You went out on a bender and ended sleeping with him? You had a lot of fun and felt like the two of you connected but he has not contacted you since that one night of pleasure? You want to see him again after a one night stand but you are not sure how to proceed? If you are looking for advice on how to best move forward and get in touch with a man after a one night stand you are in the right place. This article will enable you to sort through your desires and expectations while ensuring that you get what expect from your last sexual encounter!
Rest assured, tons of women have asked themselves the same questions at some point in their lives: why hasn’t he called me back or reached out? Having a one night stand can be a lot of fun for both parties; however things can quickly become sticky if expectations differ following a casual sexual encounter.
As a relationship expert and love coach, I am constantly asked for love advice, or help people get back with their ex or find the one during my coaching sessions.
I have come to the realization that Men and Women often times do not view casual sex in the same way and this practice can thus have adverse effects on women who felt like intercourse was a beginning and not an end it itself.
The first question that you need to ask yourself is why do you want him to contact you? Is your ego hurting because you wish you had ended things on your terms? Did you really take a liking to the experience and were hoping to have found your sex friend?
Or do you think that you have developed feelings for him and want to turn one night of casual sex into a long term relationship? Be honest with yourself and identify your expectations, and we will provide you with a blueprint below on how to best meet your goals.
Your ego took a hit: You feel that you should be the one calling the shots!
This is a common reaction following a one night stand. Some women, especially the ones that are used to receiving a lot of attention, have trouble accepting the fact that a man is not looking to see them again. They ask themselves questions such as: how dare he not call me back? Or did I do something wrong?
Often times thinking that they have more to offer than the guy with whom they had a casual sexual relationship and thus have trouble coming to terms with the fact that they are not the ones who are calling the shots and in control of outcome.
If this is the situation that you find yourself in, here is our advice for you.
Don’t take yourself so seriously!
Who cares it’s just a one night stand! Odds are that if you find yourself in this situation, you probably were not looking for anything more anyways. You should consider yourself lucky to have been able to have a fun night of pleasure with no strings attached, drama free.
It is so easy to get hooked following a one night stand and for one of the parties to want something more, that you should be grateful that you can move on with your life without having to break someone’s heart or waste your time.
Furthermore, you probably should not take yourself so seriously. Realize that the guy has not contacted you back because of his own insecurities and it ultimately has little to do with you, so take it easy and don’t be so hard on yourself. Your ego will get over it!
You will have your chance to call the shots
Ask yourself this question: how long has it been since that night? A few days? A few weeks? The logical answer and most common theme in these situations is simply that not enough time has passed since that last hook up. Men are very predictable creatures.
Take our word for it; he will reach out eventually and probably sooner than you think!
You just want to be sex friends
Depending on your culture and where you live, sex is no longer as taboo as it once was in our modern society. The odds are that you or someone you knows already is or has been engaged in mutually beneficial sexual encounters also known as having a “fuck buddy”.
There is absolutely no shame in wanting just that. Often time women will meet a cool guy, whom they enjoy spending time with, who simply happens to be really really good in bed, who hits the right spots sort of speak and provides them with tremendous amounts of pleasure.
For whatever reason you simply do not wish to commit to a formal relationship and all that comes with it. The only problem is that since that last hook up, he has been M.I.A, and has not checked in with you. If that is the situation that you are currently facing, we also have some words advice to help you turn things in your favor:
Wait until the weekend and reach out via a hot text
The best way to make your intentions clear is to be bold and direct and to capture his imagination with a sexy text message late at night! Don’t rush to reach out to him and try to engage in mundane conversation, it will send the wrong message and he will think that you want something more.
Odds are, actually, that he has not reached out to you sooner because he believes that you will expect to be in a serious relationship and he does not want to get your hopes up.
By waiting for the right moment, perhaps on a Friday or a Saturday night to send him a short, sexy message, you will send a clear message to him about what’s on your mind! If you do not have his number, you can reach out to him via private message on any social media platform.
This will work just as effectively as a text and we ensure you that it will trigger a desired reaction from him.
On the rare occurrence that you do not have any of his contact information, or even his name, we suggest occasionally going back to the place or bar where you met him that night. Remember men are creatures of habit, and you will bump into him there soon enough!
Once contact has been reestablished and you have hooked up on more than one occasion, make sure that you simply continue to play it cool and stay on script, only reaching out to him with sexual intentions and in flirty ways.
One thing will lead to the next, and before you know it and without any acknowledgment needed you will have found your new and dependable sex friend!
Be careful not to fall in love!
Word of caution to our readers seeking a sex buddy, feelings tend to arise with exposure and though repeated nights of pleasure with the same sexual partner! Often people’s intentions can change over time, even if ground rules have been mutually agreed upon.
Once a sexual relationship is pleasurable, fun and stress free, our subconscious guard is letdown and we can become dependent or even fall in love with the person that we vowed to only have casual sex with.
It can lead to an extremely complicated situation, when one party changes the rules of the game and another becomes vulnerable. Don’t say that we didn’t warn you!
How to see him again after a one night stand and transitioning to a committed relationship
Transitioning from a one night stand to a committed exclusive relationship can be a tricky endeavor. You must realize that more often than not, your decision to sleep with a guy was yours and that no guarantees were made on his part linked to that sexual encounter.
It implies that it would plain and simply be wrong for you to expect a smooth transition from a one night stand to a full blown relationship; he did not sign up for that.
However, it does not mean that it is impossible for you to win over his heart, and for him to want to, on his own terms, be in a committed relationship with you! If you find yourself in such a situation, patience will be the name of the game. Here is our advice to help you conquer his heart.
“The chase” and understanding the seduction game
You will have to partake in the seduction game and make sure to showcase your unique traits, what makes you different and special in order to make him fall for you and want to make you his. Winning a men’s heart through sex exclusively, is the wrong way to go.
Men will usually reluctantly choose to commit more than they have too, without an incentive. If they already have the best of both worlds, or if they have the opportunity to sleep with you without having to make a commitment, no strings attached, chances are that you will be waiting for that commitment for a long long time.
Furthermore, playing the “cool girl” card, the laid back girl who goes with it, is not the right way to maximize your chances of having a long term commitment.
Seduction or “the chase” as I like to call it, is a game which can be fun if approached in the right way, or a chore and even nightmarish if the situation slips out of your control. With the right attitude however, “the chase” can be the most exciting and compelling element of a potential relationship.
Like a poker game, ensure that you play your hand in the best possible way, showcase your strengths and put every chance on your side to capitalize on every tell to ultimately seize your chance when the moment his right.
Schedule sober dates during the day on your terms
In order not to fall into the casual relationship trap, ensure that you schedule dates on your terms and not his. We encourage going on fun dates, during the day, in environments where you are comfortable, where you can be yourself and showcase what makes you unique.
Do not settle for being the late night, post party, drunken booty call! Do not hesitate to refuse his sexual advances or sexy texts.
Don’t be mean or harsh, but always stay sweet or true to yourself. For example, do not hesitate to tell him that you would rather meet for brunch that next morning, or that you cannot meet up because you have made previous engagements for that night.
The key point here is to value yourself at all times and to always maintain the approach or position that he has more to lose than you at all times!
Do not lower your expectation and do not chase the bait
Staying true to ones’ self also entails not misinterpreting a given situation. Do not convince yourself that you are in a committed relationship when you are in fact engaging in a casual sexual relationship with a man.
Realize that the longer you have been engaged in a casual relationship, the more difficult it will be to flip the script and all of a sudden be in a serious committed one.
Lastly, remember to never lower the expectations that you have set for yourself and to never chase the bait and fall for his games. If a man is not willing to value you for what you are worth, and is ultimately not willing to take the necessary steps to make you his, you should swiftly move on and on your terms.
He was not the right man for you, and you will know this because you will value yourself accordingly as discussed previously.
Your love coach, here to help you see him again after a one night stand,
Life Coach, Motivational Speaker & Relationship Expert from WithMyExAgain.com