Are you living in constant fear that your boyfriend is going to leave you? Do you love him so much that you cannot envision life without him? Are you prepared to do anything to make him stay? Understand that you have the power to influence his decision to breakup or stay in a committed relationship.
I hear the words I am afraid to lose my boyfriend every single day. The women that I coach on a one to one basis over the phone and in person are almost always in a state of fear; they cannot bear the thought of not being with the man that they love.
If these are emotions that you are also experiencing I am really happy that you are reading this article! I know exactly what you are feeling like and I can help you feel better, become more emotionally independent and make your boyfriend fall back in love with you.
Fear of losing him will only push him away
When you are living in constant fear of losing the person that you love, your negative emotions are passed along to your significant other. You become a weight and the relationship is no longer a source of joy or safety for him. On the contrary he will feel that he needs more time to himself, to go out with friends or to pursue his passions because you will become too much to bear with. Being in a state of emotional dependence not only puts your partner in a difficult situation but you as well! Often times you become incapable of doing anything constructive on your own; you cannot focus at work, you give up all of your hobbies or don’t even want to go out with your friends. You only want to spend time with your man, and the more attention and love you try to give him and the more distant he will become.
It’s the nature of human relationships and a seduction principle; when you make him the center of your world, you are in essence putting him on a pedestal. By doing so you are no longer a challenge for him and your time and love will start to be taken for granted! As a matter of fact the more you fear losing him, the greater your chances of being dumped; not the other way around! I am often asked during coaching sessions when do you think that I should start to worry? And my answer is always the same: “never”! Worrying will never help you keep the man you love or get back with your ex! Fear will cause stress and inaction which in turn will drive him further away. Most women don’t realize that the state of fear that they are living in is actually what leads them to a breakup. So don’t worry about losing him and focus your attention on you instead!
I am afraid to lose my boyfriend because I love him so much
Women that I speak too also confuse being emotionally dependent and being in love with their boyfriend or husband. And so I am told “I am afraid to lose my boyfriend because I love him so much”! But love never drives fear. Love is actually the opposite emotion of Fear; so you cannot be afraid because of your feelings for someone.
You are simply in a state of emotional dependence as we talked about earlier. Let me give you an example; at the beginning of your relationship when you first fell in love with him you experienced very strong feelings for him but you were not afraid. You probably loved him just as much as you do now. You probably went through the uncertainty of knowing whether you would end up together, yet you were able to manage your emotions and not let your feelings overwhelm you!
If you love your boyfriend you need to do everything in your power to control your fear instead and not become too needy. You can still show him love and attention but you will need to find more balance in order to be a positive force in his life and not another worry.
How to make him stay and fall back in love with you
So what should you do to manage your fears and make him want to stay with you or even better to make him fall in love again? First you need to make a concerted effort to do more activities on your own and to keep yourself busy. You cannot and should not depend on him to do activities that you love. My first recommendation to help you in this process is to find your passion or hobby and to immerse yourself in it! If you don’t have any, find one! Growing up you may have loved to dance salsa, to go horseback riding or even volunteer for a cause that you feel passionate about; the point is that you need to be active and to get out of your house and engage in activities that speaks to your soul! It will make you happier and more fulfilled, you will give him space and you will instantly start to become more attractive in his eyes!
If you have been on his back about doing things together you need to set yourself a time frame to not offer any activities together or to not be in demand of his time. For example you can tell yourself that for the next 3 weeks you will not suggest to go out and not show him love in the ways that you usually do; no kissing, cuddling on the couch or in bed, etc. Be careful I am not asking you to be negative, cold or even distant with him; simply don’t be in demand of his time, attention and love for a set period. If he makes a comment or start to complain about the fact that you are going out without him, simply say that you are looking to respect his time and need for space but that you will be more than happy to do something together when he wants; that way the ball will be in his court!
It will take effort and self-discipline! But it is necessary for you to show restraint in order for him to also start to be in demand of your time, attention and love. So when you are around him, stay positive, smile, be active and dynamic but don’t go seeking his love and affection.
Give him space when he needs it and don’t complain when he goes out with friends or just wants to stay home on the couch to watch a sports game. Force yourself to become more independent; go out with your friends, and do things that you genuinely love to do. I am basically asking you to focus more of your time and attention on you and less on him. It is absolutely necessary in order to enable love to flourish. Don’t be afraid to lose him or to do things that you love on your own; because as I explained earlier fear will paralyze you and only increase the chances of a breakup.
The best way to make him fall back in love with you is to once again become that woman that you were at the beginning of your relationship; the one that was fearless, attractive and emotionally independent. The one that seduced him and inspired him to be with you. Lastly always remember that he is just as fortunate to be with you as you are to be with him. If you are together it means that you have tons of qualities that he values and that he as high esteem for you whether he expresses it or not. So don’t be insecure and never put him on a pedestal!
The coach to call when thinking I am afraid to lose my boyfriend,