Sometimes two people break up not because the love and attachment is no longer there, but because there are external circumstances that are making them feel that right now is not the ideal moment to be together. There are a couple different situations in which people ask me what they should do when an ex asks them to wait for them. One is when two people decide to go on a break. That is a very specific situation because it is expected that you will get back together. If you’d like to read more about how to handle a break with your partner, click here.
This article is going to focus on the other situation in which people often find themselves. Just the other day, Emilie came to me asking for advice in her situation. She told me, “We broke up and I thought it was over… but now he’s telling me that he wants me to wait for him. He says he’s not ready to be with me right now, but he’s working on it.”
I wanted to write an article outlining the responses that are available to someone in a situation like this, because I know it’s more common than we think.
My ex says they’re not ready for a relationship right now: Why?
There is a wide range of reasons as to why an ex might tell you that right now is not a good time to be in a relationship with them. I know that for many people, love is enough of a reason to be with someone and it’s hard to imagine what could eclipse that.
There are also different ways to think about the situation. For example, one person might say that it’s admirable that this person could recognize the fact that they’re unable to offer what you need at this very moment and don’t want to tie you down, and someone else might say that you can always find the way to make something work if you care enough.
A good way to clarify this is to look at your ex’s concrete actions during this confusing period.
But first, let’s take a look at the reasons behind why your ex might be saying he wants you to wait for him or that she isn’t ready for a relationship right now.
When a person genuinely cares about you, they’ll put your needs ahead of their own. Right now, your ex might be recognizing that he or she cannot give you what you need. Some of the most common reasons are:
– Affection and attention
When a person has a lot going on in their personal lives, they might feel that they cannot give you the type of care you both need in order to nurture a relationship. It can be because of pressure at work or from other family members regarding a personal issue, it can be kids from a previous relationship, and it could even be an inner struggle with depression. I often see this type of behavior in people that are deeply unsatisfied with their personal lives.
I especially see this in men, and when a person feels like they haven’t accomplished as much as they want in terms of work, home, or finances, they can feel like they need to push their signifiant other away. I know it’s confusing because you’re probably wondering, “Does he want a relationship or not?!” or “Why doesn’t she want to be with me right now if she says she has feelings for me?” But sometimes people just need to figure some things out on their own before they can be the partner they want to be.
So that’s one possibility. There is another possibility that is less romantic…
When a man or woman is unsure of their feelings for you, they might tell you to wait so that they can keep their options open. They don’t want to fully commit to you, but they don’t want to lose you as an option either. This of course leaves you in a position where you’re being toyed with and strung along.
Fortunately, you can get a better idea of what’s going on in your ex’s mind simply by looking at one simple thing.
Is it worth waiting for someone you love?
If you want to know whether your ex is serious about asking you to wait or if they’re just stringing you along, all you need to do is take a look at one simple thing: Their actions.
We all know that actions speak louder than words, so if you are thinking, “I will wait for him or her,” make sure you are very honest with yourself. Ask yourself if this person is actually making the effort now to make the changes they need in order to get to a place in which they can offer you what they know you want, or has nothing changed at all?
Are you being manipulated because your ex wants to keep you close, but not too close so that they can enjoy the single life?
I know that you only want to see the good in your ex because you’re still very much in love with him or her, but it is crucial that you don’t turn a blind eye to things that could hurt you very badly in the future.
I mention this because just recently I was working with Arian, whose ex girlfriend broke up with him because she needed time to think about what she wanted. He waited for her, and whenever she felt that he started to drift away, she would know just the right thing to say to reel him back in.
She was asking him to wait, and Arian was thinking she’s not ready for a relationship, until the day he found out she was dating someone new. Upon speaking with him, it became clear that she had not given him any concrete indicators that she was making changes that would benefit their relationship together. She was stringing him along until she found something she wanted more.
Each situation is of course entirely unique, but there is one thing to do that will benefit any person wondering what to do when their ex asks them to wait for them…
Waiting for someone you love: Here’s what to do
Loving someone who isn’t ready for a relationship is pretty tough. It’s frustrating and it makes you feel very vulnerable… which is not something that anyone enjoys.
There is one thing that will benefit anyone in this type of situation: Taking care of yourself.
Whether your instincts tell you that this person is worth the wait or not, your focus should be entirely on yourself right now. The number one goal should be to make your life into what you’ve always wanted it to be!
Think about how you can improve your life and make yourself considerably happier. The key is to introduce new activities and to fill up your schedule with things that bring you joy. Get more physically active or switch up your work out routine. Spend time with friends and family, and make an effort to try new things. Think about weekend trips, checking out new hotspots in your city, and picking up old hobbies as well as trying out new ones.
The goal is simple. By improving your own life, you will have a better idea of whether or not you want to wait for this person, and it will also shock them into realizing what they stand to lose if they let you slip away.
For more information on how to make someone want you back, click here!
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach for knowing what to do when you’re wondering, “Should I wait for him or her?