Should I pick up my stuff from my ex ASAP?

pick up my stuff from my exHow do you get your things from your ex’s place while making a good impression? How do you control your emotions and to not come undone? Should you go get your belongings or wait for your ex to get in touch first?

It’s never easy knowing how to act with your ex after the breakup. More often that not, you share some things and it’s the last thing that ties you together. A fear of losing them forever is ever-present so you have the tendency to wait before you go pick up your stuff. You’re thinking that this is the best way to make sure they don’t forget about you and that you stay present in their mind.

Getting back together requires that you prove that your attitude and state of mind have improved. If you want to show your ex that you’ve changed, you have to go get your things and unveil your improvements.

There are specific rules for a successful “tête à tête,” for reestablishing dialogue is communication had been severed, and for making your ex want to see you again afterwards. Don’t ever think that picking up your clothes, pictures, or whatever it may be signifies the last time you’ll ever be in contact with your ex. You can always get in touch after, but it will be a little more delicate. In any case it’s pointless to put pressure on yourself. Throughout this article I will explain to you why it’s a good thing to pick up your stuff from your ex, and the best way to handle the moment with all the negative emotions that will surface. Don’t hesitate to share your stories in the comments below, and I would more than happy to personally help guide you.

Should I pick up my stuff from my ex? Yes so you can stop thinking about the past!

As I mentioned in the introduction, you’re keeping this last tie between you because you’re hoping that your ex doesn’t forget you but when you’re trying to get back together, it’s imperative that you never anchor yourself in the past.

This means that you have to forget about the separation and the way the relationship was before so that you can create a new affinity with your ex that will help you to seduce them again. Keep in mind that the more you hold on to your habits from the past (fearing losing your significant other for good, your desire to restart the same exact relationship,) the less your ex will want to be with you.

The last step is therefore to pick up your things and bring the relationship to close so that you can begin a new chapter. You have to show your ex the changes you’ve made thanks to the rules of meeting up face to face that I recommend in my eBook but also by accepting the breakup and showing them that you’ve been able to bounce back.

Your ex doesn’t need your things to make them think about you. They can miss you at any moment; even after you’ve picked up all your belongings because the they’ll feel that they’ve lost you for good. Your ex has to feel like they’ve completely lost you in order to realize that your relationship wasn’t so bad and that even if you should have made some efforts and changed some things, you weren’t a bad partner. Sometimes after having been with a person for a long time, things tend to be amplified. A breakup brings order back and the person who made the decision to separate can start feeling regret.

How to make a good impression when you’re picking up your belongings?

Seeing your ex again is never easy, especially when it’s because you have to pick up your stuff. It often becomes a step that feels insurmountable and you end up making a lot of mistakes. Your feelings will resurface and you’ll want to tell them everything you feel and that all you want to do is to be together again. Oftentimes all the efforts you had made over the last few weeks and all your resolutions disappear into thin air the moment you’re face to face with your ex again.

However, just like as if you were organizing a classic rendezvous with your ex, there are certain rules you’re going to have to follow.

1/The ideal state of mind when you see your ex again

You have to smile and avoid overplaying the “dramatic” element of the situation. Your goal is to show that you’ve accepted the breakup and that you’re letting go. You’re enjoying life and you’re no longer making the same mistakes you were making in the past. It’s imperative that your ex sees that you have a new mind frame.

2/Showing yourself in the best light when you pick up your things from your ex’s house

You have to look great, but be careful not to overdo it. Don’t wear something inappropriate, especially you ladies, but you have to pay attention to every detail. Contrary to what people might think, this is not the moment to show up wearing something their ex loved. It’s better to come wearing something new that shows off your best features, because this will showcase your new desire to make your life even better.

You have to be positive and you should be smiling! Try listening to music to give you a little boost just before you see them (no sad songs!) and visualize your ex as a good friend. The goal is to forget about your desire to get back together so that you can show them what they’re losing!

3/What can you talk about with your ex?

It’s not always easy to know how to act when you have to pick up your things from your ex’s place. So a good way to converse is to ask your ex about their daily life these days, what they have enjoyed doing and to bring up all the new things you’ve started doing in your life.

The more you’ll be able to remain neutral and the more you’re going to show your new state of mind, the more your ex will notice. I know I’m harping but it’s imperative that you don’t overdramatize the situation and you really have to stay natural.

How to get in touch with your ex again after you’ve picked up your things?

First of all, don’t ask your ex, “Will be see each other again?” or “Will you give me another chance?” Set your emotions to the side and don’t unveil your intentions of getting back together.

To get back in touch with your ex after you’ve picked up your things I suggest focusing on the changes you told them about. You must stay focused on the positive and to communicate with your ex as if they were a friend.

For example you could ask them about how their project at work is developing, if the pet you share is doing well, if they had gone to the more recent gallery opening or their favorite artist’s concert etc…

By talking about current things you’ll be able to regain control of the situation and to reestablish a comfortable dialogue.
Don’t worry too much and let your ex make some advancements towards you as well!

Getting your stuff back from your ex is never very easy because the goal is to make your ex feel somewhat uncertain and to make them develop a desire to make steps towards you. Be careful to control your emotions and to always look to the future so that your ex will be more likely to communicate with you in the best possible way.

The face to face meeting will allow for emotions to resurface, so by taking your time, little by little, you’ll make them begin wanting you again.

I truly wish you the best.

Kind regards,

Adrian, your love coach for getting back together with your ex

  • Celina B

    What if my ex lives in another state? Whould it be a bad idea to to drive their and ask him to meet up. No pressure of course I would simply tell him I’m in town and ask if he was able to meet up to exchange one anothers belongings. I would only do this because we have not spoken sice he broke up with me a week ago, we had a prettty bad break up and he was very angry with me. Even to go as far as to say never speak to him again. Im not sure if he actually ment it or if it was said out of anger. I have not yet tried to contact him, asking him to meet up to exhange belongings would be my first attempt at contact. I would hate showing up unnanounced like this but I feel as though I have no other option because he has yet to try and make any form of contact with me after the breakup. This whole situation has me pretty confused since I have no idea how he feels. My thought process riight now is if I show up and ask to meet maybe he will be more inclined to say yes since I have travled a great distance or he will completely be annoyed at the fact that I showed up and get even more upset with me. Which would ruin every chance of getting him to ever meet up with me. He will be moving out of state he currently lives in now in 2 week and Ill have no idea where he will be, so I kinda feel the time limit to meet up is pretty limmited.

  • CoachAdrian

    Hey Celina,
    Thanks for sharing your story. Based on the info provided I think that it may be best for you to contact your ex to tell him that you plan on coming to pick your stuff on a certain time and day. The fact that he is moving out of state warrants this move…I would love to coach you in order to maximize the impact of this meet up in order to make him reconsider his decision and to plant seeds of doubt. Don’t hesitate to book a coaching session if you are interested!
    Best of luck,

  • Laura

    If there were many things to move like a mattress, bed and cartires in my case, (he offered to try fit it in his car) over the distance of one hour drive, should I rather let it be picked up? Should I use it as an opportunity or will it just be too much of an intense situation?

    • CoachAdrian

      Hey Laura,
      Thanks for your message.
      It really depends on how things ended and your overall mindset at the moment. If you feel like this will lead to a confrontation or that you will lose control of your emotions….I suggest that you get things picked up.
      If you are strong enough to not breakdown or argue, this could be a unique opportunity to start to turn things around.
      Here to help if need be.

      • Laura

        Thanks Adrian!

        I think i am there that I can pull it off just being cool and not be emotional – I just don’t know if he is.

        Last time I picked up only small things he wanted me gone (because I talked about the breakup again) so things didn’t look well last time (he’s angry).

        It’s confusing because I feel there has been a lot of miscommunication during a stressful time that led to the breakup.

        I just would like to show him I’m my usual self – it’s been 2 months of mc now. But I’m worried he will feel pressured and angry again if I suggest we do it together, or give the wrong impression with just sending a moving service..

        Thank you so much!

  • Derek

    I moved to the city that my ex lives in and she is bringing my stuff back to me because I haven’t talked to her since I have been here. I think she wants to see what I am up to and where I am living? How do I handle this? I do want to get back with her.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Derek,
      Thank you for sharing your story. I know you’re questioning whether it’s a good idea to get your stuff from your ex, but maybe this can simply be an intro to more dialogue. Let her bring your things, and maybe invite her in for coffee and a catch up. Make sure the conversation is pleasant and light hearted (remind her how well you two got along). If you can do this, you’ll have opened the door to further communication. I hope this helps!
      Coach Natalie

  • Mark

    So my ex left me when she went to job training for a couple of months and seemed to be completely over me. When I came home I left all of her stuff in her driveway without telling her I’d leave anything. She eventually texted me saying that she was home when I dropped her stuff off and I could’ve dropped in to say hi. One thing lead to another and we went to dinner that night. We didn’t bring up the relationship at all just talked about what we were up to and when she dropped me back home I told her it was nice seeing her. When I opened the car door I heard her say maaaaark like she wanted to talk but I ignored it and walked into my house without turning back. The next day I went to her house for a sweatshirt that I told her to leave outside however she didn’t and came outside to give it to me and she looked upset. I was upbeat and said thanks for my sweat shirt and she later asked if I would see her two weeks later when I come home for Thanksgiving break. I said we’ll see so I didn’t give her any satisfaction of letting her know I’d love to see her again. It’s just weird how I gave her everything back but she still has all of my stuff. I’m wondering if she wants me back but I do not have any expectations.

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Mark,
      It certainly seems like you are in a good place with your ex. You were wondering whether it’s a good idea to pick up your stuff from your ex, and in this case, I’ll say it can be used as leverage to showcase your evolution and confidence.

      • Coty Buracker

        Is there anyway i can private email you?

        • Coach natalie

          Hi Coty. Absolutely. My email is . You can also reach me on the chat tab of this website.