Breakups are challenging, painful, confusing, and hard. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t matter if you were broken up with or if you were the one who decided to end the relationship – it still hurts. We experience doubts about ourselves, doubts about the future, and doubts about what to do. Many people come to me asking if they should try to get their ex back, but many people come to me with a different question.
Their ex has realized that they want to be together again, so my client asks me, “Should I take my ex back ?”
After everything that has happened, tensions are running high and emotions can be all over the place. Sometimes it’s hard to think clearly, so I wanted to write this article for you in order to help you decide whether or not you should take your ex back.
Should I take my ex back: Why the sudden change of heart?
I was talking to one of my clients, Jules, the other day, and she was telling me about how her boyfriend of two years had ended their relationship a few months prior to our conversation. She had been left heartbroken and feeling very lost, and then when she was beginning to heal and feel better about her life, he came knocking at her door.
He explained that he had made a mistake and wanted her back… Jules was completely caught off guard and didn’t understand why he had the change of heart? The last time they had spoken he had told her that he wasn’t in love with her anymore, and now he’s professing his undying love? What gives?
Well, there are so many reasons why an ex would come back.
In Jules’ case, her ex came back because he had freaked out when things were becoming “too” serious in their relationship (they were to move in together soon) and he jumped ship. He felt overwhelmed by the pressure and overreacted by terminating their relationship altogether.
Sadly, this happens quite often. Some people lack the maturity to discuss issues and find solutions instead of fleeing, but this can change with time.
Other times, an ex will come back after a breakup because they’ve realized that they don’t want to be alone. This becomes problematic when you start to see signs of emotional dependency… It can also happen because they can’t stand to see you with someone new.
The truth is that there are so many different reasons as to why an ex would ask for you back, but it all depends on why the relationship ended and how you can picture your future…
Should I take my ex back? Yes or no?
If you’re thinking, “Should I take my ex back” and you are considering saying yes, you must take the time to think about the situation. Yes, it can be thrilling to see that the person you thought you had lost forever is coming back to you, but it is of upmost importance that you think about whether or not this relationship is right for you.
Now, I’m not trying to dissuade you. As an expert specialized in getting people back together I can confidently say that relationships between two people that had broken up before can sometimes be the strongest of all! I just want you to be honest with yourself and keep in mind that repairing the relationship is going to require work.
There is a reason why you two broke up in the first place and you’re going to have to work as a team to find long term solutions.
So, let’s take a look at what you should keep in mind right now:
• What was the reason behind your breakup?
There is a difference between “My wife cheated on me should I take her back” and “Should I take her back if we broke up because things started to feel monotonous in the relationship?”
You see, there are some things that are more easily reconcilable than others and if you’re considering taking your ex back, you’ll have to pinpoint the exact reason for your breakup and ask yourself if you can recover from that.
• Has anything changed since your breakup?
It’s important to take a look at any improvements that your ex has made in their lives that will impact your relationship. Have they made changes that are related to the actual issues that brought about the demise of your previous relationship?
If you’re going to take a person back, you have to understand that you’ll need to construct a new relationship with them. You’ve already seen how things ended with the way things were in the past, so why would you want history to repeat itself? Have you made changes and improvements? If you’re familiar with my philosophy then you know that I always stress the importance of creating a NEW relationship with an ex, and in order to do so, you both need to make improvements.
You must also be honest with yourself and determine if the issues stemmed from incompatible personality traits or anything else that cannot be changed about a person.
• Keep a person’s true colors in mind
When you’re asking, “Should I take her back” or “Should I take him back,” I want you to think about how this person behaved after the breakup. Did things get very ugly or did your ex treat you with respect and handle the situation in a mature fashion?
This helps you to get a better understanding of how this person will behave in challenging times and you can gauge whether or not this is the type of person you wish to be with.
• Is your ex settling for you and are you settling for your ex?
We all know deep down whether or not this is the person we want to be with for the rest of our lives or if it’s just “better than being alone.” Neither of you should be settling for one another if you want to have a truly fulfilling and happy relationship. If you know in your heart of hearts that this isn’t the best match for you or if your ex is just settling for you because they don’t like being lonely, I encourage you to keep your options open. As long as you work on being the best version of yourself, there will always be someone who loves you.
If I take my ex back, what do I do?
When two people want to reconcile after a breakup, it’s very common for them to want to jump right back into things as if the breakup had never happened. They want to move back in together, spend every second together, so on and so forth.
We cannot forget that a breakup can be very traumatic, especially if the reason behind it was a big one. So when a person is wondering, “Should I take him back after he hurt me” or “Should I take my ex girlfriend back,” they often forget that they’re actually about to embark on an entirely new relationship with this person.
When you get back together, some serious changes need to be made to your relationship! You already know how the last one ended, so you need to ensure that you don’t head down the same road to distorter again.
The key for doing this is taking things slow. if you take your ex back, you will have to begin dating each other again.
Meet up once or twice a week for coffee or a movie, and let things develop slowly.
Work as a team to come up with solutions for what went wrong in your relationship, and let the excitement and sexual tension build with time. Yes it’s tempting to let the flame burn super hot, but don’t let it burn out as fast as it lit up. Be careful with your new relationship with this person and let it flourish naturally, without forcing anything.
I aways say, getting back together is the easiest part, but staying together is the real challenge. Fortunately, you have all the tools you need right here on this site, and if you ever need one on one guidance, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me directly right here !
Your coach for knowing whether you should take him or her back