Is he the one for you? Then why do you always seem to be trying to win him back? These are the questions which should run through your head and which determine your involvement in the reconciliation.
You don’t understand how this man whom you love so much could make the decision to leave you out of nowhere. After all you’ve been through, a second chance would seem legitimate and so you are left wondering is really the one for you?
It is important to understand that following any breakup, a situation can get pretty intense. Even though your will to win him back and to be together again has surely pushed you to be patient, question yourself and ideally to change, you may not have been ready or expecting to go through such a long road ahead.
The goal of this article is to facilitate your reflection and provide you with some added perspective, especially if you’re seriously starting to doubt if in the end he is the one for you. Just be prepared to come to terms with the possibility that, in certain cases, doing nothing is your best bet to get your ex back! I’ll explain this later on…
Can he be the one if our relationship ended?
If you and your partner have broken up, I understand why you would be experiencing a moment of doubt right now. You’re feeling a surge of emotions for this man, you’re actually thinking that he might be The One, but if you broke up, how could that be? You’re probably thinking that that string of events doesn’t add up: “If we are meant to be together then… Why aren’t we?”
The truth is that many people that are supposed to be together break-up and the reasons behind it are vast. Sometimes distance is needed in order to see things clearly and to fully realize that there is really only one person for you. It’s not uncommon for someone to panic or worry that the relationship isn’t working and then realize that the problem wasn’t the relationship; it was personal. Other times, however, the separation is due to work or other external circumstances.
If you’re wondering, “Is he the one even though we broke up,” the answer is simple: it is perfectly possible for him to be your soul mate even if you’ve separated. Sometimes, the timing isn’t right and one or both partners need to learn some important lessons or accomplish something important before they can really be together.
When you’re in the thick of it, it can be really hard and very scary, but if you both accomplish what needs to happen and you get back together, your relationship will be even more solid than before.
That said, of course it’s also possible that he isn’t the one and that’s why you separated. It’s up to you to really think it through and figure out what your gut tells you! In this article you’ll find some of the main indicators, so read carefully!
Why do women search for The One?
Have you ever wondered why women search for The One?
According to science, a woman’s need to be monogamous and want “the one” is because of their physical anatomy: women only have one seed and so are very selective when considering who to fertilize it with.
Outside of this, it’s also a basic a cultural thing, or an idea that stems from an idea from their family history. In Hollywood culture we develop an idea of the perfect romance where the two main characters remain live happily ever after, but the funny thing is that we never really learn how to make this connection work long term.
Growing up we watch Disney movies and yes, there are trials and tribulations before the two main characters get together, but how do they stay happily ever after? It’s interesting to think about how we develop the idea that when there are problems in an active relationship, or if you separate, that the person you’re with just simply isn’t The One.
In reality, the purpose of challenges in relationships is actually to bring two people closer together. They allow you to see all sides of a person, and allow you to work together to overcome obstacles. Sometimes obstacles lead two people to separate, but things can always be repaired if the desire to do so is present enough.
What I’ve seen is that many people search for the one and end up letting the right person go because they don’t understand that even their soul mate can have flaws… But I’ll expand on that a little later in this article.
Olivia, in Milwaukee, a client is still work with today, made the mistake of writing off her ex because he had broken up with her. She used the same basic description of what I’ve listed above. She felt that if he was able to break with her, than he couldn’t possibly be the one. In reality, it was completely on the contrary.
There were many characteristics her ex had the showcased her strengths and helped her grow as a person. After really reflecting on the relationship, her perspective on the situation changed from, “he’s not the one”, to “he is, because he left me for things that I actually have to work on. Evolving as a person in these directions will make me a better, more thoughtful person.”
What are indicators that he may not be The One?
In life we go through all kinds of emotionally challenging situations and when you’re in the thick of it it’s hard to understand why it has to happen. I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason, no matter how painful it might be in the moment.
When a breakup occurs, it’s important to understand that more often than not, the person who was broken up with will want their ex back (to varying degrees.) It’s basic human nature. When you abruptly take something away from someone, they immediately want it back. That’s not to say that you desire to be with your ex again, but in order to help you really understand what you’re feeling, let’s look at clues that will help you know answer your burning question: Is he the one or not?
Let’s start with the more unpleasant indicators and then continue on to the positive signs that he is the one for you.
Is he right for me? He can’t explain the reasons behind the breakup to you
In order to get back together, you need stability and acknowledge exactly what the situation truly is between you and your ex. If your ex-boyfriend was the one that made the choice to breakup but did not have the guts to explain to you why, even if only to provide some sort of closure for you, then he may not even be worthy of the strides and all the efforts that you’ve taken to try to salvage your relationship!
Regardless of who decided to breakup, you can’t be the only trying to piece things back together. That’s where the beauty of having a plan comes in to play and why I created the Audio Seminar How To Get Him Back! In it, I teach you how to get him to be receptive to your efforts.
A man incapable of standing behind his beliefs when announcing his decisions reflects that he may not be stable or mature enough in his personal life. Please make sure that you understand the possibility of this reality. If he is the one for you, in turn, he will have to one day come to terms and fully understand that a relationship is a succession of ups and downs. You cannot truly enjoy the positive elements if you run away after the first set of challenges.
He is the one for you but hurts you without realizing it
When your ex is being reckless and no longer considers his acts or words and avoids understanding your sadness or fears, he can do a lot of damage to you and leave long-lasting harm. Be careful as this can lead you to not only lose confidence in yourself, but you could start to doubt your own feelings in the future as well as love in general.
Of course, if you have created a situation where all you are doing is harassing him, he will not be receptive to your emotions and sadness. However if you have taken some distance and know how to vocalize your anguish to him, yet he still remains the same and doesn’t try to end things on good terms, then he surely doesn’t really care about you and your sadness and frankly, he may not be (and surely doesn’t deserve to be) the one for you.
For Olivia, this was something that was present in her relationship, also. She would often be hurt by some of the way he expressed ideas and incidences to her. She would take them really personally. While on the one hand, it showed her that her ego is really involved in how she thinks (which isn’t always a good thing!), it also showed that she would have to really communicate to her ex about this in order to prevent it from happening in the future.
I’m not sure he’s the one: He does nothing to make things better
If he constantly avoids or ignore you and has no regards for your actions while also being oblivious to your needs, know that regardless of how things stand he would not have been able to keep you happy in the long term; it’s quite obvious! Remember that the object in reconciliation or when trying to get back with an ex is to be able to start something new, based on a more solid foundation.
In your situation, your ex doesn’t seem inclined to see your needs, and this is why you must stop trying to win him back. A Radio Silence or communications blackout is the best option in response to his ignorance. It allows you to rebuild yourself and to restart contact with him when the time is right, while also perhaps triggering a change in his behavior if he really is the one for you.
Signs he’s not the one!
He does not make you happy, so why are you trying to make him happy?
You are clinging to your emotions and to memories, but not necessarily to him. It’s an issue I regularly come across. Ask yourself if it is the ego and not the attachment to the relationship that is talking on your behalf?
Another tip I have when considering if and how to get him back is actually just an idea, but it carries a high success rate in self examination: I invite you to ask yourself if he truly brought you all the happiness that you expected and think you deserve. Furthermore really reflect on if he also has things that he should be working on changing? In which case try to also remember that everything should not always be on you, and know that you can find another man who will treat you just as well if not better.
How do you know if he is the one? The 7 main signs
Every single person has a unique design that makes them who they are. This means that their perfect partner is also unique. It’s important to understand that what constitutes the “ideal match” or a Prince Charming for one woman might be very different than for another woman. Don’t make the mistake of comparing yourself or your partner to other people; instead, focus on understanding your needs and determining whether or not the person you want to be with can meet them!
Are you someone that needs a lot of reassurance in the relationship? Are you someone that really enjoys their independence even when in a relationship? Do you need to bond with your partner over words or are you more satisfied by doing things together? Taking the time to understand yourself will really help you to know for sure whether or not he is the one.
I’ve compiled a list of general indicators that can help give you some signs that he is the one!
1) He’s the one who makes you feel comfortable being yourself
One of the most obvious signs that he is the one is when it’s effortless to be yourself around him. He doesn’t make you feel nervous or unsure, he doesn’t make you feel embarrassed about your quirks. He doesn’t make you wonder if you’re going to say the right thing, and he accepts all of you, good and bad. He doesn’t expect you to change because he loves you just the way you are. If anything he wants to help you to reach your full potential, but he doesn’t expect you to change who you are!
You can go to him with anything – a funny story that happened to you that day, something that’s bothering you at work, a question about a decision you need to make (big or small.) If he makes you feel welcome and secure and comforted, he could very well be the one.
2) Knowing he is the one when he goes out of his way to do special things for you
Even if you had been together for years, he still took the time to make you feel special. It’s about the little gestures: kissing you on the cheek before he heads out, opening the car door for you, telling you look beautiful, and signs that he’s something special!
He was proud to be your man and he wasn’t afraid to tell other people about how happy he was. You know you can rely on him and he makes you his priority. It’s important to realize that he can’t focus on you 100% of the time, but if you know that you are important and he goes out of his way to show you that you are, it’s a good sign.
Another way to know is he the one to marry is if he took the initiative to do things and plan things that he knew would make you happy. He listened to the things you said you wanted to do and he didn’t make you have to do all the work.
3) How to know he is the one: Making you feel secure in the relationship
When a person makes you feel secure in the relationship, it typically goes hand in hand with you both moving towards the same goals. If he’s truly the one, you shouldn’t feel the need to question where he’s at, if you’re on the same page, and if he would want to stay with you when you get back together. Side note – some men do have a fear of commitment and of the responsibility that it entails, and that doesn’t mean that they can’t be your soul mate. It just means that things need to move at a slower pace.
If he’s your soul mate, when you get back together he should be able to talk to you about the future and you should both able to plan things for it without arguing. You are able to talk about serious things like marriage and children without things getting weird.
4) Is he the one for you? What are your goals?
Another telltale sign of whether or not a person is your soul mate is if you both are heading towards the same goals and want to accomplish the same things side by side. Oftentimes, no matter how strong the bond between two people is, if ultimately they don’t want the same things the relationship begins to falter. Relationships require some compromise and sacrifice, but both partners should remain happy.
Working towards common goals is not only important; it strengthens the bond and the complicity between you. You become a team and when you reach those goals, you feel even closer than before.
Figuring out what you both truly want from this relationship and from life and determining whether or not you’re on the same will give you a pretty straight forward answer to your question of How do I know if he is the one!
5) Is he the one for me: How do you feel after a fight?
Unfortunately fights are inevitable in pretty much any relationship and a surefire way to figure out whether or not he is the one is to think about how you feel once the dust settles. Do you switch into fight or flight mode and immediately want to end the relationship, or do you want to remain with him because you know you have something worth fighting for?
If you broke up and you’re not back together yet, this still remains applicable. If you get into a tiff do you want to just call it quits or do you want to patch things up and continue working on repairing your relationship? If he’s worth the effort, he may very well be the one.
6) How do you know he is the one? Where you jealous of his success?
Are you or were you jealous when your partner was met with success? Did you feel competitive or threatened by his success? Or did you feel genuinely excited for him and want him to reach his full potential?
When people feel uneasy in the relationship when their partner is having a lot of success in their professional life for example, it means that you don’t feel stable enough in the relationship and something is making you feel threatened. If you’re happy and fulfilled in the relationship, then you want your partner to move forward and their joy becomes your joy. When it’s meant to be, you should both be lifting each other up.
7) Is he the right one? Is he fascinated by you?
Another way to gage whether or not a person is “The One” is to take a look at how they look at you. Do you feel like you bore him, irritate him, or frustrate him? Or does he look deeply in your eyes and ask you questions in order to learn more about you. Is he interested in your days and in your desires? Does he reach out to you?
The person you’re meant to be with should be intrigued by you and should want to know every part of you. If someone is disinterested or closed off, it’s hard for you to share all of you and to really form complicity between you (which is one of the most fundamental elements of a solid long lasting relationship!)
Does he listen to you when you’re talking about things? Especially important things? Or does he shut you out? Paying attention to these things can help you know if he’s the one for you
Can he be the one if he’s not perfect?
In most societies, the idea of “The One” carries a huge amount of weight and pressure. People often subconsciously think that their partner needs to fulfill every single criteria on their list of characteristics that their perfect match should have. The problem is that we often forget that no one is perfect, and sometimes these “lists” (even if they’re just in the mind), can place a huge amount of pressure on the relationship and ultimately cause tensions or even regrettable breakups.
In Olivia’s relationship, her ex was by no means perfect. However, this doesn’t mean he wasn’t the one. Most of what he brought to the relationship enhanced her experiences as a partner and as a person overall. He was good for her, even though he had some things to work on. Remember, no one is perfect.
In the end, we’re all people. The real goal is not to find a perfect partner; the goal is the find a partner who’s imperfections work with yours and can be worked on through the help of one another.
The point is, you should narrow down your list of criteria to the most important things and avoid being nitpicky about the rest. The way you like to communicate and whether or not you share common goals are some examples of important things, whereas having a certain physical appearance is not.
So, if your gut is telling you that this person is The One, and you suddenly realize that they have a flaw, don’t panic. Instead, remember that you’re not perfect either and switch your focus to moving forward, together.
Convincing yourself that a relationship will be a romantic fairy tale forever is unrealistic and it’s crucial to understand that real love has ups and down and its staying power directly depends on how much you and your partner are willing to work to make it last.
Your coach if you are wondering is he the one for you,