When you are in love, you simply want to be with that person no matter what! Even if he or she no longer wants to be with you or even see you. As a matter of fact even if you have been broken up with and your ex wants nothing to do with you, it may make you want to be with them even more! I understand this feeling or deep need to be with a person because I interact with people who are precisely in that mental state every day of the week.
Yes, I am in the business of helping people who want to reclaim a lost love or those that want nothing more than to be with the man or woman they love. The question that I get asked most often is what do I need to do to be with my ex again? I have specialized in helping people figure out the answer to this question, based on their needs and their specific love story!
Every breakup is different and every story is unique. But after having done this job for a while, being a love coach and relationship expert for quite some time now, I have identified commonalities or insights that can be beneficial to almost anyone seeking to get back with an ex. In this article I will highlight some of the key points or universal principals that I have discovered that will help you meet your goals.
To be together again identify where things went wrong and be willing to change
So you want to get back with your ex? Well some things will have to change then! I am surprised at how often people expect to get a second chance on the basis of their feelings! You think that just because you still love him or her and profess your love, that he or she will be tempted to get back with you! But if a breakup occurred, it’s because your partner could no longer envision a future in which they would be happy being with you. You will need to change their perception of you, enter into a new dynamic or have a sort of resurrection for them to reconsider their position.
You will need to take ownership of some of the mistakes you’ve made and acknowledge the fact that you simply were not able to do enough to make him or her happy. The process of getting back with the one you love has to start with a reflection period or an introspection in order to fully understand your short comings! Where did things go wrong? What type of warning signs did your ex convey? What were his or her frustrations? What should you have done to change the dynamic? How could you have avoided the breakup and made him or her happy?
You will need to really take the time to find the answers to these questions. Once again the only way to get back together permanently is to inspire your ex and prove to him or her that you are a new person; that you have had a sort of revelation and that you have become the person that he or she always dreamed of being with!
The 2 most powerful tools ever invented to get back with an ex!
Once you have truly understood their frustrations, from their point of view, you will need to begin a process of personal development; to evolve and become a better counterpart. The willingness to change and the understanding of your mistakes will need to be followed by concrete actions in your day to day and over a long period of time to reprogram some of your habits and behaviors. You cannot cut corners or pretend to be a changed person because your ex will see right through you or realize that you have not evolved as you start to spend considerable time together.
Another mistake that many people make is that they expect to quickly get back with an ex or rush to showcase their new mindset and outlook; “Look babe, I have changed; it’s no longer the same old me, now I can make you happy so let’s get back together”.
The issue that you will run into if you try to go to quickly is that your ex will simply not believe that your evolution is real! They will still associate you with the pain and frustration from your previous relationship and so your words won’t be credible. You will need to prove your change through targeted actions and over time! And we have mastered two powerful tools that will be able to showcase this growth and make your ex want to hear from you at the same time!
The first of these amazing techniques is radio silence; the concerted decision to severe all contact with an ex for a period of at least 3 weeks. It means no phone call, text, email or messages via social media or in person. 3 weeks may seem like an eternity but it often times is necessary to understand your mistakes and start to change, so that your ex starts to miss you, and to regain a sense of credibility especially if you’ve made mistakes. To learn more about this amazing technique don’t hesitate to check out audio seminar which goes into great detail about when and how you should implement it as well as the best ways to get back in touch with your ex following this no contact period.
The second amazing technique that we often recommend is a hand-written letter! By writing to your ex you will be able to surprise him or her, pass along targeted messages and start to prove that you’ve changed. Letters are powerful because it enables someone else to understand each and every word that we pass along. You can prepare your key points, present them in a structured and efficient way. Your ex will also always be able to go back and read your words multiple times. These factors cannot be underestimated. You may think that you have said something to him or her over and over again but speaking to someone and writing to them is completely different. In the course of conversation we can only assimilate so much information as we are also focused on passing along our thoughts and ideas!
There are of course rules to follow to ensure that you write your letter in the right way, and you can discover everything you need to know by checking out our audio seminar on how to write an amazing letter to your ex! So when I hear people tell me during our one on one coaching sessions: “Adrian I want to be with my ex again” I often reply “have you already done everything possible to get him or her back”? Most of the time you think that you have done everything possible but you haven’t! Do a radio silence and write him or her a letter to showcase your resurrection!
Believe in yourself and repeat the words I will be with my ex again
The last element that you will need to successfully get back with your ex is self-confidence! If you don’t believe in yourself and in your ability to change you will never reach your goal of winning him or her back for good. How can you inspire someone else to have faith in you, if you don’t even believe in yourself? Trusting yourself and having the drive to reach your goal is what will keep you going in those moments of doubt; there will be times when you will start to question whether if everything that you are doing is worth it. Your insecurities and the fear of being alone will drive you to start to imagine all sorts of crazy thoughts or scenarios; is he or she out partying? Or has he or she found someone else? The only way to not lose focus is to stay strong and to have faith in yourself.
For those that I coach that are too weak or unsure whether they will be able to succeed to get back with an ex, I often recommend that they try to reprogram their mind. Write on a yellow sticky I will be with my ex again and stick it on your bathroom mirror. Read this sentence out loud five times before going to bed and five times when you wake in the morning for a period of three weeks! You can train your mind to start to believe certain ideas through repetition and consistency.
If you are striving to be with someone that you love and still have thoughts or questions, reach out to us in the comments section below. We have a policy of answering every question or comment received; so one of our coaches and relationship experts will be sure to engage with you too!
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Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!