Going through a breakup while in a long distance relationship can be very difficult to cope with; the distance that separates you from your ex either during the actual separation or in the days and weeks that follow can make it even more excruciating.
No breakup is easy but the feeling of being physically far away from the person that you love and knowing that they are no longer yours can make some of the negative emotions even more intense. You must realize that all hope is not lost after a long distance break up and that in general it is possible to get back with your ex following a long distance relationship.
This process can be a bit more difficult than if you had the opportunity to still interact with him or her face to face; however it is important for you to know that if you put the right actions in place and if you are in the right frame of mind, you can get back with your ex following a long distance relationship.
My passion and full time job as a coach specialized in helping people get back with their ex is to provide you with tangible solutions that you can implement right away in your daily life!
I have garned considerable experience while helping people from all over the world, and this article will showcase what you can do to make things right when coming out of a long distance relationship!
Work on yourself first and feel better to quickly get over a long distance break up
Many times people associate their sadness or state of depression with the fact that they have lost someone that was dear to them.
It is therefore easy to believe that you will suddenly feel better and be in a happier place as soon as you will be able to get them back into your life. This preconceived idea leads people to approach the process of getting back with an ex following a long distance relationship in the wrong way!
The truth is that you must first feel better about yourself and start to have a more positive outlook before you can get them back into your life.
No one wants to be seduced or won back by someone that is depressed and needy.
You must display enthusiasm, have energy and interesting projects in order to make your ex reconsider their decision to breakup.
So your first actions should not be geared towards your ex but rather towards yourself in order to figure out the best way for you to get out of this funk on your own, completely independently from your ex!
The best way to accomplish that is to be active, to set daily goals for yourself and to continuously push your comfort zone when socializing with friends or by forcing yourself to meet new people.
Analyze your mistakes when breaking up long distance
You will also need to start to analyze the mistakes that were made after breaking up long distance.
It can be done while looking into ways to snap out of the state of depression that you may find yourself in, and after having mentally processed that your overall well-being as nothing to do with the process of getting back with your ex.
Long distance relationships can be challenging waters to navigate for anyone, mainly because you need to find ways to maintain intimacy and a healthy balance with your significant other while not being physically together.
The three most common mistakes made during long distance relationships are the following: The first is not having an end date in sight regarding when you will once again be together permanently.
This can put a lot of pressure on both parties because it can feel like the long distance is everlasting. It is important to have an end in sight as a commitment to each other; and to have a common goal that you are building towards.
The second mistakes that many people make is being too needy or jealous which ends up pushing your partner away.
You too may have asked a million and one question every time your ex goes out, and genuine interest in what your partner is doing can quickly turn into obsession and a feeling of being controlled by the other party.
The last mistake that I commonly encounter is not being able to manage the transition period following a long distance relationship; when two people actually have to be together and share a living space.
Being in a long distance relationship is one thing; seeing your partner day in and day out is another!
Regardless, if you went through a breakup it means that you most likely made mistakes.
If you are truly hoping to get back with your ex after a long distance relationship, you will need to identify the mistakes that you’ve made and come up with tangible solutions to make things right.
It is the only way to truly be in the best possible circumstances to prove to an that you can make them happy!
You have to be willing to do the work in order to showcase a new found perspective! Through your actions you can in fact that past issue can be overcome and that you can be happy together as a couple.
Seek long distance relationship breakup advice to get back with your ex
In most cases long distance relationships that don’t end up working out can still be salvaged, because i often only takes a compromise or two to make things work. That’s why I urge you to reach out to me if you haven’t done so already in order for us to work together.
Why not taken advantage of my expertise and success and work with a relationship expert to make things work in your love life?
I’ve seen some relationships where all that needed to be done was making a commitment to spend more time together in order for the relationship not to run out of steam!
This is especially true for long distance relationships that drag out over a very long period of time or when the couple can only come together a couple times per year on average.
Other long distance relationships are a lot more difficult to salvage.
For instance when two people are entrenched in their respective communities for example or when their professional aspirations and their relationship can’t seem to align.
The love that you may have for one another may push you both to stay together longer than you really should; but in the end it takes a major compromise from one of you to really make things work.
The person making the sacrifice also needs to make it willingly and truly accept what they will be giving up.
Because if they don’t it can lead to resentment as soon as certain issues arise in the relationship.
The person making the compromises can often feel that their counterpart is not willing to make sacrifices of their own for the relationship.
So make sure that you take some time to ask yourself the right questions and to see if you are really willing to make the necessary compromises to enable your relationship to truly flourish.
Stay in touch with your ex following a long distance relationship breakup
Long distance relationships are peculiar because it is very easy to fall out of touch with your ex.
It is therefore very important to make considerable efforts to stay in touch with your ex immediately following a long distance relationship breakup.
The trick will be to ensure that are not being too needy by not looking to convince your ex to get back together every time you speak to one another.
Although it can be difficult and even painful to stay in touch with your ex following a long distance relationship, it is absolutely crucial in your quest to get back together. You will use these interactions to showcase your change and to prove how attractive you can be.
Know that as long as you maintain a healthy dialogue with your ex, you will have the opportunity to seduce them again or get back together down the road; but it all starts with your ability to speak to them on a somewhat regular basis, without being too pushy or emotional.
A face to face meeting is the way to seal the deal after a long distance breakup
In order to get back together you will need to see your ex face to face.
It is in fact impossible to seal the deal and get back into a relationship from distance, over the phone or on skype!
It is important for you to know and understand this concept because it will enable you to plan accordingly and look to organize a way for you to see each other after a long distance breakup.
If possible, it is best to meet in on neutral grounds, not in your city or theirs. This will reinforce the notion of change that you will have been working to showcase.
Furthermore it will enable you to create new energies or a new dynamic instead of finding yourself in the same place; which could lead one or both of you to associate past issues to the current outlook.
Make sure to meet in a neutral environment to maximize your chances of success
If it impossible to meet in a neutral environment, it’s best for you to go to their city in most cases or within your ex’s comfort zone rather than the other way around. This will make it easier for you to be in the right environment to get back with your ex.
During this face to face period or date, be prepared to reinforce this notion of change to your ex.
Make them feel like you have really changed and that you can make them happy!
If you are successful in conveying a future where both of you can be happy together, with an end in sight to the long distance aspect of your relationship, we are convinced that you will be able to get back with your ex!
Your coach to help you get back with your ex after a long distance relationship,
Adrian
Life Coach, Motivational Speaker & Relationship Expert
112 Responses
How can you keep in contact with an ex when they are asking for time and space? AND they disconnected the number that you use to contact them.
Hey! Thank you for sharing your story and for your question. I would obviously need to know more about the intricacies of your relationship and what went wrong in order to advise you in the best possible way. However, to answer your questions Social Media is often a good way to start; even if it’s not via direct contact it is often possible to pass along certain key messages through the most common social media platforms. Based on what you are telling me, you seem to be in quite a unique situation since your ex is telling you that they need time and space and also disconnected their number; it tells me that you probably made quite a few mistakes and that you must have been really needy! So looking to stay in touch right away may not be the right course of action for you. If you would like to have tailored game plan based on the dynamics of your relationship it would be my pleasure to guide you and answer all of your questions during a one on one coaching session over the phone or via Skype. Either way best of luck in your quest to figure out how to get back with your ex following a long distance relationship!
Hello,
I would like yours advise.
I met my boyfriend online he lives in Missouri and I live Tanzania.
We met November 2014 in Tanzania, he stayed for almost for 2 weeks, we had a good time together, he promise me he will be back in June 2015, but he keeps pushing the date,but always he promise me that he love and missing me, we text everyday and talked on phone after few days.
Last Sunday i asked him when he thinks is gonna visit me he didn’t have an answer, he said at the moment he can not give me the date because he has got a lot to do, to be honest I’m sad and confused.
I phoned him the following morning he told me he was thinking a lot about me, but our conversation was brief.
The next day he was not in a good mood, but the conversation was brief, I told him I love and missing him, he told me he love and missing me too
I do know what to do at the moment, he is 62 and I’m 47 yrs old.
Hello Hoka,
Thank you for sharing your story. You are in a complicated situation because you did not have time to plant roots or set proper foundations before he moved back to the US. 2 weeks time is not enough, and no matter how frequently you speak over the phone, it’s simply not the same thing as sharing experiences with someone on the day to day. Furthermore I would be worried that he is only stringing you along and not fully committed to making this relationship work if he doesn’t do what it takes to spend time together.
In my opinion the best way forward is to pull back and to reach out to him less, to be a bit more distant for a about a month to see where is heart truly lies…
Being needy and chasing him is probably the worse thing that you can do as you will have no control over what he is actually doing on the day to day.
It would be my pleasure to help you through a one on one coaching session over the phone of via skype; if you are serious about doing everything possible to make it work, we will need to use the fear of loss as a means to not only figure out how he truly feels, but also to force his hand and make sure that you see each other sooner rather than later.
Don’t hesitate to reach out and to book a session if you need my help and support.
Sincerely,
Adrian
Hi Adrian, I need your help!!!!!
Me and my ex met whilst I was working away from home in his town. We had an amazing six months, we were seing each other everyday, our relationship was just perfect. Then I moved back to my home town in London. He now lives 2.5 hours drive away. We continued to enjoy a perfect relationship for a further six months as my ex was coming to see me once a week sometimes more. However his calls became less and less and one evening we had a row. He ended the relationship. I begged and pleaded to the point he changed his number!! Out of desperation I emailed him I was pregnant… This was the only thing that got him to respond. He came immediately to see me, for the next couple months we maintained contact only to discuss the pregnancy, eventually I told him it was a chemical pregnancy. However asked him if he would like to restart our relationship. He said he does not know etc. So I then messaged him saying, I cannot wait anymore, I will now leave him be. To which he suddenly surprised me by responding with saying that he does love me etc. Anyhow, after a difficult going back and forth for a further three months we finally made up (in total it took six months). We were planning on getting married, but after six weeks we broke up again after a heated row over the phone. This time he has completely blocked me out. I haven’t chased like I did last time, but made the mistake of telling him I’m pregnant again. To which he did not reply (not surprised) but I could not think of what else could get his attention…. He has completely blocked me. Not responded to any of my messages. We have no mutual friends. We are long distant 3 hours drive apart, neither of us uses social media. I just don’t know what to do…
It’s been six weeks since seep ration, I have been going gym three four times a week, I have been starting my own business, I have been hanging out with my friends, but I cant forget him. I love him dearly. I really don’t know how to reach. Out to him and as it is our second break up the no contact does not work, the ‘I’m saying bye for good’ doesn’t work….
Adrian… Please tell me how can I reach out for him… Or is him and me finished? Please Adrian tell me …..
Hey Ringling,
You made a lot of mistakes and you broke his trust. However I do believe that you can still turn it around if your evolution is real and if you manage to bring him down from the pedestal that you’ve currently put him on. The next step should be a handwritten letter, one that targets the right messages in order to reestablish a communication platform.
Reach out to me, book a coaching session and we can work on it together!
Best,
Adrian
I decided to do the no contact because i tried being friends with my ex but its really hard because i am in love with him. He told me he wanted us to work towards our relationship cause it was worth saving. Than two days later he says we are just hitting the reset button and starting from scratch like we don’t know each other. so i decided to distant myself and have no contact. do you think if i do that it won’t help our relationship ??
Hey Rose,
Thank you for your comment. It is very difficult for me to advise you based on the limited information provided here. I would need to know a lot more about the dynamic of your relationship, both of your personalities, the reasons behind the breakup, when that was, etc. We take great pride in really investing ourselves into your relationship in order to provide you with a tailored made game plan that is right for YOU! So if you are serious about trying to get back with your ex, I advise you to book a one on one coaching with me via this link: https://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/ Best of luck either way in your quest to get back with the man you love!
Hi me and my ex girlfriend broke up 6 months ago but we were still talking everyday but recently we have stopped talking and only text every week or 2, now I’m realising I miss her and that I like to date her again the only thing is we broke up because of the distance, I struggled not being able to see her and have her, so was fantastic and always put me as her first priority but me on the other hand didn’t have her as high on mine, is that because I’m a male? Or because I’m too focused on other things? It’s hard for me to know if I want her or not, but I do miss her she was good, she was marriage material. Another thing we lived very far apart, her Europe me Australia we dated for 3 years and managed to see each other when we could, I’d go there once during the year and she’d come to me – it was always good when we were together, we hardly fought but I could of put more effort into doing couple things, I was content to just hang out at home and chill with her, the other stuff didn’t matter to me all that did was being with her!
Hello Daniel,
Thank you for sharing your story with me; it would be my pleasure to help you figure out how to get back with your ex following a long distance relationship. First to answer your question: the fact that she showed more interest or that she was more invested in the relationship has nothing to do with you being a male. I coach men who are emotionally dependent to their wives or girlfriends in the exact same way all the time.
As you rightly pointed out yourself, you simply had other interests; she was most certainly more into the relationship than you were for the longest time…which in turn led you to be more disengaged as it was too easy for you in a sense. Now that she is moving on, and less engaged you are now realizing what you had and are starting to value her for all that she brought to you.
This is a very common dynamic that I see all the time. It may be necessary for you to either express your love and your realizations to her in the appropriate ways (otherwise it could backfire) or even better to plan a trip to Europe to go reclaim her love! It would be my pleasure to help you plan for those next steps during a coaching session — so if you are interested please don’t hesitate to reach out to me!
Either way I wish you all the very best in your quest to be with the one you love.
Kind regards,
Adrian
Hello, my girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and a half when she decided to move to Peru to join the Peace Corps. I always knew she was considering going but she did not want to ever talk to me about it, at one point a few months before she left she told me she was leaning towards not going and staying in our hometown. Three weeks before the date she would leave she told me she was going. She told me she was scared to talk to me about it worrying I would react negatively, and that she wanted to stay together during her two year commitment. I felt that ending on good terms and staying in touch would be best for us and our possible future, but I ended up agreeing to stay together. I found myself heartbroken in the month following her departure, and I admit I made the mistake of acting needy and doubtful of our relationship, which she said ended up pushing her away. We broke up for good over a month ago and she told me her feelings have changed due to how I have acted. She asked I give her space and do not talk to her over the app we had been using to text/call. I am going to respect her request but it is hard because I really still love and care for her. I want to know how she is doing. I am worried that by not talking we will grow further apart/if I wait for her she will not talk to me again. I have handwritten a few letters explaining my feelings for her. I could see myself marrying this girl one day. It hurts because I do not know when I will see her again and feel like I have lost her for good. I try to have hope that when we get a chance to see each other physically again that we can rekindle our relationship, which we both agreed was perfect before she left. However, that may not be for two years if she does not visit home or I do not visit her in Peru (difficult due to my job). I just want to give myself the best chance to be with her again in the future and need advice. We are both 23 years old btw.
Hey Matt,
Thanks for opening up and sharing your story. I have had numerous experiences coaching people who were pretty much in the exact same situation that you are currently in. Cheer up all hope is not lost and I know that it is possible for you to reclaim her love if you are patient, and if you manage to keep your emotions in check by not being overbearing in the coming weeks.
What transpires in your story is the fact that she felt like she had to hide her decision to leave from you. No matter how much you loved each other, or how much you felt like your relationship was “perfect” prior to her departure, I can tell you that it wasn’t. She most probably feels that you don’t fully understand her and what she is hoping to accomplish. I feel like part of her doubted your ability to support her and push her to follow her dreams.
In a way her decision to breakup was a long time coming and I think that the way that you acted after she left only proved what she felt like she had to do for a while…of course distance helped her come to that conclusion as well.
But like I said, I know that it is possible for you to win her back despite current circumstances and all the adversity that you may be going through.
If you are able to work on yourself, to evolve and prove to her that you are now truly ready to support her in her life decisions I feel confident that you can reclaim her love. Give her some time and then speak to her about your change and your deep desire to help her become the person that she wants to be! If you communicate with her in the right way and at the appropriate time, distance may actually start to work in your favor.
It would be my pleasure to help you get back with the woman you, so don’t hesitate to reach out to me for a private one on one coaching session over the phone — in order for us to put a tailored game plan in place that is right for you.
Best of luck,
Adrian
Hey Matt I just wanted to say I am almost in the same situation. I really feel your pain, she decided to move away for the Corps and told me just weeks before. Then a couple months later she broke up with me. Just stay positive.
Hi Matt,
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m really sorry to hear about what happened between you and your ex – I know how painful it is to feel like you don’t know what to do. With your ex being abroad and experiencing a lot of new things both personally and culturally, your relationship is more complex than the more typical long distance relationship. If you want to give yourself the best chance to get her back, which I believe is possible, than I urge you to consider coaching with myself or Adrian. I need to learn about your relationship in a one-on-one setting to create the strongest action plan.
Sincerely,
Coach Natalie
I was in a LDR for over a year. She recently broke it off. She has said she doesn’t want to be in a relationship. I think that I became too needy, clingy and that caused problems. She used to talk to me everyday, texting, phone calls, but towards the end that began to stop. Now there is no contact. If I want to try to get her back is a period of no contact a good idea, especially since it is a LDR?
Hello,
I have been with a guy for about 3 years (1 year long distance). We are both in graduate school and are 2 hrs away from each other. We have talked about our relationship and he said that he would be able to handle the relationship before we left. He initially wanted me to go to his school and live together but after talking we agreed my current school is better for advancing my studies.
We have nearly the same personality, didn’t have a lot of huge arguments, and when we were together it was none stop laughter and love. We communicated as much as we could being grad students but still made time to see each other when our schedules permit.
Just recently during a break he told me he was going to come and see me and that he missed me and couldn’t wait. He ended up not coming to see me and I didn’t hear from him for 3 weeks. During this time his mother called me checking up and told me that he was working everyday none stop so I’m sure he wasn’t with anyone else.
So after 3 weeks I finally get a text from him that he thinks we should break up because with the distance he feels like he can’t give me what I need and deserve. He is very busy in his studies and he thinks I need more time than he is giving me. He expressed that he needed the 3 weeks to think about how to say this and he is very concerned about our future. His job may require travel and he doesn’t want me to make “life decisions” and sacrifice my career (I graduate a year before him). The fact that I graduate a year before him also raised concerns because there is no telling where my job offers will be coming from.
We have made the mistake of not talking about what I will do after I graduate but all in all we have agreed to talk face to face about everything and I do plan to bring this up. Currently he is very busy and we have to wait until his course load lessens to have this conversation. I did briefly talk to him about somethings and afterward asked if we were still together. He said he doesn’t know and that he tried to make it easier for me if things don’t work out later.
I guess my question is, is there hope? It seems like a lot of miscommunication which is why I don’t agree with the break up but it seems as if he doubts himself and is worried… Hell im not even sure if it’s a break up now with him saying he doesn’t know.
Hey there,
Thank you for your sharing your story! I know that being in limbo can sometimes be worse than an actual breakup because you don’t let yourself move forward one way or the other; and inaction can lead to great frustration and even depression.
However I am very optimistic about your love story! I truly think that it is possible for you both to work things out even if it may feel like you have reached a dead end at the moment.
Based on what you have shared with me, I can tell that you are both rational and committed individuals. Distance can tend to take its toll, especially for couples where both individuals are very career driven, or goal oriented…but don’t despair!
The best way forward is to not pressure him for an immediate answer for now; eventually I think that it will be best for you to meet up face to face in order to get the answers that you are seeking. Such a meet up can help him realize how much he cares and what he will be missing out on — if you prepare for it the right way and manage to control your emotions!
I would love to help you in that regard and answer all of the questions that you may have. So if you are serious about doing everything possible to make things work, I urge you to book a one on one phone coaching session with me.
I sincerely hope to hear from you, and look forward to helping you find happiness in love.
Regards,
Adrian
Hello,
I have been with a guy for seven months now, almost all long distance since the beginning (only being physically together for around 35 days). We are in college and he goes to school 1700 miles away from me. We are both in really tough schools, and we are both busy with work, sports, and outside activities, so its hard to even find time to have a relationship let alone talk. This semester my boyfriend had way too much on his plate and we both knew that there was no way I could’ve seem him for at least 5 months. He drove 3 hours to tell me that he talked to his family and prayed about what to do, and he thought it best if we broke up. He said in other circumstances we would be dating, that it was the distance and only the distance that is causing the break up, that he was so happy in our relationship and our time together, and that whats meant to be will me. Now, how do I cope with that uncertainty? We both have feelings for each other and really we had no problems-it was a beautiful relationship and I could see myself marrying him. Do I continue to talk to him? What are the chances of us getting back together? I need your thoughts on this to help me.
Thanks!
Hello Georgia,
Thank you for sharing your story with me.
I feel for you because you are truly in a situation where distance and distance alone is the reason why your relationship ended; in other words I feel that your boyfriend was genuine!
I know that you are going through tough times now, but I can assure you that your love story has a great chance of picking back up if you avoid making any huge mistakes; don’t beg or plea…and don’t put him on a pedestal in any way. Accept the breakup and look to stay on good terms.
Keep in touch from time to time (every 10 to 14 days) as friends, and continue to focus on your own goals. Soon enough, he will miss you and look to do whatever he can to ensure that he doesn’t lose you!
And to answer your next question….No he probably will not meet anyone else, he is too busy remember!!
Plus you guys “ended” on a positive note so he is more likely to look to come back to you rather than start something new with someone else. Just stay in the mindset that you are the prize!
Stay fun and light when you do touch base with him (stay away from the emotional drama or talking about a common future, etc.) and everything will work itself out!
Be strong and stay positive.
From my heart to yours,
Adrian
Hello!
Me and my boyfriend had been together for a month and a half before he had to move to another country with his job. During that time we spent together, I honestly felt like I had met my other half. However, both of us have trouble expressing our feelings toward each other, so we’ve never actually verbalized most of them. When he left the country, we didn’t talk about what we were going to do next, but he kept in touch daily. At first, everything was going fine, he said he missed me and maybe I could come visit him one day. Then the job proved to be a lot more overwhelming than expected, he’d work all day long. But we still kept in touch daily (mainly by texting each other in the evening). But when he finally started making friends over there, I feel like the real change happened. He’d go out with his new friends and come home late and go straight to bed, without texting me anymore. 2 months and a half after he left, I asked him to tell me if he was too busy to keep in touch and if he would rather not talk to me anymore. He said he wants us to keep talking. He made an effort for the next few days, but then he started being cold again, so last night (a week later) he said he’s feeling too stressed and overwhelmed with his job and that he doesn’t feel like we can communicate properly. He said he enjoys talking to me and would like to keep in touch, but just as friends. I said I understand and it’s ok (but it’s really not ok…)
I still think he is the best I’ve ever had and that if it weren’t for the long distance, we’d be doing fine. So yes, I would like to get back together with him. I was even considering moving there in 1 and 1/2 years, when I’m done with my University studies. But from what you can pick up, do you think I have a chance? I can’t stop thinking that maybe he just used me at first, when he had no one else to talk to, and now that he’s made new friends, he’s letting me go.
Thanks in advance!
Hey Kit,
Thank you for sharing your story! Long distance relationship can be tough on any couple, but what made it even more difficult for you guys is that you were only together for a month and a half before he left. Most of the time, that dynamic is more difficult for the one that is left behind, as the other as the excitement of starting a new life and meeting new people. Thankfully you did not make any major mistakes and you were able to keep your emotions in check, so I do believe that it is possible to win him back if you are resilient and if you have a clear plan.
The best would be for us to speak over the phone or via skype during a one on one coaching session in order for me to fully grasp the dynamic and to tell you what is the best approach to make him miss you. If you are still committed to doing everything possible to win him back, please don’t hesitate to book a coaching session!
It would be my pleasure to help!
Best,
Adrian
I was dating my ex for a year before we broke up, we did long distance for the last 4 months of it…since breaking up we lightly text (which I usually initiate) once a week or so….and I actually grabbed dinner with him two weeks ago when I was in town for meeting. We haven’t really talked since but during dinner it felt like nothing had changed. It’s been three months since we broke up and I still want him back, I’m willing to put in more effort than I originally had….I just don’t know what to do now?
Hey Kate,
The fact that a the dynamic was still the same at dinner is a very good sign! Also it seems that you didn’t do too many mistakes after the breakup or that you weren’t too needy so that helps. I urge you to book a coaching session with me in order for us to come up with a clear game plan that you can follow. I feel good about your chances of winning him back!
Hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
Adrian
Hi Adrian
My ex and I first broke up a month ago, he ended things after we’ve had an argument and after a week I’ve reached out to him and he’d said he made a mistake and that he wants to work things out cos “I’m worth the effort” then few weeks later after he’d failed to deliver some promises he’d made i snapped and committed the worst relationship sin which was breaking up with him via text and then blocking him. I regretted doing this and sent him a text apologising how i went about my approach. He didn’t respond and I left it at that. He’s the love of my life and want him back. I know he cares about me i just need your help in how to approach him again. Please help
Regards,
Yasmin
Hello Yasmin,
Apologies for the delayed response, I’ve just been really busy!
I’ve helped many people who were in very similar situations make things right and get back with the one they love; so if you are committed to doing everything possible to get back with your ex , I urge you to reach out to me and to book a coaching session in order for us to get working on turning this all around quickly.
I sincerely hope to hear from you soon.
Regards,
Adrian
Hey,
Me and my boyfriend were in a ldr for about two years and three months. We broke up last april but we kept in touch. If I called or texted he was great for three, four days and then just disappear or fight with me, and when I wanted to finish the coversation because he just disappear or say some ugly things he said ok and after week or so contacts me to appologize for words, we saw each other but nothing happened thoseays during the summer. Step by step, from january we saw each other a few times and then we declared relationship and saw each other again after that and we were real couple again. But after that we were in touch but he first couldn’t come to me and then we talked and he said again ugly things he can’t do it anymore and again the same things as every single time he don’t care about me, we didn’t see each other for so long and when I asked him to see each other talk and finish it he just told me no, you now that if I come I will want to be with you, it was few days ago. Can you help me? Some tips what’s going on or how to make a good contact with him or when.
Hey Jane,
From what I gather it seems that you were a bit too needy in this relationship; you tried to move along way too fast or to define things before he was entirely ready to commit. The signs show that it is probably still possible to win him back!
Reach out to me, book a coaching session and let’s work together to make things right with your boyfriend.
All the best,
Adrian
Hello, my ex girlfriend and I were together a little under a year. Although it’s not very long, we are both military and lived together in the same dorm after a week of knowing each other. We did absolutely everything with each other and were both deeply in love, her more so than me. In January she deployed and before she left she wanted me to propose and I didn’t think it was a good idea which upsetted her. She believed in our relationship more than I did. After she left things were good for a week until she started making friends. Suddenly she had less and less time for me and I did exactly what I shouldn’t have, I became needie and she eventually became very agitated with me and we broke up. We talked a little after but I let jealousy get the best of me and was still needie. I became angry and I was rude to her and called her names, ending with her getting a “warning no contact order”. This was over 2 months ago and we haven’t talked since but I believe she did this out of anger. Maybe I’m just saying this to reassure myself but I believe a part of her regrets getting a no contact order and has too much pride/ego to talk to me. She comes back in about 2 months and I needed an opinion on what you believe will happen. Will she come crawling back? Will she wait for me to come to her? Or will she just never want me again?
Hey Jordan,
Thanks for reaching out and for sharing your story.
You did the same mistake that many people make once the balance of power starts to shift in their relationship…but don’t panic I do think that it will still be possible for to be with this woman long term if that’s what you truly want.
The fact that you have an end in sight and that she will be coming back makes it a lot easier to cope with the time and distance. You shouldn’t reach out until then, and focus on your own personal development to ensure that you are as appealing as possible upon her return.
Remember that part of what made you appealing was that you were somewhat unattainable or not prepared to commit to her…if you continue to be this needy guy, and continue to profess your love you’ll probably just push her away…
Make sure that you turn back into the man that she fell for in the first place and you guys will start to gravitate back towards each other in no time…but it can’t seem forced!
It would be my pleasure to help you prepare for her return and to coach you up to ensure that you meet your goals.
If you are interested in working together, book a coaching session with me so that we can get started.
I wish you all the very best either way.
Sincerely,
Adrian
Hi. Me and this girl started off complicated because I fell for her in October 2014 during a time that she started having a thing with this other guy but it seemed like it was going nowhere so I didnt bother moving on but then things worked out and they got together in november. However, me and her continued to get close and became best friends and also really flirty despite her relationship. I guess she saw nothing wrong with it at the time cause she might have thought it was harmless flirting. anyway 2 months into their relationship, she starts being more interested in me and eventually cheated on him with me. But it wasn’t the kind of cheating people usually do where its just for sex or whatever. She really loved and cared about me and I guess she started getting confused feelings. But she still wouldnt break up with her boyfriend because it didnt feel right despite us getting together 3 times while they were together.
Anyway the day comes where she tells him and then they break up and she’s really broken over it. I stay around to take care of her. And after that we’re basically together but not officially to the public for like a year. We had a lot of ups and downs because she’d think she’s over her ex but then she wouldn’t be or he’d come back to ask to get back together but we still got through all of it and we were very in love.
She’s gone to university now and we were going to do long distance because we really loved each other and we’ve been through hell and back and the love never faded so we thought we could do it. I really thought we could make it. However before she left, we never sorted out labels and shit and that got me being very insecure and jealous while she was there. Less than a month of LDR, and we get into a fight about this guy who asked her out and she didnt just straight forward tell him she’s taken. She did mention she was sorta committed to someone at the time but still, didnt make it clear that she’s just not available and that really got to me. I blew up and this was after multiple little fights over the last 3 weeks that we were long distance. So this really messed us up. She didnt want to talk to me later because she didnt want to fight anymore and I got even more needy and panicky because I didnt want to fall asleep without resolving the problem. The next day we still don’t get to sort it out and it just gets worse and worse over the next month. She was feeling hopeless about the future of our relationship because she felt like we always argue about the same things and she felt really exhausted and suffocated. Only after looking back at our conversations did i realise how much times i would get upset with her and it was understandable that she was tired. Especially since she was far away, it was easier for her to disconnect this time. I made the mistake of constantly trying to talk about the relationship and convince her it will be okay for the whole of march/beginning of april but she just couldn’t feel it anymore because she was so tired. It didnt help that she was in a new place trying to adjust to the university.
Anyway we had a call in april where i asked her if she still had feelings for me and she said yes but she had to think about it before she could say it whereas before, she didnt have to think. She said she doesnt not love me anymore but she just didnt have it in her to deal with it anymore. And that she doesnt feel like anything can be fixed at the time because nothing felt right. I decided after that that we should have space because i couldn’t deal with being just a friend to her and i thought it can give me time to improve myself emotionally and it would give her time to think about us and realise she wants what we had back. We got back into contact a few times briefly during this time because of her birthday, her messaging to say she misses me, etc. The time she messaged me to say she missed me, i didnt reply for a day and then said i missed her too but that night i messaged her asking her to not contact me for the next 3 to 4 weeks unless it was necessary as i didnt want to be confused. She said okay. However a few days ago, she messaged me asking if I’ve been smoking again and that starts a convo which leads to us talking about our situation. She said that right now she just wants her best friend back and she isn’t thinking any further than that. I almost considered that idea because i missed my best friend too but then i find out she’s already dating another guy. It was a different guy to the one who originally asked her out before and he was the guy she became really good friends with quickly and i was always suspecting that shed consider him and that he’s interested in her but whenever i brought it up she’d tell me they’re just good friends and would even get annoyed with me for always worrying. They became official 10 days after me and her did no contact. That really killed me and i went off on her. I was mad, calling her names and said i didnt want to talk to her, know her, see her anymore. I felt betrayed because i didnt think she would so easily go for someone new because of how much she loved me. Anyway after that, i call her and we talk about everything and her new boyfriend. I think what really got to me is the fact she could be public and official with this guy who she didnt even love the way she loved me. However a mutual friend of ours who is there with her in the same university tells me how it makes no sense that they’re together and that she never talks about this guy unless asked about him, she doesnt have a spark in her eyes when she’s with him or talking about him and it feels like she’s just with him for the company basically. And that they took ages just to have their first kiss or whatever.
It really broke me that she’s with someone else officially now. But she says she still cant say she doesnt love me anymore like that . But she just cant give me what i want.. a relationship. At first I decided I didnt want to talk to her or see her in the summer unless she wasn’t in a relationship anymore but I don’t know if that’ll do anything. She really wants me in her life but she also doesnt want to get out of the relationship. I really believe that me and her could still work out and that maybe this guy is just a distraction. But I feel like I’ve already lost her and it breaks my heart because we had plans for the future. She wanted to marry me and live with me and all that. We were so perfect in so many ways and I just don’t want to go looking for something new. And I cant deal with knowing someone else is kissing her, holding her like i used to. When i asked, she said she still thinks about us sometimes but yeah. I don’t know if I should try to give her what she wants which is her best friend back so she can call me when she’s sad or needs to tell me about stuff happening to her, and hope this reconnects us again or if i should just not speak to her until she changes her mind… She comes back to visit in a little over 3 weeks but I’ll only have like 2 weeks to be able to see her as I’ll have to go for holiday in my home country. theres a small chance she might decide to come back and stay here where i am and leave the university she was in. But thats really not for certain.
Please help me.
And keep in mind that up till the day of the fight, she still showed love for me and attachment. And that we were actually meant to be discussing our relationship that day to talk about labels etc… which is what makes me even sadder that we fought instead.
Hey Nate,
Please reach out to me ASAP for a coaching session. It’s still possible to win this girl back but you have to learn to control your emotions and stop putting her on a pedestal.
If you give her space and start to rebuild your self-esteem and confidence you will win her back for good once she comes to visit you in a few weeks.
But we would have to get started working together ASAP so I sincerely hope to hear from you soon.
All the best,
Adrian
Hello,
Sorry I have a long story.. Me and my bf are in a long distance relationship since 2013, I’m in Asia and he is in Europe, we were able to meet 2-3 times a month because of my job. He is s very sweet guy and we have an amazing relationship, although we fight sometimes. We had s break for 4 months last year, I didn’t give up on him and finally we made up again since September 2015. We treasure each other much more, he tried to get a job in my city but it was difficult, and I’m a single mother it’s not easy for me to move, he said he would keep trying. However he got a job offer in another country 3 months ago, I was so shock and kept crying for that, because I know we wouldn’t be able to see each other every month, and I feel insecure about that .. He told me not to worry and he would try his best to work this out, we both have to work hard and stay positive blah blah blah , he was not ready to commit but he told me he would propose to me in one year, I doubt that actually but at least I treat it as a hope to hold on .. 2 months ago he finally left, we both cried at the airport and he told me we would grab every chance to meet up soon.. On first month after he left we were doing ok, we texted often and we called a lot whenever he is not in office, soon I feel he is a bit cold and distance between us is bigger, I talked to him about this and he said his new job is really busy and the expectation is so high from him, also he is a sport lover and spending many times on training his race. We text and call lesser, and I had to be the first one always. I didnt feel secure that’s why I asked him always about what he is doing, out with who etc.. I think I’m annoying as well.. We had few fights in beginning of May and he told me I better not to wait him anymore, it’s unfair to me blah blah blah, to me I think it’s all bull shxt, but I love him so much and we talked things out and the fight was over. However he started to be cold to me more, took ages to reply my text , we could only talk few sentences a day. Last week I asked if he missed me and if we can be normal to each other, he said he missed me a lot, but he said he didn’t feel super s out us, and he wasn’t sure how to work us out, nothing we can do. I was so upset but still tried to work things out, I told him I’m gonna fly to his city last Sunday, he told me not coz he would be out of town. We didn’t talk since last Friday, and I found out on app that he was in his city on Sunday .. Obviously he didn’t wanna see me.. I’m like heart breaking, and it’s killing that we don’t contact each other.. My friends told me to use no contact rule to stop contacting him for a month but I worry his feeling towards me would fade out more.. What should I do now? Let go or keep trying? I love him a lot… Thanks for your time.
Hey!
Thanks for sharing your story. I believe that I can help you turn it all around and rebrand your image to make him miss you and want to be with you. You put him on a pedestal and were too needy. You devalued yourself and pushed him away because of your insecurities or the excess of love that you had to offer.
But it’s still possible to win him back, and I would love to help.
Book a coaching session in order for us to work together.
Best,
Adrian
Hi Adrian
I’m in a horrible situation.
My ex and I dated for almost 3 yrs and in that time we lived together for more than 2 yrs. He always assumed that we would break up as we both were from a different country and he doesn ‘t want to get married. But we did everything together and we had a great relationship. At the end, we both graduated and we flew back to our homes without saying much but we were both very sad. We texted everyday as if nothing had change but I became needy and wanted him to reassure me that he still loves me. After several fights with him saying he doesn’t want to get back together and me doing a month of no contact, it has been almost 7 months. This last month I text him everyday, I’m empathetic with his situation in his country. He is in the military and he told me he hates it. He reply once a day and very short and basically just complaining About his hardship in the military. He will be done in 4 months and I really want to go see him. But our connection is weak and for all I know, he probably moved on although he wants to be friends because he is a nice person. Do you think there is hope or what can I do to get him back.
Thank you.
Hey Sara,
Thanks for sharing your story and apologies for taking a few days to get back to you. I’ve been busy with private coaching sessions.
I think that you can rekindle your love but you need to stop chasing him! He’s not in a good place and he will revert back to you organically. You need to give him time and space to miss you!
I can help you win him back even at distance, but for that you will need to control your emotions and insecurities.
Reach out to me if you are interested in working together; it would be my pleasure to help!
From my heart to yours,
Adrian
Hello Adrian,
My case is a little different in the sense that we were only dating two and a half months physically before we started long distance. I know it wasn’t very long but in those months we did everything together and to be honest felt more amazing than my previous years long relationships had been. We are now separated by a whole continent and one month after I went home for the summer holidays, he asked me to be his girlfriend. We went into this knowing that I wouldn’t see him for 6 months- 2 months while I was on holiday and an extra four months when he goes away to sea in August. Everything was fine for the first two months of long distance but I went out one night with some friends and we got into an argument. Following this, he sprung the thought on me that it was better we break it off for now because even though I’m returning to our hometown next week, he is leaving for four months away to sea almost straight after that as he is studying marine engineering. He had also been acting a little cold and distant that week. In those four months, he knows I’m still at uni and will want to be going out and doesn’t want “to drag me along” or have me miss out on having a good time or worrying about him. I think it would be even harder for him too as he would be stuck at sea worrying and overthinking about what I would be doing. It wouldn’t be a healthy relationship to start building on. So we agreed it was best to separate for now on good terms and keep in touch. He said he wants to see me and catch up and see if we can work it out and start over again when he comes back but I’m not sure. He wasn’t willing to try long distance during those four months or even wait to see me when I came back to our hometown. I’m not even sure if he means it when he says he wants to keep in touch or if it’s just a way of letting me down slowly. What to do?
Thankyou
Hey Emily
Sorry it took a week to get back to you, I was putting on an event in Paris. I think that you need to take him at his word and stay in touch without being together. During the next 4 months you can’t be too clingy or reach out to him too often. On the contrary I would advise you to go out, to have fun and even to date. Be the best YOU that you can possibly be and look to see him once he comes back. If you are able to stay away from drama and remain a challenge you most probably will pick up right where you left off.
Don’t hesitate to reach out and to book a coaching session with me if you feel like you need support along the way.
Sincerely,
Adrian
Heya,
Im not sure how to begin. Okay so my ex-gf and i broke up about a month ago. We were together for about two and a half years. I entered the military about last year and we talked about and we told each other that we would try to stay strong. We did for the most part. For a whole year we were dating and skying (not much because of time zone) but it was enough. I loved this girl for her loyalty and her charm. When I finally came back to visit, we spent as much time with each other as we could but a couple of days before I had to leave, she ended the relationship. She told me that she couldnt handle the long distance any longer and another reason was because she was about to begin college. She will be living with a friend and her two room mates and begin her new lifestyle. I thought at first I would be okay with it and understood but as the days progress, i noticed it myself how i became needy and wanted to talk to her. Reading your article helped realized those thoughts. Right now we are in a no-talking phase and i understand that. I have never been interested in dating or seen anyone and cant imagine any girl id rather be with. The next year and a half I will be heading there for a vacation cause we have a common friend but its only for a month. I know I wont try win her love back cause of the temporary stay but I at least want to reconcile our friendship. Thats my first step. What I want to know is, should I not talk to her till the next time I see her face to face or do I give it a few months till i message her or she messages me (if ever)?
Hey Carlo,
I feel for you and want to help turn this around so I sincerely encourage you to reach out to me and to book a coaching session in order for me to provide you with an in depth game plan. However to answer your question, you can reach out to her prior to seeing her again, but you’ll need to make sure that you are mentally ready for it in order not to appear too needy or as if you are chasing her… It is possible to win her back eventually, especially if you feel like she is the one, but you’ll have to be patient and see this as a medium term process. In the mean time you can leverage social media to speed up the process and to prove to her that you are meant for each other despite time and space.
Best of luck!
Adrian
THank you so much for replying. Sorry for taking a while to reply back. Yeah i guess I should just wait it out. So im guessing that I shouldnt talk to her until the end of next year right? It kills me everyday and I mean…for some reason…it literally hurts that I am not speaking to her. I know people who does terrible things to get back at their ex and I dont want to be that guy. I want to be the guy…the good guy. How do I schedule a session with you?
Hey Carlo you can book a coaching session here: https://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/
Don’t hesitate if you feel like you need extra support along the way.
Best,
Adrian
Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up because he will be going to the army for 2 years and we will have minimal contact and he didn’t want to have all the stress/pressure. He is already back in his country so we have long distance/time zone. He won’t be going to the army for another 4-5 months and I don’t get why we couldn’t work things out within these couple of months. He told me he didn’t want any obligations. We also would get into fights due to my anxiety. He told me that after 2 years when he comes back to the states, he will be willing to give our relationship a shot again. How do I know he isn’t just saying that. We both promised that we will try again & hold onto one another for the future. That he wont go chasing girls and I wont find any guys knowing that one day we will try again. He said I have to work on myself and he needs to know there will be a change. He said for now we can talk as friends and with our conversations, he will hold onto to know that there will be a future for us after his army service. I have heard of the no contact rule. Do you think this is applicable especially since that we promised we will text everyday and not leave each others texts hanging? I am torn on what to do.
Hey Jen,
You are truly in a unique situation, one that cannot be addressed in a few words in the comments section of this article.
Please reach out to me in private and book a coaching session in order for me to advise you appropriately!
I look forward to it.
Best,
Adrian
So, my boyfriend and I have been together 1.5 years now. We’ve been on and off long distance so started out 5 months together and then apart 6 months and then together 6 months and then recently apart for 1 month until he broke up with me. It was completely out of the blue. I was shocked because we were doing SO WELL. We’d lived together and everything worked out so perfectly. Life was so great. I’ve never in my life felt so happy and complete until we were together. I just couldn’t believe that he wanted to end it. I felt like my world was shattered. And it’s strange because he’d already booked his tickets to see me and now he’s not sure if he will come. He said all of a sudden he didn’t feel the same way about me but I don’t buy it. I think he’s scared of the future and I tried to reassure him. I think one of his guy friends influenced him becaus he’s all about partying and doesn’t really have his life together. Whereas my ex was doing quite well with his life. Now my ex is switching jobs and going out more with his friend and I really think he’s just confused and scared. He’ll on his own still text me when I don’t. Of course I’ll respond briefly. I really tried to fight for our relationship and it hurt me that he’d made up his on his own without discussing his feelings with me first because I know we could get through anything since we’ve been through so much already. I think he’s scared of conflict, the future (even though we’ve discussed living together, and the rest of our future) and he’s just being negative. It’s really frustrating to me because I don’t know how to deal with this. I figured giving him space would be the best so that way maybe he’d realize he made a mistake and miss me. I think he has been missing maybe because he just texts me when he’s going to update me which if we’re not together he doesn’t need to. I want to talk to him and ask him how he’s doing everyday but I read that space is the best. I just don’t know if it is in LDR like would he forget me or move on too quickly. Regardless I feel like we’re meant to be and can find our way back. I just need advice because I’m a little crazy at times! What do you suggest? How should I handle this? I want us to be together. He could potentially visit in a couple months if he still wants too.
Hey Sandra,
Thanks for sharing your story.
The best would be for you to book a coaching session in order for me to provide you with constructive advice and a detailed game plan.
I sincerely hope to hear from you soon and wish you all the best.
From my heart to yours,
Adrian
Hello, my girlfriend and i were in a long distance relationship for over 17 months. we only broke up about a week ago and the reason we broken up was because of her need for physical contact. During those 17 months we spent everyday texting and chatting on skype to pass the time and enjoy ourselves and we met each other every 6 months or so (for a week) before going back to the long distance. A few days before the breakup she started being more distant and generally less interested in doing things with me over the computer. she still loved talking to me, but she couldnt bear it that i was not there with her. we were always feeling sad whenever we went back to our own country after we met. our relationship was amazing. she enjoyed every little bit of it to the max and even said our relationship was so “perfect”. I just graduated a month before that and was about to start a job to start earning money when she came to me with the bad news. We left on very good terms, and we were actually still in love with each other, but the distance and the need for physical contact beared down on her so much that she couldnt handle it. she decided that it was best and that we would still be friends, because we both didnt want to lose each other. But it feels awkward at the moment.
In terms of text messages, we still text and sometimes skype every day, like nothing happened! but I feel like i am the one that is initiating these things all the time. am i maybe too desperate in hoping that she takes the initiative too? That she would send something out of the blue just to talk with me? we agreed that we (or mostly me, i think) wouldnt text each other like crazy, like we used to do before. So far i have been able to do so, only sending messages in the morning and evening, or during the day when there is something to talk about.
During and after the breakup she started going out with friends more so that she wouldnt think about it, but with me it is a lot more difficult. for the past few years i did not really have any friends or contacts that i used to have, and it came down to that the only person i really had, as a friend or more, was her. I have it so hard now because i just keep thinking about her and that i hope that we will get together again one day and it feels weird because i feel like there is still a connection between us. Whenever we skype, we just talk about how our days went and what the next days will bring, but its like there still is something there because during and towards the end of the conversations, we tend to look each other in the eye and just keep smiling all the time. We always used to do that during calls before the breakup and we still do it now, so is there a connection somewhere in that? I am still madly in love with her, but i feel like she wants to move on, yet our text messages sometimes are still sweet and some kiss emoji’s and whatnot. I am just really confused at the moment on what is actually going on. She does not really initiate our chats, and if we chat she looks at it when she wants, wich is understandable. But whenever we chat or skype, i feel like there still is something, yet she doesnt want to show it. we are still keeping pictures of the both of us on social media and such, and we sometimes are sweet to each other. I am just confused as to where this is going. But dont get me wrong, we only broke up like a week ago on pretty much the best terms you can maybe have: the fact that we want to stay friends and not lose each other. I even told her on the breakup that i could give her an opportunity to live with me in my country and continue from there, to remove that problem of contact. She found that idea amazing, but she couldnt wait so long, because it would probably still be a year before that happened. Secretly im just hoping that i can be together with her again and change the problem of physical contact as much as possible. So i am in need for some advice as to how i would approach this, because i fear that if i start the “No-contact-rule” i will lose her as more than a friend and our contact will be near zero. We are both 22 years old. She already had some past relationships, but for me this was my first. In conclusion: even if we broke up, i feel like there is still some kind of connection, but i am confused in the way she acts towards me about that. she seems to be taking distance but staying close at the same time. How should i handle this? We also agreed to keep visiting each other when we would want to.
Would love to get a reply on this.
Hey Jonas,
I can help you turn this around but you’ll need to book a phone coaching session in order for us to establish a coherent game plan. It will take more than a quick response here to help you win her back.
Hope to hear from you.
Sincerely,
Adrian
my boyfriend and I have been together for a year and have a wonderful relationship. the only problem is we are both in the military and I just got orders to japan and he is staying in NC and cant follow me. I will be away for two years and we have decided that it will be best to end things on good terms with the intent on rekindling our relationship after I return. we are so good together and have been living together for about 4 months and everything is just going so well. it sucks so bad that I am leaving bc I am going to miss him so much. I just don’t know how to handle it, should I keep some contact with him or do I distance myself for a little while? I really want us to be able to get back together in two years. I can really see a future with this man and our families get along great too. How do I go about all of this with the best chances of getting my relationship back when I return to the states?
Hey Tor,
Thank you for your service.
Although it’s not easy your goal for the next year will be to find the perfect balance between providing him with space to not be too needy, while also maintaining communication to showcase that you care. It is still possible to be together upon your return because you are leaving each other on good terms.
I would love to provide you with a game plan and help you along the way, please book a coaching session in order for us to work together.
Sincerely,
Adrian
Hello
I am Priya and I am from India. I am 24 years old. I have been through one of your blog few min back as I was doing my research on how to get my ex back being in a long distance. And I found your blog on which I really can trust.
So it is my story
We started having conversation in november 2014. At that time he used to like me alot and at that time I was kid of broken as I lost my father a month back and also going through a rough relationship. When I met him I dont have any self esteem or self confidence or any thing(yeah but no one can understand about my behavior as I am really good at pretending or should I say I am really bad in expressing). He made me believe that I can trust him and because of him I was able to regain my self confidence. In a single word i can say that I was really happy. (as I am single child and I am 20 years late so since my childhood i did not get the change to be my self and I grew up all alone and I and my parents share a huge generation gap and I grew up in their fights only as there was no single day when they did not fight).
When I was with him I used to forget every thing and he was the one who gave me all the love and make me understand that how it is to be feel.
Its been 11 and a half month since we are together. He moved on to different city 5 months back. A day before we talked and he said that he is not happy since 2 months with everything that is going on and we should call it off. I noticed the change since he moved to the different city and I know for him it is quite difficult to maintain long distance relationship.
from my end I give him proper space and the reason that I understand is lack of communication but he is not able to understand this. In 5 months we talk over phone is maximum 10-12 time and we had video call only thrice in these 5 months. I understand he is busy as he is preparing for his entrance exams but if i tried to talk some thing nice or try to have good time with him he always make an excuse that he is tired and need to sleep (I never made him sacrifice his sleep for me or just to talk with me) He is not making any efforts that I can strongly feel as I know him very well. And these every thing make me very insecure and put me in a terrible place.
But according to him he could not even sleep thinking over it and he also feel bad about what is going on.
when I asked him a day before that he actually loves me his answer was “I Don’t Know”.
And now I really don’t know what I can do. At that time I tried to handle the situation by saying let just take a break for a month and then we’ll decide.
I just don’t know what to do and how to bring him back and all I want is him to be happy and by knowing that he is not happy it is really breaking me from inside. I just can’t afford to lose him because I know that he is the only one who actually makes me happy.
Please help me… I can’t lose him…
Hey Priya,
Thanks for your comment, as I told you via email the best way for me to help you based on what you are going through is for us to chat during a coaching session via phone or skype. Let me know if and when you are available.
Best,
Adrian
Hi.. myself Bikash. I was in a long distance relationship for near about 3 years. But she broke up last month. The reason is we fought a lot because of our future plan as i want to be with her for rest of my life but she can’t tell her parents about our relationship as they will not allow us to get married as they are completely against of love marriage. Now after last fight she told that she can’t take it anymore she has to break up and ask me to stay with her only as a friend. I begged a lot for our relationship. I completely changed myself but nothing working. She just ignoring me like i am nothing to her. Its killing me inside I can’t live without her. Please help me. She is my everything. I can’t even imagine my life without her for a single moment.
Hey Bikash, book a coaching session in order for me to guide you.
It’s possible to win her back!
Sincerely,
Adrian
My ex and I mutually broke up after 6 months of coast to coast Ldr,(US) solely because the distance was too hard. At the time we were hoping I would get stationed (we are both in the military) in the same state as him in about a year and we could try again. It would still be long distance (about an hr by plane) but it would be doable. And he’s getting out one year after so it would only be for a year. However, I didn’t handle the breakup well, and lashed out a few times, saying he didn’t try hard enough and didn’t love me, and asking him to try again. About two months ago I brought up living in the same state and if he still felt the same, and he said basically said no. That I had driven him crazy and his feelings changed, and he doesn’t want to do another ldr. Since then I have not brought up our relationship, the breakup, any feelings whatsoever except for an apology letter I sent him. I simply apologized for my behavior, why I acted that way (my poor communication abilities that I would work on in my next relationship), accepted the breakup, and wished him the best. He called and we talked for an hour, he mentioned the letter and thanked me, but mostly we talked about other things. Ive texted casually since- about once a week. I’m just hoping to stay in his life and hopefully repair what I did. I will hopefully move out to his state in about 6 months (not because of him, because it was always the location I wanted). I know things can change, and he might start seeing someone else, but is this the right strategy to hopefully have another chance in 6 months? Is there anyway to make him less resistant to trying another ldr that he once seemed ok with? He was someone I wanted to marry and have kids with, and I know he felt the same (at least at some point). Thanks!
Hey Anne,
We can win him back if you are patient and committed to following a strict game plan. If so, reach out to me in order for me to guide you!
Best,
Adrian
Hi Adrian, I wanted to share my story with you.. Kind of complicated though.. Where can I book a coach session with you?
Hey Jennifer,
I look forward to speaking with you…you can book a coaching session here: https://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/
Hi guys,
Here is my story. We were in a relationship for 3 years and a half. We had a lot of fun and great moments spent together. But there always have been discussions. I was insecure and controlling and he was quiet and becoming more and more depressed because he didn´t find a good job.
He started to believe his only chance was going to France. I tried to stop him and even sent CVs for him here in Portugal without telling him. He always told me he didn´t want to lose me and would do everything for us to be together very often and that this would be temporary (2 years) and then would come back and we’d have a kid (!) Despite all this, I didn’t support him. We kept fighting because he didn´t spend enough time with me, sometimes he preferred to be alone than to come to my friend’s birthday parties or because he insisted on wearing a hat that looked so bad.
I know how terrible my behavior has been. I know. I tried to tell him but now he says our break up has nothing to do with me. He says he just isn’t in love with me anymore and that he wants to be alone. He told me this 2, 5 months ago but a week after that he called me (it was a great festivity in our town that we usually celebrated together) and it was amazing! We laughed and danced and celebrated with friends. But after that he said he wanted to be alone again.
This happened two more times until I decided to book my holidays with a girl friend of mine (he was always telling me I should be independent…) He seemed glad I made that decision but after that he told me he couldn’t take it any longer and that he needed to be alone. We were three weeks not talking.
He contacted me 10 days before going to France to look for a job. I gave him my support and said I hoped everything would be alright. He seemed very hopeful and focused on succeeding there. He told me we’ve had great moments and maybe we’d still have more in the future, that maybe the flame of passion would ignite again… We slept together and it was wonderful, amazing as it always is. I know this is controversial but the chemistry that we share is so great and it never disappears, not even during our crisis. In those moments we don’t argue, just love and cherish each other and I’m able to feel the enormous attraction, love and devotion he feels for me and I feel for him.
He contacted me right after his arrival in France. After that we talked 3 or 4 times (I contacted him Via Msn as usual and he answers immediately). He keeps motivated and trying to succeed there. I try to tell him I’m doing fine, I keep busy and having a social life. One night he asked me to install Skype so that he could see me… He told me he misses me even though we are not in a relationship, he keeps repeating how beautiful I am… We ended up doing “virtual sex”… I know maybe this is controversial but I feel good in having this strong connection with him and I like to know that he feels attracted to me and not to anyone else.
My question is: How can we move from here? Should I wait him to contact me or should I make the move and give him my support? I’d love to talk to him everyday as we used to, but I avoid doing that….How can I show him that I’m different, that I’m not needy or controlling anymore?
Please help me!
Thank you so much.
Clara
Hey Clara, the best would really be for us to speak via phone or Skype in order for you to get the support needed and for me to create a tailored game plan for you! I really want to help you win him back.
Best,
Adrian
Hi, so my ex Gf and I dated for 2yrs, the last 8months were LDR. Although things were great between us. We kept moving because of her job and that started to take a toll on me as I was the one having to always find new opportunities so I ended up moving out and back home to Maryland (as she was moving again to AZ that time). We broke things off 4months later, she said she ended it because of the way I started to treat the relationship when in reality we had initially agreed to move to Maryland and start fresh but then changed her mind and try to talk me into going to AZ instead. Anyway we have been broken up since May 2015, kept in touch (Randomly on snapchat), we’ve practically friend zoned each other. Now what I don’t understand is that she speaks so fondly of our relationship and how she had fallen in love and all the great/fun memories (i mean she’d message me on snapchat wanting to knowing if she was a good girlfriend to me) we made however she insists friendship is all she wants and nothing more. I’m confused.Is it still possible to get back together with her?
Hi Carl,
Thank you for reaching out, I completely understand the frustration you must be feeling. I think you should try the “radio silence,” or no-contact technique, so she can realize what it means to lose you. This is your best bet to get back with your ex following a long distance relationship. You can read about how to implement this approach on my blog.
Sincerely,
Natalie
Hello, my boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months and broke up a few days ago. We started off as best friends because we had met at the same school 2 years ago. The problem is, he had blocked me on almost all ways of contact. Also, he already has another girlfriend but not out of his real feelings I can tell. What we had was a real connection, we were best friends and lovers. I already made the mistake of “begging” but he just pushed me away. Please advise me on how I would do this if he doesn’t want to talk to me and already has another, because he’s also hurt.
Hello, my boyfriend and i had been together for 3 years on an LDR living on different countries. We see each other 2-3times a year.. we thought and felt that we are perfect for each other. Planned our future together and dreamed to build our family… we were engaged, and we had prepared our dream wedding for 11 months. However a few days before the wedding he cancelled the wedding because he said he lost the feelings for me and he was trying to get it back but it doesn’t worked out. After the breakup which was 3 weeks ago we still communicate. But i want him back to my life, I know that he is the one for me. But i dont know what to do to rekindle the love for me.. should i still continue to communicate with him, or should i stop it so he could feel what is my worth for him? We are both on our 30s
hi kris, my name and my situation is almost same as yours 🙁 we were together for 2 years on LDR, in the past few months i was with him in his country and planning for our future, i will move to his side, however my grandma pass away n i had to go bak to home town to attend the funeral, after that, he said he lost the feelings for me and he can’t hav commitment with someone he doesn’t love… i hav no idea how could he changed his mind like that , i decided not to contact him for a while but i am not sure if it’s a good idea, he said we could be good frd as i am a good listener and i know him well… we r both on our 30s too
Hello,
My bf broke up with me after a 6 month relationship. When we first met I’ve been warned by several people that he was a player and I should make sure he was serious. So I did, after about two weeks of dating (a little early I know..) and at first he said he wasn’t ready to be in a committed relationship. This was not something I was willing to accept so I started walking away when he begged that this wont be the end of our relationship. I said I was not willing to be with someone if it wasn’t going to be exclusive to which he responded that he was going to give it a shot.
After that day our relationship has been perfect. he was extremely attentive, always put me first and I really felt we were falling in love with each other.
at 4 months he had to travel for work for a month, and invited me to come join him for a week, which I did and it was perfect, we got along the whole time, no fights or disagreements through out our entire relationship.
He then came back for a month where I felt that we got even closer but had to travel again for another 2.5 months. We managed to make it through the first month before I started feeling extremely insecure and probably ended up pushing him away. During one of our conversations he said he wanted to take a step back, that he felt trapped and that we wanted two different types of relationships. That he thought in a few months I was giong to want to get married and he wasn’t ready for that.
so he broke up with me and the next day tried checking up on me to see if I was feeling ok and to tell me that I will always be a part of him and he will always care for me and he hoped we can maintain some sort of contact. I told him we would not be just friends.
He got back to me a few days later saying again how important I am to him and that he hopes that we will stay in contact, that he hoped to see me soon and explaining that there was never anything wrong with our relationship he was just trying to be realistic about the circumstances.
Is there any chance that he will change his mind when he comes back in a month? What can I do to influence him?
Hi. My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago when I moved to NYC and he stayed behind in MA. We kept a LDR going for a while with Skype calls and texting. He even visited a few times. Things were going very well, and he had expressed some difficulty with the distance but nothing too drastic. We had our two year anniversary together and everything seemed fine. He even mentioned how he hoped for many years to come. The following week I said I would come home for the weekend, a four hour drive. He said okay but that on Saturday he had other plans and couldn’t see me. We had a baby fight because I’d be there for only so long and he’d made plans. The conversation ended with him saying he didn’t know how much longer he could do this. Freaking out, I called him and we agreed to talk about it when I got home that weekend. The following day he didn’t respond to my texts and when I got home he broke up with me on my porch. He said he couldn’t take the distance and inconsistency. I was a wreck. I didn’t talk to him for a few days. All my friends and our mutual said they didn’t see this coming and were shocked. I reached out to him over text and asked him to talk to me to answer some questions. He agreed. We talked on Skype. The conversation seemed at first like nothing was wrong. He just jumped into talking with me. When I asked him, He maintained that there was nothing wrong with me, it was just the disntace. He said he wouldn’t date anyone for a long time. We agreed to be friends and not to talk for a while. During that period my life changed. I’m going to be returning to MA and I realized we could get back together, something I would like to do. Meanwhile, I initiated some texts with him and he would respond. He texted when our mutual friends broke up brutally and were blasting each other on facebook. He thanked me for not being like that. I announced publicly my plans that were changing my life on FB and he liked it. Now, I have officially returned home and am here to stay. I visited a bunch of our friends in a place he was also in. I looked very nice and everyone was very excited to see me. I didn’t look at him and talked to everyone else. He got up and walked over to me and gave me a hug and said we hadn’t talked in a while. He asked me about my new career path and I told him I was not returning to NY. We talked and laughed like we used to. I mentioned creeps on tinder and we talked about some common interests. One friend said if we were going to talk so loudly to go out in the hall. We both said no and I talked to others. When it was over, he said goodbye and I said goodbye. I felt good. That evening I told a mutual friend that I wanted to get back together with him. She told me that about a week and a half before she had been with him and another friend at the mall and somehow I came up. They asked if he missed me. He said not her I’m just lonely. Like he physically wanted someone and missed a relationship but not me personally. I was devastated at this news because I missed both parts. She said she mentioned that I was very good to him and he agreed. She also said that he saw our other friends who were together and it made him sad. I didn’t know what to think of this. I had planned to go to a party this Friday to attempt to talk to him again. It had only been a month since we broke up so I couldn’t understand how he could not miss me. He is a very rational person though and could be trying to separate the two things. He said he broke up with me because of distance and maintained that, and he is a very honest person so if he didn’t love me then he would have said so. I don’t know. After finding out what he said, the following day he texted me asking for advice about what to buy a friend for a secret santa. I was a little shook, and I’m not the only person he could have asked. I answered him and we had a nice little chat about Christmas before he said goodbye to drive home. Now I am unsure what to do. Do I try to keep talking to him? Should I just flat out say I want to try again? Would he talk to me?
Hi Katie!
Thank you for your share. It can be tricky when trying to get back with your ex following a long distance relationship, but here’s a great tip: re-attract him! Don’t mention the breakup, the move or any of the issues you’ve been facing. Don’t flat out ask for him back. Just move home, hang out, be around, and be the confident and irresistible Katie he first fell in love with. If you can manage this, he’ll come back to you all on his own. Trust the process! There are things, however, we can do to expedite this process, so if you’d like, I encourage you to book a session and we can get right to it.
Wishing you the very best,
Coach N.
Hello, my boyfriend and i are from the same home country but took turns studying abroad. It was an LDR from the get go and we have been in it for 6 years. We always planned for me to move to where he is in 2 years, as he will be working after completing his education. He told me a few weeks ago that he wasn’t sure he’s the one for me anymore (partly due to the distance), and after convincing and crying and him speaking to a whole bunch of people, he decided to try. We figured that the problem was with lack of open communication; he often hid his true emotions in order to make me happy. It wasn’t that I would reject his suggestions, he simply never tried. After deciding to work things through, I unfortunately got drunk and in my drunkenness heard some rumours that he had apparently been spreading about me. I never believed they were true, but in my drunkenness i called him and confronted him. He denied everything, but I broke up with him. I realised my mistake 45 minutes later after I had sobered up, but he firmly says we are broken up and that he cannot be with me anymore. He says he does not love me the same anymore, and that he just cannot be with me anymore. We have agreed to meet up next month when he is home, but he was adamant that he cannot be with me anymore. We also agreed not to text in the interim. Please help. It was a huge mistake on my part being drunk. Please help. There’s nothing I want more than to get him back. I told him I was reading sites on how to get an ex back, and he told me not to read them because we are not getting back together. Please help. I will do anything.
hi ,me and my boyfrnd were in relation since 6yrs..he proposed me that time i said that i dont have any feelings for him but he even came to my clg..he followed me for 4,5 months later i said about his brother and my ex and i agreed 1st two yrs we were good.. for the next two yrs we had many clashes.. he dont want me to talk to my friends who r boys. I used to ignore his restrictions few times.. we met only few times.. we used to have clashes over phone. next yr he got 3grl frnds that made me possesive. he had a brother. they dont like our relationship. he used to tell me that nothing is important to him than his brothers.when am doing my school his own brother flirted with me i attracted to him we chatted for one month later i gotta know that he parallely flirted with me and another girl.(hez getting married this year to that girl) later we stopped. this is the reason he dont like our relation ship. after four yrs after my relation ship.. .he got few grl frnds.. his interest got reduced on me in 2015. in 2016 one of his cousin brother have died whom he love more than his brother.. later he turned totally into family guy. we used to meet alot in 2016 sometimes he will be good other time he used to tell the dialogues that parents are most important people…in 2016 aug he went to US for his higher studies he used to call me some times.. after getting his own mobile he began to say that my family is more important to me .we were relatives.. he is my grand ma’s son.. he said me that “i thought of leaving u before 2yrs only but u dint gave me that chance”.. he used to be in online always.. when i msg him he used to say hez busy with work..recently he started saying about one girl ..dat he want me to be like her that she never talk to boys it seems. i went into depression by his confusing behaviour. he will be good some times..when hez rude to me if i stopped msg him he used to msg me after two days.he started belittling me all the time..comparing with another.. but not thinking about me that am suffering coz of him.. i love him alot n lot.. he never like me to talk to other boys.. but i dont talk to many ..he still saying that “i will never believe you ” “i wont agree u if someones in my family gets hurt” but if his brother agree.. we can marry easily.. problem is his brother now// hez talking revenge on me … i dont want to loose him what to do now.. he lost interest totally after going there…but he asks me to video call ..what should i do now.. hez not replyng to my msgs from 3 days…
I was in a long distance relationship. Long story short my ex broke up with me. He said he didn’t feel the same way anymore. He said there was no one else in the picture. Later I come to find he was already texting a girl he caught feelongs for. After he broke up with me 5 months later he texts me. I obviously don’t respond. Then a year later he calls me and texted me. I never responded back but what I don’t understand why he reached out when he is now in a relationship with the same girl. He texted me with “hi I called. I was hoping to reach you. Hope all is well. Why is he reaching out? Esprecially around midnight.
Hello,
I’ve been seeing this guy for around 8 months and it’s been absolutely perfect. We always had similar power in the relationship and I know his feelings matched mine. 4 months into the relationship I had to move a 1 hour plane ride away for a 4 month job but I knew I was going to visit at least once a month and we talked via text everyday and this has been going well up until about a week to two weeks ago. He has a summer position where he will be leaving to remote areas for 4 months and wont be able to communicate or visit at all. When i visited last weekend he decided to talk to me because he didnt think he could continue being with me if he wasnt able to communicate with me. I told him I understood and we enjoyed the rest of our time together. I asked him if we were splitting simply because he had to leave or if things weren’t working anymore and he assured me it was because he had to leave. Where I worry is that ever since I returned home, we haven’t spoken even though we have a month before he leaves. Is he just trying to begin the inevitable? I worry that an added month of silence will lead us even further apart. I’m not sure whether I should continue no contact or try to talk to him this last month before he leaves.
Hi Betty,
Thank you for your share and I’m truly sorry to hear about your current situation. It sounds really tough. However, I do think your situation is salvageable and I’d really like to help you. I encourage you to consider booking a session with Adrian or myself. Let’s help you turn this around.
Sincerely,
Coach N.
Hi there. My ex just broke up with me. There was a lot of uncertainty about what to do, a break was considered, but in the end she decided she just needed to focus on herself. I am an Irish writer who goes back and forth to Los Angeles every few months, she is a Russian model. We originally met at the end of one of my trips and it was instant- strong and passionate chemistry and crazy similarities. I returned to Ireland and while I was away for two months, neither one of us dated anyone else. When I returned we launched straight into a passionate committed relationship for 2.5 months. It hurt to leave and I had to return to Ireland for 5 months this time. I had been in a LDR before and was not eager to get in one again, she had never tried this. But we both didn’t want to lose what we had. So we did long distance from Ireland to California, an 8 hour time difference. We did fine the first month, she had a huge stressful switch in her work the second month, we both had big stresses in the third month. We broke up at the start of month 4, she said she feels differently and needs to be alone as she has big changes in her life and a lot of financial and family stress. I fought hard to keep us together as I knew we would be together soon, but if I am honest with myself, I needed a break from this too as I had been slipping into depression with all my stresses and the relationship is near impossible to keep alive long distance in different time zones. But now I return to LA in less than 2 months, alone, where I know people but no one is close to me. I think we owe it to ourselves to meet up and try again as I am there for 3 months. She had said we can meet but she cannot promise anything, which is fair. My idea is to work on myself so I am back to being the fun, confident person I was that attracted her in the first place. But I intend to not really talk until I get there so we have both had time to work on ourselves. I would normally move on, but I really saw a future with her and we both committed to trying long distance because of how strongly we felt. I blame the distance and stress for killing it– an 8 hour time difference is a huge challenge for anyone. But once we are together, I think nothing can keep us apart and I feel if I had never left, we both could have handled our stresses, instead of her feeling like everything is different since I left. Should I leave her alone until I arrive? Or keep some communication (I don’t want to be desperate and she knows the date I arrive so it is in her mind)?
Hi Pete,
Thank you or your share. I know how painful it can be when trying to be back with your ex after months apart. I invite you to book a one-on-one coaching with me, so I can better assess your situation. It seems like there’s a variety of variables in play here and I want to understand everything before giving you a game plan.
Best,
Coach N.
Hello,I am margarette. My ex boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years.Its a long distance relationship. We met online and he visit me a couple of times already. Everything was great. I didn’t demand anything more than he can give and i always understand and support him. Last week I found out that he signed on an online dating site. When i confront him he said that he did it because he wants to.
I also ask him if there is something wrong that i did and he said ‘no you didn’t do anything wrong’ He also said ‘its not you..its me’. .i was so devastated. .On the following day he admit that he cant give up his freedom yet and that there is no third party involve. After a couple of days he texted me and ask if i still love him. I am so confuse, hurt, and devastated. I still love him and want him back
Hi Margarette,
I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how tremendously painful these type of circumstance can be. I invite you to spend time reflecting on what specifically about the long distance was affecting him. In order to keep him long term, you’ll have to be able to modify these things, so as to embark on a long-term relationship together. I think that if you can resolve those, you’ll be in the best shape to get him back.
Best,
Coach N.
Hi, I have met this guy who lives 5hours away from where I live. We met only once but we talked everyday for 2months. I have never felt this way before when I liked someone. I saw different side of me…I was more affectionate and expressed my feelings more with him. Everything was good until I told him about how I feel about doing long distance. I told him that I don’t want him to waste time because of me…I felt like I was grabbing on to something that is never going to work out. He said he likes me and still wants to talk to me but he will respect my decision. He said he will understand that if I go on dates with other guys and I told him I dont want to do that. That will hurt me as well as him even though we are not exclusive. I thought about it for couple days and told him that I want to see him and continue with this risk. He asked me if I will be ok him seeing other girls and I said I will try to understand because Im not physically there with him. He said he feels confused and needs time to think about it…and he contacted me after a week saying that he thinks its best for us to stop here…before we grow more feelings towards each other. I really don’t know what to do..I really miss him and want to see him..Im thinking about going to see him in couple weeks and ask him if he cant come out and see me…My friends are telling me not to do that because I will look so clingy.
Hi Kimmy,
Thank you for your share and Im sorry to hear about your current situation. I encourage you to give the relationship a little bit of time, maybe a week, and then check it asking how he is and try to kickstart the relationship. If you need help with how to go about doing this, I invite you to book a session with me. I can help.
Best,
Coach N.
Hi Jeremiah,
I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how painful this can be. I feel that distance can actually help the situation given that you both need and will have the opportunity to heal. However, in order to help you bring the distance to a close emotionally, I’ll need to know some more information. I invite you to book a session with me. I feel you’ll gain the insight you’re looking for.
Wishing you the best always,
Coach N.
Hi coach, my girlfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago and it was a long distance relationship. I have recently texted her and opened up about how i still have feelings for her, she was too afraid to get back with me because she’s scared she’s gonna get hurt again and that she is focused more on her self which is school and work. It was a very complicated situation why we broke up that I have recently solved. I plan to drive the 10 hours and pay her a surprise visit in 2 weeks and hope she is willing to accept my offer on taking her out and talking about the whole situation. Do my chances stand good and is their any other ideas I should consider?
Hi Lee,
thank you for you share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how challenging this can be. I invite you to spend some time reflecting on what triggered the breakup. Next, find ways to show her that you’ve changed. This is how you can get her back. If you need any help, I can support you.
All the best!
Coach N.
Hello, I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years. These past five months have been a bit difficult for me, I was dealing with a lot of my own insecurities and was starting to become a needy girlfriend. I never used to be like this until January. Everytime I would get angry or needy he always calmed me down and always reassured me that everything was going to be okay. I kept losing myself in this relationship and became needy 24/7 even more and he just got fed up. Yesterday he called me to tell me that this wasn’t working out for him, and that we should end it. A few hours later I messaged him and begged for him to take me back. He told me he needs a few days to think everything through and that I should do the same, but that he still wants to be in a relationship with me. He said once he’s figured it out and when we’re both ready that we should try and talk about it. In the mean time though what should I do? I love him so much and realized my mistake, that I was depending on him too much to make me happy. I just want to go back to work on myself so I don’t jump back into this still being needy and want him to see that.
Dear Adrian and Natalie,
I have a quite difficult problem. Since it would take a while to explain, could I sent you an email?
Short insight: My Boyfriend (2,5 years) broke up with me 6 weeks ago, saying he loves me but he just can’t do “this” anymore. And he feels that if I move to his city(so no LR anymore) I would give up my life and he doesn’t want that either.
With my job I’m not bound to a specific city so I really don’t understand why he is so afraid.
I contacted him last week (After 5w no contact), but didn’t get an answere.
Please help me. I already watched all your videos and the crash course, reflected on the RS, know my mistakes (we both made mistakes) and changed many things, met new people, posted my change in social media and so on.
Unfortunately right now I can not afford coaching (do you have a payment plan?). I feel really helpless. Is there anything I can do?
Thanks, Bella
Hi Bella,
Thank you for reaching out. Please email me at contact@withmyexagain.com
I look forward to speaking with you.
Best,
Coach N.
Hello,
I am looking for advice for my LDR relationship, which has currently hit the rocks.
Short story: 2.5 year relationship with 1.5 year in LDR between USA & Korea. The LDR part has been the latter part of our relationship (me American, bf Korean), with the end goal of one of us moving to either country. *Note: I lived in Korea, and met my bf there,, but returned home for personal reasons)
Our break story: This year my boyfriend got a new job after I flew back to Korea to see him during the winter period. He also recently moved out of his parents home and got his own place. However, in the spring months of company training he had fallen into a depressed state and just 1 month ago asked me to move back to Korea & live with him. Due to having a school job here at home I weighed my options and told him we would meet again come June/July. However, in recent discussions on our relationship and our shared dreams down the road (i.e. marriage) my boyfriend said he can not think about it now due to not being financially secure, and currently depressed. This conversation soon snowballed into my boyfriend telling me he is not good enough for me and saying I should find a better man. He then said that we should take a break to think about our relationship, broadly. After nearly 3-4 days of not speaking (which is not normal for us) my boyfriend sent me a long message explaining that our LDR is the reason we should break up.
Speaking with my boyfriend again(after he sent the message) I told him that I already decided to return to Korea and be with him, and did not understand why he suddenly went from saying we “should take a break” to saying “we should break up.” His response to my move-back decision was to not as positive as I had hoped. Instead of being thrilled he said it was a waste. From this remark I could tell he had walked back on what he wanted last month (*he said he wanted me to move in with him). But, I held down my confirmation to move back and told him that I would start my Korea job search and visa process.
During this time (just last week) we talked on and off with me mostly updating him on my plans. But, just this past weekend my boyfriend once again told me that “we should break up” and told me not to move back. So I asked him one important question,which was what I needed to hear from him most of all. If he loved me still. If he wanted me close. His response was yes. So, I told him that I felt the same and was still going to continue with my move plans.
Well, my boyfriend then said “it would be more difficult for him.” He then told me that we should take a month long break(this June) to view things broadly, and then discuss what we want. However, through everything that has happened I feel as though my voice and my wishes for us are not being fully heard. My boyfriend loves me, but is pushing me away. I do not understand how this came to be.
I am still in my move process, and have friends in Korea who will be there to support me once I arrive. But, I would like outside advice to see if my relationship can overcome this and if I can find help with how to approach my boyfriend who is going through his own personal issues.
–
Sabine
Hi Sabine,
Thank you for your share and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I know how painful this all must be for you. If you’re looking for an outside eye and ear, I can assist you here. I do find, based on your share, that you can turn this around. I invite you to book a session with me. I am confident I can help.
Wishing you the best always,
Coach N.
I need your help please.
my ex bf broke up with me 2 months ago after a 4 year LDR. We only saw once for a week. He is older than me. After the break up I asked him to give me a chance but he’s been consistent saying his feelings are not the same. He told me he wanted us to remain friends. A week after the break up he met a new woman over the internet and she asked him to erase me from facebook and now when i write him emails he says he feels deceptive, that i can write ocasionally and that he has to be careful about it. He told me he could talk in secrecy. However I dont feel it’s right, i feel disrispected but If i dont write i won’t have any communication with him… I dont know what to do…. Please, what can I do?
Hi Key,
Thanks for reaching out.
I can’t help you in this way because I work a bit differently than most coaches. I like to understand all the intricacies of a given situation before providing insights and to make sure I provide you with the most appropriate way forward based on your current circumstances.
I know from experience that you need tailored support and a list of concrete steps to take to reach your goal. To get there we’ll need to dedicate time and interact in the most optimal way possible to have the desired results and truly maximize your chances of success.
To that end, I invite you to book a coaching session with me (1h00 hour would be the most ideal). After that it will be easier for me to continue to provide you with advice via email, but for now you’ll understand that it’s a bit difficult for me to advise you appropriately without knowing every relevant detail of your story.
Here is the link to book a coaching session:
https://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/
I promise to speak to you as soon as possible after you complete your booking. The goal of this session will be for us to asses where you truly stand and to provide you with a clear road map to get back together…
Best,
Coach N
Three weeks ago, my long distance boyfriend showed up and broke up with me in person – our one year anniversary would have been just weeks later, on June 17. We had made it through the first two semesters of his college and he only has a year left before moving back down to my city. We started off in the same city, dating for 3 months before he moved north to San Jose. I was hesitant to get into things with him, but the chemistry proved to be too much. We hung out for a month platonically, and then things happened between us. Even then, I was resigned to let him go, knowing that he was moving 6 hours north of me (in the same state). He was the one that pushed for it – he was madly in love with me and wasn’t willing to let the distance get in the way. At the beginning, he was very heavy on contact and we saw one another a lot during the first semester of school.
He had a stressful semester this past spring, and we did have some strain about me taking things the wrong way or wondering who was hanging out with (never accusatory). I also had expressed wanting to know what was up with his social life because he knew all of my friends, and I had no idea about what was going on in his world. He had expressed subtly to me that he wanted to spend more time with his friends on his next short visit down here – my response was that we could work around that, that I knew he was only going to be here for a short time and that I wanted to at least spend a little time with him. He didn’t say anything further on the matter.
Right before his visit, I left for a 5 day event where we had minimal contact. Things seemed fine, he gave me no indication that anything was at a breaking point for him. During the time I was out of contact, he decided that he didn’t want to put more energy into it. But, still strung it along until he got here on Monday and I was blindsided by the break up. He’s failed a class and has been drinking a lot more lately. He also seems like he feels like it’s been a chore keeping the long distance going. We see one another infrequently, less this semester as I said, and he feels that he’s isolated himself from having friends and that he’s has changed himself because of me (citing that I am sensitive and that he feels like he has to watch what he says). I am at a loss of what to do. He said he’s tired, that he has tried and that he doesn’t think things can change – he won’t even give me a chance. He never communicated that anything was wrong or how he was feeling. I was completely and utterly blindsided.
At the same time, he doesn’t know if this is the right decision and has told me he is scared and that he’s “throwing it away.” I don’t know what to do. I am so heart broken because I really really love him. I want to try and fix this but can’t if he isn’t willing. I can’t be angry with him even though I am devastated. I can’t hate him because if this is the best thing for him, he needs to go through with it. The pain is unreal, I don’t know what to do. He immediately delete me off Xbox live and unfriended me on Facebook (not blocked). The first two days after the break up, we texted very lightly. I expressed how I felt it was unfair that he didn’t give me a chance. The last text I sent was two days after the break up and I pretty much asked him to think about things and told him that I knew these were all minor issues that we could easily fix – and that I knew I needed to give him his space. I haven’t heard from him at all – going on 20 days no contact. I am at a loss of what to do here. Also, he told a mutual friend that he knows he’s “potentially throwing something really amazing away” and that he was tempted to call the break up off while he was doing it but that he thought he would be doing that for me and if he were to come back, it would have to be for me. Please, any help would be appreciated.
Hello, my ex and I have been in a long distance relationship (10’000
miles). We met in 2013, I broke up with her in 2015 and then regretted
my decision after some months have passed. We got back together for a
short while before she broke up with me about two months ago. We hadn’t
texted or called at all for a month after the breakup and now she has
moved on with another guy and told me she is happier. It seems like she
didn’t miss me at all. I panicked and immaturely offended her. She has
been ignoring me for almost a week now and I haven’t texted her since. I
don’t know when and how to get back in touch with her. It was our
second breakup, she is on the other side of the earth, not responding,
with someone else and happier.
Hello Dom
Thanks for reaching out.
I think that I can help you turn things around but you will need to book a coaching session in order for us to work together.
You can book a coaching session with me here:
https://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/
If you book a session, I will reach out to you right away to schedule a time and day for us to speak.
Hope to chat with you soon!
Sincerely,
Coach Natalie
Hi Coach Natalie
Thanks for your reply. I’m actually just about to have a coaching session with Coach Adrian in a couple of hours. Looking forward to it!
I broke up two months ago with my two year bf… He’s going thru a lot of problems must of them family problems and of course he’s almost done with an exam for residency on a hospital and starting he’s specialty in orthopedic career is very demanding but I live in Guatemala and he lives in Mexico, we always seen each other every month and it was very accessible I mean the tickets are not expensive… He told me he can’t be with me anymore cuz I had a lot of problems and then he send me a text (we broke up via Skype) he texted me “I have a lot of issues you too and I don’t know how we can overcome the distance and my career” for making this more hard I didn’t knew what to reply so I said that I completely understood and that I was going to respect his decision… So here I am applying the NC rule and I have no idea how is he and what is going on with his life.. And I need to know what you guys think about this I really love him and want to be with him. Sure we had arguments the last two months but it was therefore to cut the relationship the way he did…
I am reading your discussion on how important it is to keep in touch after a long distance breakup…but it seems my boyfriend sometimes is interested in conversations and will write quite a lot, then sometimes he is one worded and/or doesn’t even reply anymore. He tells me he is here always when I need him and wishes me the best, etc, and numerous times he has asked me if we broke up if it’s possible for us to stay in contact and be friends and I said over time maybe, but that I don’t know, but now that we have broken up I miss him and it’s been one month. We are both from the same city and then we both moved to the east coast for college and stayed together a year and a half, but started falling into communication failures and distance. We have generally been very good at fixing our problems, but this summer we both were in the same city for two months, it was wonderful, then I left for a month to a different country and it started to happen again where we lost touch and communication became worse to the point where I would express my deep sadness and emotions about not being happy and all the things I felt were wrong in our relationship. He wanted to fix it and admitted he felt the same and wanted to rekindle the spark, but then the last week before I came he became distant again and then I got back and we talked, cried and broke up. We said let’s give each other a few days to think it through, but then we broke up. I regret losing him and I have followed all the steps and methods and in your videos. The ones about writing bullet points on what went wrong, his views, etc and I still feel lost, but I have come to terms with a lot of things I did wrong. He owed me money from a previous trip we went on and I was a bit rude about it and I feel it somewhat ruined the relationship after the break up, but then we started to slowly talk and I asked his opinion on something, he was kind, but stopped anwering. I’m not sure what else to do. I am now back in the city I study in and he is still home, but will be back soon, 3 hours away.
Hi Yas,
Thank you for reaching out. I can tell that your situation is complex, and so I invite you to consider scheduling a one-on-one session with me. Im confident I can help you turn this around. Please visit link if you’d like to connect : http://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching
Wishing you the best today and always,
Coach N
Hello, my boyfriend and I had been dating for a year and a half before he broke up with me. We were always texting on and off for about 4 years before we started dating. I tried to reflect on what went wrong in my relationship after watching some of your youtube videos and realised that our relationship took the wrong turn after I felt like my personal life was not ideal. I felt like I wasn’t respecting his time and his life outside of our relationship and was needy which made him distant. A month after we broke up, which was a few days ago, I met up with him and he told me that he has feelings for me still but not enough to date me. He told me that he was tired of waiting and said that he wants for us to be friends in the future and find someone else. I personally don’t want him as a friend because I know that I have feelings for him and seeing him made me reassure the fact that I actually love him and not because I miss the relationship. After we broke up, we were texting like before and I felt like he doesn’t really know what it feels like to completely lose me. Therefore, starting from today, I’m trying to implement the no contact method. Because it is long distance, I’m scared that he’ll move on completely and the no contact method wouldn’t work. What should I do?
Hi Kathryn,
Thanks for reaching out. Believe it or not, No Contact yields the best results, even in long distance. Give the relationship space and time – it needs it. If you need help implementing, I’d love to work with you.
Best,
Coach N
Hey guys, bit of a stab in the dark here, but here goes:
It’s been about 2 months since my ex broke up with me following about a month of not really seeing her. Before that, she actually tried to break up with me before, but I managed to talk here round, obviously that did not stick. We were together for about 6 months, in which we were seeing each other pretty much every weekend (she lives about an hour’s drive from me (a couple of hours via public transport), so call it a ‘middle distance’ relationship.)
I’m a little torn about what happened exactly, even now. It was either one or both of the following things: five months prior to meeting me she was abandoned by her ex fiance (who she’d been with for 8 years & had arranged to marry), which turned her life upside down. She tried to get back with him, but he was having none of it, so she eventually gave up. As soon as she got with me, however, he conveniently became all needy and wanting her back, and in his case, stalking, harassing, threatening and trying to emotionally manipulate her (send her pictures of her front door, threatening me physically etc). It was around this time I discovered he had, at times, been violent in the relationship as well. Luckily she chose me, but then he continued to contact her periodically, despite being in a new relationship with someone else, and then I started having baggage of my own to deal with, which leads me to the second possible thing.
About a month before she first tried to break up with me, a previous ex of mine got into some very bad business, getting involved with someone who was stealing her money to buy drugs, using those drugs on her and abusing her physically. Not wanting to get involved I tried to let her parents know, but they didn’t really do anything. Eventually it got to the point where I genuinely felt her life was at serious risk unless I did something quickly, & and knew I could never live with myself if something tragic did happen to her, so I decided to intervene, even though I knew it would almost certainly put my current relationship at risk. Fortunately I was able to stop what was happening, and my current ex seemed ok with everything when I told her (not wanting to go behind my back about this), but then a month later, she was dumping me, and to me this strikes me as no coincidence.
To be honest, either one would be enough, eventually I guess she just couldn’t take it anymore. The question is, now that those issues are in the past, what now?
So, after she broke up with me I had a few rough days, making a lot of classic break up mistakes before eventually I decided to *try* a month long non-contact approach and see what happens, contacting her again just over 3 weeks ago. At first it seemed to go well, but as I was having a stressful time at an event I was at, I may have overdone the calling in the first few days of re-initiating contact…and unsurprisingly she saw right through it. That then led to an argument, her telling me every time she talked to me she ended up crying cos I ‘reminded’ her of all the pain she’d been through, and her angrily hanging up on me. I decided to let things settle for a week and then sent her a fairly long email via whatssapp, basically sticking up myself a little, saying I don’t regret my decision to help that other person, cos tbh it was a life/death thing, but that I do regret putting it on her so to speak, and for generally not being very pleasant to be around whilst that was going on (though in my defense, who would be under the circumstances), but ultimately that I felt I had done enough already to try to patch things up, and anything more would just push her further away, and that I wasn’t going to sit around waiting for someone who clearly doesn’t want me anymore. That was 3 weeks ago, and no, I got no reply to it, though she’s yet to actually block me though.
On the face of it, it seems pretty hopeless, but I really would love to turn things around if were possible, she was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I do still love her; I’ve never doubted that.There’s not a lot I wouldn’t be prepared to do, but I’d need to believe it were possible for me to try. No use destroying myself over a lost cause, not to mention, whilst I would in a heartbeat sign up for as much personal coaching as possible, money has rarely been tighter than it is right now.
Hi Simon,
Thanks for reaching out – I can’t help you in the way you need over this platform, because frankly this situation is complex. If you’d like to connect to discuss it, I’d love to have a session with you.
Wishing you the best and sending you peace of mind,
Coach N
Hi Kathryn,
Our approach is geared toward creating a tailored game plan that can guide in your unique situation. We don’t have a one-size-fits-all approach. Every game plan is different 🙂
I am 50 and my BF is 47. We have lived together for 2 years, would call me be his last name to give me indication we were committed, didn’t have to be married IMO but committed. On Labor Day he told me he had met someone (who reminds him of his first wife, HS sweetheart who cheated during their marriage)and wanted to see where it goes. Shell shocked to say the least. I thought we had a great relationship, in every way. I left no room for dissatisfaction. So a week ago yesterday he packed a bag and left and hasn’t been back. Said he hopes to miss me enough to “get his head out of his ****”…….
Between Labor Day and him packing a bag, he had not come home on 2 different nights. He then came home to change clothes on a the Friday before packing and as we talked I told him I thought his childhood abandonment issues caused this behavior, it is repeated for him in past relationships. He broke down and cried and then said he was going to fix this. He left and broke it off with her. He then said he felt so much better, that he had thought this a million times but was blind to the sight of what it was doing to him. Said he loved me so much. We had a great weekend but he wouldn’t cut contact with her and it went downhill that following week until the Friday packing.
He said he didn’t blame me if I didn’t wait then later said if I thought he wanted me to walk away I didn’t understand. I’m in such limbo.
I’ve initiated no contact and am on day 3 after we talked about some shared finances he agreed to help me with. I stay so confused from one minute to the next. I don’t know if my gut feeling that we will reconcile is just wishful thinking or that he will realize what we had was special and worth fighting for.
Update: at day 3 of NC he texted and said he was coming by to pick up some mail he needed. It was totally legitimate.
We talked and held each other and cried. He said he was just so confused. My first question when he began to cry, he cried first, was “are you crying because you need to tell me it’s over?” He emphatically shook his head no.
He stayed for a while but in the end left, I think that was best. Although it’s so hard. He said he did not deserve me and that he had not given up on us. My gut keeps telling me be patient………..
Any advice?
My long distance ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for about a month. During this time, I’ve made many mistakes appearing needy and desperate by begging and pleading. I suspect he is dating someone else. I love him with all my heart. Is there any chance of us reconciling at this point?
Hi Jessica,
Without knowing details about your situation, I can say that there may be an opportunity to get back together. However, without context, I can’t really shed light on how likely that opportunity is. I invite you to consider scheduling a coaching session with me, and we’ll discuss.
Best,
Coach Natalie
My (ex)boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship (we lived in different countries; a 3 hour flight between us). We were officially together for 1.5 years but had been ‘unofficially’ together for 2.5 years prior to that.
This relationship was a first for the both of us. Neither of us had been in a serious relationship before. Neither of us had been in love before. Neither of us had done long distance before. We were both new to all of it.
We first met at a party when he was visiting my country. That encounter was more of a one night stand that anything else; I really didn’t think much of it or that anything would come from it, and neither did he. He left for his country a short while after.
He got in touch with me via Facebook a month or so after that night we met and it was as you’d expect; flirtatious, fun, nothing serious. He showed a lot of interest in me (but I knew he only wanted one thing, and I wouldn’t give that to him). I eventually got bored of his back and forth games and eventually lost interest in him. This sparked a feeling in him that made him want me soooo much more, and in a different way than previously (ie. he actually started to fall for me).
Him being in a different country, our main form of communication was texting/messaging/calling. We continued this for a year and at the end of that year he told me that he loved me, and I told him that I loved him too (this is what i mean by ‘unofficially’ together; more of like a ‘thing’ than a ‘couple’).
Eventually we got to see one another again (he flew me over to his country to go stay with him for a couple weeks. I am a university student so I couldn’t/can’t move to be with him yet and he had/has a full time apprenticeship).
Despite how nervous we both were to see one another again after only meeting once, everything was so perfect! The love I felt for him and the love he felt for me was amplified 10-fold once we were together.
We did so much in those two weeks. Every single day we did something fun and exciting. We went on dates, we went to theme parks, we went out, we went on road trips, we did it all.
He officially asked me to be his girlfriend after a week of me being there with him. I knew it was coming and he knew I’d say yes (we both felt like we were already boyfriend and girlfriend for the past year so it was more so a kind of ‘sealing the deal’ type of thing than anything else).
Fast forward a couple months, I would return to his country during another one of my university breaks and everything was all the same.
Every 2-3 months or so I would hop on a plane to go see him (he couldn’t come to see me as his work wouldn’t allow it).
We carried on this long distance relationship for the next 1.5 years.
We were so in love! It was AMAZING! We talked about being together after I finished university. We talked about me moving to his country to live with him while he finishes his apprenticeship. We talked about getting a house together. We talked about marriage. We talked about kids and pets and everything under the sun.
He told me I was the love of his life. And he was mine.
As you may know, long distance relationships are very hard. I’ve learnt that first hand. We would only see each other 3 maybe 4 times a year, if that! We would each have our days where we couldn’t cope with the distance and we would miss the other person so much.
Overtime my emotions got the best of me and I because needy/dependent on him. I ended up ‘needing’ to talk to him every night on the phone before bed. I’d get upset with him if I didn’t hear from him at least once during the day.
Eventually he started to become annoyed and distant. He would insist on going out with his friends more often and he wouldn’t be home til late (if he ever did go home).
In August of this year he went on a trip to Thailand with a couple of his friends for his best friends birthday. I was so happy for him because he rarely gets to travel because of his work.
While he was away he kept in contact with me. He updated me when he could about his day and what things he and his friends had gotten up to on their trip. He was even sad some days because he missed me.
He was away for two weeks.
The first week he was miserable (because he had a bad reaction to the food they were eating in Thailand). He told me he just wanted to go home, back to his country because he wasn’t enjoying himself (but he couldn’t tell his friends because he didn’t want to ruin the trip for them; so he reached out to me for comfort/understanding).
The following week everything changed…
His stomach got used to the food and he was able to enjoy himself with his friends. He went out a couple times, and I was just glad that he could finally enjoy this trip with his friends.
Then he suddenly stopped messaging me four days before he was due to fly back home. I just thought he was having too much fun.
When he got home he was very distant and didn’t really talk to me so I knew something was wrong. I tried to talk to him but his responses were short and not like him. This confused me…
I then started to get upset/mad because he was finally home yet he wasn’t talking to me or messaging me like I expected he would’ve as soon as he landed back in his country. So I messaged him and asked him what was going on…
Long story short; he told me he had cheated on me with a girl he had met in Thailand.
I was absolutely heartbroken…
He cried on the phone when he told me about it and all I could do was scream and yell and sob on the phone back to him. My entire body was numb and my heart was completely shattered.
I was broken. I was confused.
I was confused as to why. Everything was so good between us until those four days before he was due back home.
I asked him about how/why it happened. He told me everything. He also told me that he didn’t feel like it was just sex. He told me he liked this girl (WHO HE HAD JUST MET AND ONLY KNOWN FOR TWO DAYS!).
Out of absolutely rage, I found this girl on social media and confronted her about the situation. She told me that when she asked him if he had a girlfriend he said ‘no’. I carried on to tell her that he in fact did and that she shouldn’t contact him ever again (she was from Russia, visiting Thailand at the time). After I did this my (then) boyfriend got upset with me for contacting this girl. I assume it was because he liked her and wanted ‘a chance’ with her. I did everything in my power to stop that from happening. She eventually grew to dislike/hate my boyfriend (because he lied to her) and wanted nothing to do with him.
A week after this happened, after he told me what he had done, I was in his country with him again (I had already booked tickets months in advance and couldn’t cancel them, so I hopped on the plane and went to see him).
This visit was by far the hardest yet. My emotions were so high. I still loved this guy even though he broke my heart. I wanted to scream and hit him and kiss him and hug him all at the same time. I wanted to be there with him but I also wanted to leave.
He told me he was confused about his feelings. He couldn’t understand why he would cheat on me if he loved me. He had these internal conflicts going on inside and he couldn’t stop thinking about this other girl. He felt disgusted in himself. We couldn’t even be intimate because it felt too weird (for the both of us).
At the time he told me that he loved me but he didn’t know if he was still in love with me. This just broke my heart all over again.
We came to an agreement that we were going to try work it out. We wanted to try save our relationship.
Towards the end of my time there with him, things definitely did get better. Things were in no way back to normal or how they used to be, but we got somewhere.
I hadn’t forgiven him and he hadn’t forgiven himself but we just wanted to move on and try selvage what was left of our relationship.
I took him back…
I flew back to my country and we carried on like we used to. Talked every day. Called every night. But I could tell that something was off…
He just wasn’t the same.
Things just weren’t the same anymore.
He was even more distant now than he was before; and I couldn’t handle it. I felt like l deserved so much more from him. I felt like he wasn’t fighting for me, for us, like he should’ve been. I felt like he had given up on me; on us.
I soon came to realise that, that is exactly what had happened… He gave up. He was done. He couldn’t do it anymore.
One night I asked him if he still wanted to be with me.
He said he didn’t know…
This is when I began to beg and plead with him to stay with me and keep fighting with me; for us!
He agreed.
I then learnt he had only agreed to stay with me because he knew I deserve that, at least.
Things still didn’t change. Something was still off…
With the help of some VERY wise friends of mine, I began to understand our situation a lot more. I gained a different perspective and I actually started to see things from my ex’s point of view.
In the end I decided to let him go.
Our break up was amicable and felt like a mutual decision when it came down to it.
Funny thing is, is that when I said ‘we should break up’ to him on the phone, he began to cry. He began to sob uncontrollably!
We both said that we still loved one another and that we will always care for the other person but we both knew we had to break up.
Not even a day later he was crying to me on the phone again saying that he was confused and that he didn’t want to let go and he didn’t want to lose me. When we broke up he mentioned that he believed that I am his ‘soulmate’, that I am his ‘other half’. I’m not sure if he just said these things to lessen the blow of the break up or to keep me ‘on a leash’ for when he decides he wants to be in a relationship again. I believe the same (that we are soulmates) but I didn’t say it to him. He also said that if its meant to be ‘fate will bring us back together’.
By then I had already convinced myself that the breakup was what we both needed as well so I was a little more level-headed than him at that time.
We talked for a couple days after the break up and I made sure he was in a good mindset before I told him that I needed space to find myself again. So we stopped talking (but reassured one another that we were there for the other person if they really needed us and couldn’t go to anyone else for help/support).
Not even a week later he was sending me messages every day. They started small like ‘thinking of you, hope you’re okay’, then he would proceed to tell me about things that had happened since we last spoke (he got approved for a house and he’s moving in soon). The messages then escalated to ‘i always wonder how you are, how your day is going, how your life is right now. It’s weird without you…’. While these messages were nice, I stood my ground and didn’t reply. He eventually sent a long follow up message saying ‘I could’ve written a book with the amount of messages I’ve written you then backspaced. I have so much on my mind… I’m just struggling to forget; I’m trying. I really hope this message doesn’t make it harder for you…’.
This message I replied to because it sounded to me like he was reaching out and I didn’t want him to turn on me because I was ‘ignoring’ him. I sent a short reply saying ‘hey! sorry I’ve been so busy lately but its been really good. Hope you’re doing well! :)’.
He followed with ‘I’m happy for you. 🙂 Keep doing you! 🙂 I’m well’
He hasn’t messaged since, and I’m not really upset about that at all because I’m content.
I recently found out that he has been messaging other girls and is now using a dating app (‘Tinder’). At first, when I found out, I was quite disgusted. If I’m honest, it made me like/love him less. It really isn’t in his character to be ‘sleazy’ (despite cheating on me), so I’m not sure what he’s going through but, right now, I’m just letting fate takes it course. I know I can’t intervene, I know I can’t stop him or say anything about the things he’s doing.
I will say that he never really ‘got the chance’ to sleep around with lots of girls and go out and have one night stands; so I can kind of understand why he might want to live out those ‘fantasies’ now. All but two or three of his big group of friends are single and are constantly hooking up with girls on nights out and having casual sex. This leads me to believe that he is very much so influenced by the actions of his friends and may just want to experience the same as them (a.k.a. ‘live the single life’).
I guess I’m just curious as to what is going on in his head. I wanna know what he’s thinking and feeling and why he’s doing what he’s doing (ie. hooking up with random girls on dating apps) because it REALLY isn’t like him. I’d like to know where he is mentally and emotionally after the break up (it’s been 2.5 weeks).
I, personally, don’t feel the need to go out and sleep with a whole bunch of random guys to make myself feel better right now. I’ve been enjoying focussing on myself and trying new things and, ultimately, improving myself. It’s early days, but I feel like I’m progressing.
I know I’m doing the right thing by putting space between my ex and I, and working on myself to be stronger without him (to hopefully be even stronger with him if that’s what happens in the future).
Every now and then I’ll miss him. Every now and then I’ll think of him. But I’m working on me and I’m feeling better with every day that passes.
Deep down I know I would still like him back. He was my first love and I was his. What we had was very very special to the both of us.
Hello Robert,
I recommend for you to do NC for a bout 3-4 weeks. Figure out where the relationship went wrong and show her through actions and not words. This product will guide you step by step on this process. https://www.withmyexagain.com/product/the-reset-method/
Wishing you the best,
WMEA Team
Hello Diane,
This all depends on the dynamics of the relationship. It could still work but it is easier when you have interaction. Hope this helps. 🙂
Best,
WMEA Team
My ex and I broke up a couple days ago and I am heartbroken. We dated when we were 15 for a little bit, nothing too serious. We went 11 years without talking or seeing each other. We went our separate ways in life. This August he messaged me and wanted to reconnect. When we met up it was love at first sight. We were inseparable. But- he had to leave for a 4 year deployment in Japan (I’m in Ohio) two weeks later. He told me he loved me and those two weeks with him were amazing. He had mentioned that he didn’t like LDRs but that it would be different with me. We messaged everyday, facetimed, wrote letters, I sent a care package every month, I mean I put a lot of effort into this relationship. I was mostly worried about me staying fully committed and faithful because I have had issues with that in the past, but I did. He came home for a two week visit during the holidays. I thought that we had a great time. We spent a lot of time with his family doing actual bf/gf things that we didn’t get to do. It felt right. When he went back he became super depressed. He had warned me that the holidays make him sad and that visiting was always an emotional rollercoaster. He was super depressed and I could tell that he was starting to withdraw into himself. I kept trying to talk to him about it but he would always respond that he didn’t know why he felt that way or what was going on. He continued to behave differently. I could tell by the wording in his messages and the lack of emotion coming from him. I finally asked him about it and he said that he wasn’t happy with any part of his life and that he needed to figure things out alone. He didn’t want any help and he was very cold about it. I made the mistake of pleading him not to do this. I was so blindsided despite noticing him acting different. I just thought it would lead to constructive conversation, not him ending our relationship. He said that he didn’t want to hold me back and that it was like dating the “ghost” of me when he wants all of me. He said that if he was still here he would be with me but he is tired of putting in such hard work for LDRs. He said that he was probably going to mess it up anyways and went on a tangent about how he doesn’t even know why I’ with him and that he’s a terrible person. I am devastated. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I’m crying all the time. Even though I didn’t see him it’s hard to not pick up my phone and talk to him. He still sends me snaps of things that he is doing but they aren’t very personal. I want him back so badly. We had talked marriage and kids and I truly thought that he was the one. Do you think there’s a chance?
Hello Brittany,
Yes, there can be another chance but it seems as though he might need to find himself. You both had a long relationship and I know right now can be extremely difficult but focusing on you will help you move through this. If you want tailored advice to your situation please feel free to reach out to us here. https://www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/
Best,
WMEA Team
Hi me (20) and my ex (21) were in a long distance relationship we met on a video game that was roll playing and we had an instant connection we talked sweet love/dirty talk and got to know each other for about a month before we decided to date and we both have some good chemistry with each other we talked about meeting up for the first time 3 months in to the relationship as I worked an she had college but we both realized that time we were going to meet didn’t work and schedules changed and 2 months later I told her I was planning to go and see her for the first time at about 2.5 weeks later after I told her about it she broke up with me she got nervous and anxious about me visiting and she said she didn’t feel like she was ready for a boyfriend and I said I would wait for her to be ready as we still had the same feelings for each other we talked every day for the month the initial break up and she said multiple times that she wasn’t ready to date and I said I would wait until she was readyin the month of talking daily.I begged a little and was a little needy at first when we initially broke up and 3 weeks ago we started saying I love you again as we had the same feelings for each other and she said once again that she wasn’t ready to date anyone and now 10 days ago she stopped saying I love you and responding until 4 days ago she dropped a bombshell on me that she was going to date someone else because she felt more comfortable with them because she has known them from a long time ago and they live closer. as we have never met in person and she is probably one of the best people I have met in my life is there any chance to win her back from this new guy as we had the same feelings for each other before she went silent and I wish I would have found this site sooner
Me (20) and my ex (21) this is our LDR storyline. we met on a roll playing video game and we hit it off right away after a week of playing roll playing with her I told that I had started to have feelings for her and she said she does to we talked for another 3 weeks as we got to know each other and the feelings had about each other we fell in love with each other’s personality before we ever sent pictures of what we look like to each other. I asked her out after the month of talking and she said yes. we had a great relationship there were no fighting about anything about 4 months in we were talking about meeting for the first time but as the days grew closer we both realized that our schedules as I work full time and she is a college student full time so it kind of collided with it and we put it off for awhile. about a month after we were initially supposed to meet I told her that I was planning to come down there during her college semester break as we wanted to meet each other and I told her that if she wasn’t ready I could put it off again she didn’t say anything about wanting to put it off. we started talking about what we would do during that time together for the next week and about 2.5 weeks after I proposed the trip she broke up with me she said she was anxious, nervous, scared about meeting and she said she really wasn’t ready for a relationship/boyfriend and we shared the same feelings for each other still and we had been talking every day for the past 6 months about anything and everything. I thought was going really good up until that point she sounded so excited when I said I was planning that trip. After the initial break up I was a little needy and I begged a little we still talked every day even after the initial break up as we still had strong feelings for each other. 2 weeks after the initial break up I asked some questions she said that she was not ready for a relationship with anyone and she said this multiple times after the first time just to remind me and I asked if she would ever want to date me again and she said yes I did ask this question again a few times after and she said yes every time I also asked when she was ready for a relationship would I be the first choice she said yes I did ask this question again a few times after and she said yes every time and I decided that I would stick with her and wait till she was ready we still had strong feelings for each other at this time 4 weeks after the initial break up we were back to say that we missed each other and we started say I love you again as we still want to be a part of each other’s life and we still had feelings for each other but 11 days ago she went silent and and stopped talking which was odd as we had been talking every day for the past 8 months and 4 days ago she dropped a bombshell on me that she was going to date someone else because they made her feel comfortable because she knew them from a long time ago and 12 days ago she said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and said she loved me and I love her a lot and I would really like to be in a relationship with her again as we have some good chemistry together and I did do the one thing I shouldn’t have and that was send messages while she wasn’t responding or giving short responses I sent messages saying that I loved her,missed her, that I wanted her in my life, that I cared about her, that I worried about her. I would like to know how I can get her back and make her new relationship a rebound one the most difficult thing is that we never got to meet in personas I feel she is the one for me we both make each other happy and I wish I would have found this site like a month ago
hi,i was in long distance relationship,we finally broke up,actually she did,we unfollow each other some reasons but later she follow me on instagram and I did the same.now I have a question.should I like her posts?even 2month later?should I have activity on instagram even when I’m not ready after my hard breaking up??i really love her but note that she behave badly at the end with me.thanks
rrrr,
No, if you are not ready I would not. Also, I wouldn’t suggest for you to like her photos first. Once your ready post things that will show her you are happy, socializing, and moving forward. Do this when you are ready. Then you will be able to get more control from this situation.
Best,
WMEA Team