Lucy came to me with a great question this morning. She asked, “If I want my ex back, should I play hard to get or show him that I really want to give this another shot?” She wanted to know about the best way to make her ex boyfriend want her back after he broke up with her.
When it comes to making someone want you back, there are a couple things to keep in mind and in most situations, playing hard to get is hugely beneficial to your efforts. There are some cases in which it isn’t the ideal move, so I wanted to write this article for you in order to clarify when you should and shouldn’t play hard to get with your ex girlfriend or boyfriend!
Human nature is a fascinating thing and when you understand how it works, you can have a much easier making someone you love realize that life would be better with you in it. So without further ado, let’s jump right in!
Does playing hard to get work with an ex you want back?
There is something that should be avoided at all costs when you want to win someone back, and that is begging and pleading or being at their beck and call.
I know what when you go through a breakup and you lose the person you love most on earth, it’s not uncommon to panic and try anything to get them back. You want them to know how much you love them, how much you care, and that you would do anything to make them happy. All you want is a second chance.
Unfortunately, this is when many mistakes are made. A person could start blowing up their ex’s phone with message after message or call after call, begging to see them. They might even start trying threats or blackmail, and let me just tell you right now, nothing good comes from this. There is no easier way to make your ex go running for the hills.
Now, the most common thing I see in my clients is this:
They want their ex back so badly, and they know that they shouldn’t do anything that would make their ex feel suffocated or uncomfortable, so they try to be easily accessible when their ex feels like talking to them. They want to make it easy on their ex so that their ex doesn’t feel like things are hard or complicated, or even challenging in terms of getting back together.
But there’s the key word – “Challenging.”
It gets a bad rap because people think that there shouldn’t be anything challenging about a perfect relationship. First things first, even the happiest couples still face challenges so let’s not assume that a challenge is synonymous with failure!
Second, this is where human nature comes into play. Playing hard to get with a guy or girl can actually have its advantages, as long as you know how to maintain a good balance. More on that in a second.
I want to explore the notion of “challenge” with you in terms of seduction and relationships.
Let’s take a moment to think about how we work. Human beings value things that they work hard for much more than things that were handed to them on a silver platter. Anything that they invested time and energy in will be much more valuable than something that is easy and readily available to them at all times.
This is where playing hard to get with a man or woman you want to be with again becomes so handy.
Side note – when I use the term “playing hard to get,” I am not referring to playing games with this person. A person who is hard to get is one that has enough going on in their own life and isn’t constantly dropping everything to be readily available to the person they’re interested in.
So, question: Should you play hard to get with your ex?
Answer: You should have such a fulfilling life that you naturally aren’t constantly at your ex’s beck and call.
Your ex should have the opportunity to wish they got to talk to you more, because you’re becoming so fascinating to them.Human beings enjoy an exciting challenge. They want a prize for their efforts, and this is how you should be thinking of yourself: The Prize.
The key is making your ex want to work for this prize and you do this by playing hard to get.
How to play hard to get with your ex?
Let’s get into the good stuff. I mentioned above that you need to find that balance between being too accessible and too hard to get.
You want to find that sweet spot where your ex has some access to you, but you’re able to make them want more.
There are two routes. Either you engage in using the No Contact Rule, which is three weeks to three months of zero contact with your ex (the goal is to reinvent yourself to be better than ever and simultaneously make your ex miss you) or do the light version where you limit contact.
When you limit contact with your ex, you avoid reaching out first and you keep your conversations concise. The key is to show your ex that you’re busy with exciting things that would make them want to be a part of.
You aren’t always available to hang out because you’re checking out a new restaurant that’s opening, or you’ve got your new crossfit class, or you’re going on a weekend trip to Joshua Tree…
A huge part of this is self confidence. Boosting your self confidence with daily mental exercises and/or physical exercise are some of the best ways to be hard to get.
When you’re wondering how to be hard to get, all you need to do is get busy with things that bring you joy. Don’t place your ex on a pedestal – especially not right now. If you want him or her back you’ve got to inspire them by living a life that they’d want to be part of, and give them a reason to go out of their way to have the opportunity to talk to you or spend time with you.
So, is playing hard to get the best thing to do in all situations?
Men and women playing hard to get when they broke up with their exes…
There are a few situations in which this tool could actually do more damage than good… One of these is if you and your ex broke up because you were too unavailable in the relationship.
Perhaps you were too busy with work or never made time for your ex. If now, after the breakup, you’re still distant and hard to get, your ex might just throw in the towel and think that you’ll never have room in your life for them.
It’s important that you live an inspiring and attractive life, but make sure that you’re using a tool that is appropriate to your situation. I know that this can be tricky so please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me directly so that I can help guide you and give you a custom action plan.
You can always leave your question in the comments section below as well, and it would be our pleasure to respond to you.
As I said above, you want to make your ex realize that life would be better with you in it, and you want to inspire them to want to get closer to you.
There needs to be a balance between give and take, and depending on your relationship and breakup, your availability to your ex should be adapted.
I wish you all the best in life and love,
Your coach for knowing if you should play hard to get