My ex doesn’t love me anymore : why and what should I do?

My ex doesn’t love me anymore Some breakups don’t happen as a result of lack of love but rather because of outside factors. Problems with your in-laws, cultural differences, distance…

So it’s not the “routine” or weariness that develops between you; it’s something even more insidious that is developing between you and the person you love with all your heart. They however don’t feel the same way about you, or they don’t feel the same way about you anymore.

Even though things seemed to be going fine in the first weeks, months, or maybe even years (despite a few fights that are common in all relationships,) the person that is now your ex has announced that their feelings for you have disappeared.

How can you just stop being in love with someone? How can you go from love to indifference or even a platonic relationship? Did they ever truly love you? You start to question your entire past together and you don’t know how to act or what to say to them.

You feel lost and all you want to do is to understand… Secretly you’re hoping to revive their feelings for you. Not only are you asking yourself these questions, you’re not just reading this article to understand the situation; you want to know how to make your ex fall back in love with you.

Thinking, “my ex doesn’t love me anymore” is heartbreaking, and you can’t wait around doing nothing, especially if you don’t want to lose hope and if you believe in your relationship.

So if you really want things to change you’re going to have to use a powerful method because their love for you isn’t going to return with a flick of a magic wand.

So, there is an essential analysis phase before you start the process of trying to get back together. Once you’ve done this you will be able to determine the right actions to do and you’ll have to stick with it.

My ex doesn’t love me anymore and I want to know why?

Not so long ago your ex was sharing their feelings for you, their heart was open to you and they were telling you that they love you. I don’t want to twist the knife in the wound, but everything has changed… They decided to leave on the pretext that they don’t feel love for you anymore.

This is always a shock and it’s never easy to digest. Your ex-partner isn’t telling you this to hurt you or for fun; there are specific reasons that can explain love’s disappearance.

A relationship’s biggest enemy is routine; it’s one of the main things that kills love. You don’t do anything new, you spend your weekends separately, and therefore your bond is slowly being broken. Of course doing nothing can sometimes be relaxing and that’s fine, but you face a big problem when it becomes the basis of your relationship.

Even after many years of marriage, you shouldn’t think your partner’s feelings are in your pocket.

Now I’m not saying that you’re the only person at fault here! Your ex has their share of responsibility if they didn’t do anything to save your relationship. But you’re the one on my site and you know what the root of tension between you was and therefore the root of the biggest problems in your relationship, so it’s on you now to take action.

How do I revive my ex’s feelings for me if they don’t love me anymore?

People often have the annoying tendency to ask an ex “Do you love me?” and push them to confide in you. But you don’t have to act like this; you don’t have to base your actions on their reply especially if it’s negative because it’ll dishearten you.

This is the first thing to be careful of so that you don’t aggravate the situation. As a general rule you’re going to have to ban interrogations.

Next up, you’re going to have to show your ex the new you and avoid acting as if you were still together to get a reaction out of them. For example, you should play it cool and say something like, “I tried that new Indian restaurant and I’m sure you’d like it.

You should definitely check it out or if you want, we could go together and I can show you the best dishes!” You look calm and you don’t look needy, so you aren’t making any mistakes.

You’re showing your ex that you’re capable of getting through this, of experiencing new things. Of course my example should be adapted to your specific situation but by showing your ex that you’ve still got a taste for life and a new attitude you’ll be able to maximize your chances of getting back together. It’s essential to make a good impression on your ex!

If you can make the necessary distance between you so that you can think about the situation and show your ex that you’re not needy, they’re going to like this aspect of your personality and it will urge them little by little to make their way back to you. As we explain in detail in our on how to get back together with an ex.

Don’t expect passion within the first few days, but expect your ex to start taking notice. They need to be reassured, and they need to see how important the relationship is in your eyes. In many cases, this is usually an electroshock and it makes your ex think twice about the breakup.

To be clear, this is the moment in which your ex is going to start doubting their decision to leave, and you will have succeeded in the first step! When your ex no longer has feelings for you, it’s doesn’t mean that everything is lost, but you have to make some big changes.

A common tip to AVOID when you want your ex to love you again!

You don’t need a coaching session like one of mine to know that one of the most common methods people use when they’re thinking “My ex doesn’t love me anymore” is jealousy. You want to get a reaction but you also want to hurt them.

Let’s be honest, they probably broke your heart when they left you and you’re still suffering. Even if it’s on a subconscious level, you probably want them to feel what you’re going through. You don’t wake up in the morning thinking that you want to hurt them…. (Wait, do you?)

This is one of the biggest reasons why I tell you to be careful with trying to make your ex jealous. If you’re familiar with my philosophy then you know that it’s a risky thing to mess with. We have different options in this situation, so we’re going to do something different.

Yes your ex might come back if they see you with someone else but their desire to have you back might not last. They won’t return because of love; but because of their pride and you’ll be back in the same situation in no time.

Together we will be able to design the perfect plan of action to really bring about change and to make your ex make the first step for all the right reasons! You’re going to change and this is what will make all the difference.

Best wishes,

Coach when your ex falls out of love,


  • wendy

    my ex is from croatia and i’m from belgium one day he just left when i was on the job .
    i kissed and hugged me the night before nothing was going on i tought .
    but he says now he don’t loves me anymore and he don’t want to explain me why he left .

  • CoachAdrian

    Hey Wendy,
    Book a coaching session in order for us to speak via phone or skype. I need to understand the intricacies of your relationship in order for me to provide you with an explanation for his behavior and a game plan to win him back.
    I hope to hear from you soon,

  • Maryy

    My name is maria and I really need some help.. my boyfriend broke up with me we were in a relationship of 4 years..
    He says that he doesn t love me anymore and after we broke up he started seeing a girl from his work.. This is the 6 month we are separated (and they are still together) but I really need him back in my life please I love him so much I dont want to lose him there must be a way to get him back please help me.. I’m capable of everything..

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Maria,
      This is Coach Natalie, I’m the newest coach on the team. I really identified with your story and so wanted to reach out. Thank you for being willing to share your situation, I know it’s really painful to feel rejected or unloved by the person you value most. Please know that your boyfriend didn’t leave you for his co-worker, he left because he felt in some way you were not able to continue making him happy. If he is with someone, it is likely because he is receiving whatever this may be from that person, but it is not because he doesn’t love you. I encourage for you to dig deeply into the issues of your relationship in search of what was missing. That’ll be the first step toward getting him back. I really hope this helps. Feel free to check out the articles on our blog, they may be helpful, also!

  • Coach natalie

    This is Coach Natalie and I’m so sorry to hear about your current situation. I know its very painful to feel like your ex doesn’t love you anymore. When you try to get back with an ex, you need to adopt the mentality that you aren’t trying to get your relationship back. You’re trying to build a new, stronger one. This being the case, your current no contact is not a deal breaker. This can be salvageable. Take this time to reflect on the dominant issues in your relationship and then find solutions to them. Doing this will help you re-attract your ex. If you need help, please reach out and we can book a session.
    I hope this helps,
    Coach Natalie

  • patty

    Hi, so like my boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago before leaving for military school saying he didnt love me and that he had been lying to himself and me for long and forcing himself to love me. recently he had started getting a bit too short-tempered. but he loved me all along like crazy. he said the little fights that we had on petty issues have made him fall out of love now when he loves for miltary school it will completely disappear. and he was sobbing while breaking up. i love him a lot and he has loved me like crazy before he broke up with me but what he did to me was cruel. he even said he got attracted to other girls but i know there’s no one else because i have all his passwords.
    please help me i want him back. this happened three weeks ago. he’s been in military school for two weeks now and he cant contact me from there he has no phone or laptop. but he will come back home after three months. what can i do it is killing me. please help me. i love him a lot he loves me too. i know that he loves me like crazy we were together for a year and everything was better than a fairytale except for petty fights every now and then. because of which he thought we are incompatible and he has fallen out of love

    • aaabb

      oh thats pretty bad, i really feel u, im in ur shoes right now, we had lots and lots of fights and i was the reason, and she said that shes out of love with me now and wants to be friends, it was pretty hurtful for me, please if u think u guys have a chance dont hesitate to contact him! contact him and let him know u love him, i hope he feel the same and love u back, if it didnt work it at least u know what to do… so before that contact him imo

  • rosella

    Me and my exboyfriend we’vebeen dating for 2years and 6months. but we broke up 1month ago. I’m now on my 10th day of no contact.
    He was so distant before we broke up. always outside and returned home late. First, he was always with her cousin eating at the restaurant, drinking till late at night. I was always upset due to our work we couldn’t find time to meet each otherand seem to be distant. I was the first one who broke up with him because i was so angry he didn’t even bother to ask my day when i was ill. (my mistake i know)then 3days later he didn’t call so i called him, asked why he didn’t even contacted me (as the first time he did that, usually even the smallest thing we argued he always the one who wanted to fix things between us). shortly he said he wanted to be alone. he said there’s no one he likes, he just wanted to be at peace no responsability and even he told me if i found someone else it’s ok for him. i was hurt. so i gave him space but i broke it and asked him by chat if he’s still llove me and i can’t do it anymore and i want to give up on him then he asked to meet me. he was so sweet when we met and told that he now thinking to go with the flow. and because ego hits me that time told him that for now i was also like him going with the flow, then told him that someday if we still like each other maybe someday. then after that we were still chat each other.. till i felt that he was so distance and became colder than before, that he even only sent me goodmorning and goodnight message etc. so i broke it. i told him again i couldnt anymore that i give up on him. then i gone with the no contact till 5 days later he deleted all our pictures on facebook and added a girl he liked long time ago and he was with her before our first break up happened, he even invited her to his birthday.. then at his birthday i called him crying.. he was so cold. i can’t even remember what he said. but only one i know he doesn’t want to be with me, and told me his loss not mine that i shouldn’t be crying. i asked him why this happened and he said he didnt know with sad face. he always told me that he didn’t know why, he was just wanted to be alone.. etc.

    then i hung it.. and go to no contact. now it is 10days.
    i tried my best not to contact and stalked him but 2days later i was curious and stalk him again. he likes her pictures of this girl, commenting etc.
    i don’t know what to do. will he come back? why is it that he moved on so fast? why ? ;(

    • lindabui995

      Hey Rosella, I read your story. I hope you are doing better. A man doesn’t like to be told and nagged by their girlfriend. He is wrong to not value your time and he doesn’t appreciate you. So move on with your life. Improve yourself, educate yourself get a better job, go to fitness, find a better man. There are so many men out there. Believe me, when he sees the new you he will be begging to come back. You won.

  • Hurt and lonely

    Hi my ex and I broke up 2.5months ago after a year and a half together. We had the strongest connection I have ever seen- soul mates I have been told and would get déjà vu and both had a deep seated knowing this was the one. Two weeks before the breakup he proposed to me. Telling me he has never felt so much for a person. Then an ex of mine got involved and told him some lies. There was one thing I had lied to him (not cheating I have never cheated) it was very wrong of me to not have had more faith in him being accepting but I withheld it at the time thinking I was protecting him because he has had so much hurt in the past. With what one of my exes said and a few other nasty ppl who were jealous he became very hurt and confused and fled back home overseas without talking to me.

    He blocked me on everything. I of course did all the wrong things begging pleading explaining – and he would sporadically engage in conversation via email. Telling me I am his one and only and I will always be special to him – but his pride won’t allow him to come back here and even tho this is killing him would kill him more to be with me as he would never trust me due to his past 😔 I have tried to explain that it isn’t something that could be repeated and my love is true and I would never ever hold something from him again – but he is so angry and confused and hurt and won’t allow me to fly over there and talk to him

    I now haven’t heard from him in a week and he told a friend he is missing me but he wants to change his phone number and email etc so he can’t hear from me 😔

    I love this man more than the world and my life has fallen apart since he left – I know with a chance I could earn his trust back and show him the love and build something new and stronger – we completed each other – he however doesn’t believe I really loved him that was all a lie.

    I don’t know what to do 🙁 I can’t go on without him – when he talks to me angry he tells me that he doesn’t love me anymore and wants nothing to do with me I’m poison – but tells others he misses me

    Is there any hope – has been months and I’m so concerned he is getting further away from me 😔

    • Coach natalie

      Hi Hurt and Lonely,
      Thank you for your share. It can be really painful when wondering if you ex still loves you and can envision himself with you. Without know more to your story, however, it’s going to be difficult to assess. I encourage you to book a session with Adrian and myself and we can develop a firm action plan for you.
      Coach N.