Rest assured, tons of women have asked themselves the same questions at some point in their lives: why hasn’t he called me back or reached out? Having a one-night stand can be a lot of fun for both parties; however things can quickly become sticky if expectations differ following a casual sexual encounter.
As a relationship expert and love coach, I am constantly asked for love advice, or help people get back with their ex or find the one during private coaching sessions.
I have come to the realization that Men and Women often times do not view casual sex in the same way and this practice can thus have adverse effects on women who felt like intercourse was a beginning and not an end it itself.
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The first question that you need to ask yourself is why do you want him to contact you? Is your ego hurting because you wish you had ended things on your terms? Did you really take a liking to the experience and were hoping to have found your sex friend?
Or do you think that you have developed feelings for him and want to turn one night of casual sex into a long-term relationship? Be honest with yourself and identify your expectations, and we will provide you with a blueprint below on how to best meet your goals.
Your ego took a hit: You feel that you should be the one calling the shots!
This is a common reaction following a one-night stand. Some women, especially the ones that are used to receiving a lot of attention, have trouble accepting the fact that a man is not looking to see them again. They ask themselves questions such as: how dare he not call me back? Or did I do something wrong?
Often times thinking that they have more to offer than the guy with whom they had a casual sexual relationship and thus have trouble coming to terms with the fact that they are not the ones who are calling the shots and in control of outcome. In fact this is a concept that I explore in great detail in my Audio Seminar on How To Get Back Together After A Short Term Relationship.
So if you find yourself in a similar situation, you’ve come to the right place because I have experience with this issue and some advice for you!
A lot of people call me about how to convert one-night-stands into relationships. You wouldn’t believe how many people have succeeded so far! Mariana, in Paris, called me about her one night stand and expressed that her ego was in pretty rough shape about he hadn’t called her again (at this stage it had been three days). My first piece of advice to her was to not let her ego get the best of her.
Get over the fact that he hasn’t called and start developing a strategy to casually see him again. It worked for Mariana and it can work for you. For tips, keep reading!
Don’t take yourself so seriously!
Who cares! It’s just a one night stand! Odds are that if you find yourself in this situation, you probably were not looking for anything more anyways. You should consider yourself lucky to have been able to have a fun night of pleasure with no strings attached, drama free.
It is so easy to get hooked following a one night stand and for one of the two people to want something more, that you should be grateful that you can move on with your life without having to break someone’s heart or waste your time.
Furthermore, you probably should not take yourself so seriously. Realize that the guy has not contacted you back because of his own insecurities and it ultimately has little to do with you, so take it easy and don’t be so hard on yourself. Your ego will get over it!
You will have your chance to call the shots
Ask yourself this question: how long has it been since that night? A few days? A few weeks? The logical answer and most common theme in these situations is simply that not enough time has passed since that last hook up. Men are very predictable creatures.
Take our word for it; he will reach out eventually and probably sooner than you think!
You just want to be sex friends
Depending on your culture and where you live, sex is no longer as taboo as it once was in our modern society. The odds are that you or someone you knows already is or has been engaged in mutually beneficial sexual encounters also known as having a “f*ck buddy”.
There is absolutely no shame in wanting just that. Often times, a women will meet a cool guy, whom they enjoy spending time with, who simply happens to be really really good in bed, who hits the right spots, so to speak, and provides them with tremendous amounts of pleasure.
For whatever reason you simply do not wish to commit to a formal relationship and all that comes with it. The only problem is that since that last hook up, he has been M.I.A, and has not checked in with you. If that is the situation that you are currently facing, we also have some words advice to help you turn things in your favor:
Wait until the weekend and reach out via a hot text
The best way to make your intentions clear is to be bold and direct and to capture his imagination with a sexy text message late at night! Don’t rush to reach out to him and try to engage in mundane conversation, it will send the wrong message and he will think that you want something more.
Chances are, he has not reached out to you sooner because he believes that you will expect to be in a serious relationship and he does not want to get your hopes up.
By waiting for the right moment, perhaps on a Friday or a Saturday night to send him a short, sexy message, you will send a clear message to him about what’s on your mind! If you do not have his number, you can reach out to him via private message on any social media platform.
This will work just as effectively as a text and we ensure you that it will trigger a desired reaction from him.
On the rare occurrence that you do not have any of his contact information, or even his name, we suggest occasionally going back to the place or bar where you met him that night. Remember men are creatures of habit, and you will bump into him there soon enough!
Once contact has been reestablished and you have hooked up on more than one occasion, make sure that you simply continue to play it cool and stay on script, only reaching out to him with sexual intentions and in flirty ways.
One thing will lead to the next, and before you know it and without any acknowledgment needed you will have found your new and dependable sex friend!
Be careful not to fall in love!
Word of caution to our readers seeking a sex buddy, feelings tend to arise with exposure and though repeated nights of pleasure with the same sexual partner! Often people’s intentions can change over time, even if ground rules have been mutually agreed upon.
Once a sexual relationship is pleasurable, fun and stress free, our subconscious guard is letdown and we can become dependent or even fall in love with the person that we vowed to only have casual sex with.
It can lead to an extremely complicated situation, when one party changes the rules of the game and another becomes vulnerable. Don’t say that we didn’t warn you!
How to see him again after a one night stand and transitioning to a committed relationship
Transitioning from a one night stand to a committed exclusive relationship can be a tricky endeavor. You must realize that more often than not, your decision to sleep with a guy was yours to make and that no guarantees were made on his part linked to that sexual encounter.
This implies that it would simply be wrong for you to expect a smooth transition from a one night stand to a full blown relationship; he did not sign up for that.
However, it does not mean that it is impossible for you to win over his heart, and for him to want to, on his own terms, be in a committed relationship with you! If you find yourself in such a situation, patience will be the name of the game. Here is our advice to help you conquer his heart.
“The chase” and understanding the seduction game
You will have to partake in the seduction game and make sure to showcase your unique traits, what makes you different and special in order to make him fall for you and want to make you his. Winning a men’s heart through sex exclusively, is the wrong way to go.
Men will usually reluctantly choose to commit more than they have to, without an incentive. If they already have the best of both worlds, or if they have the opportunity to sleep with you without having to make a commitment, no strings attached, chances are that you will be waiting for that commitment for a long long time.
Furthermore, playing the “cool girl” card, the laid back girl who goes with it, is not the right way to maximize your chances of having a long-term commitment.
Seduction or “the chase” as I like to call it, is a game that can be a lot of fun if approached in the right way, or a chore and even nightmarish if the situation slips out of your control. With the right attitude however, “the chase” can be the most exciting and compelling element of a potential relationship.
I talk about this concept and how to maximize your chances of getting back with a man that you have feelings for in my Self Help Audio Seminar How To Get Him Back. This Program encompasses years and years of research and success stories, so don’t hesitate to check it out if you want additional guidance to turn things around.
Like a poker game, ensure that you play your hand in the best way possible; showcase your strengths and put every chance on your side to optimize your chances when the moment is right.
What you’ve just read is really the primary approach that Mariana took. She returned to where she had met him initially on the same night the following week. There he was, as men, being quite habitual in social experiences, often revisit a same venue several times within a given period. She was strategic in the way she presented herself to him and they played a game of pool.
Here, she was able to show that she was a critical thinker, and didn’t rush in taking a shot. She would calculate the best route to take. She didn’t win the game, but she won his heart.
Schedule sober dates during the day on your terms
In order not to fall into the casual relationship trap, ensure that you schedule dates on your terms and not his. We encourage going on fun dates, during the day, in environments where you are comfortable, where you can be yourself and showcase what makes you unique.
Do not settle for being the late night, post party, drunken booty call! Do not hesitate to refuse his sexual advances or sexy texts.
Don’t be mean or harsh, but always stay sweet or true to yourself. For example, do not hesitate to tell him that you would rather meet for brunch that next morning, or that you cannot meet up because you have made previous engagements for that night.
The key point here is to value yourself at all times and to always maintain the approach or position that he has more to lose than you at all times!
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Do not lower your expectation and do not chase the bait
Staying true to ones’ self also entails not misinterpreting a given situation. Do not convince yourself that you are in a committed relationship when you are in fact engaging in a casual sexual relationship with a man.
Realize that the longer you have been engaging in a casual relationship, the more difficult it will be to transform it into a serious and committed one.
Lastly, remember to never lower the expectations that you have set for yourself and to never chase the bait and fall for his games. If a man is not willing to value you for what you are worth, and is ultimately not willing to take the necessary steps to make you his, you should swiftly move on and on your terms.
He was not the right man for you, and you will know this because you will value yourself accordingly as discussed previously.
Your love coach, here to help you see him again after a one night stand,
Adrian
Life Coach, Motivational Speaker & Relationship Expert from WithMyExAgain.com
30 Responses
We talked for over a month we finally had sex next day he acted weird we made a date night he canceled last min he was feeling well.. Then I texted him told him I didn’t feel a thing I wanna redo.. He said he’s not In a place looking for a relationship n doesn’t want friends you benefits but he likes me a lot so we stayed friends.. Then I started to act crazy cuz he would post pics of this girl he started to hang out n kept bothering him why he’s been distant he said nothing happened he’s just busy I kept bothering him n then accused him of saying that girl he said no he’s not but we argued then he got rid of my social media then I relaized I messed up I apologized we were cool but still distant I would say lets hang out he’ll be like sure but then he cancels I started to text him here n there n he would answer sometimes whenever he feels like I guess.. I know I fucked up n I want to fix it.. We had such an amazing time n had a great chemistry.. He’s the first guy ever showed me respect n I can’t stop thinking about him.. I even started dating another guy b the whole time I kept thinking about him.. There’s something about him n I just can’t give up.. What can I do to get him back.. Please help..
Hey Laney,
Thanks for sharing your story, I want to help you. What bothers me the most about your story is the fact that you say that he is the first guy that ever showed you respect, and I think that you deserve to only be with men that will treat you right. I believe that I can help you win him back for good, by once again becoming a challenge for him and not chasing him around… but I think that we should also go through a process of personal development together to make sure that you can keep him around. Please reach out to me and book a coaching session in order for us to work together quickly. Hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Adrian
Do you have an email I can ask questions off line?
Yes through the contact page, but I will most likely ask you to book a coaching session as i simply don’t have the time to address individual questions via email.
All the best and hope to speak to you soon!
Best,
Adrian
What should I text him the day after the ons after he texted me that it was really really great to meet me really nice..
Hey Felicity,
Sorry I could get to your message now, please tell me how things have evolved in order for me to advise you accordingly.
Best,
Adrian
I had my first one night stand with this hot guy ive known for a while. Not in a sense wherein we’re actually friends, we’re not. I’ve just heard about him and him about me. We might have been introduced a couple times before but nothing that really mattered enough to remember. So i got really wasted with my bff one night and one of my guy friends called asking where i was, i told him i was out drinking in this club and turns out, he and his bros were out there drinking in the parking lot of the same club. I really had no intentions since one night stands arent my thing. Im a virgin actually. Not bec of some religious orientation or some shit, just that ive never really felt the need to get rid of it. So my friend and i are drunk and we walk towards my guy friend with 3 of his other HOT guy friends. One of the hot guys immediately makes the move on my girl and both guys try and chat me up. I was ignoring them for my guy friend. Eventually 2 of the guys including my guy friend decided to leave to get food for a bit. So i was left with one of the hot guys. Whom i knew to have a gf. And it kind of pissed me off how direct he was knowing he had a gf, he then proceeded to explain that theyre broken up as of the moment. “As of the moment” clearly meaning they’ll be getting back soon. I asked for proof and he showed me the text messages between them. Eventually we both left to get food of our own while both our friends made out and the other two went searching for food. I was too wasted to remember our conversation but he ended up feeding me from his spoon. Since our friends were making out in my car, they ended up draining the battery. So i couldnt leave just yet. He offered us a ride. So we all piled up in one car. With 4 of us at the backseat, it was pretty squished so he hoisted me on his lap. I was very aware of the heat radiating off his body then. Then he kissed my neck and i think all girls are with me when i say, the neck is the switch button for a girl’s libido. Eventually we ended up making out in the backseat. We dropped off everyone with me getting dropped off last since i was closest to where he lived apparently. Except he didnt drop me off, we went to a lodge to “sleep off the drunkness” but i think we both knew that wasnt what was gonna happen. So we make out again on the bed until all of our clothes come off and shit be damned, him getting his shirt off was the hottest live action ive gotten from a guy. The dude was ripped. He then proceeds to touch me there and then when he went to place his finger in me, he stilled for a bit and told me i was so tight. Okay so if you actually saw me in person, you wouldnt believe im a virgin. In fact, its probably just me, my ex and my cousin who knows ive never had sex yet. So i dismiss his compliment by reaching out for his zipper and he was all like no, you first. Then he ate me out. First head i ever received and gawd i shit you not, i squirted. He wouldnt stop eating me out all whilst claiming i had the yummiest vagina hes ever tasted. He then proceeded to position himself to my entrance and i was too high on pleasure to even notice. He asked my permission to put it in and thats when i realized i was about to lose my virginity so by shaky resolve i said no. I mean i waited this long to keep it with me at least not lose it in a drunken one night stand. Thats when he confirmed his suspicions and asked if i were a virgin, i said yes but lets pretend you dont know that tomorrow. So we just ended up making out til we both fell asleep, in the morning he asked if there would be a second time and at the moment, the thought itself made me cringe a thousand. I was so adamant on keeping that the one and only. So i told him no. He drove me home and ate me out one last time outside my house bec he wont ever get enough of my pussy or so he says. So the next day, it was all good. I was attending this fair my cousin was hosting and i was just there reading in a corner when he walks up to my cousin with his gf, he ddnt see me at first. When he saw me, he seemed to have stood in awkward silence so i broke it and went all like oh hey and then my cousin then proceeded to introduce us and i was like no we’ve met before, i think he was so scared id rat him out in front of the gf. I introduced myself to the girl and she mustve had the gfs intuition or something bec needless to say she was a bitch. Fast forward to the night later getting drunk with my girls, i forgot to sign my twitter out of my friends phone and after hearing me tell my one night stand tale, she follows him and sends him a dm!! I only notice it the next day when he replies with lol hey and i was mortified. So i apoligized told him my friend messed with me and i blocked him right away. I was so adamant on keeping it a one night only buried in the past thing. So the next day, thats when i felt the hoe in me unleashed. I guess its bec i started to feed on it, thats why it awakened bec i was horny af. And theres a shortage of hot guys in my area. 2 of which ive been previously linked with and im not going back to that. The others are my friend’s boyfriends and i wouldnt do that. So that left him in mind when i fantasized about getting eaten out again. So heres my problem. I want him to be my fuckbuddy or whatever. I am honest when i say i am not looking for a relationship. Im one of those ivy league politicians daughter driven types so i dont have room for shit that would end up with me crying in a bathroom for days when i should be studying. I want him to be my friends with benefits sans the friends, i dont even want to be his friend. I just need his skills to get me off. BUT hes in a complicated relationship with his monster of an ex and im not willing to risk my reputation if i come in between her and her trash talking on twitter. So how do i manage to snag him as my fuckbuddy? My conditions are srsly convenient. He could fuck a hundred girls if he wants as long as im one of it and i always come first whenever i need his expertise. Also, he stays clean. Id need his test results all the time. And no communication between us outside of planning our hookups. Neither one of us can get jealous and hes not to brag about it to people. Srsly, what guy wouldnt want that arrangement. So how do i do it with the crazy gf in tow?
Hey Stephanie,
Thanks for the long message, to give you appropriate feedback I would need to speak to you on the phone.
Don’t hesitate to book a coaching session in order for us to work together and turn this around.
Regards,
Adrian
Hi Adrian! So my story is this, I met a guy on a dating site. We had conversations strictly through the site for about a week before giving him my number. Our conversations were short but fun. I wouldnt text him during the day unless he sent a message first. Consequently, he asked me to have coffee with him. I obliged and our first face to face meeting went great. He’s attracted to me and vice versa. Later that evening he sent a text telling me goodnight. That conversation did not end there and by the end of it he asked if I would like to come over. I obliged. I knew deep down what I was getting myself into on my way over there. We had short conversation which led to a make out session and of course ended up in the bedroom. To be honest the sex was great, but so is his personality. My question for you is, how do I keep this situation from being just a hook up? Is there even a possibility to turn this situation into more than just casual sex?
Hi Jennifer,
Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry about my delayed response; I’ve been tied up in coaching sessions. If you want to see him again about a one-night stand, you need to set a balance of power in the relationship, so he can’t be the only one who determines where the relationship is headed. If you’d like, let’s book a session and set up a roadmap.
Sincerely,
Natalie
So I mer
Hi! So my story might be pretty difficult I don’t know. I met this guy online and very fast we started texting. He would tell me he wanted a relationship but I thought it was too fast to want a relationship when you just met someone so clearly I knew he wanted sex. Finally we met in person for the first time and we did have sex and all I thought was I know he’ll stop talking me after or would take me home after, but we ended up cuddling talking for a little and he told me he really liked me and he wanted to stay with me. To be honest the sex was great and the way he made me feel as a woman was great too. Later that day he told me he was falling for me already and I believed him for a little because of the way he would look at me after we would kiss, he would hold my hand in the car, and even sing together in the car (I know corny) ,but 2 days after he literally said bye because he got jealous that an ex came to see me but I dissed him and the guy got furious even though I was honest. In the dating app he still checks my profile out. Would he talk to me again? Can this turn out into a casual sex relationship or not?
Hi Aria,
Thank you for your share. You pose some great questions here – how do we determine if we’ll be able to see someone again after a one night stand situation? While you two were emotionally connected, the relationship was really short lived. Maybe he has trust issues from a previous relationship of his? Maybe he’s afraid that if you were able to sleep with him so fast, can you sleep with an ex or something else just as fast? When we’re dating someone, we have to prepare to learn and explore their past, as this is a huge influencer on how they are and will behave as partners. I think you can rekindle with him, but you’ll need to develop a strong strategy. If you’re up for it, I encourage you to book a session with me and we can do it together.
All the best,
Coach N.
How can I book a session?
Hi Aria,
You can book a session using this link: https://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/
Sincerely,
Coach N.
I ended up sleeping with a guy that I met at the new year eve party. We live in a same neighborhood and it’s only a couple blocks away from each other. After sex, he walked me home. I thought we had a great time together. But I didn’t ask him his number and neither was he. I kept thinking about him and if I shluld leave him a card at his place since I don’t have his number. On the other hands, he may think that’s creepy. I’m hoping to bump him on the street but it’s busy city. I don’t even know what to say if I see him again. Should I try to leave a note??? Or just try to move on?
Hi Butterfly,
Thank you for your share. Finding easy ways to see him again after a one night stand is tricky, but try considering who he hands out with. Who did you meet him through at the party? Men are ritualistic socializers, and so he’s likely to go to the same places frequently. If you can narrow down his key group of friends, you’ll get hints as to where he goes! Leaving a note could work, but since he knows where you live, he could also do the same – but hasn’t yet. So my advice to you is to keep it as organic as possible. He’ll respond better if he doesn’t feel pressure. If you need help with any of this, I encourage you to book a session with Adrian or myself. We’re here to help you strategize the perfect plan.
Sincerely,
Coach N.
Thanks for your advice! I didn’t meet him thru friends so I guess it wouldn’t work. You are right. If he’d want to reach me, he’d already been done it so. It was silly of me having a feeling for one night fling. Thanks again!
Ellie,
You’re welcome! It’s not silly at all. We’re human! He still may come back around, and there’s still a chance you’ll see him again soon. Just remember, organic is key to developing a one night stand into something long-term. Wishing you the very best!
Coach N.
I ended up sleeping with a guy that I met at the new year eve party. We live in a same neighborhood and it’s only a couple blocks away from each other. After sex, he walked me home. I thought we had a great time together. But I didn’t ask him his number and neither was he. I kept thinking about him and if I shluld leave him a card at his place since I don’t have his number. On the other hands, he may think that’s creepy. I’m hoping to bump him on the street but it’s busy city no guarantee. I don’t even know what to say if I see him again. Should I try to leave a note at his apt concierge desk? Or should I just try to move on?
Dear Coach Natalie, I had a one night stand with a guy I ‘ve meet the same night. After having sex we cuddled and during cuddling, he kept giving me soft kisses. The next day he texted and asked if I wanted to come over at his place. I called him and told him that I would come over but later texted him to say that I was not coming over anymore because I had an early morning meeting (he did not respond to the text). The next day I texted him asking if he would like to go for drinks. He texted back 2 hours later and said not tonight as he was travelling the next day. Once he returned back from his trip, he still did not reach out to me. One night I saw him pulling up to his apartment and decided to stop to say hello. He was quite nice and we talked for a while. I then asked him when will we go out again(he said that things were a bit hectic right now and once things calm down that we can go for drinks) and he then said to text him my number. I texted him and told him that it was nice to see him again and for him to contact me once things are less hectic for him. He responded by saying ” it was nice to see you too, I will let you know”. Is this a brush off line?
Hey coach… I recently had a one night stand with my best friends cousin and it wasnt something i had expected because im not that sort of girl (especially not with my best friend’s cousin whose younger than me). It probably was spur of the moment because i just got too drunk to the extend that i cant even remember how we got to the hotel from his club. What more about the first session we had? I was totally wasted n when i woke up, i had no clue if we did it upon checking into the hotel. I didn’t know how to react or whether to ask him about it. He seemed pretty cool, like someone with a few past experience, i would say. He seemed too cool actually, especially for someone who has a steady girlfriend (whose also my age). I couldnt help but play it cool as well. We had small chats abt his gf n my ex n abt me not getting laid for a year since my bad break up n stuff.
Then, the morning wood thingy kicked in while i was still having a massive hangover at the back of my mind n trying to gather the bits and pieces from what could have happened last night…
This time consciously, we did it again. It was good n we laid a while cuddling each other, talking more abt our lives before i kind of doused off on his shoulder. I asked me if i wanted to rest a while longer after seeing that i could barely open my eyes. He then said he had to leave to run some important arons (which he had told me about even before i got sloughed while still partying).
He then showered and woke me up to say goodbye and lock the door. He gave me a peck n a hug and left saying dropby his club later. We did not exchange numbers but certainly we knew how to get each others number if we had to. I stayed in the hotel until night n left when i felt like it.
Then days went by n i was feeling rather foolish for having done what i did, further more with my bestfriend’s cousin. I got his number from another friend n decided to msg him on the forth day, thanking him for putting me up at the hotel. A very casual msg i would say but it wasnt delivered until the sixth day.
He then replied saying his fon was out at the repair shop n he had just collected it back. Maybe out of courtesy, he asked me how was i doing… And since tgen its been almost a week ive not heard from him nor hv i contacted him. Now what i really want to know is, how should i react the next time i see him? I was planning to hv a few drinks at his club n play pool but im not sure how would that set in… Considering what has taken place a week ago…
Hi CompliKate,
Thank you for your share and I”m sorry about your current situation. Your nerves but really be at a high right now! How you reach out is going to have to be determined by your desired outcome. What would you want out of this? Is the goal to avoid awkwardness or is the goal to kickstart a relationship? I invite you to book a session with me and we can strategize a plan for you, tailored toward what it is you want to yield out of the communication.
Best,
Coach N.
Hi there i had i think was a one night stant with a girl which we hit it off great.but did not have sex as we i was to drunk and tries.even after 2 hours of sleep we woke up and she told me to come back to bed and we kiss and played but no sex as i misted the signs again.when we got to town to pick up our car she rub my shoulder in the cab.when we ment again she said she was in trouble as people know her and got back to her ex.and i ask her was she mad at me she said no not realy just embarrassed and been there done that and to move on.but i can as i have feeling for her.and she was trying her best to annoy me that not but bye the end off the night she smile and touch my should again.i drop flowers off for her and the girls at the pub but hers were better like the stood out.oh that night i did get her off bye fingering and several o.how can i get her to give me another chance
Hey Coach,
I met a guy in the grocery store about a month ago. I’m 27 and he is 34. We hit it off well, he told me had a kid and lives literally 3 minutes from me. The first week he was calling me almost every night after he had homework time with his daughter. So I invite him over. The first night he comes by and we just talk and kick it. We cuddled a little on the couch. He told me to come closer because he doesn’t bite. LOL When he leaves I feel this overwhelming amount of lust. So I make my decision. Two days later he’s at my house we have our first kiss, it turns into a make out session, and then full on sex. After we’re done, I get him some water and he hangs around for a while. (I’m not really use to that but it was nice to see him in all his glory) Anyway, I decide to play it cool and not contact him the next day. To my surprise he reaches out to tell me “Last night was real” and I play coy saying “Oh really? I thought I was dreaming.” He calls me that night and I decline hanging out. Fast Forward to that Friday evening. He calls me as he is leaving the hookah bar and I immediately know whats up, partly because I want to see if the sex we had the first night is any good. But I get too drunk and start throwing up. He does the decent thing and helps me feel better, makes a couple of jokes and doesn’t want to leave my house because I wont be able to lock up behind him. I finally finish throwing chunks and go to sleep. He calls me early Saturday morning. He tells me that he was really horny when he came over the previous night but bc I was sick he shifted into care mode and he wanted to know if he could “slide” through. I said yes. He came through we had sex, but it was a little off and different from the first night. Once finished he got up asked me what I was doing for the day, gave me a kiss on my forehead and then he dipped. I figured this would be our last meeting. As I expected I didn’t hear from him for two weeks until last Friday at 3am, he asked me “Where have you been?” Long story short, he ended up coming over that night, he was drunk and I wasn’t putting out yet he still stayed. (Maybe he was too drunk to move). He said to me “Well if we’re not going to play, I guess I’ll go” I got up off the couch then he changed the subject and said he’ll stay for another episode of The Boondocks. When he got ready to leave he hugged me and I felt that passionate energy again. Two days later I reach out (something that I often contemplate when it comes to men) and he makes plans to come see me. Since we meet only at my house when I have my bed clothes on, I make an attempt to put on clothes and lipstick. When he comes in he’s staring at me and gives me a compliment. We watch tv, cuddle and share chocolate turtles. He tries to advance again, and I tell him to wait ( my monthly visitor is here) and he complies but not without showing (insert eggplant emoji) me how much he wanted to do the nasty. We kiss and cuddle he even kisses my cheek and I give him a little something to remember me by. He stays a bit longer but has to go to pick up his daughter and I have plans as well. As I’m walking him to the door I see him admiring my figure and he starts complimenting me and fantasizing what I will look like when I’m older. I tell him to take care and he kisses me on the forehead again.
I’m thinking about reaching out again. I want sex but I also want to see him in a different setting. Based on your expertise is our acquaintance stuck at just having sex or do I have a chance to develop this into more?
I had a two night stand with a guy 21 and I am 44. we talk on the phone(its been a few months)..,but lately he has been saying mean things to me. I think of him every day and probably wont see him again because he lives three hours from me. I just wonder if he cared a little. I want the answer to that question…guys always try and act so tough yet I see a sweet person underneath it all. wow flings are fun but heartbreaking.
Hi Alicia,
Without knowing context, I can’t answer your question, but I will say that nothing is worse being made to feel “less than” by a partner, whether it started in the high school hallway or a one night stand. If he isn’t making you feel great, you may end up dodging a bullet in the end.
Best,
Natalie
Hello Rosy,
Thank you for your comment. It seems that you have more control of this situation then you think. You are both in the same circle of friends and this can be used to your advantage. Now, I would hold off on messaging him and see how he reciprocates. Also, if he does not plan anything for the future then you will see him again when you are out with friends. This is where you will be positive, confident, and happy around him. Don’t get emotional and possibly go home by yourself that night so you can get his attention.
Best,
WMEA Team
Hey! I met a guy (through an app) when I was on a study trip abroad. I was new to the app and certainly was unsure on how it works. This guy had said he was on the app only so that he could get to know people. When we met, we kissed on the first date and on the second, I met his friend. The third date was just a drive around town and on the fourth date I ended up sleeping with him after some drinks at a local bar. After that night, he kissed me and left. He kept in touch occassionally however, he never seemed to text first. He made plans to meet then dissappeared and after a month when I returned to my home country, I realised he hadnt blocked me from the chat. I texted him to know how he was doing and he replied almost instantly. We texted each other for a bit and suddenly he disappeared again. He didnt reply to my last message for 3 days now.. I cant seem to understand his thoughts. Am I overthinking something or was something not supposed to happen?
Hello TM,
I am not 100% sure he understands your intentions in the relationship. Also, I am not sure you should focus anymore time on him if he isn’t reciprocating. Since there is distance between you this may be difficult. I would just give him some space and see if he reaches out. When he does do not reply instantly.
Best,
WMEA Team