When your heart is broken it becomes incredibly hard to figure out how to bounce back and start feeling good again. You’ve lost the person you love, your hopes and dreams for your future together are crumbling down around you, and you are experiencing a whirlwind of negative thoughts. So many people come to me asking for help with how to recover from a breakup. They feel lost, hurt, confused and panicked, especially if they’re hoping to get back together with their ex.
Whether that is your goal or not, I am going to share with you a few ways of bouncing back from this breakup and getting back in control of your happiness. There are plenty of things that you can start doing today so that you can turn things around. Trust me, this painful period isn’t going to last forever, and you are in control of your emotions, and you are in control of how you handle the situation.
I want to congratulate you because you’ve already begun to take matters into your own hands. You’re not sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, you’ve made the decision to start finding information on how to bounce back. So let’s take a look at the best way to do it so that you can be feeling better in no time!
How to recover from a breakup by turning it into an opportunity
This is something that I talk about in every single session with clients, whether they want to get back together with their ex or not. As much as a breakup might hurt and break your heart, the key to getting through it is turning it into an opportunity. It’s really all about perspective . You can either sulk, sit on your coach with the blinds drawn, binge watching shows while eating ice-cream, or not.
You could take this situation and use it as fuel to make yourself into a new and improved version. You can use this experience as a way to really get in touch with who you are and how you can make yourself better. This way, you’ll begin to bounce back from this painful breakup, but you’re also going to work on ensuring that your future relationships are more solid.
If you’re working on getting an ex back and you’re in the No Contact period, you can spend time with yourself and think about what exactly went wrong. Instead of fixating on the fact that it ended, focus on what triggered it. What elements of the relationship contributed to its demise? Don’t focus on the effect; focus on the cause.
Yes, it’s tough right now because you’re hurting, but it’s up to you to learn valuable lessons and use them to improve every day from here on out. In a breakup, you can transform into a 2.0 version of yourself!
When everything is going well, it’s quite hard to learn how to make yourself a better person and partner. You aren’t being confronted with anything that’s forcing you to grow, so nothing changes. When you experience a shock like a breakup, everything gets shaken up. Interestingly enough, sometimes things need to be shaken up so that they can fall back into place in the right way.
This is why I often tell the people that I coach that a breakup can actually be one of the biggest blessings in disguise. This is true both for people who want their exes back and for people who want to move on. A breakup is like an electroshock that opens your eyes to what things need to change in order for you to be happy in the future, and it’s up to you to use this opportunity to focus on personal development.
When it comes to recovering from a breakup, I know that you probably wish that there was just a magic button you could press to make all this pain go away. Unfortunately we don’t have that at our disposal, but it doesn’t mean that you’re not in control of the situation. Starting now, I encourage you to take a pen and a piece of paper, and start jotting down a list of the issues you were experiencing in the relationship, what elements lead to the breakup, and what kind of solutions you can come up with. This can be challenging, so please don’t hesitate to reach out to me or a member of my team if you need one on one guidance!
Next, I’d like you to write down what elements of your personal life got put on the back burner while you were in this relationship. Think about your passions, hobbies, friends, family members… Anything that you stopped paying attention to when your relationship started becoming the center of your focus. What can you do to start reintroducing these things in your life?
When it comes to how to recover after a breakup, I always tell my clients that we have 4 “lives.”
• Professional life
• Personal life (friends and family)
• Social life
• Love life
As of right now, your love life isn’t doing so well, so it’s up to you to bring balance back by focusing on the 3 other lives. What can you do in the other ones to bring more joy into your life overall? I like to focus on setting and achieving goals.
For example, in terms of your professional life, what is your ultimate goal? Once you determine that, you are able to work backwards. So, in order to reach your ultimate goal, where do you need to be 6 months from now? Where do you need to be 1 month from now? Focus your energy on making these goals a reality!
A lot of people make the mistake of setting goals based on what their ex would have wanted. This is dangerous because it happens subconsciously, and you need to steer clear of this because you don’t want to live your life for someone else! This leads to dissatisfaction and unbalance. Now is the time to become selfish, in a good way! Put your own wants and needs first, and you’ll start rebuilding your self confidence and your own sense of well being.
When it comes to your social life, make sure that your short term satisfaction doesn’t jeopardize your longterm satisfaction. For example, you might be going out and having fun with your friends, but if your evenings consist of shot after shot after shot that result in serious hangovers that make it hard for you to progress at work, you should try to find a different balance. It might take a moment to figure out the ebbs and flows of how it is that you can handle yourself socially, but don’t jump in one direction too quickly.
Breakup Recovery: Focusing on happiness
When you want to recover from your breakup, you have to switch your focus to the future instead of dwelling on the past. It’s normal that painful memories would be at the forefront of your mind, but regardless of whether or not you want your ex back, you’ve got to start focusing on the positives.
As I was saying above, this should be taken as a huge opportunity. You have been given valuable lessons and a big push to make some big changes that are going to benefit you for the rest of your life.
Your happiness depends on no one other than yourself, even though we tend to forget this sometimes.
While you’re in a relationship, it’s normal to lose sight of the things that used to make you happy. Your ex may have become the center of your universe, and you’ve found that you might have lost yourself along the way. This is nothing to be ashamed of; it happens to people all the time.
One of the absolute best ways to become happy after a breakup is to begin focusing on making others happy (and I’m not talking about your ex). I’m talking about the people around you – your friends, your family, your colleagues. When you are able to go out of your way to do something thoughtful for another person, something very interesting begins to happen.
You realize how much of a positive effect you have on people, and how much of a positive effect you can have on the lives of others. When you go through a breakup, it’s easy to experience a sort of tunnel vision and fixate on the loss of your relationship and the hit your ego took as a result.
When you take all that energy and turn it into something positive, you’ll begin to feel more and more in control, and you will start feeling better and better. Work to actively dedicate time and energy to your short term and long terms goals, and make the effort to make other people happy in the process.
If you’re looking for how to become happy after a breakup, just remember that even if you do one random act of kindness a day, you’ll see that you’ll begin to feel better.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach for how to recover from a breakup