Every relationship begins with what we like to call the honeymoon phase. Everything feels incredible, and your partner is the apple of your eye. With time, the relationship begins to evolve and you do face challenges. This is inevitable, and you will experience moments of tension between you and your partner.
This is where the biggest relationship killers rear their ugly heads. Fortunately, these things can be overcome if you are vigilant and are willing to make the effort. I wanted to write this article for you today on the biggest factors that risk damaging your relationship, how to spot them, and how to protect against them!
Why do relationships killers emerge over time?
If you’ve sensed a shift in your relationship, I’m sure you’ve been wondering why these things happened and where these changes come from. You two used to be so happy together!
You wanted to spend every day together, your heart soared every time you saw your partner, you made each other laugh, the complicity between you was solid and now… Well, now it feels like there is a divide between you.
Where did it come from? What happened?
This can be especially confusing when there wasn’t one specific event that took place that can easily be blamed for this new disconnect between you. Many people experience broken trust as a result of infidelity and they can easily pinpoint this situation as at the culprit behind their relationship’s new, shaky foundation.
For other people however, their relationship feels threatened and they’re not entirely sure where it came from and what they can do about it.
The reason behind something like this is usually simply that some of the pillars of a solid foundation where not established at the beginning and were overlooked because of the honeymoon stage or because of communication issues.
Whatever the case may be for you, let’s take a look at some of the biggest relationship killers and what you can do to protect your relationship with the one you love!
The top 10 relationship killers to be on the lookout for
Before we go any further I want to reiterate the point I was making above. Just because you might be seeing relationship killers in your relationship right now, it does not mean that the situation is hopeless…
The very first step in rectifying a situation is pinpointing what exactly is going on. Only then can you determine which tools and actions are going to be the most effective in terms of getting you to your goal!
Relationship killer #1: Lack of communication
This is probably the biggest relationship killer out there. So many people make the mistake of assuming that their partner “should know” what they’re thinking and feeling, without actually communicating what they need.
The result is of course that tensions arise and the more time people spend not talking about the things that are bothering them, the more tense things become and the bigger the divide between the two people becomes.
Similarly, lack of communication can also come from not making an effort to check in with each other. We live such busy lives that it becomes easy to neglect our partners and the relationship. With time, this will make two people start to feel further apart and that bond that used to exist is no longer there.
Be careful to avoid making the mistake of taking a partner for granted by subconsciously assuming that he or she will always be there, even if you aren’t making them feel close to you and loved by you.
#2: Family and friends
Another one of the biggest things that can put a strain on a relationship between two people is the relationship they have with each others’ friends and families. Many relationships struggle because people struggle finding balance between their relationships with their friends and family and their relationships with their partners.
In addition to this, many relationships also suffer because a person’s loved ones may not approach of their partner and it puts a strain on the relationship.
Relationship killer #3: Stress management
Unfortunately, a lot of people struggle quite a bit with managing stress and it can put a strain on their relationship with their significant other. Perhaps you or your partner tends to isolate themselves when something is wrong, or perhaps there is a lot of lashing out that happens.
When you take things out on one another, the relationship no longer feels like a safe place where you are protecting one another and acting as a team. This can create a divide between you faster than you might expect.
#4: Holding on to grudges
Number four of relationship killers is all about the concept of forgiveness. When a person holds on to resentment, it can grow with time and create tension that leads to other problems. A person can blow up over something small and it can have a snowball effect.
Out of the top ten relationship killers, this is one of the most dangerous. Grudges will maintain a distance between you and your significant other that often gets harder to patch up if too much time goes by.
#5: Trust issues
Dishonesty is one of the biggest relationship killers. A lot of people think that there is no harm in a little white lie, but the truth is that lies can get out of hand really quickly. What’s more, they can make a person wonder about other things and the truth behind them.
If one or both partners are always questioning the other person’s honesty, the intimacy will suffer. And I’m talking about physical and emotional intimacy.
In addition to this, if you are hiding things from each other, the foundation of the relationship is threatened.
#6: Emotional baggage
Almost all of us have suffered from heartbreak in the past. It’s a normal part of life, but if we do not work through these scars and allow ourselves to heal from them, they could potentially surge up in different relationships later on down the line.
When I’m working with people who have not dealt with wounds from past relationships, I often see that they struggle with trusting their current partners and this leads to tension between them.
This is why I always stress the importance of taking the time to heal from a previous relationship before looking for a new one.
#7 Relationship killers: Insecurity
When a person feels insecure within themselves, it can manifest in the relationship and make them develop needy behavior or struggle with trust.
Insecurity often leads to emotional dependency, which is a big threat to a relationship. It places too much pressure on a person’s significant other and can damage the bond between you. Each person is responsible for their own happiness, and when that responsibility is given to another person, it creates a sizable imbalance in the relationship.
#8: Laziness in a relationship
This is one of those silent killers. With time, people get comfortable in their relationship and start to take their partner for granted without realizing it. They stop making the effort to seduce them, they stop taking care of themselves, and the entire relationship begins to suffer.
All relationships require maintenance and work, and if you’re both willing to do it then the relationship will continue to thrive and evolve. If not, the relationship will crumble because it has been neglected.
Think about it like a house. The house can have a fantastic foundation when it’s built, but if it’s not kept up over the years, it’s going to begin to fall apart.
#9: Broken promises
Number 9 goes hand in hand with number 5 because it will lead to trust issues down the line. If you or your partner breaks promises that you made to each other, the other person is not going to feel like they can rely on this relationship.
Don’t make promises that you can’t uphold or else it’ll kill the relationship. You’ve both got to make each other feel supported and safe, and reassured that you can rely on each other.
#10 Moving, construction, and health issues
The last, yet equally common relationship killers comes in the form of discomfort. When you’re uprooting your life and moving, or remodeling your home, it’s hard to feel at ease and it can make it easy for tensions to arise. The same can be said when a person is experiencing health issues.
How to protect against relationship killers
The biggest thing to keep in mind when your relationship is threatened is that you do have the power to change things. When tensions arise, it’s always the result of fear. Fear of not being loved in the way that you need, or even fear of having chosen the wrong partner.
The key is to practice better reactions to conflict – because there will always be challenges. You just need to learn to face them as a team. If you don’t, when the haze of that fear finally wears off you’ll only be left with shame and regret about your actions.
If you’re looking for help in developing better responses or even restoring a broken relationship, I highly encourage you to get in touch with me or a member of my team by clicking here.
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach when you’re fighting against relationship killers