It’s so exciting… You’ve been working hard to reach your goal of getting back together with your ex and it feels like you’re finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel! You’re meeting up with your ex one on one. So how can you make sure that everything goes according to plan and that all your hard work can finally pay off?
This is one of the most common topics I deal with as a love and relationship coach specialized in getting people back together, so I wanted to write an article for you about it today. I know that so many of you are in this position and you’re wondering how to maximize this date with your ex. Fortunately you’ve found this article so let’s dive right in!
Meeting up with an ex when you’ve been working hard on earning a second chance
So, you’re meeting up with the person you used to be in a relationship with, the person that still make your heart beat faster, the person that you see the rest of your life with… Wow, no pressure right?
It is a big deal, and it should be exciting! You’ve used the no contact rule, perhaps the handwritten letter, and you’ve spent the time since your breakup happened to really actively work on becoming the best version of yourself.
So what is the best way to attract the person you love when you’re finally face to face?
How to handle seeing an ex on a regular basis
Before I dive into the how-to’s of handling meeting up with an ex for the first time post breakup or even for a first date, I wanted to take a moment to touch on how to handle another very common situation: seeing an ex out and about because your lives cross paths on a regular basis.
Maybe you work together, perhaps you attend the same university, or maybe you just share a group of friends. It can throw you off and make you feel uneasy, so I wanted to quickly go over how to handle this type of thing!
Simply put, the key here is to act as calm, cool, and confident as you can. Just think of them as the Three C’s. You’re at ease, you’re doing your thing, and their presence does not turn your world upside down. Avoid acting sad and trying to guilt trip them, because this isn’t a way to make a person want to be with you. It’ll just make them feel bad temporarily. It’s just not powerful enough to fix a breakup.
So prioritize confidence. You can do this by taking care of yourself, taking care of your life, hitting the gym, doing things for yourself and with the people you care about. With time, your frame of mind will change because you will be much happier, and it will show. When your ex sees you, they will recognize that your sense of happiness does not depend on them and that you’re actually doing great.
For more in depth tips on how to act around your ex, click here! Now I’d like to go into how to handle a one on one meeting with your ex with grace and ease!
Maximizing meeting up with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend
Let’s start with bigger tip that we share with our clients…
More often than not, when a person is going to meet up with someone they want to get back together with, they are going to fixate on the goal and put a large amount of pressure on their shoulders. They’re thinking something along the lines of, “I need to make this person want to be with me again!!”
The problem with this mindset when you’re meeting up with an ex is that you’re going to stress yourself out. You’re not going to be yourself.
So if you really want to maximize meeting up with your ex, all you need to do is focus on enjoying the present moment. I know, it sounds so simple, but it’s so powerful!
Keep in mind that if you’re having fun, 9 out of 10 times the person you’re with is also going to be having fun. Make sure that you’re enjoying the moment, and the overwhelming odds will be that your ex will enjoy it too.
This is what sparks the process of attraction. You don’t need to make sure you hug or kiss at the end of the date – just have fun together! Be lighthearted, laugh, share positive stories and talk about the great things going on in your life.
Meeting up with an ex after a long time: The importance of freshness
When you meet up with your ex, I want to stress the importance of making it feel new. This means that I don’t want you to propose meeting up in the bar you two always used to go to. It can conjure up too many memories, a lot of which aren’t positive.
If you can come up with new places to go to, you won’t run the risk of bringing up painful memories from the past and it will help your ex to see you in a new light. Remember, we want your ex to realize that they are seeing the new and improved you! So subtle elements like your surroundings will actually play a part.
New emotions will help you to build the attraction between you!
Meeting up with an ex after a breakup: Body language
When you see this person, think about the physical signs you’re giving them. If you’re sitting there with your arms crossed, avoiding eye contact, not smiling, and staring at the floor, you can bet that your ex is not going to feel very comfortable around you. Instead, think about making eye contact and having a genuine smile on your face. Pay attention to your body language because it can be a powerful indicator of how you’re feeling in the situation.
This makes you feel more confident because you’re not hiding away from this person! So when you’re meeting up with your ex, make sure to let yourself be at ease, be inviting, and don’t mask your charm!
Pay attention to little things like fiddling with your fingers, bouncing your leg, chewing on your lip, because all of these things are indicators that you’re uncomfortable and that is not what we want your ex to think.
Being open minded when you meet up with your ex
I know that the entire situation can make you nervous because you want to get back together with your ex so very badly, but be open to reconnecting naturally. Think about the art of touch. For example, when he or she says something funny, don’t hesitate to put your hand on their arm for a moment while you laugh! It will build chemistry and closeness.
Instead of thinking of this person as “your ex,” or, “the love of your life that you are terrified of losing,” think about them as “an old friend.” You’ll see that this will immediately set your mind at ease and make it easier to just be yourself and have a good time!
Just remember that if you’re able to spend quality time and showcase self confidence and well being, your ex’s interest will be sparked. They’ve fallen in love with you before, remember? So what do you think will happen when they are faced with the new and improved person they fell in love with in the first place?
You’ll be irresistible – as long as you focus on enjoying the present moment and being yourself with confidence and ease.
How to avoid stress when you’re meeting up with an ex
So if you’re at the stage where you’re meeting up with this person, it means that you’ve done the work. You’ve understood what needed to change, you’ve made improvements to your personal life, you’ve worked on making yourself happy, you’ve actively made decisions to better your life, and chances are that your ex has already become aware of that.
Even if he or she hasn’t become aware of it, they soon will be.
So I want you to go into this meeting or date with that in mind: the battle might already be done! The fact that you’ve done the work means that you’re prepared and you’ve already done the work. If you’ve managed to make your ex want to meet up with you, it means that you’ve already done things right and are on the right path.
I want you to be proud of the work you’ve done! You can be confident going into this!
Don’t stress about trying to seal the deal on the first date or getting a kiss at the end. It’s not about that. Meeting up with your ex for the first time since everything fell apart is about showing that things are new and fresh, that you’ve become the 2.0 version of yourself, and that time spent with you is actually really enjoyable. If you focus on having a good time, your ex is going to enjoy themselves and want to see you again, and again!
Over time, you’ll be able to restore that chemistry between you and build on the attraction that will naturally begin to form.
I am wishing you all the best in life and love,
Your coach when you’re wondering able how to handle meeting up with an ex partner,
I Know We Are Meant To Be!
Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love... for good!