What happened to my ex: Don’t recognize my ex after a breakup!

7 Responses

1. I just want to understand how men act after breakup
   my ex said he hates me and he talks to me out of pity ?
   we broke up in august , we’ve been togther for 7 years , i contacted him after 4 months and he refused to meet me and after 1 week he agreed and he was all over me hugging me touching me and he kissed my head but 2 days after nothing change he said he’s happy without me and he doesn’t want anything to do with me ,

   My ex is confusing me ! He still angry about the breakup and he said i’m
   over u and i’m happy with my new life and he said thing to make me feel
   jealous , stuff about him seeing other girls

   And he said he’s happy but when i call him he gets angry he say when i
   call i make him think about me all day and he can’t foucs at his work
   he yells at me and say hurtful things and that he regret meeting me .

   One day he’ll be nice but still cold and mean and the next day he yells and gets angry ,

   The breakup was because i had issues in my personal life and i was
   trying to be brave and deals with these problems without telling him but
   because these problems were bad my attitude change because of stress
   and depression and he thinks I don’t love him!!

   He keeps mentioning that we’re not going back together and he’s happy
   and he said u can call me anytime and we’re friends but i know him… He
   doesn’t believe in friendship after breakup and every time we talk he
   gets angry about something in the past or bring something or try to make
   me jealous…

   We’ve been together for 7 years … Is it possible he forgot about all
   of that in 4 months! I explained my situation to him but still he
   doesn’t understand !!
   i asked him so many times to get back togther and one time he said i don’t have feelings for you and he gets so angry at me and yells at me ..
   i love him but it seems like he forgot 7 years so easily , i tried to explain my situation to him and i said sorryy , i keep texting him with crazy amount , last week he said to me that he needs a space ! i’m not sure if he’s trying to push me away or he’ll think about us , i want to get him back but he changed into a totally different person in 4 months and forgot everything !!

   1. hey, i am not sure if i should give you any advice or not, I am in a similar situation; my gf of 5,5 years broke up with me because she doesnt love me anymore.
      But I do recognize some things that are definitely bad in your behaviour and are preventing you from either getting him back or moving on. First of all: You should take a step back and take some time for yourself to really think about everything. Try to see it from his side at the moment: You are really unhappy, you are in a state of panic and fear, you constantly text him all the time. Why would he want to be with you? I think you should read some books about the theme, like the one they have here. I read i love you but im not in love with you anymore and My wife doesnt love me anymore. (I dont want to make advertisement for those here, just trying to help and give you a perspective).

      The first thing i learned was to deal with my panic. Do breathing exercises and what helped me most is: start writing a diary. DO NOT WRITE HIM EVERYTHING! This will only push him away and make you further unhappy, because he can not give you what you are looking for at the moment. You said you contacted him after 4 months, but later you say you keep texting him a lot. Which is true? In any case, stop texting him all the time. He is asking for space, because right now you seem very clingy and needy. This only makes him feel guilty and push him further away. I think that when he says he hates you, it is just a way to push you away.
      If you do meet again, DON’T let him just kiss and hug you. You have to show that you are not something he can just take whenever he wants.

      Right now you should analyze what went wrong in the relationship and work on this. Don’t just do it for him but also for yourself. If you are not happy with yourself, he won’t be either and more likely to not come back to you. Take steps to better your life, try to go out more, meet friends, do sport. I am right now trying the same. Only if you are happy with yourself you can expect someone else to be happy with you. He says that when you call him, he thinks of you the whole day which is a good sign to me. Try to become the person again that he fell in love with or something better – and dont do it for him, but for yourself and your own happiness.

      I hope I could help you a bit. Know that you are not alone in it, I’m suffering right now too and I wish us both strength.

      1. i will try , i just want to update you 🙁 i’m sad , he asked me for a space and i reached out to his friend and his friend was so mean to me he said ” it’s over he’s not coming back , i called him yesterday and he said it’s over ” i texted my ex right after this and he blocked me and never said a word to me !! so this is it ? after 7 years all i get is ” it’s over ” from his friend ! and he knows i can’t sleep at night and i’m sad and not happy …. he let his friend disrespect me and tells me something like that !!
         i didn’t cheat to deserve these harsh things from him , he’s been mean and rude to me for almost 2 months and i was patient , he told me so many times that he doesn’t have feelings for me but i guess my brain is not accepting that !! after 7 years all i get from him is hurtful words as if what we had was nothing ….

2. I feel that in many ways I here similar things over and over, about no contact rule and similar. Me and my ex have children together. So we must be in touch regularly. And it also gives ways to conflicts. Also he already has a new girlfriend, where he feels he is free again, without the burden of a family. He can go to gym, movies ect. He is now doing everything what he did not in the years spent with me, like renovating his flat (he always posponded it for 8 years). It makes me very negative and hurt. Is there still a way?

   1. Hi Ursula,
      There is likely a way to turn this around – but it’ll be important for you right now to take a step back from the relationship and to only speak about things pertaining to the children. If you’d like, I can help you develop a game plan position you in the best spot to get your husband back. We have a high success rate in this area.
      Wishing you the best today and always,
      Coach N.

3. Hi…I’m going through a incredibly hard time…I need help…don’t know where to start. Together 7 years married 3.4 of them. She’s 35 and I’m a 47 but look and feel younger.

   My wife left me the week before Christmas of 16’…she had said she hadn’t been in love for a long time with me and had left the relationship emotionally the year before in 15′ and took the next year to process things until she could leave physically.

   I did all the usual things, begged and bartered but nothing could change her mind. She was faithful throughout the relationship but quickly got involved with her 52 year old Business associate…then an ex boyfriend as well.

   She went straight to divorce feeling that we had already done enough time in counseling over the years…the main issue at the time was a sex issues…she didn’t feel wanted by me and the sex wasn’t regular enough for her…this was before the marriage too. She wanted a
   quick divorce to get on with her life and felt at 35 she was getting old.

   Other issues have come up since she left me…that only became clear to her stepping away and getting perspective…one major one was that she’s wealthy and supported us during the relationship. I was in a very successful band when we met making 6 figures that ended…she moved me in after our tour and told me she would take care of me…As she moved into her career as a therapist she became more resentful of this…she offered to send me to school to learn another career but I declined…this was a red flag for her fearing that being in my 40s I wasn’t going to change and that I would be dependent on her the rest of my life…but I felt that as she developed a career the goal post and her expectations of me moved.

   Other things were that she felt criticized by me…that I didn’t accept her body changing as the relationship moved forward…she had been in OA and at points in her life was 220lb and when I met her she was 140 and we were pretty hot for each other. But when she got to be over 160 I didn’t take the initiative in the bedroom…and as she struggled with that, the lack of sex/connection drove her to eat more as it hurt her self esteem…I hurt her deeply…

   We did IVF to try and have a baby in 2015 and she miscarried after 5 months then again 4 months later…but this was only 4 weeks along. These were devistating to her and I and our life plan…after being sober from alcohol and drugs for a number of years she started drinking again in April of 2016…I’m sober as well and caught her with a glass of wine in June. It wasn’t all out…a glass of wine here and there throughout the week but something had changed in her.

   The last few months have been hell…I went from living the dream to now being in a nightmare. I truly loved her and she’s only seeing the bad of what happened.

   January was tough…it had come out that I had been rung up charges on the family credit card I had…and she was angry for me not running the charges by her…I was wrong in this…and I took responsibility and offered to pay her back…but she refused saying that she didn’t need my money…only wanted me to know that I was caught. She then pulled the settlement she was offering.

   I had been working/suffering in Berlin at the time and had been not sleeping at all…days on days with maybe 15min naps between them…I was having a psychological break and in a rage after pulling the settlement posted on FaceBook what she was doing…then another post she was drinking again (terrible) and then I posed a picture of the much older CPA’s face saying “Really babe? This is what happens when you start drinking again”. She was shamed and angered by this…nuked the whole thing.

   Even after that horrible FB meltdown I did she started contacting me in February to come over and sleep with her…it felt unsafe and that I was just being used because she was lonely, the other guys lame and she would dump me after she got through this detox she was doing to lose weight…she told me in the past she just wanted to “get skinny and [censored] hot 35yo guys, not her old husband” when she was loaded drunk on GHB. So it was a few weeks of utter confusion of her wanting me to come over…get my hopes up of her pulling out of the divorce then on Valentine’s Day hearing from my lawyer that she still wanted the divorce…then her contact me a couple of days later wondering if I wanted to hook up…when I eventually did get her address 2 minutes later she texted that it was a bad idea and we shouldn’t do it…then March and April gong through the divorce papers and now…

   A month after she split she moved to Santa Monica from our Echo Park life…to this fancy condo…got rid of everything we had in the house and she bought new everything…when I was getting my stuff I found our old photo albums in the trash…including our wedding one. She’s pretty much whitewashing our old life and becoming another person…and using her resources to do this.

   I miss her horribly…friends told me in an attempt to move me forward she had started feeling good about herself again and was doing a lot of online dating…she had no problem meeting guys online…she has a classic beauty face…she was seeing 9 different guys…I know her well enough that she was probably thinking that she was making up for the lost time with me and then that made even tougher to connect with me with all the attention and distraction.

   It now seems like she’s now found someone that’s clicking for her. He’s closer to her age…a couple of years younger actually. They’ve been out of town a few times on trips to other states as well as local weekend getaways already. She taken him to out of state to visit her family. It’s been heartbreaking since it’s only been just over 5 months since we split up.

   He’s a “hot guy” that she always felt it was hard to get…bike guy, seems to have family money of his own…bearded(I’m clean shaven), ex Air Force, lots of adventure behind him…and someone to have sex with regularly…And I know that when people have orgasims together it will chemically bond them to each other…her and I talked about this and had it early on.

   I had some suspicions that there was something more serious going on with her and someone…I texted, then called last week after she told me she was kicking me off the insurance to talk. When I told her I didn’t call to talk about the insurance and wanted to see if she wanted to hang out she said that after I posted all those things on FB about her it was hard to be friends with me…the relationship had problems and I should only call if I needed something. We were in different places if I wanted to hang out with her and she didn’t. I stopped myself from asking if she was seeing someone now…It’s pretty clear she is.

   Everything seems hopeless.

   I hurt her deeply and wasn’t awake…and pushed her away…I did this to myself.

   Is this just too far gone now that she’s found someone without my problems? I’m worried that this isn’t a rebound since she had been procesing this since last year…and dated several people since the split

   Also her saying that she hadn’t in love with me for a long time?

   I’d appreciate any input.

   1. Hi David,
      Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how challenging this can be, especially when some of the issues existed pre-marriage. I invite you to book a session with me. Your situation is complex and deserves some one-on-one.
      Wishing you the best,
      Coach N.