When seeking to get back with your ex once communication has been reestablished, their usually comes a second first date. This is the first date or outing together since the breakup; you have your sights on trying to seduce him or her again and you wish to put together the perfect first date to ultimately officially get back together.
A number of factors or circumstances need to be in place before you reach this point. We often talk about those in our articles on this site; however we wanted to focus more on the moments leading up to the date and the rendezvous itself in order to provide you with concrete tools and tips so that you feel as confident as possible.
Make sure that the time is right
Ensure that you are not rushing to go on this second first date with your ex. In order to reach your ultimate goal of getting back together and have a perfect date, enough time must have passed since the breakup to showcase an evolution.
There are no exact time requirements to wait for; you need to use your good judgment and look for signs that will help you decide if the moment is right. Has communication with your ex greatly improved since the breakup? Do you find that you and your ex still argue over the phone or through messages? Did you have to beg to get them to agree to a date?
Be honest when answering these questions and you will have a good sense of if the time is right to achieve this perfect date to get back with your ex.
Be in the right state of mind coming in
You must be in a positive state of mind coming in to the date. If you are depressed or very nervous it will be very difficult for both of you to have a good time. Your energy will set the tone for the entire evening and your ex will feed of it; if they feel that you are looking to convince them to get back with you they may close up and not let go.
Don’t overthink things and simply go into it as if you were going out with a very close friend; without pressure. Don’t pick a place with too much baggage or with a direct link with your past relationship. You may think that your old favorite sushi restaurant where the two of you shared countless memories may be the ideal place, but it’s probably not!
Your ex may associate that restaurant with negative memories and trauma from your past relationship. So pick out a new place which will enable renewed energy; don’t be afraid to try something new.
Add a change to your look
It is recommended that you add a change to your look in order to surprise your ex and as another means of highlighting your evolution. It can be new clothes or even a change of hairstyle. Don’t go over the top here, and make sure that you are comfortable with your new look.
If you feel good and attractive it will enable you to be more confident coming in; feeling good about yourself will drastically help you to put together the perfect date to get back with your ex.
If you are insecure about the way you look, your lack of self-confidence will prevent you from being natural and focusing on the one thing that matters: connecting with your ex and having a great time!
The plan for the night is to relax and have a good time
The entire strategy for the night is centered on the notion of having a good time. Ideally both you and your ex will feel so good, secure and connected that you won’t want the night to end. If you are relaxed and prepared for this event, you shouldn’t have to put tremendous amounts of efforts into making this possible.
You and your ex know each other quite well and it should be pretty easy to quickly re-kindle. Don’t worry about trying to figure out where it will all lead and focus on the present moment. Every other tip or advice is secondary; in order to achieve the perfect date but also make him want to get back with you, he will need to feel good while being with you.
Laugh and re-establish intimacy
It is very important that you laugh during this date and that you re-establish intimacy. Don’t hesitate to tap into inside jokes or play into a sense of humor that you know your ex can relate too. Laughing will ease any tensions that may still remain and will bring you both closer together.
You will know that you are successful in creating intimacy if your ex starts to open up to you about things that they are going through or look to you for advice. This is a sure way for you to build trust and to recreate a solid foundation moving forward.
Add layers to your date
If you are planning the evening make sure that you add layers to your date; this means that you create movement or give energy to the evening by going to more than one place. Instead of sitting through a three course meal at a restaurant, don’t hesitate to start off with a drink at a cool bar in the area, and then go to the restaurant for your meal before going somewhere else for desert.
If your ex has decided to plan out the evening you can still add layers by suggesting going for a walk before having desert. If the mood is right and you know that your ex enjoys a particular outing such as going clubbing, bowling or other, you can even suggest it to them to try to extend the night.
Add a physical connection
At some point during the date it is important for you to try to add a physical connection to your date. In other words, you and your ex need to have some sort of physical contact during the actual date. We are not referring to sexual contact here but rather a more sensual one.
You can lean your head against his shoulder, put your arm under his or hers softly brush your hands through his or her hair. What you are looking to achieve is to break the ice and reestablish a need for closeness on their part.
Don’t force it and make sure that your action comes out naturally. If you forget or if it doesn’t feel right it’s not the end of the world; you can still have the perfect date and get back with your ex.
Leave them wanting more
Ultimately the goal should be to leave them wanting more after the date. So make sure to try not to extend the date too much in order not to run out of steam. We strongly advise against sleeping together on this second first date for this very reason!
If your ex his a man and he suggests that you go home together you can simply tell him that parts of you would love too but that part of you is also telling you that this would not be aligned with some of your new found values and core beliefs.
Tell him that you had an amazing time and that you would love to do it again sometime while leaving open the possibility that you may be open to more next time around….leave them wanting more!
Your coach here to help you go on the perfect date to get back with your ex,