Unfortunately in love just like in anything else, we don’t always make the right decisions. Fueled by anger, jealousy, or even just the desire to be alone can make a lot of people leave their partner in the blink of an eye. Even if there’s a good reason behind the breakup, that the relationship needs more, that fights are becoming more and more regular, it’s not unusual for people to realize that they were wrong and regret their decision.
The sad truth is that in today’s day and age, we break up so easily and so quickly, and it’s only after the fact that we realize we could have done things very differently had we just taken the time.
I’m sure you know all of this already, so today I wanted to present an article that shows you what steps to take to get her back when you’re thinking “I broke up with my girlfriend…what did I do?” In short, I want to take a moment to show you how this could be a huge blessing in disguise for your relationship!
This of course may sound surprising to you, and it often comes as a surprise to the thousands of men that I coach every year.
As a relationship expert specialized in helping couples get back together I have developed tools and techniques that have been proven to work time and time again.
You will discover some of my tips in this article and also in my Self Help Audio Seminar How To Win Her Back.
Why did I break up with my girlfriend?
Breakups are never easy, and despite common belief, it’s not easier for the person who took the decision to leave. When you choose to leave someone, you can be racked with doubts and realize that you may regret the choice you made. It’s a scary thought, and you wonder if the damage has been done…
Why I decided to leave her ?
Before we dive head first into the how-to’s, let’s take a moment and explore what happened because this will show you what you need to do in order to get her back. When you and your girlfriend break up, it means that something was wrong.
These things don’t happen out of the blue… Maybe the issue was minor or perhaps it was major; the point is, though, that there was a problem.
It’s important to take some time to pinpoint the issue and to gage whether or not you feel it’s rectifiable, it’s the best place to start when hoping to figure out how to make my ex want me back. The good news is that you can pretty much overcome anything, as long as you’re motivated and willing to put forth the effort!
I remember coaching a man named Bruce who had been dumped by his girlfriend because he had been coasting through their relationship for years.
His girlfriend felt completely neglected and as soon as another man gave her a bit of attention she left Bruce almost overnight.
When he first reached out to me to do a coaching session, he truly didn’t understand the reason why she left. Indeed he felt hopeless and vulnerable…
But once he realized that she had left because he hadn’t put in the work and made her feel valued he had an awakening of sorts. He truly felt empowered because in that moment he realized that he had the power to evolve and to prove to his ex that he could make her happy.
So make sure that you really understand how you got here and why. Are you telling yourself I split up with my girlfriend because we were fighting all the time? If so dig deeper and try to find the root causes behind those fights.
Were you unable to agree on anything? Is she even the right person for you? Perhaps she is and the break up happened in the heat of the moment… if so your focus will have to be on better communication with your significant other.
Did the break up with your girlfriend happen because one of you did something that the other could not accept? Being unfaithful, for instance, is a very common and unfortunate example of this. Regardless of the issue, however, the goal here is to determine whether or not it can be forgiven, and if you can ensure that it won’t happen again. There must be trust in a relationship for it to reach its full potential.
Another common reason why one could end up breaking up with my girlfriend is that the passion had dwindled and the relationship had started to feel monotonous and unfulfilling. Once two people begin to feel comfortable with each other, they often begin to get very lazy and stop making an effort to make their partner feel adored.
If this was the case for you, you simply have to switch your focus to re-seducing her: Remember, this must go beyond the honeymoon phase.
There are all kinds of things that could go wrong in a relationship, so take this time apart to really reflect on what needed improvement. This is how you’ll figure out what solutions to offer her in the future!
Why I feel bad after breaking up with girlfriend
Wanting to get back together with an ex when you’re responsible for the breakup is not an easy endeavor. You’ve caused a great amount of pain and your ex most likely won’t let you back into their heart right away. They’re bitter.
Can you blame them?
I know that all of this is hard to fathom, especially if you were looking for a coach who will only tell you what you want to hear. I’m not going to promise you that it’s going to be easy to get your ex back because under these circumstances you’re going to have to use more indirect methods.
You’ll have to take your time, but you’ll succeed if you do everything right. Your attitude is what will make all the difference in your endeavor. You’re going to have to hone in on your mental resources! Trust me, you’ll thank for later for my bluntness.
Your ex-girlfriend is going to ask you for explanations. This is totally normal. They have the right to know why you ended the relationship and why you’ve decided to start it back up again. What made you change your mind?
If your ex is going to need answers, you’re going to have to be fully aware of the reasons behind your decision. Be ready to be honest.
I often tell men and women alike how important it is to understand the reasons behind a breakup, but these people are usually the ones that were broken up with. Nevertheless, this is valid in your situation as well.
You have to know exactly why you left, even if it was just a spur of the moment because this too can have deeper-rooted implications. I highly encourage you not to try to get back with your ex until you have identified this, since you’ll need the information to regain trust.
It’s most likely not just the last fight that brought you to pull the plug, but there was enough on your mind to make you go through with it. You have to focus on everything that happened before the last straw.
I broke up but want her back: How can I justify it?
Even though each story is different, the same reasons usually apply to why you want your ex girlfriend back after you’ve broken up with her. When a breakup takes place, we often think (incorrectly) that the person who made the decision is happy, that they’re smiling, and that their life is all sunshine and rainbows. This is pretty far from reality!
Even when you’re the one that decided to leave your significant other, you can absolutely still feel awful and feel just as much pain as the other person. It’s never easy to make a decision like this. Both people lose their relationship and their life together. Being single affects you just as much as it affects your ex.
Sometimes this sadness becomes way too strong and the solution looks like you must get back together with the one you love. Heartache isn’t only felt on one side!
“I ended it but I want my ex girlfriend back” is a sentence I’ve heard all too often during my coaching sessions or when I’ve done personal assessments. I always say that men and women today have a tendency to throw away a good relationship way too fast.
Using various misunderstandings or a desire to be alone as the pretext, you end a relationship that’s lasted months or even years. I’m not judging you. Each person is in charge of their own happiness and if you made this decision it’s because you weren’t happy in your relationship.
Of course relationships have bumps in the road, but there is a solution to your problem. In love there are always ways to make things right if you use appropriate actions. One again I’m going reinforce the reality: you aren’t going to get your ex back within the next few days.
But if you follow the right guidelines step by step, you’re going to turn things in your favor. This is also valid in the process of getting back together; you have to be patient in order to reach your goal.
Another reason that could justify your change of heart, even if it’s not necessarily something positive, could be the fact that you’re feeling guilty about the pain you’ve caused to your ex-girlfriend and you’re just coming back to make her feel better. This isn’t a question of love… It’s pity.
Are are you really going to live with somebody just so that you don’t break their heart? Does this sound logical to you?
Sooner or later you will no longer be able to handle it and you’re inevitably going to leave again. If you come back to your ex, it’s going to have to be for a good reason because your feelings aren’t going to remain quiet.
I broke up with my girlfriend but in what way do I want her back?
The next step when you’re thinking I broke up with my girlfriend but I still want her is to ask yourself how exactly you want her. Are you hoping to become friends with benefits, or would you like to be in a relationship with her? This article will focus more on the relationship aspect, but if you want to develop more of a purely physical relationship with your ex, you’ll have to focus on seduction.
Remember at the beginning of your relationship, there was something she found irresistible about you, so now it’s time to play that up! Hit the gym a bit more and flirt with her when you see her.
Word of caution: It’s really important to make sure that both of you are on the same page if you’re going to be friends with benefits. I can’t tell you how often I see “no strings attached” relationships that end up with one of the two people being deeply hurt because they either secretly wanted more, or ended up developing stronger feelings than they had intended.
Hooking up with an ex is risky business, especially if you don’t want anything serious. The key is simply going to be honesty. If you two are cool with each other and on good terms, you should be able to openly talk about what you’re doing.
Regardless of the kind of relationship you’d like to build with your ex girlfriend, the first step is going to be the same. If she’s thinking“You broke up with me,” you’re going to have to cut contact for a while, and I’m about to tell you what needs to happen while you’re out of touch.
How to get an ex girlfriend back after you’ve decided to breakup
If your ex is emotionally dependent you’ll be able to get back together very quickly because they won’t be able to say no. This is the only situation in which emotional dependency after a breakup can have an upside. If your ex girlfriend has trouble dealing with the separation and is willing to do what it takes to make things right again; things will fall into place surprisingly easily.
If your woman takes you back even if you’re the one who decided to end things and she wants to live with you no matter what, then consider yourself lucky because not many people get off the hook that easily!
It’s better to be safe than sorry. By this, I mean if you have the opportunity to read this article before making a regrettable move, focus on dialogue and try to save your relationship instead of having to go through the process of getting back together.
Simply put, reestablish a positive relationship while you’re still together instead of after a breakup!
I just broke up with my girlfriend: What’s the first step?
The very first thing you’ve got to do after a break up with a girlfriend is to implement the radio silence. If you’re unfamiliar with it, make sure you read this right away : Learn everything about the No Contact Rule.
To briefly summarize, depending on the intensity of your breakup, you’re going to cut contact for a period of 1 to 3 months. I know that sounds risky, especially because it was your decision to leave, but let me tell you why it’s so important.
First of all, as I just mentioned, in the time that follows a split up with girlfriend, tensions are running high. Some time is needed for both of you to calm down, begin healing, and understand what you want to happen in the future. It’s hard to think clearly when the wound is fresh, but with time, things become clearer.
During this time, you will have two goals. One of them will be to accept and understand the breakup and use that understanding to help you get back together with your ex girlfriend.
I will add however, that since it was your decision to end the relationship, you won’t have to use the strictest form of this tool.
Normally, during the no contact period, you cut all ties, you don’t look at your ex’s social media profiles, you definitely don’t “like” what they post, and you can even sometimes ignore them when they reach out. For you, you’ll do all of that except the ignoring.
Yes, you have to take a step back and let both of you heal while you figure things out, but you should not make her feel that you’re actively disregarding her. Rather, she should feel that you’re giving her space.
After a breakup with your girlfriend focus on self improvement
The second goal you should have during the no contact period after you broke up with girlfriend is working on yourself. One of the most surefire ways to get your girl back is to remind her of the guy she fell in love with, and become an even better version of him.
So, on top of hitting the gym, you should go out and try new things, get ahead at work, focus on your projects and on your goals, and really enjoy life. Someone who is feeling good and living with purpose attracts others. It’s basic human nature to be drawn to pleasure!
Men that have their own things going on are incredibly sexy! Sitting around feeling bad about the situation isn’t going to get you anywhere. Right now you’re wondering how to win her back after a breakup, so get out there and start being proactive!
Begging her is pretty much the worst thing you could do right now, so instead of asking her to take you back, show her what she could have.
Now that you’ve thought about what went wrong in the relationship, you’re also able to pinpoint some characteristics you have that could use some improvement. Now is the time to do that as well. Basically, you want to get all your ducks in a row before you approach your ex girlfriend again!
When you get her back, you’ll be happy you had made the effort to improve all aspects of your life! It will not go unnoticed and it will strengthen your relationship.
How do I get back in touch after I broke up with my ex girl?
When the time is right, you’re obviously going to have to get back in touch with your ex girlfriend. If she hasn’t reached out to you, you’ll have to do it. The way you choose to contact her is important and you’ll have to be careful to keep things light for a while.
Messaging her with, “We need to talk,” is going to make her feel completely uneasy, whereas if you message her with something lighthearted like, “You’ll never guess what happened today,” things will go much more smoothly.
You want to message her with something that’s A. Friendly and B. attention grabbing. It’s not uncommon for an ex girlfriend with a broken heart to not be eager to talk to you. If that’s the case, give her a little more time and try again in a few weeks.
Once you start talking again, be careful to not bring up the breakup for a while! Keep your focus on the improvements you’ve made in your life, and let her see that you’re doing well. This way, she will gradually stop thinking about how it was when it was time to break up, and she’ll start wondering what it would be like to be your partner again, especially now that you’re doing so well.
Getting back together after breaking up with a girlfriend
If you get back together with your girlfriend after having broken up with her, you’ll have to create an entirely new relationship. The ugly truth is that the easy part is getting her back, and the hard part is actually keeping her…
It’ll require patience, motivation and proper communication from both of you!
Is it possible to have an amazing relationship with my girlfriend after I broke up with her?
The answer is yes; it’s absolutely possible to rebuild a strong and fulfilling relationship even after “I broke up with my girlfriend.” The thing is that the effort to improve things needs to be mutual. In 9 out of 10 cases, both people are at fault for a relationship’s end, so both of you are going to have to actively work to improve things. It’s not fair for one person to be doing all the work.
When you and your girlfriend broke up, it’s true that her trust was broken so it might take a while for her to fully trust you again, but even that has to be mutual.
You will have to work to earn her trust by showing her how much she means to you, and that you’ve truly realized that it was a mistake to leave her, and she will have to practice forgiveness and acceptance.
How to ensure that our new relationship is solid after I broke up with my girlfriend?
In the very beginning of this article I mentioned that a breakup can actually be a blessing in disguise… Do you remember? Well here’s what I mean by that: When two people break up, all the issues and problems they’re having are clear as day.
There’s no ignoring the fact that something’s wrong. Sure, there’s heartbreak and pain, but that can actually be what makes both people realize how deep their feelings for one another really are.
They don’t want to be separated, the issues that need fixing have been laid out in front of them, and because they want to be together, they know they have to find the solutions. They both know that it’s the only way that the relationship is going to work.
Once the two people start to rebuild a relationship, they’re fully aware of what they need to look out for, and since they had been forced to confront these issues, they now have the tools to overcome them.
So after your breakup with girlfriend, you’ll have to ensure that your new relationship has a stronger foundation than it did before. To do so, both you and your girlfriend have to practice proper communication of what you’re dissatisfied with, (paying attention to not do it in an unnecessarily aggressive way), patience, willingness to listen, taking time to make each other feel appreciated, and work together towards common goals.
However if you’ve already broken up, know that it’s not set in stone and that there are always solutions to your problems. Your situation isn’t irrevocable. Nothing is holding you back from using my advice on getting back together with your ex; especially if you’re already familiar with it!
In any case, never wait too long before doing something to improve your situation. You’ve already made a mistake in not giving your relationship the chance to become stronger, so you shouldn’t allow this to happen again, or make another mistake.
So now is the time to make the right decisions! For this you’ll probably need some guidance; don’t forget that I’m always available for private coaching sessions as well.
Your coach when thinking I broke up but want her back,
Life Coach, Motivational Speaker & Relationship Expert