a step back. You can concentrate on rebuilding yourself, and focusing on an essential part of winning your relationship back: understanding the break-up.
If you’ve been following our blog, you understand that you are currently living a crucial moment, and that you cannot truly comprehend why the breakup occurred if you only focused on chasing after your ex or getting back together as quickly as possible. This is exactly why you should give them space. Not only because it’s what your ex needs, but also because it will be highly beneficial for you. You have separated so you Can’t be too clingy, acting as if you were still together.
Why does your ex need space?
You loved them, you had made plans, your families were close, and yet a few days or weeks ago, the person with whom you shared your life asked you for space. It is usually an unexpected decision, which makes it even harder to accept. When we ask, “why does my ex need time?” there are different elements to take into consideration in order to respond.
Firstly, a tumultuous past can lead a person to require space, and therefore no longer be present on a daily basis. It can also result in them taking time before they come to a final decision. If you’ve been making one another miserable for months or years, if you’ve been unfaithful, or if you were disrespectful, your ex will have ended up needing space. As I explained distance can be useful and is not necessarily negative; it will ensure that one avoids brash decisions or actions.
Another important thing to understand is that your ex has possibly chosen this path in order to avoid facing too many questions. Your ex has spent a certain amount of time with you and they most likely know you like the back of their hand. If you have a tendency to ask too many questions, if you are impulsive, they will feel that time and distance is a good solution in order to avoid being badgered or harassed.
We can also find a more positive reason behind their sudden need for solitude after the break-up. It could be to avoid making you suffer. Still spending time with the person you love, while no longer being romantically involved, sets you up for even more heartache. In order to avoid being inadvertently cruel, or to avoid giving false hope, they decided on a more drastic method.
How much time is enough time for my ex to reflect?
In order to determine a more precise amount of time, we need to take into consideration the length of your relationship. It is important to understand that if your relationship lasted six months, the length of time needed to reflect will not be the same as if you have spent fifteen years together, or if you have multiple children together. Even though the love might be just as strong, the consequences are not the same.
You must also be able to set boundaries. For example, if your ex has been telling you, “I don’t know what to do,” for the last three or four months, you must also be able to put your foot down and take action. This is where an individual plan of action needs to be put in place and one that we can design together during a coaching session. Timing is vital in winning your ex back, because each day is precious and can make the difference.
The Coach to contact if your ex tells you they need time,
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!