If you are familiar with my philosophy then you’ve heard me talk about the power of the no contact rule. It’s counterintuitive but it somehow works like magic. So why do men come back after no contact? Why is it so effective?
In today’s article I wanted to explain why this tool works so well and how you can use it to make your ex return. I will mention however that this is a technique that needs to be followed to the T if you want to see real results!
Understanding human nature is going to help you reach your goal, but I also want you to understand that it’s going to require perseverance and and patience. Starting and stopping no contact over and over again is going to confuse your ex, and not in a good way! So let’s take a look at why this tool is so powerful and how to take advantage of all it has to offer you!
Does the no contact rule work on men…?
If you’ve gone through a breakup and you still want to be with your ex, I know that you’re probably panicking at the thought of losing him forever. Instinctively, you want to do everything in your power to get close to him, make him realize that you’re the one for him, and get him to believe in your future together. If only you could just talk to him and tell him how much you love him, he’d come back, right??
Unfortunately, in the majority of the cases that’s not quite how it works. You see, people break up for a reason (communication issues, cheating, lying, wanting different things in life, growing apart…) and professing your undying love isn’t going to fix the underlying issues. Moreover, now would be the absolute worst time to suffocate an ex by clinging to him, sending him fifteen texts a day, calling him day and night, and doing everything in your power to get close to him. Trust me, he’s going to feel overwhelmed and want to run for the hills.
Here is where the no contact rule comes into play. Before I go any further, I want to briefly go over what the no contact rule is exactly. This technique consists of cutting contact with an ex for a period of time (generally between three weeks and three months). This means no calls, no texts, no emails, no DMs, no carrier pigeon, nothing!
By the way, if you’re unsure about how much time you need for an effective no contact period with your ex boyfriend, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me directly here.
This also means that you keep off of their social media profiles. I know it’s tempting to browse through his Facebook and Instagram to see what he’s up to, but it’s not going to benefit you. There are two goals when it comes to using the no contact rule with an ex boyfriend.
1. Using this time to switch your focus to improving your life
2. Making him miss you
When I say “improving your life,” I mean making it into what you’ve always wanted it to be. When we’re in relationships, we sometimes lose ourselves in them. It’s not uncommon to stop doing things that used to make you happy, neglect hobbies and passions, spend less time with friends and family members, and get into a routine. It’s also common to stop taking care of your body and channel all of your energy into the relationship. Yes, it’s good to make the relationship one of your biggest priorities, but it should not be your only one!
So hit the gym or switch up your work out, get back in touch with friends that you haven’t seen in a while, and go try new activities. You can take a weekend getaway trip to a neighboring city with your best friends. Switch up the scenery and invite positivity into your life. Just think: In with the new, out with the old! The old being negativity.
Update your wardrobe, start hanging out in new bars with your friends, and don’t be afraid to meet new people (even just as friends!)
Use social media to your advantage and post pictures of all the fun things you’ve been doing. Make sure that your life looks as appealing as it is through the photos you’re posting. No depressing quotes or captions… Show yourself living your best life, getting in shape, enjoying the company of people that make you happy, and doing all kinds of interesting new activities. You will see something very interesting begin to happen.
First of all, your self-confidence will begin to increase. You’ll start feeling better about yourself (because we all know that the ego can take quite a hit after a breakup), you’ll start feeling better in your body, and you’ll start feeling more in control. Then you’ll start to notice how the no contact works to get him back.
Either he will be browsing your pictures on social media, or your mutual friends will tell him that you look amazing and that it seems like you’re living life to the fullest. He probably expected you to be wallowing in self pity and sadness, wishing he was still by your side. Surprise, surprise! You’re actually living a life that looks incredibly appealing… In fact, it looks so appealing that he can begin to wish that he was still a part of it.
So you see, the no contact rule works on men by surprising them and making them realize that you don’t need them in order to be happy. There is nothing clingy or suffocating about you, and by improving your life, you’re going to remind your ex of the person he fell in love with in the first place. In fact, you’re going to be a new and improved version of her, therefore making you irresistible.
But that’s not all that’s going on here…
Why do men come back after no contact? Understanding human nature…
I know that while you’re using this tool, your head is filled with questions like, “Does he miss me during no contact?!” And, “What is he thinking about during no contact…?” The key here is to fill up your schedule with all kinds of new and exciting things so that you don’t find yourself becoming consumed by these thoughts. Focus on bringing positivity into your own life and you’ll see that things will begin to fall into place.
Now to answer your question of “Why do men come back after no contact,” I want to explain a simple element of human nature. Yes, no contact to get him back works because he’ll become curious about what you’re up to and become attracted to how happy you look. He’ll recognize that you’re living a life that he would love to be a part of. He’ll see that you are emotionally independent, have grown from the breakup, and are becoming the best version of yourself. Men recognize that this benefits a relationship.
But there is also something much simpler at play here. I want you to imagine when you were little. You had a favorite stuffed animal or race car right? At some point you probably set it aside and started playing with other things, but what would happen if your mom came in and suddenly got rid of it? Out of the blue, it was gone. Poof, evaporated into thin air!
You would want it back immediately. You’d miss it, you’d want to have it in your hands again right away. You’d regret not taking better care of it and keeping it safe.
It’s human nature. When something we see as being “ours” is abruptly taken from us, we want to have it back immediately. So, this is how we use the no contact rule to get him back, and this is exactly why being ever-present in his life gets you the opposite of what you want!
To put it simply, let me leave you with this.
A man will want you back the moment he fears losing you.
So while you use this tool, make sure you’re being diligent and not giving into the temptation to get back in touch with him after just a few days. At the same time, make your life into what you’ve always wanted it to be and show him that he’s missing out!
As I said, I am here to help so don’t hesitate to get in touch or leave your question in the comments section below.
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach for using the no contact rule to get back together with your ex