Some people contact me for professional coaching just before the breakup because they’ve realized that their relationship is at it’s breaking point. When your partner shows you that they’re not happy and that they’re not feeling good with you, it’s time to change your behavior and ask yourself “how can I save my relationship?”.
After all this time being a love coach (10 years already!) I’ve understood that it’s better to salvage your relationship than having to try to get your ex back!
Being aware of your significant other’s happiness or lack thereof is very important because it will help you to transform a relationship from a break or a separation and you therefore have to act fast. Every couple goes through a period of doubts but it’s rare when they’re able to get through them unscathed.
This is however what you will have to do because when there’s bitterness in your relationship, problems can surface repeatedly.
Throughout my discussions with people saying, “I want to save my relationship” or “help me heal from a painful breakup” I’ve understood that there is no miracle solution contrary to what pseudo-coaches promise with their marketing scams!
In truth a successful attempt at getting back together will require change in your state of mind so that you can bring calm and serenity as well as positive emotions back first. In this article I will present to you my guidelines for learning how to handle the situation so that no fight can ever get the better of what you feel for your partner.
Don’t hesitate to share your story in the comments because each situation is unique and by doing so you can find answers to your questions.
Close your eyes and imagine the worst!
After coaching multiple people every day, I’ve noticed a very common theme in the reason why people make mistakes in love: Fear! You feel panic at the idea of losing the person you love and that’s why you go overboard in both the positive and the negative.
So instead of living with this knot in your stomach thinking “Will they leave me?”
I suggest that you imagine that that’s already the case and that you have to adopt the appropriate attitude by making some distance between you, focusing on benevolence, validation, and all the concepts that I propose on this site that can help save your relationship when you’re in a crisis…
If you let fear dominate you’ll end up making a ton of mistakes that will result in your unhappiness as well as that of your partner. This is why I suggest you try this point of view so that you may take the drama out of the situation and focus on the positive things that exist between you.
Your partner wants an impressive sign from you so act with confidence and show them that your relationship is stronger than any of these issues that currently exist between you… Nothing beats this when you want to get back together with your wife when she says she doesn’t feel the same way about you anymore.
You have to take the pressure off your shoulders so that you can move forward in the best way possible. The less pressure you feel, the more natural (and therefore impactful) your actions will be.
The Key when you’re saying I want to save my relationship
When you’re going through a long year full of fights, you have the tendency to let your emotions control everything because there are problems in your marriage. You now have to rise above and stop letting it get to you so that you can set negative things aside.
Divorce might look like the solution but that’s just the easy way out and you’re more likely to suffer and have regrets, especially if you didn’t try everything you could to be happy together again.
This is why I refer to this process as “removing the drama from the situation.” Basically the only thing that should be important in your eyes is the desire to rebuild an affinity between you and your partner and harmony in your relationship.
In truth you won’t be able to save your relationship if you remain focused on your partner’s mistakes, the things they do that get on your nerves, and on the things that happened in the past that have led to this rough patch.
Stop allowing yourself to get mad so that you may focus on the only the positive things that you want to recreate between you. I know this sounds rudimentary, but when you want to fix your relationship with your man but it’s crucial and not always that easy to do.
Human nature is at fault here and it’s always easier to concentrate on the negative instead of finding your inner strength to rise above and control your actions and impulses.
Become exemplary when you’re in the thick of the rough patch!
Gandhi said a famous quote that can be perfectly adapted to this type of situation: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” In love, just like in life in general, we have the tendency to expect a lot from others and end up being disappointed. You can keep blaming others (including your significant other) but if you want to take control of the situation you’ll have to stop doing that. When you’re thinking, “I want to save my relationship and i need a marriage help” you have to become the example.
We’ve helped over 10,000 people since 2007 and the majority of them had found themselves in an unfulfilling relationship.
I can guarantee that the men and women that succeeded in rebuilding their relationship by rekindling the flame little by little until it became fulfilling once again were proactive!
This means that you have to take control of your life by defining the positive things and the well-being that they want to have in their relationship. They had understood that waiting around for the other person to change wasn’t doing much good so they changed their behavior in order to save their relationship and to obtain significant results.
Why is this so important?
You should know that human relationships always involve the process of cause and effect. You’re intimately linked to your significant other and when you’re in a crisis this phenomenon is amplified.
If you make a mistake, there will be an immediate consequence regarding your partner. On the other hand, if you can find the right ways to change and improve by following my advice, you’ll find the peace of mind that your significant other is searching for. You’ll be able to do this simply by responding to both of your needs.
To summarize, the more you work on saving your relationship with a positive state of mind, the more of a positive effect it will have on your partner because you two are intimately bonded.
All my best,
Adrian
Expert in relationship problems!
