The process of getting an ex back is a very complex process and requires quite a bit of self-control. When you know that this is the person you want to be with and you believe in a fulfilling future with them, it’s normal that you would want to talk to them all the time. The problem with talking to an ex all the time is that it can actually really hinder your attempt at getting back together with them.
This is one of the most common challenges that people face in these types of situations, and I work with people struggling with this on a daily basis. Because this topic comes up so often in my one-on-one coaching sessions and in the comments section on my videos on YouTube, I wanted to write an article about it for you today.
We are going to explore how to stop talking to your ex and why it is so effective, and how to take a step back in order to make a stronger comeback. When you lay the groundwork, you create a foundation for a wonderful relationship with your ex in the future, so let’s get started!
Why talking to an ex is so tempting… yet counterproductive
As I started saying above, it is perfectly normal that you would want to remain in contact with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. The relationship between you had has come to an end so you are in the depths of heartbreak right now. Talking to your ex seems like it would be a fast past to some reassurance.
At this point you are thinking about how much you miss your ex. You don’t want to feel like you’ve lost them forever so you want to be in touch. In addition to this, you don’t want your ex to forget about you! I can tell you right now that the majority of people who I coach that need to cut communication with their ex for a while ask me the same question:
“Won’t my ex forget about me if I stop talking to them?”
I tell them the same thing that I’m going to tell you right now: NO! They won’t. The only thing to keep in mind is the duration of the relationship you had with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend…
Not talking to my ex if we were in a short term relationship
If you were together for a very short period of time, no longer talking to your ex could actually be a bad thing. If not enough time has passed for you and your ex to develop a bond, it is true that distance could make it easy for your ex to move on.
A short term relationship is a relationship that lasted anywhere from a few weeks to one or two months. For more information on how to get your ex back after short-term relationship, I encourage you to click this link.
In today’s article, we will primarily be focusing on how to use distance as a means to get an ex back after a medium or long term relationship.
Not speaking to an ex when you had been together a while
Now, if you had been an established relationship with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, then cutting contact can be a powerful way to hit the reset button. The whole point of stopping talking to an ex that you want back, is to give them an electro shock while giving you the opportunity to make a stronger comeback.
At this point, your ex has probably gotten used to talking to you on a regular basis – especially if you had been together for a long time. Unfortunately, this makes it all too easy for a person to take you for granted.
Think about it, when we feel like something is readily available to us at all times, we don’t treasure it as much. In addition to this, there is a reason why you two broke up, so you’re going to have to take some time to pinpoint the root of the problems, define long-term solutions, and work on making a strong comeback. In order to do this, you have to stop talking to your ex.
How to stop talking to my ex: The 3 keys
I’m not going to sugarcoat this. Cutting communication with your ex is tough. It requires a lot of self-discipline in patience but in the end, it is worth it!
When we are working with clients who want to get back together with someone, one of the most common tools that we use is called the no contact rule. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this powerful technique, it basically consists of cutting communication with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend for a predetermined period of time based on how the breakup unfolded. Like I said above, you need to give your ex an electroshock and bounce back at the same time. This is the perfect tool for accomplishing this.
The period of time during which you cut contact with your ex ranges from about three weeks to three months. Again, the length of your relationship and how the break up took place are important factors to take into consideration, so please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me or a member of my team for one-on-one guidance. We work with people in this situation on a daily basis and can ask you targeted questions to define the perfect action plan for you.
If you are using the no contact rule, then you are surely wondering how to fight the temptation of reaching out to your ex or responding to their text messages.
A good thing to keep in mind here is that if you are making a conscious decision and are not talking to your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, then you really have to stick with it. It doesn’t work if you are using no contact one week, only to cave and speak to your ex the next week, and then jump back into no contact the following week… consistency is the key to success if you really want your ex back.
There’s no way around it.
So let’s take a look at some tips and tools that will help you stand your ground and avoid breaking no contact.
How to stop talking to my ex girlfriend or boyfriend: Getting physically active
The easiest thing in the world is to stay cooped up in the house, wallowing in self-pity, ruminating in your thoughts, and thinking about how much you miss your ex and your relationship. We’ve all done it – it’s a very human response to heartbreak, but this is where self-discipline comes in to play.
When you want to help yourself avoid talking to an ex, a fantastic tool his physical exercise. Not only does it get you up and out of the house, it helps your body to release endorphins, release negative emotions, and clear your mind. When we are alone, doing nothing, it’s really easy for negative nostalgic thoughts to creep to the forefront of your mind.
So I encourage you to go for a run, go for a swim, or do a one hour yoga practice. You can also try something new and give yourself a new challenge. Have you tried boxing? How about salsa dancing or rock climbing? Think about what kind of physical activity you can incorporate into your daily life, and it will help you to start feeling better and more in control of your emotions.
The busier you are, the easier it is to not talk to an ex
So in addition to becoming physically active, pretty much the easiest way to not talk to an ex is to become really busy! Fill up your schedule with people and activities that bring you joy. What friends haven’t you seen in a long time? What could you do to make your grandma really happy this week?
What passions and hobbies got put on the back burner while you were in this relationship? A great thing to do is combine a hobby of yours with an activity that could bring someone joy. For example, let’s say that you love to bake in your free time. Why not make a batch of your grandma’s favorite cookies and take them over to her as a surprise?
Starting thinking about about what kind of new things you can try out with your friends. Start making plans to check out new bars and restaurants, and discover new places that have opened in your city.
If you are busy living your life and having fun, you aren’t going to have time to ruminate in your thoughts about your ex and start thinking about sending him or her a message. Simply put, the busier you are the better.
Another good way to fill up your schedule with activities that will truly benefit you is to start focusing on small goals. So ask yourself where you would like to be two years from now. And where would you need to be one year from now? Where exactly what you need to be six months from now? So what do you need to start doing this month to start working towards your goal?
Talk two someone you trust instead of talking to your ex
We are all human and you will find yourself thinking “I want to talk to my ex really badly” from time to time (well, maybe even quite often). The key here is to have a backup plan, so I encourage you to talk to one of your friends or family members that you really trust and make a pact.
Every time you feel the urge to reach out to your ex, you can reach out to this person instead. Perhaps you can just talk and get your mind off of things, or you can go out and do something fun.
We often forget that our thoughts an emotions do not control us. They are simply our reactions to situations, which means we can train ourselves to react differently in the future. Thoughts will come and go, and this stage is temporary.
It’s definitely challenging, but what is a few weeks or months of discipline compared to a lifetime happiness with this person?
We always love to hear from you so please don’t hesitate to leave any questions you might have in the comments section below, and it would be our pleasure to get back to you.
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you want to know how to stop talking to your ex
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!