After a breakup sometimes you manage to stay in touch with the one you were sharing your life with during all these months or years. In fact you may still have regular exchanges with your ex, friendship maybe budding or perhaps you find yourself in the situation I’d like to talk about today. Are you now engaged in a purely sexual relationship with your ex? Separation doesn’t always have to equal abstinence, and I know that very many of our readers, both men and women, find themselves in this situation. Very often people continue to maintain a physical relationship with their ex after a breakup and this is brought about by many causes that I will address in this article.
For some people sleeping with an ex after a breakup is unimaginable. In their eyes, ties should be cut in one clean swipe and so it doesn’t make sense to continue sleeping together. Of course this isn’t the case for everyone. So various questions arise; Is it a good idea? Why make love with an ex instead of simply moving on? Is this a good way to make them want you back?
When you realize “my ex only wants sex,” it’s tough to know how to react. You don’t want to make mistakes, but at the same time you don’t have to have any regrets either; after having refused or after having given in too quickly. Now it’s time to have a clear and straightforward explanation regarding this situation that affects so many people that can’t bring themselves to say goodbye for good.
Why does my ex only wants sex?
A relationship doesn’t only consist of emotions. There is also the important aspect of physical attraction. After months or even years and years of life together, sometimes emotions dwindle. For some couples just the emotional tie between two people isn’t enough to keep them together; but it doesn’t mean that the carnal desire dies out as well.
For whatever the reason may be; lack of communication, routine, or maybe you might not even know why; you and your partner decided to end things. Your ex still plans to see you and to spend time with you, notably for intimate moments. Sexual desire isn’t easy to control, and this is the case for your ex as well. You know each other well, you each know what the other likes and so it’s easy to find pleasure.
After a breakup men and women often find it very difficult to immediately engage in a new relationship, but they don’t want to be single either. It’s a bit of a paradox but I assure you, you’re not the only one feeling this way.
Sleeping with an ex after a breakup can be a way to ease the transition for some people. The one you used to share your life with doesn’t want solitude but can’t invest in your relationship either. There’s another element to take into consideration: the desire to feel pleasure. For your ex, celibacy shouldn’t mean the absence of a sexual partner, and so he or she doesn’t want to lose these two things at the same time. Desire becomes a need, and perhaps your physical bond was what was holding your relationship together. So now, even if you know this might not be the best route, you’re wondering if making love with your ex will bring them back.
Do I have to sleep with my ex?
In order to answer this question you need to understand your situation and know exactly what you want. It’s important to not spend every night in your ex’s bed if you want to turn over a new leaf. Don’t give in to their advances if you want to forget about them. If in the present moment you aren’t sure of what you want, sleeping with your ex might not be the best idea; or at least not until your goals and consequently your decisions become clearer.
It’s important to avoid having regret if you want your love life to be really fulfilling. If you’re thinking, “my ex only wants sex” and you’re not sure of what you want, it would be best to take a step back! No one is forcing you to spend the night with them, even if you still live together. Sleeping in separate bedrooms is sometimes best; especially if you don’t want any misunderstandings. Just because you’re sleeping together doesn’t mean you’re back together!
If your goal is to seduce your ex and to get back together and if you follow my advice on how to recreate affinity between you two, you’re going to behave like a couple and sooner or later you will make love. However you shouldn’t throw that on the table two days after you’ve broken up, when your heart is in the gutter. Make sure to never sleep with your ex just to make them happy, while waiting for them to take you back. There is more to a relationship than just sex, and consequently, there is more to getting back together than just sex as well!
Be careful not to become your ex’s sex-friend!
The line between ex and sex-friend is thin; so the question of whether or not to sleep with an ex is often in the forefront. Something I’ve seen in relationships and in the people I’ve helped throughout the last few years is the development of one night stands with an ex.
Whether it’s the man or the women seeking action there is often no tenderness and no sweet gesture. Just a mess of entangled legs a few times a week. You or your ex want all the advantages of a relationship without any of the rest! You don’t realize it but being able to see each other only when you feel like it is a dream for many!
If this is your choice I have to respect it. It’s your love life and if this is fulfilling and bringing you joy, then great! However realize that this isn’t just anyone that you’re sharing your nights with. Before ‘just sex’ there were feelings, passion, things in common, a family, and so it’s not the healthiest thing to do right after a breakup. Maybe by doing this, one of you has something else in mind…
Whether you want to simply move on from your relationship, or if you’re hoping to get back together with the person you shared wonderful moments with; sleeping together isn’t always the best route to take unless you are both fully aware and ok with what you’re doing.
If you’re secretly hoping to get back together, you’re risking getting labeled as your “ex’s sex-friend,” and this is a hard situation to escape or overome. Jealousy, or the desire to get back together will surface and will cause one of you pain. If this is about wanting to stay in touch, I’d suggest cultivating a genuine friendship. There’s no point in causing pain a second time.
You have to take a step back and gain some perspective, so that you can see which approach is best for you, while considering all your options. The goal is to avoid rushing, and to be fully aware of the consequences no matter what you decide to do. So yes, sometimes people are successful in making their ex take them back by sleeping together; but more often than not, this won’t help you. You’re not using the right type of leverage. To know more about different forms of leverage and to know how to get a positive reaction from your ex, I highly advise you to set up an appointment, especially if you’ve already started sleeping again with your ex.
Your coach to know whether or you should sleep with your ex.