Every single person has their own way of processing pain and dealing with a breakup. Many people who are trying to get back together with
their exes ask me, “Is my ex happy without me?” They want to know if the person they love would prefer life without them and if they feel like they’re better off. They know that it isn’t likely that their ex is going to want them back if they’re feeling happier without the relationship.
Perhaps you’ve found yourself in this situation as well. You want to know if your ex is happier now that things have ended between you and if that means that all hope is lost for getting back together. Fortunately, you CAN get your ex back if you follow the advice you find on this site, but there are certain factors that you’ll need to take into consideration.
In this article, I’m going to give you the keys for knowing if your ex is happy without you or not, but I am also going to explain how exactly to make your ex begin to realize that they could be just as happy, if not happier, with you by their side.
Is your ex happy without you?
We obviously can’t read your ex’s mind and know for sure how he or she is feeling, but we can keep an eye out for indicators that help answer this question.
We tend to forget that breakups are hard on both people involved, and that feelings don’t just disappear overnight.
One of my clients, Nicole, was telling me that she and her ex had broken up recently and he seemed like he was having the time of his life. He was out all the time, surrounded by people, and was clearly enjoying life. She missed him and wanted to be a part of it, and even said, “I have to admit that I’m jealous of the way he seems to be so happy without me. I don’t understand how he isn’t feeling this pain. After everything we had shared don’t you think he would be missing me?”
A breakup is a pretty big blow to a person’ pride, and negative thoughts tend to surge up – especially when you start to think, “Ifs my ex happy without me?” You might be hard on yourself right now and you might be thinking that your ex is happier without you because you didn’t meet their needs. Yes, this feels awful, but is it the end of the world? No!
If you’re familiar with my philosophy, then you know I always say that anything is possible in love as long as you’re willing to make the effort.
So first things first. How can we tell if your ex actually is happier without you?
Well, a happy person isn’t moping around, feeling sorry for themselves. They aren’t playing the victim, they aren’t posting nostalgic quotes on social media, and they aren’t throwing themselves a pity party whenever they talk to someone. A person who is happy after a breakup isn’t wallowing in heartbreak and misery.
That said, some people are very good at covering up their emotions with a big bright smile. Some people even dive headfirst into a new relationship, which is actually nothing more than a rebound relationship. Simply put, it’s a bandaid to help cover up the pain of breaking up with someone they loved.
Another way to gage a person’s happiness after a breakup is to think about how balanced their life was before the breakup. Did they have other projects, hobbies, and friends that they devoted their time to? Or was the relationship the only thing that mattered in their life? If they had other things that they cared about, they won’t feel as though they had lost everything after the breakup. This means that they won’t feel completely lost and they can still feel happy even without the relationship.
This is why I always stress the importance of maintaining balance in your life, even when you’re in a relationship. It’s all too easy to make the relationship the center of your universe but the truth is that it can lead to problems.
So now that we’ve gone over some indicators that your ex might be happy right now, let’s talk about what you can do in order to attract them back!
I think my ex is happy without me but I want them to want me back
I want to be very clear about something right off the bat. The goal here isn’t to make sure that your ex is miserable without you! No, our goal is to inspire your ex and make him or her realize that life would be even better with you in it.
Even if right now you’re looking at your ex thinking, “You are happy without me,” it doesn’t mean that you can’t make him or her even happier than they are now. There is a common misconception about happiness in relationships and I want to clarify something. The strongest relationships consists of two happy people – not two people that cannot find happiness in life without their partner. When you can’t be happy without your significant other, you fall into emotional dependency, which is one the biggest relationship killers.
Nicole, the client that I spoke about above, admitted that she would have felt better if she saw that her ex was unhappy without her. She wanted him to be sad that she wasn’t around, and feel like life wasn’t worth living if she wasn’t by his side. I had to explain to her the same thing that I just told you. A healthy relationship is not built on addiction to one another.
Both people in the relationship need to have fulfilling personal lives so that they can come together and lift each other even higher. Neither person should feel like a weight on the other, and neither person should should feel like they need the other in order for their life to have any meaning. When this element is introduced into a relationship, you are met with anxiety, pressure and instability.
If you’d like to read more about emotional dependency and how to fight against it, I encourage you to read this article.
So now you’re probably wondering what exactly you need to do.
First things first, I want you to take a moment to think about all the things that were important to you that got put on the back burner while you were in this relationship. For some people it’s their physical healthy, for others it’s their hobbies or friends. Take the time to really think about this, and then begin reintroducing these elements into your life. Next up, you’re going to come up with all kinds of new activities that you’ll begin doing.
Think about taking classes like salsa or yoga, going rock climbing or surfing, taking a little road trip with some friends this weekend, checking out that new cocktail bar that opened up last month… Fill up your schedule with things that make you feel good. Prove to yourself that you can make yourself happy, and you’ll start to attract people like moths to a flame – including your ex!
Your ex is going to notice and begin to realize that you’re reminding them of the person they fell in love with in the first place. You’re just becoming a new and improved version of that person, which is all the more attractive. You’ll be showing them that your life is interesting and fulfilling, and they’ll start to want to become a part of it.
Instead of fixating on “He or she is happy without me,” get busy with things that improve your life. Post pictures on social media in which you look happy, post pictures from the mini trips you’re taking and from the fun new restaurants that you’ve been checking out. Your ex will take notice. Even if you are no longer connected on social media, word will travel through your mutual friends or your ex might even get curious and start snooping through your photos one day.
The trick to spark their attention even more might be via the No Contact Rule, so click here if you want to find out if this powerful tool is for you!
Wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when your ex seems happy without you