The behavior of an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend post break up can sometimes be very confusing, especially when they were the ones who decided to end the relationship. I was contacted by someone this morning who was asking, “Why does my ex keep contacting me when he dumped me?”
This is a very common question that comes up in my one-on-one coaching sessions so I wanted to write an article for you about it. Today I am going to go over why an ex keeps reaching out after they ended the relationship with you, what it means, what you can do about it!
Why does my ex keep contacting me when he dumped me: the hidden meanings
There are a couple reasons why an ex might keep reaching out to you after they broke up with you, and I understand how frustrating it can be to feel like you are so close yet so far. This is the person that you want to be with and it seems like they’re keeping you close, but not too close.
So what are the main reasons behind this type of behavior?
The most common reasons that I have come across after all these years as a love and relationship coach is simply that it is habit. You have spent a considerable amount of time together and you were constantly in contact, so it is hard for this person to suddenly stop communicating with you on a regular basis. The result is that they try to stay in contact despite the fact that they broke up with you.
Another common reason why an ex keeps contacting you could actually be rooted in possessiveness. Though it might not be malicious, your ex might be trying to remain in contact with you because they struggle with the concept letting you go, even after they pulled the plug on your relationship. Perhaps he or she doesn’t want to see you getting involved with somebody else, especially when the reasons for the break up were very complex.
The emotions involved can be very overwhelming and complicated, so sometimes it’s difficult for a person to take responsibility for their decision to end the relationship and everything that that entails.
That is why another answer to “Why does my ex keep contacting me when he dumped me” is that your ex might be unsure of their decision to dump you. In some cases, you might be receiving all these post break up texts from your ex because they are still trying to work through their emotions.
Many of our clients tell us that they keep getting calls and texts from an ex, and sometimes the ex in question even wants to hang out, but every time the conversation ventures towards the topic of getting back together, their ex pulls away. So this brings us to what you can actually do about this…
My ex broke up with me but keeps texting me: What to do
If your ex tries to stay in touch after they broke up with you but doesn’t want to commit to being in a relationship with you whenever you bring it up, something needs to change. You know that this is the person you want be in a committed relationship with, but they still manage to keep you at an arm’s length.
The problem here is that the fact that you are readily available to them makes it dangerously easy for them to take you for granted. The result is that they don’t need to commit to being in a relationship with you if they don’t feel any risk of losing you.
It makes it possible for them to wean themselves off of you slowly and let you go over time, which is the opposite of what we want. We want your ex to realize that losing you would be a detriment to their happiness and that their life could be infinitely better if they had you by their side.
If you’re reading this wondering, “Why does my ex girlfriend stay in touch after she broke up with me,” or, “He broke up with me but keeps texting me,” it’s important to understand that you have to make sure you don’t allow him or her to have their cake and eat it too.
It is very important to make sure that you aren’t making yourself too available to them. You have broken up, they’ve chosen to leave you, so they don’t get to have the benefits of a relationship with you without being in a relationship with you!
I have noticed that we have a tendency to want to take a lot when an ex gives us a little, but you have to remain in control of situation. The more available you are, the less attractive your ex will find you.
I know that that is unpleasant to read but it is simple human nature. The more we assume that something belongs to us, get easier it is to take it for granted. In other words, if your ex feels that you are there at their beck and call and that they have access to you even after breaking up with you, then it becomes dangerously easy for them to take you for granted, have their cake and eat it too, and keep you just close enough to reassure themselves that they could have you if they ever felt like it.
Ex keeps contacting me after dumping me: The solution
In the majority of cases when a person is saying, “He or she broke up with me but keeps texting me,” the only reason their ex is not recommitting is because they don’t feel that they have to. They know that they get to spend time with you without having to make any commitment.
So if you want this person back, then you need to let them go! I know how scary this can be, when it comes to getting an ex back, putting space between you is important so that you can give yourself the opportunity to make a stronger comeback.
If you are wondering why he or she keeps coming back if he doesn’t want a relationship it means that they want to keep you close, but not too close.
This keeps them in control of the situation and the dynamic between you, but now it’s time to make sure that you respect yourself so that they respect you. Think about it this way: You are not going to be attracted to someone that you feel superior to, and if your ex knows that you’re going to give them whatever they want, whenever they want it, it’s going to put you in a position of inferiority.
So now it’s time to get in control of the situation and start calling the shots on how available you are to your ex.
The no contact rule when your ex keeps texting you
The no contact rule is one of the most powerful tools you have in your arsenal right now, and it is something that will allow you to restore balance and present yourself in a more attractive light. As long as your ex feels like he or she is calling the shots, you’re in a position of lesser power which is less attractive to them. If they have no questions about how you’re feeling towards them, it’s too easy for them to take you for granted.
So if you’re thinking, “Why does my ex keep texting me after they dumped me,” it’s time to use a powerful tool.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the NC Rule, it basically consists of cutting all forms of communication with your ex partner for a predetermined period of time that will depend on the details of your relationship and break. I highly encourage you to get in touch with me or a member of my team for one-on-one guidance to make sure that you can fully harness the power of this technique!
It will allow you to give your ex and electroshock while allowing you to make a powerful comeback. For more information on the no contact rule, all you have to do is click here.
Making sure that this situation does not last
As this article comes to a close I want to highlight the importance of changing the dynamic between you because this situation is not sustainable. Based on my experience of coaching people in this type of situation, it usually ends with their ex getting bored or finding someone else.
So if you can shift the power play and present yourself in a new light, you will start to see results.
We are here to help you every step of the way and you can work with me or a member of my team by clicking here. You can also leave any questions you might have in the comment section below.
Wishing you all the very best in life and love
Your coach when you were asking, “Why does my ex keep contacting me when he dumped me,”