understand the causes of a breakupFollowing a painful breakup it’s hard to understand the causes when someone is not really clear with you about what has pushed them to walk away from the relationship. In other words the exact reasons or the causes of a breakup are not given to you by your ex. What is clear in almost all cases however is that your ex was no longer happy in your relationship.

Furthermore, we have found that in most cases their decision to breakup up was also inevitable. In contrast you may feel like the relationship was going well and in some extreme cases that nothing was even wrong! Let us try to explain this difference of perspective through this article as well as delve into the causes of a breakup!

Understand the real issues that led to your breakup

Did your ex always tell you that you were the perfect person? that you deserve all the happiness in the world, but that they just cannot be with you? Many times people that breakup still feel the need to try to still “protect” their ex. To put it in simple terms they feel guilty and do not want you to suffer even more because of their decision.

They are not forthcoming about the true issues that they were facing while being with you. If this is something that you think applies to you, try to focus on finding out the exact causes of the breakup. You need to get to the root of the problem. This will put you in position to fix the negative behaviors or actions that represent the true causes of the breakup.

Knowing this you will understand how crucial it is to maintain a positive dialog with your ex. Don’t enter into a conflict situation with them or wait passively for them to decide to tell you how they really feel on their own terms! Until you act with this goal in mind and fully understand why, it is fair to say that you either have not fully grasped the implications linked to your breakup.

I know that it is difficult to accept that your relationship can suddenly end one day. This can lead to tremendous amounts of stress and anxiety on its own merit, but can be even far worse when you don’t understand the causes of the breakup. It is nevertheless crucial to try to stay in a positive frame of mind. Weather your end goal is to ultimately get back together or even if it is to simply move on you will need to force yourself to pep up. A positive frame of mind is the only way to not only overcome the breakup, but also to understand its reasons.

If nothing seems to be working and you find yourself dealing with someone who isn’t receptive to your need to understand what truly happened, we suggest that you write a handwritten letter to your ex. This should enable you to finally understand the causes of a breakup but also move on and envision a new and improved relationship together.

Write to understand the causes of a breakup!

I invite you to take a step back, and plan your next move, the handwritten letter, which can be incredibly important to get them to open ups. But beforehand you will need to jot down some notes and reflect on your own merit. Use insights that you have been able to gain from your positive outlook and in casual conversations. Try to the best of your abilities to have the proper perspective of both your past relationship and the breakup.

Although your ex did not give you his or her point of view, you should be able to reflect on some actions that you may have done wrong and offer potential solutions moving forward. Try to have an all-encompassing view of the situation in regards to the lead up but also following the breakup. Trying to write down all that is going through your head will allow you to carry out the right actions in the future more easily.

You need to understand what your ex is blaming you for, so we cannot stress enough the need to do this brainstorming session in writing; Please do not hesitate to take a pen and paper and to start right away to jot down what they’ve said in past conversations or instances where they may have gotten mad at you. Please complete this task before writing the hand written letter. This element of preparation represents a crucial step in the process of understanding the true causes of the breakup.

While going through such an exercise and staying accountable to yourself by putting your thoughts on paper, you’re intrinsically more precise and honest with yourself. Once again this is just an analysis phase which precedes your actions.

Finally you will take the lessons that you have learned and use them as tools to get to the bottom of his or her thoughts via a handwritten letter as discussed above. In this letter it will be important to make a link between your errors your ex’s expectations and the breakup. With the knowledge gained, you will be able to carry out this task most effectively.

Such a letter should finally enable him or her to open up and feel more at ease in sharing with you what caused the rift and ultimately the separation. Once you are fully aware of the issues, you will be in a position to remedy them! And just like that you will have been able to understand the causes of the breakup and make strides towards reconciliation and potentially getting back together.

Stay well friends.

Your coach to help you understand the causes of a breakup

Alexandre Cormont