When starting a new relationship or even simply just when dating; people and especially women often wonder what the right amount of time to wait is before having sex.
Everyone is different and thus seeking different things out of their relationships. Some have different religious beliefs which can have a tremendous impact on their views on sexuality and the meaning of sexual relationships.
We are not here to judge beliefs, but only to provide you with the tools to ensure that you are in a position to get what you want when it comes to love and relationships, as well as how to get back with your ex. So what is the right amount of time to wait before having sex, well as discussed, it will depend on what you are looking for!
What is the right amount of time to wait when afraid to sleep with someone too quickly?
If you’ve met someone that you care for and are looking to establish a long term relationship, we often advocate waiting as long as possible before sleeping with them. “The chase”, as we refer to the build up period before sleeping with a partner can be as exciting and exhilarating as dating your soul mate. In essence, you can let your imagination run wild and envision what your first sexual encounter will be like with someone for whom you are starting to develop feelings for!
Above and beyond simply trying to maximize the excitement window of your new relationship, “the chase” will enable you to set the foundation and ground rules for your relationship moving forward. It is during this time that you will be able to get through to your new boyfriend or girlfriend about what is important to you and what the relationship and commitment made to each other represents.
You have to be prepared to adapt your expectations or compromise based on the specificities of your relationship and your partner. We are of course referring to culture and religious beliefs but also take into account distance or the frequency by which you are seeing one another.
If the two of you are engaged in a long distance relationship where you only see each other one weekend a month, it is a lot easier to take it slow and to establish great communication before having sex. On the other hand if you happen to be living in the same city, in the same neighborhood or even to be working together, it becomes a lot more difficult not to let the relationship fade out; so you can be tempted to have sex with your new partner a lot quicker.
Ultimately the longer you wait, the longer you can expect your relationship to last if your partner truly loves you and really wants to make things work. There is of course a tipping point, and playing it too conservatively could also alienate your partner so we do not advocate to be too extreme or wait forever before having sex. But if your goal is to build something sustainable don’t be afraid to wait weeks or months to build up the anticipation and pleasure before that big day!
The risk of waiting too long before having sex
As we talked about in the previous paragraph make sure that you are fully aware of your partner’s expectations and culture before settling on a plan as to when you expect to sleep together. Passed a certain tipping point you will run the risk of losing them if you have not established a strong enough bond between the two of you.
Sex does help a couple get closer together; preventing your new boyfriend or girlfriend from experiencing this pleasure can be problematic. Especially in times of crisis or when life gets in the way and one of you becomes too stressed; having the comfort of being able to connect with the one you love on a sexual level can be truly beneficial.
All and all you have to make sure that you know who you are dating and what their expectations are in order to not alienate them. This will enable you to make sure that you build a strong foundation no matter when you choose to sleep together for the first time. We do advocate not to rush to sleep with the person that you have feelings for; to delay this pleasure for as long as can only build the excitement, serve as a proof of commitment, and ultimately lead to a more stable future together. However ensure that you do not overdo it, as you could run the risk of losing the person that you care for all together.
You need to make sure that your partner is looking for the same thing as you are
No matter what you may be looking for, whether it’s just casual dating, a one night stand or a long term committed relationship, the key to happiness in sexual relations is to ensure that you and your partner are looking for the same things! Your expectations need to be bridged otherwise you both run the risk of encountering a feeling of great frustration!
If you are looking for a long term commitment, the earliest time to sleep with your partner should be when you sense that they are committed to you. It’s not an exact science, and we urge you to listen to your intuition and not let yourself be strayed by your emotion. Once you have a sense of commitment, the sexual encounter can only validate the journey upon which you have already chosen to embark on together.
If you are not looking for something so drastic, and only wish to engage in casual sexual encounters with no strings attached be sure that you are not leading your partner towards false expectations. As long as you are clear and open about your intentions and expectations you should be able to find a place of compromise and mutual satisfaction.
It depends on what feels right to you
So what is the right amount of time to wait before having sex? In the end it all depends on what feels right for you. Don’t let yourself be pressured into doing something that you aren’t ready to do. At the same time, be open and communicate with your partner about what their expectations are and how you can meet those without compromising you core beliefs.
The right amount of time to wait before having sex depends on you, your expectations and how you chose to live your life. Simply remember to be honest about what type of relationship you are looking to engage in; are you looking for a long term commitment or are you not ready for everything that comes with it? Do you feel comfortable enough with your partner and are they also in a safe environment to be able to share with you what their expectations are?
If you are capable of answering these questions then we are convinced that you will also be in a position to make an educated well thought out decisions about when to sleep with the person that you are with!
Your coach to help you figure out the right amount of time to wait before having sex,