The process of getting an ex back can be very challenging if you don’t adopt the right approach. The needier and clingier you are, the less likely your ex is going to be to want to interact with you. Fortunately, you’re aware of the importance and the power of not being the first one to reach out during your ex recovery process! Because this is so important, I wanted to dedicate an article to this topic. Learning how to get your ex to talk to you first is a great way to establish a new dynamic between you, and if you want to know how to get them to reach out, you’ve come to the right place! I will go over some of the best tools available to you and how to get your ex to make the first move!
Why it is so important to know how to get your ex to talk to you first !
If you are familiar with our philosophy, then you are undoubtedly aware of the importance of avoiding any type of needy or clingy behavior. The absolute worst thing you can do when you’re trying to figure out how to get your ex back is to look desperate.
When a breakup happens, a bad taste is left in your ex’s mouth regarding the relationship with you, which is why it’s so important to present yourself in a new light. If you spend your time trying to get your ex to talk to you by sending text after text, leaving voicemails or liking every picture they post on Instagram in an effort to get their attention, it’s going to make you look like you’re fixating on him or her.
The best way to get your ex to gravitate back towards you is to make him or her see that your world does not revolve around them. This is especially true if you were needy or emotionally dependent on them while you were in a relationship.
Just this morning I was talking to Carla who was telling me about her relationship with her ex. She wasn’t excessively clingy in the relationship, but she did catch herself trying everything in her power to get her ex to talk to her after they broke up. She knows in her heart of hearts that this is the person that she wants to be with, and that they could have a beautiful future together if they can build a stronger foundation. She was asking me about how to get your ex back by making them want to approach you instead of you having to pursue them. She understood that the more you chase someone, the easier it is for them to take you for granted and to feel like they don’t have to do anything to keep you around.
This is dangerous because the more your ex feels that they can keep you on the back burner and have access to you whenever they feel like it, the less attractive you will be. We want your ex to see you as an exciting challenge that inspires them to want to get closer to you.
When it comes to how to get your ex to talk to you first, it’s all about basic human nature. When we feel that something belongs to us and it is readily available to us, it becomes all too easy to take it for granted. We don’t want your ex to see you in this light! We want your ex to look at you and think, “Wow, I’d be a fool to let him/her go because my life could be so much richer if we were together!”
So, how do we spark this kind of inspiration and make your ex reach out to you?
How to get an ex to call you: 3 steps to success
In order to get the best results, we need to properly analyze the situation. Then, we can start to implement changes that need to happen so the your ex will feel inclined to reach out! In the majority of cases, there is a tool that will work wonders, and I will go over that with you momentarily!
But first, let’s take a look at the current situation.
Understanding the reasons your ex won’t talk to you
Tensions run high after a breakup, that’s for sure. You might be wondering, “How to get him to talk to me again” right now because things got a bit out of hand between you. It’s not uncommon to make mistakes when something as traumatizing as a breakup happens, but it’s going to be important to get in control of your emotions so you can analyze the situation. So I encourage you to ask yourself these questions:
- What exactly happened that lead to the breakup? Was it because we had developed a routine and things started to feel too predictable and monotonous? Or was there a big shock like infidelity or broken trust?
By pinpointing the root of the problems, you will be able to start to define longterm solutions. I know that it can be a challenging process, so please don’t hesitate to reach out to me or a member of my team for one on one guidance. We can even help you if you’re thinking, “My ex won’t talk to me after a year!”
- What can you start doing today to start making concrete changes in your life?
The breakup happened for a reason, and it’s crucial that you understand that an ex will not want to step back into the same exact relationship that ended in a breakup before. You’re going to have to pave the way for a new foundation by changing the things that you are in control of in your own life!
Talking to an ex will come easily if they recognize that things could be different between you. So think about how to fill up your schedule with people and activities that bring you joy, and work on prioritizing new things. Give yourself new personal and professional challenges, get more physically active, and make sure that you’re busy with things that benefit you. By the way, the busier you are, the easier it is to fight the temptation to reach out to your ex.
How to get my ex to talk to me: using the NC rule
One of the most powerful techniques available to anyone who wants to get an ex back is called the No Contact Rule. For those of you who are unfamiliar with it, it basically consists of cutting all forms of communication with your ex for a predetermined period of time that depends on the details of your relationship and breakup. For more in-depth information on this tool, I encourage you to click the link.
The goal of this tool is to give your ex an electroshock by making them realize that you’ve taken them off of that pedestal and that you are now become the new and improved version of the person they fell in love with in the first place. If you want to make your ex talk to you, this tool is going to be your best friend. The more you reach out, the less inclined your ex will be to do it, because they don’t feel like they have to lift a finger.
So the solution is to make them realize that they don’t have access to you AND you’re becoming the 2.0 version of the man or woman that they fell for a the beginning of your relationship. This is when you become an exciting challenge, and THIS is what makes you irresistible. When your ex starts to see you in a new light, you can bet that they’re going to want to talk to you and get back in contact!
Making your ex miss you and talk to you: Making sure your self confidence is solid
This is the key to success. Once you do the work to heal and bounce back from the breakup as the new You, you will have a different approach to things. You will not act needy or clingy, and you won’t beg for your ex’s attention. When they see that you’re living a fulfilling and exciting life (by the way, post pictures of all the fun you’re having on social media!), they’ll want to know more. When they realize that you haven’t been trying to talk to them, they’ll wonder why they don’t have your attention anymore.
If you’re still in your no contact period and your ex calls you, don’t respond unless you’re in a very specific situation that I outline in this article on what to do when an ex contact you during no contact.
You want to make sure that you shift the power play and give your ex more reasons to want to talk to you. Be confident in what you bring to the table and you will see that your ex will start to gravitate back towards you!
If you’re still wondering about how to get your ex to talk to you first in your specific situation, you can leave your question in the comments section below, or get in touch with me or a member of my team.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know the answer to “How to get my ex to talk to me”