Losing the person you love because of a breakup is one of the worst feelings in the world. As an expert in love and relationships, I can tell you that I deal with these types of situations on a daily basis. You’re hurt, you’re scared, and you’re trying to hold to on to the last shred of hope that you can get back together. Unfortunately, this often makes a person latch on to an ex and begin to suffocate them or make other mistakes that end up pushing them away. When you’re thinking, “I can’t let him go because I want us to get back together so badly,” you’re putting yourself at risk for doing things that end up making him want to pull away. Being needy or clingy are some of the biggest no-no’s when it comes to getting someone back, so I wanted to write this article today so that I can help you confidently give him space and put some distance between you so that you can make a stronger comeback!
Though it’s scary at first, letting him go is actually the best thing you can do at this stage. When you and your ex broke up, there was a reason for it, but now you can take matters into your own hands and turn things around. I know how difficult it can feel right now, and how isolated you might feel. Though you’re feeling lost, I want you to know you have a plethora of tips and tools at your fingertips. On this site you will find all kinds of information on how to make your ex want you back, without suffocating them!
I can’t let him go: Here’s what to do
When you feel like you’re stuck in this situation, you’ve got to change the way you’re looking at the situation. As of now, you’re clinging to him because you don’t want to lose him. Maybe you’re calling him up all the time, sending him text after text, or maybe you’re just constantly fixating on him and all your thoughts seem to revolve around him. Whatever the case may be, you’re recognizing that you are struggling with not being able to let go.
Right now, there are a couple things I want you to be aware of. First of all, you cannot force someone to love you… but there are some things that you can do to increase the odds!
Let him go: Understanding that you cannot make someone love you
I need to stress the importance of this element. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s crucial that you understand. If you want someone to want you back, it has to be of their own accord. It won’t work if they feel pressured or guilt tripped into taking you back. That’s a recipe for disaster and the relationship won’t be built on a solid foundation!
If after a breakup you see that the person you love does not want to be in a relationship with you, what good is it to beg and plead or try to convince them that you are worthy of their love?
This would only be devaluing yourself because you’re damaging your self esteem and your self worth, while pushing your ex boyfriend or ex husband further away.
Right now, your ex does not want to be convinced by you and the more you try, the higher their walls become. If you try to force someone, they can quickly turn to pushing you away, and possibly even ignoring or blocking you!
I know that this all sounds very discouraging, but hold on a second. The fact that you cannot force someone to love you does not mean that you can’t inspire them to want to get closer to you by changing your approach. This is when knowing when to let him go comes into play.
If the breakup has happened, and especially if he was the one to end your relationship, it’s crucial that you let him go. Like I said, the worst thing you could do right now is beg and plead, and cling to him.
I know that you’re probably thinking, “I understand but HOW do I let him go?! ” That begins with switching your focus to yourself…
How to let him go and pave the way for a happier future together
Though you are not in control of your ex’s emotions right now, you are in control of your own and of your own actions. It might feel like you are unable to let go right now, but you’ve just got to start focusing on yourself and getting busy.
If you are able to become a new and improved version of yourself, restore your self confidence, and to live with purpose, not only will you become considerably happier in the long run, you will also catch your ex’s attention. Believe me, I see this time and time again. Everything will change!
Your ex will begin to see you in a different light because the way you see yourself will change and improve. You will have stopped trying to convince him to take you back, that you are worth it, and that they could be happy with you. Instead of trying everything you can think of to convince him of this, he will start to come to these conclusions on his own – and this is the most powerful thing.
You never want an ex to come back out of pity! You don’t want him to come back because you convinced him; you want him to come back because he’s understood (on his own!) that he wants to be with you.
By becoming a new and improved version of yourself, your ex will inevitably begin to question his decision to cut you out of his life. He’s fallen in love with you once before, so we know that this is possible. Once he sees the 2.0 version of the person he fell in love with, he will undoubtedly begin to wonder about how it would be to be your partner again. In order to get to this stage, you’ve got to be able to let him go now.
When you reach your full potential, analyze the breakup and find longterm solutions to the issues you were facing, your ex will take notice and begin to miss you. This is about the time when he will start to be reminded of the good times you shared together, why he fell for you in the first place, and how happy he could be if he were to be with you today.
These things take time, and I know that it’s hard. But we are specialized in getting people back together and I want you to know that there are so many tools that you can use to help you reach your goals.
One of the best tools for this is the No Contact Rule and as this article on letting go of someone who doesn’t want you at the moment comes to an end, I wanted to take a moment to go over this tool and how it could help you.
Let him go and he’ll come back if you use the right tools
The no contact rule, for those of you who are unfamiliar with our philosophy, is geared towards giving your ex an electroshock that makes him realize what he lost.
For a predetermined period of time ranging from three weeks to three months, you cut all communication with your ex. This means no texting, no calling, no emailing, no liking pictures on Facebook or Instagram, nothing. You don’t even respond to his messages when he reaches out to you.
During this time, you are to switch your focus to yourself and how you can improve your life.
What elements of your behavior throughout the relationship can you improve? Did you lose sight of your hobbies? Spending time with your friends and family? Taking care of yourself and staying physically active?
Think about all the things that got put on the back burner while you were in this relationship, and think about all the new elements that you can introduce into your life as well.
You will begin to feel more in control of your life, and your ex will take notice. This is the perfect way to become the 2.0 version of yourself that will catch your ex’s eye and make him begin to gravitate back towards you.
For more in depth information on how to use the no contact rule to win your ex back, click here!
We are always here to help, so don’t hesitate to leave any questions you may have in the comments section below or reach out to us directly here.
Wishing you all the best,
Your coach when you’re thinking, “I can’t let him go”