When someone asks you, “Hey, can a breakup be good for a relationship,” your first instinct would probably be to respond with a hard no, right? Well, I wanted to explore this topic as I am a love and relationship coach specialized in getting people back together and work with these types of situations on a regular basis.
When your heart is broken, it’s all too easy to become pessimistic and allow yourself to think that all hope is gone because the breakup has happened. I am here to tell you that depending on how you approach the situation, you might find that you’re going to be able to revamp your relationship and actually make it better than ever. So let’s take a look at how all of this works, shall we?
Can a breakup really be good for a relationship?
I was speaking with one of my clients the other day whose boyfriend of two years had just broken up with her. Things had been feeling rocky for quite some time and she was telling me that it was really hard for her to find a glimmer of hope all things considered. Her world had just crashed down around her, and I know the feeling.
A breakup is one of the most painful things a person can experience because it is in essence the death of their hopes and dreams of a future with this person. You enter a period of mourning so it becomes very difficult to be optimistic.
This is actually the period of time during which a person becomes the most vulnerable to making mistakes that threaten their chances of getting their ex back, so I often work with people on their mindsets. Positivity and optimism will actually get you much further than negativity and pessimism.
Think about it this way, if you’re going to allow yourself to wallow in self pity and isolate yourself thinking that it’s all downhill from here, what good is that going to do? It’s just going to make it easier for you to fall into depression and you’re not going to be doing anything that will be improving your life.
But if you do the exact opposite of this and allow this breakup to serve as fuel for the betterment of your life, you will see exactly why a breakup can be good for a relationship…
The simple reason why a breakup can be good for your relationship
As painful as they are, breakups do something very important. They highlight the problems that a couple was having in their relationship. It showcases the magnitude of the issue while offering you the opportunity to take a step back and evaluate the situation.
When you’re in the thick of it, it’s really hard to take a step back and get a 360 degree view of your relationship and the struggles it’s facing. It’s equally hard to carve out solutions and really implement them. Things have reached a point where they’ve deteriorated and tensions are so high that it has become hard to really sit down and have a constructive (and calm) conversation with your significant other.
When the breakup happens, whether you like it or not, you are given a chance to take a step back and really look and the big picture. You can take the time you need to analyze what happened, what went wrong, what you can do differently, and what kind of long term solutions you can implement in the future.
In addition to this, it gives you a chance to put yourself in your ex’s shoes. When you’re out of touch for a bit, emotions can settle down and both of you can begin to see more clearly.
A relationship can be better after a breakup if you approach the situation in the right way
The reason why a breakup can help a relationship is quite simple. When a breakup occurs, everything gets thrown into the air. This is why it can feel like you’re so out of control of the situation and lost as a result of it. Now, that said, if you are able to use this opportunity to create concrete, positive change, you will see that this entire situation has made it possible for you to ensure that the pieces fall back down in a much better order than before. In essence, this enables you to create a new, more solid foundation for this relationship. The result is that you put this relationship on a new track.
The key, like I said, it just handling the situation correctly. This is why I warn you against falling into negative behaviors that could impede your future success.
I often warn my clients against coping mechanisms that temporarily numb the pain of a breakup but ultimately threaten your longterm goals. For example, when your heart is broken and you’re feeling intense pain as a result of the breakup, you might feel that wild nights out partying would be beneficial to you right now because they’ll help distract you…
Rebuilding relationships in a healthy way
One of the tools we give our clients who want to heal from a breakup (whether they want their ex back or not) is setting short term, medium term, and long term goals. So let’s say that you want to focus on professional goals.
Where do you want to be in two years? So then where would you need to be one year from now? What about six months from now? So where would you need to be two months from now? And what can you start doing now, in order to be where you would need to be in one month?
Going back to the partying example, sure it might feel good to blow off steam with wild nights out, but this actually becomes destructive when it means that you are too hungover the next day to get your work done. This is when a short-term solution begins to threaten the long term goals.
So if you really want to get back together with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend and make this break up a blessing in disguise, here is my advice to you.
Take this time to write down every issue that the relationship is facing, no matter how big or small. Write this out in a list form. On the other side of the paper next to each bullet point, write out what kind of solution you could propose. This means that you have to think about putting yourself in your ex partner’s shoes and think about how your actions affected him or her.
Can a relationship work after a breakup? Yes, and it depends on Happiness
At the end of the day, the break up happened because your ex boyfriend or girlfriend lost faith in your ability to make them happy in the long run. If you read our articles on how to get an ex back, you will come to realize that it’s all about happiness. Every single person on the face of this planet wants to be happy. The key to getting an ex back is making him or her come to the realization that their life would be exponentially happier with you in it.
This is why I stress the importance of taking this break up has an opportunity to take a good look at what exactly needs to change, taking the time to make these changes, and then beginning to showcase these changes to your ex partner. There are many tools available to you on this website for doing this, and I encourage you to read our articles on the no contact rule, the hand written letter, and all the other tools and techniques available.
We are also here to help you through every step of the process, so please don’t hesitate to get in touch with us. By speaking to you directly and learning about the details of your specific relationship and breakup, we can design a tailor-made action plan that will enable you reach your goal of healing from this break up, becoming the new and improved version of yourself, and getting back together with the person that you love.
If you have any questions at all please don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section below.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re wondering how a break up could benefit relationship
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!