reasons for a blindsided breakup

Clients often come to me because they felt like the breakup came out of left field and they didn’t know how to handle it. They often wound up doing things that they regret and want to know if it’s too late to turn things back around. Since this is such a common phenomenon, I wanted to write an article explaining the most common reasons for a blindsided breakup and what you can do in these types of situations!

Top reasons for a blindsided breakup

So if the breakup occurred, somewhere along the line your ex significant other became unconvinced of your ability to make them happy in the long run.

More often than not, there is something that changed throughout the course of the relationship and the fun and exciting feelings that were so present in the beginning of the relationship dissipated or may have even disappeared altogether.

I often work with clients who wind up having to face and accept a breakup because they had become too clingy or needy in the relationship.

Sometimes, people lose track of their personal lives because the relationship becomes the center of their universe.

It’s a common thing, but it can be very detrimental to a relationship.

When things start to feel predictable and monotonous, a person can start to feel stagnant and in need of radical change.

This also happens often when there is emotional dependency involved.

When things don’t feel fun or balanced anymore, a person can begin thinking about breaking up.

It happens out of left field often because they had been good at keeping it hidden away.

Some people don’t want to say anything out of fear of hurting their significant other, others are afraid, others are unsure, and others are just terrible at expressing their emotions.

So low and behold, one day you are confronted with what appears to be a sudden break up… though it might not feel so out of the blue for your partner.

Why people break up suddenly: Dissatisfaction

blindsided breakup

It can be extra frustrating and difficult to accept a break up when it feels like it came out of left field.

But believe me when I say that your partner had not been happy for a while.

They may not have said anything, which is a shame because you could have worked on rectifying the situation together, but they were struggling with something important enough to merit pulling the plug on the relationship altogether.

A good way to explore what happened it to think about how things were in the very beginning of the relationship.

What did your schedule look like? How busy were you? How much time were you spending with your friends and family?

Were you focusing more on your hobbies and passions? Were you working more towards your professional, personal, and physical goals than you are now?

Think about what positive elements of your relationship got put on the back burner.

You can even start making a list, and then look at each element and come up with a way to reincorporate it into your life.

I don’t want you to despair thinking that everything is different now and that’s why you lost your ex – I want you to realize that this means that you can get in control and change the situation.

Whatever the sudden breakup causes may be, It’s in your power!

When a guy breaks up with you suddenly, focus on yourself

At this point, your ex has chosen to be on their own, and you have to allow this.

If you suffocate them or try to convince them that they should be with you, they’re only going to want to pull away more.

Remember, if an ex comes back, it’s going to be because he or she feels like this is the decision they’ve come to on their own.

If they feel pressured or guilt-tripped into taking you back, your new relationship will not have the same foundation.

Now if your ex feels like they came to the realization on their own, just based on observing you, your relationship can be stronger than ever before.

If you’re serious about getting this person back, the first thing to do is put distance between you and begin focusing solely on yourself and how you can improve your life.

Let this breakup serve as a valuable lesson that ensures that your future will be better than your life has ever been before!

Do NOT start blowing up his or her phone, begging them to take you back.

This is probably the worst thing you could do right now. Don’t send text after text apologizing, promising you’re going to change.

No, just take a step back, and begin making those changes. Trust me, your ex will become aware of them.

Blindsided breakup: Turning things back around

Right now, you need to get back to a blank slate.

Remember, your ex needs to be given the opportunity to miss you and to wonder what you’re up to.

You want him or her to begin thinking about you because you’re no longer giving them your undivided attention.

I know that you’re probably scared that your ex will forget about you and move on if you give them space, but that’s not how it works.

Feelings don’t disappear into thin air – it’s just up to you to conjure those feelings back up and make them stronger than ever before by becoming the 2.0 version of yourself.

If you can do this, you will plant the seed of doubt in your partner’s mind and they will begin to
wonder if they made the right decision in letting you go.

When someone breaks up with you out of the blue: Using NC

As of right now, your ex has gotten in control of the situation.

He or she has ended the relationship and you are left feeling like you have a disadvantage.

By using a technique like the no contact rule, you can give your ex an electroshock while ensuring that you have the space and time to become the new and improved version of yourself.

This tool is consists of zero communication for a predetermined period of time, and it can be what needs to happen to wake your ex up and realize that it isn’t that much greener on the other side and that they actually miss you terribly.

When they realize that you’ve made concrete improvements, you’ll become irresistible to them.

The more you pester them or freak out, the more you’re going to make them think, “Yeahhh… that is not the person I want to be with.”

Instead, you have to help them remember how much good you could bring to their life!

There is a reason they fell for your in the beginning.

You just need to restore your self confidence. Return to the person that they met, not the person that they left.

When he or she breaks up with you, take the reigns!

Now is not the time to sit around moping on the couch, feeling sorry for yourself.

People are attracted to positive, confident people.

You want your ex to remember the person they fell for in the beginning of the relationship, so start doing what you need to do in order for you to feel better about yourself and subsequently get his or her attention.

And no, you don’t need to call your ex up and tell explicitly tell them how many improvements you’ve made.

You can share what you’ve been up to with your friends, post pictures of the things you’ve been doing and the places you’ve been going on your social media profiles.

We’ve gone over the reasons for a blindsided breakup, but there is no sense in fixating on the past. Use this a fuel for making positive changes right now that are going to ensure your future happiness!

Together we can help you heal from this breakup and get your ex back, so please don’t hesitate to reach out or to leave your question in the comments section below.

It would be our pleasure to get back to you.

Remember, this could serve as exactly what needed to happen to ensure that you and your partner wind up on the actual path to happiness in the future!

Wishing you all the best in life and love,

Your coach when you’ve experienced a sudden breakup,

Adrian